Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.
On Fridays I do my Dream Status Report which is a series of prompts I use every week to help me have more clarity, momentum and groundedness on my path.
Now I do my reports on the printable journaling sheet instead of on the computer, which I did for YEARS. I LOVE THIS. It just feels different on paper.
It was another rough week at Creative Dream Headquarters.
I saw my doctor, all of my symptoms are the usual side effects and we're still hopeful that I will be adjusted to this medication in the next month or so but in the meantime... YUCK.
I'm also realizing that, all this time I was thinking if I finally went to my doctor for help then that would mean... I would for sure GET help. But that's not necessarily true... maybe my doctor won't be able to help and I will need to go a different route.
This is SO like creative dreaming where you have this idea about something, and you are so sure about it... and then once you set out down that path - you find out how wrong you were.
It can be really disappointing, especially if it took a lot for you to set out on that path, and you were counting on it working out.
In the bigger picture, we always learn from this, we can alway apply that learning to figuring out the next steps but in the moment it can be really brutal. Membership members - remember the disappointment practices in the Library of Inner Work practices.
So, that's where I am. Lot of disappointment that I'm not feeling better yet which, at times, turns into fear that I will never feel better. I know this is not true AND I am just being in the mess with it as well as I can.
🦄⚡️Creative Dream Incubator Weekly Coaching Call is today!!
Hope to see you there - or catch the replay over the weekend! Call details + replays are here. And after the call I'll start a thread in the forum to share your plans for the week and as a space for accountability and support.
If you can't be there live but have a question or there's something you are struggling with, send me an email this morning and I'll discuss it on the call and offer you some suggestions for things to do.
Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:
Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.
Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.
Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.
Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.
I put out a call for creative dream questions and this one came in. If you have questions, let me know! I want this to be a series, maybe weekly, maybe random, we'll see. I recorded this so you can watch it or read it:
It’s so sad and hard to be in this place. For many reasons, just the simple facts of aging or illness or changing life situations, it’s not uncommon to find ourselves in a place where we don’t have the energy we used to have and it can be really terrifying because… our creative dreams still matter. So it can feel like we are losing a part of us.
And when it comes to our creative dreams, because they come from such a deep and vulnerable place in us, the fears around them can feel amplified.
So here is what I suggest when you’re in this situation:
First: Validate your feelings, even if you may feel like your fears are exaggerated, validate how this actually feels. Give yourself some time with these feelings, make space to be present with these feelings as sensations in your body. What do these hurting parts of you need?
This is probably connected with other feelings about what has happened that has caused you to have less energy than you used to. There is probably some grieving that needs to happen, and not giving ourselves space to grieve keeps things bottled up and pressure-y. Grieving relieves the pressure. Grieving really is a part of creative dreaming, in a lot of ways.
You need to give yourself whatever time and space you need to do that processing and grieving. It will probably need more time and space than you think it should.
While you are processing and grieving, keep asking yourself what you need.
Learn to get really good at taking care of yourself.
If you are doing all of that, you will naturally come to a place where the question shifts from “how do I go back to have the energy I used to have” to “how do I move forward, with what I have now?”
When we are young, when have never experienced serious illness, when we have never had shit really go wrong in our lives - we do have this fountain of energy to devote to our dreams.
When I was in my 30s I put so much effort into tending to that fountain, trying to make it flow as fast and furious as possible.
Now in my 50s, going through a divorce, really struggling physically and mentally with perimenopause, I do grieve the loss of that energy. And I did start treatments with my doctor with the hope that I could go back to who I used to be.
But the more I have allowed myself to grieve the losses and process the feelings, the more there is this new path opening up for me. New ways to approach dreams that honour where I am.
Work smarter not harder can be applied in so many ways. Work smarter not faster is a good one.
What qualities have you gained in this situation that has left you with less energy, and how can these qualities help you with your dreams?
Without negating the difficulties of what you have faced, and so this question is better asked after you’ve had space to grieve and process - What are the strengths and opportunities of being where you are?
