I wrote that post I shared on Monday, about metabolizing joy, at the conservatory. I was really FEELING IT.

And I decided to post it here but also on my social media. Like as a way of being more grounded in this - claiming this as the story I am living now.

And I knew doing that would stir up other feelings!

And that feeling those feelings was part of the process.

Because we are never 100% ONE THING.

I am moving on, doing deep healing, making space for joy. The majority of me is here.

But I am also stuck, sad, shocked and angry. It’s just that I gave those feelings SO MUCH SPACE over the last few months that they don’t take up as much space now.

Last night I wanted a snack and was thinking of what to make. And then I asked myself “Do you really want a snack? Because I feel like maybe I’m actually still full from dinner?”

I sat with that, focused on my body, and sure enough - I wasn’t actually hungry. I wanted to eat to avoid feelings. 

So I put on my galaxy lamp (it projects stars and moving nebulas on the walls and ceiling) and got out my yoga mat and stretched. After a few nice stretches, I was lying on the yoga mat crying.

This is healing.

If you are back and forth like that it can feel so disheartening, but please remember: this is healing. Making  space for all of it.

 

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