And when this happens it is SO EASY to get distracted and not do anything.

But I know I need to keep taking steps.

But I know if I take steps while feeling this way, there won’t be any ZING, you know?

And I don’t want to do ZING-less things.

So I am going into the Un-Sticking Station and meeting with the fear.

Awww, fear shows up as a starfish, but a very heavy starfish who is stuck to the bottom of the ocean.

I sit down beside her, she feels like a her. For some reason, I pet her. (Do you remember? I used to have a cat named Starfish, he was an epic cat, though I only had him for the last year of his life)

I’m so sorry you’re feeling so afraid and stuck.

I don’t feel stuck. I like the weight of the ocean holding me down. I want to be down.

Oh, ok. What do you like about being down?

I don’t have to do anything. Don’t even need an excuse.

So, you want to be kind of frozen?

Yeah. Frozen. Still. Weighed down. Just… well I know these words sound like “stuck” but it’s not that. I like it. I want it.

Right, it feels like a freeze nervous system response, which can be a relief. Like, it’s protective.

Yes, the weight of the ocean feels protective.

OK I’m so glad you feel protected! I love that for you and I don’t want you to NOT feel protected. I would like to look at ways to feel more lively, alive and creative WHILE ALSO feeling safe. What do you think about that?

It makes me think of being on the beach, at the surface. In the sunshine. The freedom of that. That feels good.

OK, so when I said “I’m sorry you feel afraid and stuck” and you said you don’t feel stuck - do you feel afraid? Maybe I was misinterpreting you completely?

Well, I was feeling like I wanted to be frozen. Just, not think and not do and not feel. I don’t know if I was afraid.

OK. And now that you are thinking of being on the beach in the sunshine?

That feels better.

Ummmm hi. Over here! (a little… I don’t know, some kind of bug is waving at me)

Oh! Hi, bug.

I’m afraid! I’m very afraid! (Maybe it’s an actual crab, which is funny because I was saying I feel crabby today)

Oh honey I’m sorry. Come here. Do you want a hug? What can I do to help?

Bug comes closer and I see he (he seems like a he)is shaking, so I wrap him up all snug in a blanket and hold him.

So, I get afraid and go into a freeze response. I am mostly in freeze, but a small part of me is still very much filled with fear.

Now I see three versions of me. One frozen, one afraid, and one - well, me. Present self me. Me wanting to sort through this and move forward.

Fearful self: I am so sorry you feel this way. I see you are almost having a panic attack you are so scared. And I want you to know - you don’t have to feel this way. We have sources of comfort and soothing available. What do you need?

Reminders that it will be ok. Rest, no rushing.

A new part of me appears. The part that wants to obliterate fear.

My fearful self hides behind me for protection.

The part of me that wants to obliterate fear feels dangerous. Like, I think she’s holding a fire gun. Is that what it’s called? It shoots fire. She wants to burn everything down, starting with my fearful self.

OK WHOA. We’re not burning down any of our selves.

My angry self bursts into tears. “But I want to protect my joy by destroying everything that makes me unhappy”

Well I LOVE that sentiment but girl, we can’t destroy parts of US, right? You see that?

I don’t want to be afraid about any of this. I want to feel POWERFUL about it. I want to feel CREATIVE and FREE and like I GOT THIS.

Oh I love that! Yes I think we all want to feel that way and I love the PASSION you bring to this process. Can you put down your weapons though? Can we find a supportive way to help our fearful self not be afraid?

My angry self puts her hands on my fearful self’s shoulders. “Snap out of it. We’re too good for this! We’re too BIG to want to be SMALL and AFRAID. And look around! The world is beautiful! Life is a miracle! There is art to make!”

My fearful self considers this.

And then I wish for a magic wand that brings everyone into present time because my fearful self feels very young and like she doesn’t have options or means to empower herself.

I twirl the wand around and it circles us all and sparkles fall out of it.

We all sit down in a circle, holding hands.

I carry all of these different selves with me but I always have the power to choose who I want to be.

Especially by not denying any parts of me, by giving them space to feel and express AND ALSO have appropriate boundaries.

 

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