For context: the spot I shared yesterday I wrote last week. In the end, my practice encouraged me to pick a project and STICK WITH IT, finish it. I picked a project and have been really enjoying it.

BUT I will out myself here: at the end of that post I wrote that I knew I had to make a new Dream Book Projects Page and I didn't actually do that. I keep skipping out on some of these things, because I think "I've done this already" but the point is to KEEP DOING IT which is what a practice is.

++++

So I've been in a creative flow, and have really been enjoying the process....

Until now.

In a meditation I suddenly saw it - basically started over with a new thing... and I keep doing this. Starting over with a new thing when the thing gets hard.

BECAUSE (and I just realized this) IT FEELS TERRIFYING TO PUT NEW WORK OUT INTO THE WORLD AS IT IS RIGHT NOW.

So I'm just sitting with the terror of it.

Last week we did a Zoom on Sitting With Uncomfortable Feelings where we did just that - hold space for our own feelings without trying to change them. Just giving them space to express, which was brutal but then also led to some really good stuff. (And I am so glad to have that replay available for those moments when you really need it, that you don't have to sit with those feelings on your own)

Right now, this terror is:

A headache behind my eyes
Tension in my shoulders and the base of my neck
An increasing sense of frustration
A wish that I could stop feeling any of this
Swirls of helplessness swirling in my head
That feeling like I want to cry, but I can't

And then a "OK seriously though you're being too dramatic just stop this, turn your feelings off"

The more I pay attention to my uncomfortable feelings, the more uncomfortable feelings I seem to have but I know this won't continue like this forever.

I set up some pillows and lay on the floor.

Sadness settles in my heart and belly.
A bit of a sharp pain behind my right eye.

My arms are buzzing with frustration.

But slowly, it all fades and, without trying to, I start to notice the part of me that trusts my work and understands that this work won't save/change the world but it can be a good thing to add to it.

And that feels like enough for today.

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Last week I spent so much time in the Un-Sticking Station.

I wanted to share this one experience which is so interesting to me now, that I am through it:

My stuck is this slithering kind of of being slithering around in me. It’s filled with grief, sadness, fear, little sparks of rage.

Oh! This brings to mind my situation with the condo board. I have been trying to “not let it get to me” and “just take care of things like a grown up” but I feel so much rage. And so much frustration that the person responsible will never be held accountable.

Also: I try so hard to do the right thing all the time while this person can just so blatantly be so selfish and greedy and there is no way to hold them accountable. WTF?

Back in my meditation, this slithering being has more rage sparks in her belly and I decide to light a match and throw it in.

Pouf!

Let’s absolutely BURN with rage!

The slithering being is almost dancing. Happy to be expressing.

And it says: “Listen, I don’t want to be held back by self doubt anymore. I mean, in this world? Where people can lie and steal and take advantage and face no consequences?n When all I want to do is share my creative work in the hopes of helping people? Why should I hold back? This is so ridiculous. Please Andrea, let this all burn up in this fire”

The dancing becomes more joyful and fast.

……

I don’t know if this feels complete but I feel ready to move on for now.

......

A few hours later something new occurs to me: I am juggling too many projects/project ideas and in the judging there is too much room for self doubt to weasel in.

So: Get more focused. Use the Projects page! And the new project prompts from the Dream Plan Kit for processing ideas to decide THE ONE you're going to focus on. Put the others into "potential projects" and just COMMIT TO ONE THING and get it done.

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

We had a fantastic call today!

I'm feeling all the things - healing, magic, inspiration and "let's get out there and make it happen" magic.

Thanks so much to everyone who was there live to help me create such a great recording, and replay people -send me your questions for the next call!

(If you don't see the video here, watch it on You Tube)

Watching these videos all summer WILL get you seeing, and feeling, your dreams in new ways.

I'll be doing this every Monday until Aug 28.

The replays will all be on my blog. If you want to attend live, register here to get the Zoom details.

Yesterday I had that gorgeous magical morning where everything came together. I really got INTO my creative flow and got so much done and felt so good!

Today is the exact opposite.

