I was SOOOO excited/inspired to do this Festival of Dreams in January. (I'm doing a whole month of free classes, coaching videos + creative dream challenges! Join me here!)
It felt SO GOOD push myself in what felt like a really GOOD way.
(There is good pushing and bad pushing!)
But now here I am with too much on my plate and I just want to cry.
This IS what happens every time.
And this IS why I hesitate to push myself out of my comfort zone at all.
I hate this feeling.
But NOT doing the things I feel inspired to do in order to avoid this feeling.... means I am letting this feeling control me.
Why would I let a thing I hate control my life?
So here I am.
Hello feeling of total overwhelm I just want to cry, can we talk?
The about-to-cry sensation goes away.
Oh cool, you just needed some attention?
Well - you don't have any attention to spare right now, do you? There's just too much coming at you.
Maybe. Kind of. I think I just have a big pile of things, and need to make an organized list. I feel less overwhelmed and more likely to ENJOY my work when it's organized.
But you can't organize all this other stuff that's happening right now.
Yes - a bunch of little things are not quite going well today. That's true. Also I feel super-very-easily-frustrated/overwhelmed by any little thing. Like the fact that the pizza pans from NYE are still dirty! WTF?
Yeah! See! Too much is happening! You should scale back.
Well. Cleaning the kitchen would take like 10 minutes, max. I do have 10 minutes. Or Joseph can do it later. Do you really think it's a reason to not go after my dreams???
What about that other tech stuff that wasn't working this morning?
It's working now. Those things are annoying, but they don't happen that often. Again - is this a reason to NOT go after my dreams? And why didn't you answer the last question?
Oh shit. I'm being evasive, aren't I?
Yes.
That's a bad sign, right? Like it means I'm not really on solid ground.
Well, YOU are on solid ground, WE are on solid ground, but your reasoning around why I should scale back is not on solid ground.
BUT I CAN'T STAY ON SOLID GROUND IF YOU GO THROUGH WITH THIS.
Well. Bingo! There's the issue. That you for sharing your real problem so clearly. It's always easier to work with things that are clear.
(Just in a puddle on the floor, so scared of what will happen)
Oh sweetie. Please. Here (sit down next to her, offer a hug and a mug of decaf eggnog latte)
It's just. Everything is so good now! Why do all of this?
"All of this?" you mean why do the stuff I feel inspired to do and excited to do? Why generate more creative momentum?
Yeah. I mean really. Why?
Because this is what I want.
Well what I want is to lay in bed with the duvet over my head.
I get that. But I also feel like... is that really what you want? For always?
Ugh. Yeah probably not. I do want to do fun things and I do love that feeling you get when you're trying new things and stretching and everything is clicking but you have to go through all these uncomfortable spaces to get there.
Again. That's letting the discomfort control your life. Are you really happy to lay in bed with the duvet over your head and allow a fear of getting uncomfortable to control you?
No. But that does't mean I want all of this either!
Yeah I hear you. So how do we compromise?
Hmmmmmm.
Hmmmmm.
Actually a detailed list feels really good. Spacious. And permission to just cross things off without doing them if it gets to be too much.
Yes, I had already decided that.
Really? I guess I wasn't paying attention then.
I'm glad you see it now - I do want to try to not be overwhelmed as much as possible WHILE ALSO being open to whatever discomfort I need to work through in order to follow the dream.
Yeah, I know. I just hit discomfort and freak out.
It's ok. So: making an email more detailed list than I have, and holding permission to cross things off if I get too overwhelmed... what else?
(I go over to my list and see where I need to add more details to it)
OK yeah I see the problem now!
I need PAPER LISTS.
And my daytimer for 2021 is not here yet.. so I checked my email to see what's happening with that...
(Got sidetracked and cleared out my emails which had been piling up and THAT FEELS VERY GOOD and overwhelm is shrinking)
... my daytimer has spent the whole last week moving between facilities in California. Not any closer to me in Canada.
Lightbulb! I just realized I've been putting paper-list-making on hold until it got here and that is not going to work.
OK back to my digital list. It's got all the big stuff and what I need is to break down the smaller tasks - I always do that part on paper. So I'll just do it in a random page in last year's daytimer which I hardly used, lol!
