NOTE: I am sharing a LOT of Un-Sticking work (inner work) this week! But don't worry about me, I promise I am not living in Stuckville as deeply as my posts show - good things are happening too!  I am working through a lot of STUFF and also starting to prep for a class I want to do called Your Self Doubt Is Not Yours, and I am looking more deeply at my own stucks, and how many of them are actually used by the toxic culture we live in, and not by my own failings and fears 😉 I am really excited to share this class with you, hopefully in September.

 

A lot of the times when I share my Un-Sticking Station sessions, there is a sense of completion at the end. Some progress or a way forward can be seen.

Today it's not like that.

Today's post is very disjointed but the is exactly how it was in my journal and this is how it is sometimes! Also, I did end up feeling much better about everything later in the day, so even though it all felt so unresolved, resolution was in process.

Today I'm too crabby to do this

Creative Dreaming takes an INCREDIBLE amount of optimism and belief that you can create a better future.

I don’t have it in me every day.

I am SO grateful that I have all of these practices and self care protocols for feeling my best - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

But IT’S A LOT.

Sometimes it feels like a full time job just to feel UP enough to do what I want to do.

It helps so much to have a practice, all the ways the practice becomes a container to hold the process really do work like magic…

AND…

Some days, for a lot of different reasons, it’s going to be really hard.

I’m there right now.

So I am taking this into the Un-Sticking Station.

Oh hey there, part of me who feels like it’s too hard to do anything at all, what’s up?

URGHS

Yeah, I feel that.

It’s vague, but I am starting to see her. She’s laying on a mattress with no bedding on it. Is that a reminder from my subconscious that I want to wash my sheets today, lol?

She’s got books and snacks around her but she’s just laying there.

Awww hun, what’s wrong? Are you not feeling well?

Well, kind of, but not like I’m sick. I’m just… I don’t know.

Yeah, I get it. And we all feel this way sometimes! But I wonder if you are aware that you’ve already had a few days to laze around?

What?

Yeah, you’ve been doing this for a few days, and not that there is a time limit or anything, but you know how a lot of the time, you need to get moving before you feel better? It feels like we’re at that kind of place. Like you’re waiting for something to change, but you actually have to change something.

Oh UGH. No thanks.

Yeah, I know. UGH! But like, I need you to know that I don’t feel good staying here… I feel crabby. I want to enjoy my life, not rot in bed.

I want to rot in bed. Just one more day?

My brain feels heavy, like it’s tired and can’t do it’s work.

There is this push/pull pattern I get into with resistance that I don’t like.

It feels like more than resistance, it feels like a nervous system freeze response. Like my brain and body really can’t function at their regular pace.

And I’ve been so gentle with self care to support my nervous system.

And then sometimes I just get frustrated with myself for not being where I want to be.

And so sad! Because I WAS THERE for a few weeks, and now I’m not.

 

What do I need, right now?

To cry.

To accept that I am where I am.

To have hope that I will do the things I want to do, even if I can’t do them today.

I feel waves of sadness.

What does my sadness need?

It needs the world to not be such a fucked up place.

It needs it to be cooler outside.

 

This needs to not be a FIGHT.

There is this “one part of me just wants to shut down and one part of me wants to be creative and happy” collision, it’s not quite a fight but it’s conflicting energies.

Can we co-exist?

I’ve been giving my tired self a lot of space the last few days, but I see now I’ve been doing that WITH THE ASSUMPTION that she would get her rest and then get it together.

How can we collaborate better?

 

 

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