I am upset this morning. Really upset.

I’m going to try to use the Un-Sticking Station to help myself feel better.

Hey, upset feeling, can we talk?

Upset feeling is a cyclone. Spinning behind my forehead, in my jaw. I start crying.

I’d like to help you.

Cyclone pauses. How?  I thought I would have to just blow and blown until I got winded.

I think we have other options. It’s hard for me to have you cycling around inside me. How is it for you?

I feel completely out of control. This isn’t what I want.

OK. Ummm, I don’t know how to slow down a cyclone. I would like to offer you love, how can I do that? How do you want to be loved?

Cyclone starts crying. I don’t think anyone has ever tried to love me. I don’t know how to be loved.

OK, I am going to hung you then.

I imagine that I am hugging the cyclone. I start crying for this part of me who doesn’t know how to be loved.

Cyclone, I love you. Can you feel that? I feel for you, spinning out of control and not knowing how to stop, not knowing how to get what you want. You are precious and lovable.

The cyclone stops (!)

Now it’s a worm.

This feels like progress… but then the worm is just lying there. Like going from being stuck in a flight response to being stuck in a frozen response.

I offer the worm love through warming… I put a blanket on it, I bring in a fireplace and light it, I make a cozy little den. I put out some plates of snacks and a pot of tea.

I pet the worm, now it’s the size of my cat. I sit down beside it.

I don’t think I am frozen, I am resting.

Oh. That’s good.

How do you feel?

Well, like a cyclone has gone through me, I guess. I feel like my edges are frayed. My head hurts a little.

What do you want?

I want to make a drink, get on my bike, and go to the park with my tablet and draw and write and listen to music. I just worry I am too sensitive for the world right now.  I am still crying a little, so…

You feel stuck?

Yeah.

What if there is no rush? What if you work towards that plan?

Oh wow that feels like relief.

What would you do, to help yourself get ready to do what you want?

Ice pack on my eyes. Meditation. Have breakfast. I can see myself feeling better then.

OK then let’s do it!

Cyclone/worm - thank you, I love that I started out trying to help you and then you ended up helping me. This is beautiful.

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Last week in my dream status report my dream pointed to me needing to explore structure. Then during our Monday meditation, again, structure.

Yesterday my dream said: Have more fun! Having more structure will help you have more fun!

And that's true, structure helps me feel less overwhelmed in general. Good structure also helps me do more with less effort. So let's explore...

It's hard to think about structure and not think about 2020 swooping in and destroying all of the structure I had.

It's hard to think back to the details of that, because it feels so uncomfortable, but at the same time I do feel happy where I am as my 2023 self, who wouldn't exist in this way if 2020 hadn't gone the way it did. So it's like all these conflicting feelings come up as I think back to then.

And I think that's why I've just "kind of muddled through" and not gotten really specific and intention about how I want to re-create structure now, because just thinking about it sparks so many conflicted feelings which feels overwhelming.

For some reason, probably the magic of time is a big part of it, having conflicting feelings about this feels ok this morning.

Do I want to try and re-build the structure I had, as well as I can, making adjustments for the ways I have changed?

Or do I want to focus on where I am now, and build something totally new?

So interesting!

I definitely want to build something new.

AND I definitely don't want to leave behind all the things I learned - pre-pandemic, I had spent YEARS working on  creating the routines and habits that would serve me the best.

Ummmm, sitting with these conflicting thoughts, making space for the feelings that come out each one, the answer starts to feel really obvious.

List the things that were working for me in 2019.

For each one of these, write about how my 2023 self would do this.

early wake up

bike ride or walk (I already know where I am going when I wake up, I am usually packed, so I just get up and get going)

long morning in a coffee shop: journaling for the first hour, then laptop productivity time

everything I am doing planned is out in project management app

Monday morning is about planning for the week and checking in with all projects. I had lots of lists.

the details of my admin tasks were mapped out more clearly

Hmmmm, this is weird.

This is mostly stuff I am still doing. I mean, not the LONG mornings in coffee shops and not the same "productivity time". I have fewer lists, etc, but in a general, slower sense, I am doing these things.

Why has it felt like I have NONE of the structure I used to have?