OK WHOA.
I felt the overwhelm literally just leave my body. Like in a WHOOSH.
And now I feel energized.
And like "yeah it's going to get messy sometimes but I want to PLAY with all of these ideas and really ENJOY the festival of dreams!"
And I'm off to make that PAPER LIST of the smaller tasks I need to focus on right now.
Update:
On the way to making that paper list, I made a cup of coffee and put all the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and started it and asked Joseph to clean the pizza pans and now the kitchen is not an overwhelming mess.
Just to say - my overwhelm often believes things are WAY MORE OVERWHELMING than they are. That's how it FEELS, and even though my feelings are valid - they are not telling the truth about what is happening.
PS: COME TO THE FESTIVAL OF DREAMS IT'S GOING TO BE AMAZING.
(If you missed my Solstice Meditation + Journaling on Instagram on Monday, you can watch it right here)
Since the Solstice, my dreams have been stepping up and making all new demands.
I love it.
Except when I’m feeling terrified about it, and like I am too small to Dream bigger, of course.
I just recorded a new Dream Book video about working with the dreams that feel completely impossible.
And that’s the vibe I am bringing to my end-of-year journaling and reflection: Determination to set myself up to do impossible things in 2021.
Like - let’s do this already!!!
Are you with me?
Dream Book is ongoing through the holidays. I’m in there every day claiming my new dreams, the ones I’ve been circling around and “I don’t know if I’m ready-ing” about for some time.
I’m making lists. Shining a light on fears. Transforming the things that hold me back. Digging deep and using ALL the tools.
I’ll keep doing this in between baking cookies, playing board games, making the kids get outside for fresh air, and enjoying all of the holiday snacks.
I’ll be writing every day about how I’m doing this and inviting you to DREAM BIG with me (or dream bright or dream calm or however you want to play with your dreams), on our private Dream Book website where we can talk about the awkward vulnerable unsure parts without the whole internet being able to see. (And where you have access to all the tools you need to actually DO it)
Take 10 deep breaths, with your hand on your heart. Imagine sending yourself love.
I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way... AND... It's totally ok that nothing is working right now.
Everyone experiences this, this is a natural part of being alive. It's ESPECIALLY a natural part of being a growing creative being pursuing your dreams.
Some parts of the path just suck. It's not a reason to give up or beat yourself up.
The only way out is through.
We all naturally try to avoid discomfort but you're going to have to go right THROUGH it. This is the brave work that your dreams demand of you.
Journal Prompts for when nothing is working part 1: This feels awful!
We start by processing your feelings a bit, because you can't uncover any useful intel while you're emotionally tangled up.
Nobody likes this part. But be brave. What's going on? Start by just writing it out.
How does this make you feel?
Try to be more detailed and descriptive about how it makes it you feel.
How do these feelings feel in your body?
Are these feelings familiar? Have you felt them before about other things?
What are the tools that are available to you, for processing and healing your feelings? List them all and choose what you want to work with right now. (If you can't think of anything, start with sending LOVE to all of your hurting inner selves) (If you're in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership - check out the Library of Inner Work practices)
What do you really NEED right now?
Journal Prompts for when nothing is working part 2: Exploring the situation from different perspectives + looking for new possibilities
What if everything is working just fine and it's YOU who needs to change? (In some situations, like when dealing with systemic injustices like racism and ableism, this is NOT a helpful prompt. In other situations, like when YOU really are the thing that's in your way, it can be very helpful.)
WHY do you think things are not working?
Is your answer to that last prompt true, or are you making up a bullshit story to hold yourself back?
What are the possible gifts in things not working right now?
What haven't you tried?
Why haven't you tried it?
Come up with 5 ideas for things you could try next. Break those down into super small teeny tiny little steps.
Remember the only way out is through. Go do one tiny thing.
I'd love to help you take those steps and DO THE THING!
Take the (free!) 10 day Creative Dream Journal Challenge - I'll show you new ways of working with your dreams, no matter how stuck you get.
This weekend I ordered take out from one of my favourite restaurants.
A woman met me at the door to ask my name. Through the window I saw her coming back out of the kitchen holding my order and it really hit me right in the feels.