Creative dreaming never happens in a vacuum and always happens in the world as it is, in our lives as they are. Creative dreaming is a way of responding to the world and to our lives. It comes from a deep, powerful and wise place in you. If these dreams are alive in you, now in your life as it now, then there is a way. Always remember that the way is just about the inner healing and growth as it is about the outer work.
It’s complicated!
Creative Dreaming is literally bringing new realities to life.
It’s complicated and I’d love to support you in the work in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership.
Let’s make magic together.
Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:
Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.
Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.
Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.
Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.
With this new perspective that I shared yesterday, I realized that the dream I've been working on in my Dream Book is a bit off.
I still want this thing, but it's really more of a GOAL than a DREAM.
How do you know the difference? It's just how it feels to you. Every year I use the Goodreads app to track my goal of reading 50 books. I like who I am when I'm reading regularly but I am not DREAMING of finishing these books. But when I started this, when I wasn't reading that much, it did feel like more of a dream. Things can shift around.
Also, you can do Dream Book with dreams or goals or anything you want.
There is this shift for me in my relationship with and feelings about this dream I've been working on.
My dream has been really outer focused - which is completely fine!
But I am realizing that the path I saw there - deepening my creative practices - is actually THE DREAM.
This might not make sense to anyone but me and that's ok! Our dreams do not have to make sense to other people. And our process, at times, most likely CAN'T make sense to other people.
I also saw how much I am RESISTING deepening my creative practice.
And how easy it is to be in resistance when the goal/dream is so vague. Like what does "deepening a practice" even mean? What does it look like? What do I actually want here?
Those are such good questions to begin with, to help me define this dream.
Also the first questions you get in Dream Book - WHY do you want it and how will you feel when you have it? They help clarify too.
And clarity comes from diving into the foggy waters.
So to help me figure out how to do this, I am re-starting Dream Book with this new dream.
So, I am looking through my first bunch of pages in my Dream Book and it's interesting that I have space here to just add new stuff in.
All the work I have done with this dream really had led me to this place of shifting my whole relationship with it and shifting my understanding of what I REALLY want.
This is SO GOOD!!!!
And at the same time, it feels discouraging because I've lost some of the certainty I was feeling a few months ago.
Combined with how my life feels a bit out of my control because I am dealing with all of these side effects and just not feeling good - this just feels like such a good time to slow down and really BE WITH the questions.
What do I want? Like, what do I really, really want?
Who do I want to be, at the end of this transformative experience?
What helps me get there?
Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:
Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.
Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.
Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.
Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.
I was in the coffee shop this morning thinking about so hard everything is in the world right now.
So I made this guided meditation for FEELING YOUR FEELINGS and decided to share it right way instead of waiting to post it another day - so you get two posts from me today 🙂
It's so important to make safe to FEEL and PROCESS and keep working on our SELF SOOTHING skills.
Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:
Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.
Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.
Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.
Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.
Over the weekend I spent a lot of time circling my resistance.
I listened to this podcast about Psilocybin and midlife. They did say a few things that I found disturbingly ableist about how if you have physical symptoms during perimenopause that's just a sign that you are not taking proper care of yourself. But they also said some really helpful things about midlife as a transformative experience.
I've been forgetting that part.
I've been having a really hard time, my doctor is helping me and I believe her that everything will get easier but it takes some people up to 3 months to adjust and I seem to be one of those people. All of my symptoms are worse AND I have more symptoms as side effects of the treatment.
So, our the last little while, I have retreated. Resistance kind of pulled me into a nice comforting hug. Let's just distract ourselves as much as possible and wait to feel better...
Which would be fine if I didn't potentially have 2 more months of this.
Or maybe it would be fine for 2 more months IF my creative spark wasn't so desperate to come out.
After listening to that podcast I thought... what I really want from this time is to experience it as a CREATIVE PORTAL.
Like - all the places where I have been wanting to GO BACK to who I was I want to fill with ACCEPTANCE and PRESENCE.
I can't go back. I can find out what is possible here.
This shift in perspective is so exciting.
It doesn't change my symptoms. But it can change how I experience all of this down time.