(sitting with this)

Oh. It's my RELATIONSHIP to structure.

It just hit me.

The way an external event came in and destroyed all the structure I had. I still feel in a bit of a freeze response about that.

I'm going to stop here for today and let this sink in a little.

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

I'll be doing these live Co-Dreaming calls every Monday until Aug 28.

Watching these videos all summer WILL get you seeing, and feeling, your dreams in new ways.

The replays will all be on my blog. If you want to attend live, register here to get the Zoom details.

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

I know we all know this.

And I know we ALSO can feel like… but if a thing is REALLY GOOD it will find its audience, it will find commercial success.

Our culture tells us that the people who have really big financial success are actually more gifted than those who don’t have it.

It’s called meritocracy. It’s a way of justifying the huge gaps between the ultra rich and everyone else. It’s a way of keeping us obedient to capitalist values.

The truth is, we’re all gifted. We’re all unique. And one person having more commercial success than another person does not make them more gifted. It makes them more celebrated by capitalism.

And people use that “celebrated by capitalism” as evidence of being exceptionally gifted.

It happens ALL THE TIME in the life coaching and wellness industries. You think the people who are the most famous and make the most money are the best healers. 

They’re not.

And that’s a fucked up measurement system. Especially when you’ve been in this business long enough to know what happens behind the scenes of those businesses that make all that money.

We need to find all the places, in us, where we allow money to determine worth, and clear them.

We need to root more deeply into our own values, and not the capitalist values that the world wants us to live by.

And the next time you see someone telling you their huge income as a way of saying that their work and ideas are more valuable than everyone else’s, you need to think about not listening to them. We don’t have to keep holding this system up.

And when you stop believing that “because so and so makes money money it means they are better” then you can stop believe that you are not good enough. 

How celebrated by capitalism your work is is NOT an accurate measurement of how valuable and needed your work is.

Capitalism allows millions of people to starve while a few use billions of dollars to blast themselves off into space. It’s a fucked up system. I know we all need money, but is being celebrated by this fucked up system really a good goal to aim for?

This post is inspired by the inner work I’ve been doing for the last year - starting with the Slow the fuck down! BE as powerful, creative + magnetic as you are class. And then using the Un-Sticking Station process on ALL of the different thoughts and feelings that were unearthed in that class. It’s been a long journey but I love how clear I feel right now, that I have unearthed big chunks of these things from my inner world.

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

(The project is to create journals/guides/workbooks out of all of the classes I’ve made. Like an entire library of journals for creative dreamers.)

This is a huge project, and I feel huge excitement about it. AND it’s a huge project and there are a million different ways to start so where do I want to start?

So I need a meeting with the project, to work out a plan.

(Using the Dream Lab meditation to call in the soul of the project)

The project appears as… well a whole library of journals for creative dreamers. The completed project, with light radiating out from it.

So, hey! Thanks for meeting me. I feel a bit… overwhelmed I guess. Disorganized?

I love what you’re doing!

Thank you!

I see how dedicated you are. I see how you love the project. I see the care you are taking with every detail.

I’m beaming. It’s so nice to be seen and appreciated.

One note though: you can’t take THAT MUCH care with EVERY SINGLE detail, if we want to finish this project in your lifetime.

Well, yeah, I was thinking that.

Some of that is over-thinking coming out of self doubt and if you could work on clearing that energy more quickly you could be more in the flow. And I want to stress that there isn’t anything WRONG with the amount of attention you pay to these things, you are so thoughtful about it and that’s great, it’s just that you are going way beyond what is necessary to serve the purpose of the project. Remember to trust the magic of the project itself, and trust the magic of the people using the journals. These journals are containers, and the people who work with them will use the containers to create their own magic. You don’t have to get into the details like that.

I absolutely understand what you mean. I can zoom out like three layers, at least.

Yes, exactly.

OK that feels so helpful. The other thing is - well where do I even start? What I am doing now is working with what I have, and giving myself all this “free space” to explore, ideate, let the ideas evolve… this is so important for the creative process but I feel like I also need more structure.