These people cooked my favourite meal for me, and now this woman was walking back to the kitchen to bring it to me at the door, so I didn’t even have to go inside and we didn’t take a risk of infecting each other.
It all felt so beautiful I wanted to cry for a minute there. I felt so loved. And like we’re all in this together. My heart was sparkling the whole way back home
This was so far away from how I was feeling just the day before, when nothing was working and everything was overwhelming and all I could do was cry.
But this was also a direct result of me giving myself the space to feel how I feel when everything felt stuck.
Feel how you feel, and then let it go when it’s done. This is actually the best way to hold onto the gifts and lessons - by releasing the rest.
This really does open you up to all sorts of good feelings, like turning ordering take out into some kind of cosmic experience of love and connection.
But more importantly, it opens you up to YOURSELF.
Your wishes and dreams, your authenticity, your potential - and your inner wisdom which shows you how to get there.
This is what we’re doing today at the Healing Circle for 2020, making space for reflection, processing and release.
This will be about 60-90 minutes long, depending on the discussion. We'll do a special meditation with time for reflection on your 2020 and journaling and then an alchemical releasing process.
You'll leave with a few prompts to keep exploring over the next month, and to allow the healing and release to INTEGRATE, so you are ready for the Blessing Circle for 2021 that we’ll do in January.
I can’t wait!
So many people are waking up to so many things.
And as awkward and painful as it is to look at this stuff, we were never going to create a better world, a sustainable world with human rights and a good life for everyone, by avoiding the uncomfortable things.
It's one thing to agree with this in theory, and it's a totally different thing to really look at your self, your life, and your work, and notice where YOU need to change, on a personal level, and then look at where you can contribute to positive change in the world around you.
But that's been what is happening! All over the place! This is so exciting!
Marketing coaches are saying "A lot of what I've taught actually is pretty sleazy, I just try to put a nice veneer on it and say I'm doing better. I wonder what it would look like to actually DO better."
Holistic healers are saying "Some of the teachings I use may be culturally appropriated, I don't have a clear connection to the source of the teachings. This is so scary to look at, but I am going to figure out how to be more in integrity with my values in how I put this out there."
And spiritual teachers noticing where they teach spiritual by-pass and doing the work to try to clean up their communities.
Everywhere I look there are examples of shifting priorities and sharing vulnerable realizations and speaking up and figuring out how to show up.
So much good is happening.
Of course, there are also a lot of people going in the other direction. Q-Anon has taken over a huge part of the New Age movement. Where I live, a conservative Christian city hosted an anti-lockdown rally recently - while their hospital is stretched beyond its limits with COVID cases. Plenty of internet marketing gurus are still toting the "making 7 figures during the pandemic is the best way to live your best life" nonsense.
Because it IS so awkward/difficult/vulnerable/painful to really look at ourselves and examine our own shadows, it gets tempting to just look in the other direction. In fact, if you don't have the right supports and tools to do the real and difficult work of transformation - going in the other direction feels like your only option.
Without making excuses for anyone - it's human nature to have walls up around looking at that kind of thing.
So how can WE help support the change we want to see in the world?
I think we need to keep asking ourselves this, as a way to make space for the answers to come.
Image description: Me, laying on the floor, painting with watercolours. Watercolour painting is one of my favourite ways to calm the fuck down and dial in a little deeper to my inner self. I'm doing a lot of it these days.
My province went into lockdown today. It sucks, but I do get to ride this out in a very comfortable, warm, safe home, full of food and loads of ways to entertain myself.
What about the people who don’t have this?
What does it mean for me to stay in and focus on my own creative projects, to live in my beautiful privileged bubble while people in my city suffer?
How am I using my privilege to make my own life better?
How am I using my privilege to make any kind of positive difference in the world?
People are always quick to tell me how important my work is. How it DOES make a positive difference to so many. But how is it helping the homeless in my city when all of the safe COVID isolation rooms are already booked while our numbers keep spiking?
And yes I do give money away to groups who help the homeless, I’ve done that for many years and so far that has not solved the problem. I don’t think we should be so quick to feel good about ourselves for our financial donations while the problems persist.