During our New Moon Intention Setting call last week, I was feeling the magic of our alchemy meditation and my inner wisdom came in with this new advice about holding a bigger dream MORE FIRMLY this morning. Like really BEING ALL ABOUT IT.

This felt so good and expansive and like "YEAH I AM READY!"

It can be easy to feel that way during our group calls - I mean that's why I do them!

But then, as you work out what actually needs doing in order to BE ALL ABOUT IT, the shitty little voices start to speak up.

Because yesterday I worked on getting REALLY SPECIFIC about the Inner Work that I need to do, it's like I opened the door to those shitty little voices.

This will never work.

You are just not good enough.

No one cares.

This idea is so stupid why did you think you could do it?

OMG this is so COMPLICATED and HARD and I just don't want to!!

And then something stressful happened with my condo board and it was like my feelings were already at 100% full capacity but they just kept on coming.

Side note: we are doing the Sitting With Uncomfortable Feelings call this Friday! 

So, I had a lot of uncomfortable feelings to sit with in preparation for Friday, lol.

This is how it works.

When we get that real DETERMINATION to move forward with something often all of our inner stuff gets activated.

Your Creative Dream Practice needs to be able to hold space for this. To not brush it aside and also to not let it take over and make your plans smaller.

The voice/feeling that is most activated for me right now is: this will never work. It comes with a sense of hopelessness with rivers of anger and frustration flowing through it.

For my practice today I'm sitting with it, using the Un-Sticking Station practice and also doing a drawing of this part of me. I mean drawing like a 5 year old to EXPRESS MYSELF (which is so healing!) not trying to "make a pretty picture" (which is great, but it's not inner work).

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Let's talk about how hard it is to get into good routines sometimes, and how much they help!

Before the pandemic, I had SUCH sturdy routines. I had spent years fine-tuning what, exactly, I need to feel inspired, creative, motivated and productive. I could reliably and consistently (I mean not EVERY day but much more often than not) get myself into my creative flow with my morning routines.

Then that all came crashing down in March 2020.

And re-building has been.... interesting.

But this morning here we are:

I’m having such a magical morning!

It is STUPID HOT like I wasn’t sure I wanted to go for a bike ride at all, and I definitely didn’t want to go journal in the park (as is my routine lately) because it’s already too hot and humid at 7 am. Plus super windy.

I did want to leave the house though, I knew it would be the best thing for my mood and energy and creativity. Get a coffee, put on noise canceling headphones, do some journaling. Key parts of my morning routine.

But I don't have a consistent "summer coffee shop" right now and every single coffee shop I could think of felt like UGH NO for one reason or another. (My consistent winter coffee shop has a bakery with a wood-fired oven and it's heavenly all winter! Sunny windows, loads of plants and the heat from the oven creates such a beautiful atmosphere. But in the summer it's just too hot for me. These details matter, my creativity doesn't function in the heat.)

Then I remembered a Starbucks that’s a 10 min bike ride away closed in the pandemic and a new place opened. 

I always feel like - you never know what you’re getting with a new place. Will the vibes be off? It’s funny but also it’s real, like I need to FEEL RIGHT in a place to do my journaling. And how can I know how I will feel if I've never been there? So I took a change.

And OMG this is my new coffee shop!

They have EVERYTHING BAGEL flavoured croissants! I had a filling smoothie and wasn’t hungry but just so happy to know this exists here, lol.

Then I noticed - they have lavender syrup for coffee! Heaven!

I got an iced coffee and sat down at the bar, the chair and bar are the exact right height to be comfy for journaling. And the air conditioning is working well on this hot day.

A woman came over to me to compliment my shoes "These are the best Crocs I've ever seen!" (I got these zebra with leopard heel strap Crocs this spring and I am just loving them, so that was nice!)

It just feels so good. It’s like it’s easier to tap into my Dream Self here. 

On our new moon intention-setting call last week I didn’t get time to list the dream work, inner work and outer work practices that will help with my intention this month, so I made lists of those.

It feels so supportive to have that list of specific things that will help me most right now.

Everything feels flowy.

This is what a good morning routine does.

I don't wake up feeling clear-headed enough to just do the things that I want to do. Even after my first-thing-in-the-morning meditation!