And I don't think we need to be in perimenopause to decide to be in a CREATIVE PORTAL.
Technically, EVERY DREAM IS A CREATIVE PORTAL. It's an invitation and an opening.
So, we can choose to step into a creative portal any time we want. We can CREATE times of healing, growth and transformation with our intention and our choices.
So, I am re-starting my dream book with a new focus.
I will share more about that tomorrow.
Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:
Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.
Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.
Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.
Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.
This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: I have the courage to dream brighter
Use the meditation for the weekly mantras to dig in deeper to the mantra, or put your hands on your heart and take five deep slow breaths and repeat to yourself:
I have the courage to dream brighter.
Notice where this lands in your body, what thoughts and feelings get sparked.
There is no right or wrong way to react. But your actual thoughts and feelings can tell you something about what you need right now.
How it lands for me: like WHOA.
Creative Dreaming does take so much courage. I feel like... WHOA... I have been brave. I really have! Instead of looking at what I haven't yet accomplished, I suddenly feel so proud of me for all I HAVE accomplished, including all of the inner stuff that doesn't really look like anything measurable.
The world feel so dark. Dreaming BRIGHTER in response feels exhausting.
Underneath that is this knowing that dreaming brighter is the only actual option.
There is this place I want to be that I can't quite get to, or haven't yet. But this does not negate that I am actually in a really beautiful place.
As I've been sitting with this... I have the courage to dream brighter... I have felt courage and acceptance growing in me.
Acceptance that... it's not going to get easier. My next level dreams need to build from here, from where I am.
I say this to people ALL THE TIME - the path begins here, where you are right now - because there are so many ways that we WAIT to be somewhere different before doing the things we know we need to do.
And I can see ways that I have been waiting to feel ready to BE brighter before I can DREAM brighter.
I'm in a really hard place with perimenopause and I am working with my doctor but it could take a few more months for my body to adjust. I can't keep waiting to feel better, I need to dream FROM HERE.
Which means: adjusting my plans.
I think this happens a lot - with any kind of illness or difficult life situation. We want to wait for "things to calm down" before we can give it our all.
It's so much more powerful to find ways to take little steps, even if they are so small they seem invisible sometimes.
So the question it leaves me with is: what does DREAMING BRIGHTER look like from where I am? And I'm going to think about that this week.
If you want to work on this with me:
If I have the courage to dream brighter feels good and encouraging, hold it with you today. Look at problems, questions, stucks and obstacles through this lens and see what ideas it brings.
If it brings up some discomfort - that’s your stuff to work on. To do that work, in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership we’ve got the un-sticking station and the library of inner work practices. If you’re not sure what practice to use, you can email me, or post in our forum, let me know what’s going on and I will make some suggestions for tools you can use.
Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:
Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.
Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.
Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.
Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.
Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.
On Fridays I do my Dream Status Report which is a series of prompts I use every week to help me have more clarity, momentum and groundedness on my path.
Now I do my reports on the printable journaling sheet instead of on the computer, which I did for YEARS. I LOVE THIS. It just feels different on paper.
This week was rough.
Adjusting to this medication I am on could take 3 months, and every time I am feeling better I think "this is it I'm adjusted!" and then I crash again.
I am remembering that we don't dream in a vacuum, we dream in the world, as it is, in our lives, as they are. And things will not always been smooth.
We can't wait for "things to be easier" we need to engage with our dreams from within our lives as they actually are. That's where the magic happens.
Filling in the prompts this morning I saw... my explorations of DEPTH and STRATEGY, now STRATEGY/STRUCTURE is where I need to focus, so I'll keep exploring next week.
I am looking for a new way of working, like a shift in my own routines not much WHAT I do, but HOW, and... making changes is chaotic sometimes. That's how this feels.
Routine has always been HUGE for me for my own self care and emotional wellbeing. So changing routines brings up a lot of stuff. It's good to remember that, to accept that it may be hard to re-arrange things, and remember I will settle back into new routines, routines that are a better fit for where I am now and where I want to be next.
🦄⚡️Creative Dream Incubator Weekly Coaching Call is today!!
