The thing that was first on my mind when I opened my Year of Hope journal was: DESERVING.

We deserve to feel hopeful!

We deserve to feel optimistic about the future. We deserve to feel calm, loved, supported, safe, energized, etc, etc, etc.

And then it hit me how many people don't feel these things. How much of the world is set up to make this impossible.

How much I have struggled to feel I truly deserve what I have.

I'm feeling like I opened up a real can of worms.

The main feeling I have now: sadness.

So I am sitting with the sadness and offering it care.

I journaled.

I made a big batch of chickpea stew.

I went for a walk.

I still feel sad, and let down that the intentional practice of calling in hope has called in it's opposite.

I know this is a part of it. Facing and processing hopelessness makes more space for hope.

Still, it sucks.

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