I think you’re right on both counts, the way you started this project giving yourself all this space was genius. And yes, you need more structure now to let these things take form. Also, I’m not sure you are seeing this, but I think you are working on multiple books at once. I think you are trying to get one book finished, but I think you’ll end up finishing multiple books at once, or close to each other.

So, do you think that I still don’t have a handle on the specific topics of the different books? That that will continue to change as I work on this?

Right.

(The soul of the project is no longer the books themselves, it’s this woman who seems like she’s wearing a toga, older and wise and glowing)

(Then I realize that by “older” I might mean the same age as me, lol)

Would it be helpful for me to work on a list of the different books? Like try to map out what this will look like?

You have done this so many times. You have lists in every list app you have. And in your project management app. And in multiple journals. I don’t say this to shame you, I say this to remind you that you’ve been exploring this for a long time, and that it’s FABULOUS that you are letting your explorations meander rather than trying to force them into some kind of deadline. Do YOU think it would be helpful to make another list at this time?

Well, I guess I like my lists! It feels soothing. But really, I was thinking that this list would be the structure we were talking about that I need now. Do you know of a different way to bring some structure in?

She just smiles at me and leans forward. I feel like she DOES have an idea that I can’t see, but I can’t hear her on this.

Oh, then this idea flies in - not to make another list but to create a folder for each of these books in my drawing app. Give them a place for my ideas to land.

She smiles. Well yes that would be the way to really SEE what you have for each one. And that can teach you more - like HOW you see the books now could change. Maybe what you think of as 3 different books is actually 1. Or what you see as 1 is actually 3. You don’t know this until you really see it, and the lists of ideas aren’t helping you with that part.

So I can take my list of ideas, and create folders from that list, and then in my “free creative/exploration time” I have all of this to draw from. This means I have structure AND freedom.

Ah hah! See that?!

She’s pointing to the little spark of self doubt that just popped up.

Yeah.

Yeah, that’s a huge part of the work. You DO need to step up into your next-level self to do this project. And doing all of this creative work WITHOUT the structure is a way of NOT stepping up. Creating these folders, giving things more form and detail, requires you to work through the self doubt and get aligned with your next level self, the version of you who is at the next level with this project. The version of you who starts to complete and share these books is even more aligned - you don’t have to go all the way there right now. Just be on that journey. Be doing the Dream Self exercises often. Create a page in your Dream Book just for your Dream Self who is doing these books.

Oh that’s another great form of structure!

Yup! OK do those two things, and keep going. You are doing AMAZING and I am so proud of you!!

I am beaming.

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Two weeks ago at the New Moon Intention-Setting call I had this burst of clarity about what to focus on for this month.

It felt powerful and magical and inspiring.

But two weeks later, it feels impossible. It’s depressing, how far away it feels. It’s activating all of my self doubt.

I woke up feeling like a failure, with this inner voice insisting that I will never be successful.

And I was like “Wow, this is interesting. Why don’t you think I am already successful?”

The voice was stumped for a minute and then said “Because if you are successful then you save money every single month with never any exceptions.”

I was like “That’s a really interesting definition of success! Like, do you understand that sometimes there are unexpected bills or any number of reasons why you might dig into savings?”

But beyond that - what a weird way to define success. It’s fascinating that there is a part of me who feels this way!

And then I realize - I actually DO save money every month, there’s an automatic transfer to my retirement savings.

But this little voice is like “No, I mean more than that” but already the voice is getting quieter because it is realizing that constantly increasing your wealth with no exceptions is really more a sign of hoarding and greed than it is a sign of success.

I sit down beside the little voice, who seems to be sitting in the grass outside somewhere.

“I think you’re worried about that big expense, hey?”

“Yeah, it was big!”

“It was big! But we had the money to handle it. We’re actually good at saving and planning! Money isn’t how I define success, but it is a tool I use and I do know how to use it.”

“But also all of the expenses are going up. It’s so stressful! Like, when will it stop?”

“Yeah it IS stressful and your feelings, all of them, are absolutely valid, especially as reactions to all of this scary stuff that is out of our control… but one thing that IS in our control is how we see ourself. I think we deserve to FEEL successful.”

This little voice beams. It started out so mean and harsh with ME but then it turns out that it was the one feeling like a failure and was projecting it at me.