Hope to see you there - or catch the replay over the weekend! Call details + replays are here. And after the call I'll start a thread in the forum to share your plans for the week and as a space for accountability and support.
If you can't be there live but have a question or there's something you are struggling with, send me an email this morning and I'll discuss it on the call and offer you some suggestions for things to do.
Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:
Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.
Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.
Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.
Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.
“You can’t say that. A lot of grifters say that.” That voice has been silently editing my words and directing me away from promoting my free YOU ARE THE MAGIC guided journal in the ways I wanted to.
And I haven’t been questioning it.
Because yeah, I’m not a grifter. And actually my own definition of what grifting is is a lot stricter than most… So why would I do what THEY do?
But on the other hand, why would I NOT question an inner voice that is directing me away from something I am trying to do?
I know how sneaky the inner critic can be.
I know that fears and doubts like to go undercover and present themselves as the voice of reason.
So, here I am, questioning it.
I get that a lot of the people who are trying to sell you a free e-book that will help you make all of your dreams come true are horrible scammers or very naive, out of touch and un-helpful people. But why should that stop me from giving away THIS free e-book that ACTUALLY DOES help people see how to make all of their dreams come true?
Because that puts you into the same category as the scammers.
Are you upset that I MADE this e-book?
“Can you stop calling it an e-book? It’s a guided journal.” This is not that same voice, seems like maybe my creative spirit jumping in “I know you’re giving it away as a .pdf just like a free e-book but it’s a hand-drawn work of art”
Yeah, ok. I’ll call it a free hand-drawn guided journal but please, I need to speak to this one voice at a time. I can’t have an inner jumble making everything seem more complicated than it is.
So, voice, are you upset that I MADE this hand-drawn guided journal?
No. This is special and wonderful and HELPFUL. I’m glad you made it and I want people to have it.
Ok good!!! Because I feel like letting them know how helpful it is, how it really can help them make their dreams happen, is a good thing then?
This voice felt like a solid entity and now it’s like… kind of like just a pile of confetti that is quickly blowing away in a slight breeze. It’s not solid.
So I’ve been letting confetti control me all this time? Hold me back from promoting this beautiful thing that I made to share?
The confetti takes the form of a snake. “Girl! It’s so much more complicated than that! You know damn well YOU want to hold yourself back.”
Well, yeah.
The snake lights a candle and invites me to sit down.
"You have a beautiful, helpful, sold, and magical body of work. You have spent decades developing it. You are putting it out into a market full of grifters and nonsense."
Well… I mean it’s not like I think EVERYONE operating in this industry is a grifter or peddling nonsense. There are so many good people doing amazing healing work.
The snake urges me to go on, it can tell I am hesitating because to continue this line of thinking would change my perspective.
Actually I guess it’s just a lot of the ads I see are nonsense, they don’t represent the majority of the people working in the industry.
OK that thought “A free e-book, or artfully hand-drawn guided journal even, that will help you make your dreams come true FEELS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE” is true.
Does a part of me feel like this book is too good to give away?
Not really. I made it to give away, to introduce people to my work, which is fucking incredible.As amazing as this book is, working with me is better.
No, it’s that the thought “A free e-book, or artfully hand-drawn guided journal even, that will help you make your dreams come true FEELS LIKE A SCAM AND PEOPLE WILL JUDGE ME”
THAT is the thought that has been stopping me. The fear of judgement.
The snake is clapping for me.
"Yes. It’s important to see this. If you WANT that thought to stop you - then by all means, carry on."
"Do you want that thought to stop you?"
No.
If the choice is either get my work into the hands of more of the people that it’s for OR never be judged…
I mean the people who would judge this are already judging me. That’s not something I can control.
To put myself in a place where I can NEVER be judged is not possible but if I was trying I would have to dim my light, deny my authentic self and make myself overwhelmed and miserable AND, again, it’s not possible so I would still not succeed.
To listen to my own heart and to pursue my dreams wholeheartedly is to receive judgement. To live my life on my terms is to receive judgement.
