During our New Moon call last week (and you can still watch it if you haven't yet, it was a really good one!!) I received this amazingly clear and specific message for what to do in December to GET THE THING I WANT.

I have been doing that thing.

And it's working, it's didn't 100% instantly happen, but things are changing ALREADY.

And I have this "OH THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING" reaction in my mind and body. Like - this is impossible. This isn't really happening. Or it is happening, but it's going to fall apart. THIS WILL NOT WORK.

During the New Moon call I felt so clear. In the few days after while I was getting myself ready to do the thing, I felt so clear AND READY.

The first few days of the month - I felt so SURE.

And then as it starts to actually happen... it's like ALL of my feeling sure and ready and clear just vanished.

It's that "this must be too good to be true" feeling.

And I don't like it. And I don't want it. But I know THIS IS A PART OF ME and THIS IS A PART OF MY PROCESS and it needs tending to, so I am bringing it into the Un-Sticking Station.

Hi, feeling like this can't be true, can we talk?

I don't get any sense of a "character" or anything. Meeting this part of me just feels like anxiety in my body.

So - Hey, anxiety in my body, I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, how can I help you?

I need you to stop believing.

Oh, honey! Believing is really scary for you, hey?

It's dangerous.

Can you tell me more about that?

You'll get your hopes up, rise up, and be crushed. It's so much better to be crushed from down low.

Oh, sweetheart. That's dark.

Is it?

Yeah.

No, I think it's just reality.

No, honey, no. Here, let's get you some hot chocolate. Did you know I got WHIPPED CREAM?! Let's put some on there.

This part of me seems to be some kind of character now, but I can't really see it. I just get a sense that it is childlike, and lying on a couch. It's sitting up to drink the hot chocolate.

So, I know I said "Oh that's dark" but while I was making the hot chocolate I was thinking about it and I think I am starting to get it. It's really terrifying to believe that it's actually happening this time.

It is! THE MOST terrifying!

Yeah, and I dismissed you by saying "Oh that's dark" because I'm really seeing how if we don't hope and believe and go for it... then it can never happen.

I think that's better.

But you're lying on a couch in this dark space where I can't even see you. Are you saying you want to just stay here? Not take a chance on something better?

I'm safe here.

Well, kind of. But I think... I mean I don't want to scare you, but I really don't see how following this sense of hopelessness can create safety.

Something shifts in the room and I feel like she GOT IT.

Feeling hopeful, especially when your hopes have been dashed so many times, is so hard. I get how giving up feels safer. I see how terrified you are and want to be there for you! AND I think feeling hopeful and giving this our all, really is the only option here.

BUT if you don't agree, I do want to talk about it. Do you see another option?

Well, I mean, I just want to lay here in the dark. But yeah I see how that doesn't actually create safety. Maybe there's another option besides full steam ahead and zero steam laying in the dark?

I'm sure there are lots!

AND I wonder... can you even see how slowly I have moved this year? Do you see how much time and space I have myself to heal from the end of my marriage, which was the end of a dream, and process how my peri-menopause became almost debilitating and then got help and then everything got worse before it got better?

Like - I am not rushing into anything here. I have been healing and resting and filling the well. I get the sense that you don't know that, that these "big dreams" of mine and this DEEP commitment I have made are coming out of nowhere.

If you look at the last year of my life, I think it's clear that these are my only steps to take at this point. I think it's clear I am READY for this. I am not rushing but I am also not holding back. I feel balanced. I feel inspired and powerful.

And I don't want to steamroll you and your needs. I want to figure out how to tend to you, take care of you, and help you feel safe.

This little self is crying now.

No I didn't know you were healing this year. I have just felt so alone.

I give her a big hug. (Actually physically putting my arms around myself)

I'm so sorry. You are not alone.

This feels different now.

I don't know that it's resolved, having parts of us freak out when we start to get what we want is really common. But now that we have connected in this way, when I start to feel that way again, I can pick up where we left off and keep working on it.

 

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.