How is my work helping Indigenous children in my city in CFS who just had more of their funding taken from them by our government? Most of these kids already end up in jail or on the street and their futures just got even harder. This is colonization in action in my city.
We're all connected. Pretending we're not is destroying us.
Once you are aware of your privilege you do have a choice to make:
- just feel guilty about it and do nothing to change it
- lean into it so it can keep making your own life better
- use it to dismantle systemic privilege and create a new culture where we take care of each other.
I know that feels like a big thing. It feels daunting and hopeless like… what can I possibly do?
I wrote the above, and then I sat down with my Dream Book and this was my mantra: I am a portal of possibility.
I had glued it into my journal earlier his week, but I couldn’t journal with it because it felt too far away. I WANTED to be a portal of possibility, but I couldn’t feel it and didn’t want to journal and about how far away this felt.
And that’s when I saw it. The answer to the question: what can I possibly do?
Sit with it.
Process your feelings. Get out of emotional reactivity and into constructive creative thinking.
Make space for the answers.
Because this IS a big thing. It will take all of us.
It's too small for any one of us, but ALL of us getting out there and doing the things we can see to do - can burn this fucking thing down.
When you sit with the questions and make space for the answers... ideas will come.
I just had a great one I'm going to explore this weekend.
I started the day an absolute MESS of feelings.
On top of the chaotic US election process, my city is now Canada's Covid hotspot. Our hospitals are at capacity, and our health care and social services have been absolutely GUTTED for the last several years by our conservative government for the last several years, leaving us completely vulnerable. Their response? They are asking for VOLUNTEERS for Covid testing and health care services.
They're not willing to spend any money to keep us safe. Meanwhile they have given millions upon millions to their friends for consultations while they were gutting everything.
I am incandescent with rage that we allow people with no compassion, vision or integrity to govern us. I am also so completely distracted by all the news I want to check my phone every five minutes to see what's new.
So this is the vibe I brought into my daily practice today.
Anger and fear and heartbreak and worry and determination and confusion and helplessness and hope and a wish that I could work on my creative projects but the kind of focus needed for that feels so far away.
So many conflicting feelings, with such intensity, I felt like all I could do today is bounce around in my emotional reactivity.
Five minutes into my practice, all that changed.
(This is why we ALL need a daily practice - to have this container ready and working for the days when we REALLY need it)
I received a clear + helpful message: USE your feelings as FUEL to create a new future.
This message felt revolutionary and super familiar at the same time.
I got out my iPad and wrote it down in block letters and then of course i saw it: This is what I have been teaching for the last 10 years.
It's landing differently right now because of what's happening in the world.
But the work hasn't changed.
More feelings = more fuel
A better world is possible. It will take creativity, vision, wisdom, hard work and collaboration to get there.
The first step: be with your feelings.
Move beyond emotional reactivity and sink into your deeper inner truth.
Then you can HARNESS the power of all of this energy, and use it to create something good.
You don't have to do it alone.
I can help - The Hard Parts Are Where The Magic Happens Healing Circle and Inner Work Workshop is a free 80 minute video class I offer where I lead you through this process.
I recorded this class a few years go. I think we need this work now more than ever.
Sign up below for instant access:
On Oct 26, we're going to explore DISTRACTIONS and how to keep your creative projects and emotional wellbeing practices going in hard times.
This is certainly on my mind right now.
It will be magic. See you there.
If you can't make it live, the replay will be here when we're done (you don't need an Instagram account to watch the replay)
I LOVED our Creative Genius Intuitive Planning LIVE on Instagram last Monday.
If you missed it, you can watch it here.
I'm going to keep doing them on Mondays at 10 am (Central, North America)
I'll be doing this live on Instagram - right here.
(If you need help attending an Instagram live - check out the Instagram Help Guide right here.)
It's about making some space to meet yourself where you are...
We're all processing A LOT right now, so we NEED SPACE to be able to really be with what's going on with us.
We all need more space for processing our feelings and reactions to everything that is happening in the world, which is an important part of Creative Genius Planning because it clears the channels so you can hear your inner wisdom more clearly.
It's a practice to help get out of auto-pilot and get into a deeper connection with your inner wisdom.