Through experimenting I learned that I do need to get out of the house (and in the pandemic lockdowns I really learned how depressing it can get to never do that!) and having my clothes ready and bag packed and location chosen all makes it easier to do that.

If I get up and then have to decide on clothing and what to bring (I do have a lot of journals I am working in in any given moment) and where I am going I can start to risk not doing anything. And I know that staying home, without at least a walk or bike ride, will mean a lower energy and lower mood day, all day.

When I get it all right - like a meditation and then a beautiful bike ride or a walk with just the right music, and then a great shady picnic table in a park or the right kind of feel-good coffee shop for journaling, then it's like I open the doors to my creative flow.

After journaling I feel clear headed enough to get to work. Then on the bike ride or walk home I get my brain focused on what I want to do that day.

Then it's creative flow time.

This is just what works for me, as I said - discovered through much trial and error. But notice how it includes THINGS I LOVE! Meditation, bike rides through parks with beautiful gardens, coffee shops I enjoy, great snacks.

And it includes the things I NEED - I didn't mention these above, but I make a smoothie with loads of protein, fibre and greens. I take supplements for peri-menopause and my post-concussion syndrome, all things I have experimented with to find what works best for me. I have routines around the tasks that must be done in my business.

All the "must do" stuff combined with the "love to do" stuff keeps me engaged.

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts (what are your morning routines like?) or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

On the new moon, my husband broke my “Slow the fuck down! BE as powerful, creative + magnetic as you are” mug.

Of course he didn't mean to, I had left it on a dresser and he bumped against it as he walked by. I was already having a frustrating day. And a few hours before I had thought to myself - maybe I should lay down on the floor (I’ve got pillows there, it’s very comfy) and cry. Just release some of this. But then I had decided to just go on with my day…

When the mug broke, I lay down on the floor to cry.

Bear came over, I pulled him in for a hug and he let me bury my face in his silky soft belly while Joseph got out the vacuum and cleaned up the mug shards.

That mug was precious because it was a message from my dream.

It was a message my dream sent repeatedly last summer. It felt so important: Slow the fuck down! BE as powerful, creative and magnetic as you ARE (which is what is written on the other side of the mug)

It was a message full of medicine.

I worked with it on my own. We had three group calls about it in Dream Book. I made the mugs. It was this whole thing… (Dream Book members - those calls are here)

But as I cried it out I realized - maybe it’s done. Maybe the lesson is learned. Maybe it’s time to put it down.

I mean, interestedly, it was just in the last few days that I was speeding back up again. Not to speedy speeds, but finding a pace that feels like progress, it feels interesting and creative without feeling overwhelming or exhausting.

And I do feel all of the gifts of Slow the fuck down! BE we powerful, creative and magnetic as you ARE helped me find this pace.

So, I am going to take this as a sign that this lesson is learned. I can enjoy my new pace now.

AND this feels connected to another question that has been coming to me in my practice... who is my post-pandemic self?

So far I know that my ideal post Pandemic self has processed the upheaval, lessons and grief of the last three years and is using it all to choose WHO and HOW to be next.

She's no longer IN the turmoil and overwhelm of it all. She's on the other side of all of that, with the lessons learned and integrated.

I mean maybe I will spend the rest of my life learning how to be this post-pandemic self. I don't know.

I just know that right now, in my practice, this is the version of me who feels more present, like the part of me I want to lean into next.

So, I am going to make a page about her in my Dream Book - using the Dream Self practice.

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

We had our first Co-Dreaming call today!

I lead Zoom group calls all the time inside Dream Book, but I hadn't done one in a public way like this in some time. It felt vulnerable, I was nervous and it showed - for the first part of the call. Definitely not my best introduction to a call.

But I did get into it as we got into the meditation.

And then we had a really beautiful and rich discussion about listening to our dreams and getting into a PRACTICE with our dreams.

A Creative Dream Practice is so deep, rich and transformative.

And it's immediately generative. It doesn't TAKE energy, it GIVES energy because it's making space for YOU.

Watching these videos all summer WILL get you seeing, and feeling, your dreams in new ways.

I'll be doing this every Monday until Aug 28.

The replays will all be on my blog. If you want to attend live, register here to get the Zoom details.