Dominant culture demands conformity and judging non-conformity is one of the ways we uphold dominant culture’s values - mostly unconsciously. Judgement is inevitable in this culture.
The snake is motioning at me to come back to where I was… about making a choice.
Well it’s obvious, the choice is to be true to myself.
I made this thing to share. I can tell that energetically and emotionally and mentally I am holding back and so when I physically go to do a thing to share this, it’s like… the pieces aren’t quite connecting.
Just having this conversation with this imaginary snake made of confetti is shifting this though.
I can do the outer work of putting this out there, and I have been, but I have NOT been doing the dream work and inner work, so the work is not working.
This is what I am always saying in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership - to keep checking on the Dream Work, Inner Work and Outer Work.
The framework is not there to make sure you never have a mis-step! It’s there to help you diagnose what is going on, so you can see more clearly what is needed now.
Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:
Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.
Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.
Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.
Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.
Yesterday I did the Acclimating to your Dream practice.
In the meditation I remembered the sensation of climbing the hills in the woods last week. How beautiful and magical AND effort-full it was.
I did wish I could just step out of the cabin and be on the lake. It's not an easy path to get there - it's the kind of path that not everyone who can walk can actually take, between the steepness and the uneven terrain and the paths were not clearly marked. (I did get lost twice, like significantly lost, coming out of the woods far from where I meant to be. But I had my phone with cell coverage so I could find my way back once I was on the road)
It's kind of like the path to a dream - like WTF why isn't there just a nice, easy, obvious, paved road to go down?
But in the meditation I remembered how ENLIVENING it felt to climb that hill. I remembered really being in the moment and enjoying that part, not just seeing it as a means to an end. I remembered feeling like it was hilarious that I kept getting lost.
That's where I want to be with my dreams. Enjoying and feeling enlivened by the process, loving the little detours, not just waiting to "get there".
Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:
Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.
Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.
Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.
Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.
This morning I didn't know where to start.
So I went to the Creative Dream Alchemy Library of Dream Work and the Acclimating to your Dream practice looked good, so I did that.
As soon as the meditation started I was glad I had chosen this one, it just felt right.
In the beginning of the meditation, it was such a relief to make space for what I am thinking and feeling going into the meditation. I’m foggy, I have things on my mind, I don’t feel “totally ready” to meditate. That’s all ok.
Then, the part where I am making space for what I want to get out of this… delicious! I want to FEEL LIKE the version of me who is doing the thing. Not the version of me who is climbing these steep steps.
Oh! Now I am remembering being at the cabin in the woods last week.
Everywhere the terrain was rocky and steep. The rocks in the Canadian Shield are pretty flat, but uneven, so combined with how steep the ground was going up and down, it was a lot! AND it was SO GORGEOUS AND MAGICAL.
So, I am remembering the effort of the steep incline, being careful about where I was putting my feet and being enamoured with how gorgeous and magical everything was AND feeling ALIVE with the effort of it.
So… the effort of getting there felt good. AND being at the top felt so satisfying.
I want to be “at the top of the hill” with this dream.
I really loved holding my dream in my HANDS, when it was time to put it in my HEART that felt a bit uncomfortable. Like am I ready for this?
I kept breathing and sitting with it and yes I did feel ready.
The message I got was: I need to be deeper in the work. Like don’t just do the work to get to where I want to be, really BE IN THE MAGIC of each moment.
Think about how I enjoyed the actual climbing in the woods, and not just the part where I was at the top.
Also... maybe there is something to explore there about preparedness.
I had deliberately only brought my Crocs sandals to the cabin - like not even the regular crocs with the band around the back. Just the sandals and I said "If I can't do something in these shoes, I'm not doing it" as I wanted a relaxing and "refill the well" kind of experience.
I have no regrets about that!
AND
What's the equivalent here? Is there I way I could be better prepared, have better tools or supports, which would make the climbing easier AND/OR make it possible to climb other things that are impossible in the sandals?
I will keep thinking about that.
And after the meditation and journaling, I feel really excited to work on some plans that had felt daunting to me yesterday, so this is a win!
Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:
Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.
Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.
Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.
Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.