I give it a hug.

“Sweetheart, we have a beautiful life and we deserve this, just like everyone does.”

And now I feel settled.

So, bringing my attention back to that intention. It’s hard to hold it because it’s a shift in energy, focus, intention and self-belief.

It is THE shift in energy, focus, intention and self-belief that I need right now.

And it is FINE if I slip and fall along the way. It’s expected actually. THIS IS A PRACTICE NOT A PERFECT. Setting an intention like this calls in all the reasons why this is hard. These are the things I need to work through.

And I know that to hold this intention more firmly, I need to do the inner work more consistently. This little nagging discomfort had been growing all weekend and I was ignoring it, it wasn’t until this morning when it’s like RIGHT IN MY WAY and stopping me from doing anything that I faced it.

It would be easier to get to where I want to be if I would face the little uncomfortable feelings faster.

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Every dream comes with obstacles. Really! If your dream didn't have obstacles it wouldn't really be a DREAM.

There are a lot of different ways to work with obstacles, this Obstacle Release Ceremony is a the way to work obstacles when you're just ready to let them go.

We originally did this on the full moon, which is a fantastic time for an obstacle release ceremony, but the best time to do this work is when you feel like you want to release your obstacle!

(This is from a series of live, free calls I did in the summer and fall of 2023 called Co-Dreaming)

Yesterday I realised why I am getting stuck so much right now. During our full moon intention setting call, I set a really clear and bold intention. Or, it felt bold to me but during that meditation I felt so connected to intuition and so clear and sure that this is what came out.

It’s easy-ish to feel that clear and sure during those kinds of meditations.

It’s much less easy to HOLD that clarity and certainty throughout the rest of the month.

One reason for this is that having a clear intention to shift something will bring up all the places in you that need healing, attention or transformation in order for you to be able to make that shift.

So that’s why I’ve been getting stuck so much. I called this in because my wisest self said I was ready.

The rest of me is not so sure.

And here we are, battling it out.

So, how can I help my wisest self win?

So far I’ve got: my laziest self, my most scared self, my most exhausted self and my most filled with self doubt self arguing that we should really slow this whole thing down.

So how about calling in: my most creative self, my most enthusiastic self, my most joyful self, my most filled-her-well-with-exquisite-self-care self, and my most trusting self? What would they say?

I imagine this group gathering together and coming up with a plan to take over.

And this is what they say:

Make a list of the things that other group wants to do - like playing dumb games on your phone, scrolling social media, staying in instead of going for a bike ride in the morning, etc.

AND THEN DON’T DO THOSE THINGS. Notice when you’re doing them, which is easier to do when you are paying attention to your ENERGY. Your energy tanks when you do these things. It doesn’t meant you can’t goof off or rest, it means be more intentional about what actually refuels you and makes you feel good and what’s just… checking out.

Also let’s note that acting out of fears, etc is not the same as tending to fears, etc. Spending time really BEING WITH these parts of you are always ok! Journal and meditate and lay on the floor and just feel your feelings. That’s all good! All parts of you are part of you, it’s just that you have to be more intentional about who’s leader.

And then have really solid patterns about Dream Work practices. You need to get more intentional about this. I know you’re already doing it! DO IT HARDER. You know exactly what I mean.

OK yeah I know exactly what they mean.

It feels like I am crawling out of the pit of the last few years and most (?) (some?) of the time I am doing fine and then sometimes I slide back in. Sometimes overwhelm just takes over.

And so I see it - it’s fine for the FEELING of overwhelm to take over. I just have to keep my more wise, creative and brave parts of me IN THE LEAD, in terms of choosing what to do with the overwhelm.

I just felt this wave of trust and congruence go through me.

It’s like - I have been teaching this for how many years???! And yet I still need to keep practicing. It IS like yoga, you don’t stretch your legs once and you’re done for the rest of your life. No matter how good you are at it, you’ve got to keep practicing.

So, trying to have some patience with myself and my process today.

(And, for accountability sake, yesterday I shared that I was STILL NOT working on that Dream Book Projects Page even though that was the intuitive nudge I kept getting. Well yesterday I did work on it! And that really did help me with clarity.)

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.