And then move towards where you want to be.
Once you are more connected to your inner truth, moving towards more joy and hope and opportunity and creativity tends to be the result.
We're not FORCING ourselves to "make it happen" or get to work - we're creating space our natural genius to flourish. We're playing with possibility.
I don't have one set way of doing this. It will be a little different every week.
As I said, for Oct 26, we're going to explore DISTRACTIONS and how to keep your creative projects and emotional wellbeing practices going in hard times.
It will be magic. See you there.
If you can't make it live, the replay will be here when we're done (you don't need an Instagram account to watch the replay)
I ordered the noise-canceling headphones of my dreams and they were supposed to arrive yesterday.
There was all of this fortuitous synchronistic stuff happening around the purchase of the headphones, and the whole thing felt like an opportunity to step into my next-level future dream self.
The headphones represented spaciousness and ease and having my self care needs exquisitely met.
The headphones did not arrive.
When I checked the tracking, I saw that they had arrived in my city, and then were returned to sender. Also: no more of these particular headphones (this particular choice being ridiculously well-researched) were listed for sale on the website of the Canadian company I’d bought them from. (Yes, I can check other stores, but NO I will not shop at Amazon)
I was so frustrated and disappointed.
I cried.
And while I cried a part of me was like “WTF? Are you really this upset? We’ll find the headphones eventually”
But it wasn’t about the headphones. It was about feeling like I was stepping into that next level of having my self care needs be exquisitely met and then having it taken from me.
Feeling like I don’t deserve it.
And then feeling into all of the losses of this year.
And then remembering that my friend is gone and feeling terrified that people can just die.
An then I was like “Oh sweetie, I’m sorry, I get it, cry all you want”
So I did.
And when I was done crying I did some soothing yin yoga, kissed my husband goodnight, noticed how exquisitely my self care needs are already being met, and drifted off to sleep. I woke up feeling happy and inspired.
I see so many people asking for help dealing with their feelings, because 2020 has been so hard and we all have so many feelings.
But what most of them are really asking for is help DISTRACTING THEMSELVES or TURNING OFF their feelings.
We need to FEEL our feelings, now more than ever.
Un-felt feelings don’t magically disappear. They calcify in your inner landscape.
I’ve been helping people with this since 2008 because that calcification forms the basis of the INNER BLOCKS make it harder to pursue your dreams.
This calcification of un-felt feelings makes it harder for you to know your true self.
It makes it harder for you to act in integrity with who you really are - it keeps you in a life that is too small for who you really are.
It’s what is making parents say “but our children have lost so much already” and demand that Halloween go on without any changes, ignoring the facts about super spreader events.
It makes us entitled and greedy and short sighted and without empathy for those who are more vulnerable than we are. This is why our species are killing the only home we have. This is why white supremacy and colonization and capitalism and greed.
And this morning on social media what I kept seeing is people wishing for 2020 to end.
As though that is some kind of solution.
The end of 2020 is not a magical portal that’s going to bring us into a better place.
That’s not the way through.
People keep asking about the online healing circle I did where I lead you through the working through a difficult feeling to get to the other side of it and feel free. You can get instant access to it when you sign up for the Your Next Steps free course.
Creative Genius Intuitive Planning LIVE on Instagram.
This happens Mondays at 10 am (Central, North America)
I'll be doing this live on Instagram - right here.
(If you need help attending an Instagram live - check out the Instagram Help Guide right here.)
Use this time zone translator to make sure you've got the right time where you are - it's already got my time entered in, so you just have to select your time zone to see what time this is for you.
The first on happened on Oct 19, watch it here.
Creative Genius Planning:
This means planning from your creative genius instead of from your head, which is where we tend to plan from.
Planning from your head looks like:
- making logical to-do lists
- pushing yourself to do the things you think you "should do" or "need to do" to reach your goals
- not noticing where your unconscious limiting beliefs are getting into the driver's seat to sabotage your success
Planning from your creative genius looks like:
- letting your intuition lead, especially when it gets weird
- creating space for growth, healing, and magic-ing your way to where you want to be
- planning from a deep alignment with your inner wisdom, power and creativity