I set a big goal for my business for 2014: to welcome 800 dreamers into my Creative Dream Circle. And to do this not by getting super pushy about selling – but to do this with heart and soul and creativity and joy and LOVE.? (you can read my original post about this here)

At this point though, I’m not interested in the numbers.? I’ve been more interested in exploring how to grow my capacity serve dreamers in bringing their dreams to life.? And now I want to explore more about how I want this all to work for me, and how I want to feel inside it.

In support of this goal, I am writing weekly updates on Fridays, for all of 2014. This is where I’ll share the story of all the ups and downs of bringing a big dream to life.

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I turned 40 last Sunday.? My mom posted a bunch of old photos of me on her Facebook, it was so amazing to see them again!

I kept looking at this one and remembering how much I loved gymnastics, especially cartwheels.? I want to draw this part of me out, into my regular life, more often.? And it feels like I’ve been doing that – I got a bike for my birthday!? And after not riding for 20 years, I am finding that riding a bike is a really special kind of delight.

I feel like I need 16 updates to talk about everything that happened this week.

I am really in love with this process, of writing an update every week.? At one point it was feeling weird, like who cares?? But once I started sharing these updates in the Creative Dream Circle and creating space for everyone else to share their updates too – it turned into pure magic.?

Writing out a weekly update, even if it’s just in your journal, if a very good dream habit to get into! ?And I did end write a whole separate update this week, all about boundaries and re-arranging things, which I’m going to post next week, not as an update post but as a regular post.

This week so many things happened. We started a new class in the Circle, which I am super happy about. It’s always amazing to see how people interact with the material.

The longer I do this work, the better I get at creating classes which are actually containers for people to get exactly what they need right then, to realise something important or have a healing or find a new dream or whatever. I’m really proud of that and grateful that there are so many amazing people to play with this stuff in the Circle.

I’m feeling a strange mix of more committed than ever to my goal, and feeling like I understand my goal and what it will take to get there clearer than ever, and also feeling a sense of letting go and also a sense of total fuzziness about it. It’s also feeling less and less important, the more I explore it.

Notice how I’m referring to it as a goal and not a dream.

Goals are different from dreams. Solid, clear and external. It’s very black I and white – you achieve your goal or you don’t. Goals are very helpful things to have.

A dream though, is purpose and delight and spirit and authenticity and moving towards who you really are and stepping into your superpowers and love and bliss and wonder and magic. Goals are head. Dreams are heart.

Eight hundred members in the Creative Dream Circle is a goal. And it’s a fine goal. But right now I want to explore the dream. Where’s the light and the magic? What does my heart want?

My heart wants to do what I love and to be making enough money to live comfortably. Oh. I have that.

My heart would like permission to ignore my goal.

My head says that’s stupid. My head reminds me heart how delicious what I’m doing in the circle actually is, how it’s changing peoples lives and how needed it is. My head wants my heart to know that all of this gets bigger as the circle gets bigger.

My heart says yes, it’s delicious. Now in the present. And what if we weren’t trying to make to grow? What if we just give it sunlight and water and love and I let it grow itself?

So that’s where I am with this. I don’t know that letting it grow itself would result in me doing anything differently than I have been doing, it seems like it’s just a different attitude.

I’m feeling a strong desire to get to know this dream in a new way.? Or maybe I’m just tired of holding this and need to it down for just a little bit.

In other explorations, I discovered a whole new understanding about my role as a Guardian of Dreamers. And I am learning about what I need to be the best Guardian of Dreamers that I can be: Delight! Happiness! To Be In Love With My Life!?

Things are shifting, that’s for sure. I always lose my sense of clarity when things are shifting. Experience shows that something amazing will come next, so I’m looking forward to that.