(These updates will slow down now, my husband and I are going away for a few days next week to celebrate our anniversary, and I find there's always a burst of creative energy at the start of doing something new, and then I settle into a routine with it and everything settles down, which is what I feel happening here. I assume I'll be updating a few times a week.)

That love for my project (from the last update) starts to drip into my heart. Warm sticky light.

And then I know:

I know what I want it to be ABOUT.

But I need to get more clear on what I want it to DO.

Later in the day I am thinking about how TRANSFORMATIVE and HEALING the creative process is.

And how we push back against transformation and healing when we push through to get the outer results/timing that we want.

And how I want to be here for the transformation and healing, not only for myself, but to pour those qualities into the book so they can be received by anyone who works with it.

I’m not writing a book/journal, I am creating a container. It’s what I’ve been doing with my courses for over a dozen years and I know I can do it in book/journal format, too.

So all this means that I need to not try to control the outcome.

I need to LISTEN. To the soul of the project but also to all of my own thoughts and feelings.

And here’s a thought I’d rather ignore:

I think all the pages I’ve shared so far from this book (including the pages ready to go in my Instagram drafts) aren’t actually pages for the book. I think this might just be the writing + artwork that gets me to a place of being ready to begin.

I hope not, but I am willing for it to be true because I want to follow this process where it leads and not try to control it.

So I go back to letting the love I have for the project drop into my heart.

And the knowing that this brings that I need to focus on what I want this book/journal to DO...

This immediately feels uncomfortable because I think I am trying to DO too many things.

And I think this means what I really need to do is break this down into a series of books. Which is always what I was doing, this was the first in a series, but what feels like it is changing is that I need to break it down much more than I was thinking. Like each book is maybe three books.

The idea that is asserting itself the most strongly is: a guidebook for engaging with impossible dreams.

If I make it more specific like this, then it’s easier to create the container.

My next steps: revisit all of the writing, look at it through this lens, see what happens.