And when this happens it is SO EASY to get distracted and not do anything.
But I know I need to keep taking steps.
But I know if I take steps while feeling this way, there won’t be any ZING, you know?
And I don’t want to do ZING-less things.
So I am going into the Un-Sticking Station and meeting with the fear.
Awww, fear shows up as a starfish, but a very heavy starfish who is stuck to the bottom of the ocean.
I sit down beside her, she feels like a her. For some reason, I pet her. (Do you remember? I used to have a cat named Starfish, he was an epic cat, though I only had him for the last year of his life)
I’m so sorry you’re feeling so afraid and stuck.
I don’t feel stuck. I like the weight of the ocean holding me down. I want to be down.
Oh, ok. What do you like about being down?
I don’t have to do anything. Don’t even need an excuse.
So, you want to be kind of frozen?
Yeah. Frozen. Still. Weighed down. Just… well I know these words sound like “stuck” but it’s not that. I like it. I want it.
Right, it feels like a freeze nervous system response, which can be a relief. Like, it’s protective.
Yes, the weight of the ocean feels protective.
OK I’m so glad you feel protected! I love that for you and I don’t want you to NOT feel protected. I would like to look at ways to feel more lively, alive and creative WHILE ALSO feeling safe. What do you think about that?
It makes me think of being on the beach, at the surface. In the sunshine. The freedom of that. That feels good.
OK, so when I said “I’m sorry you feel afraid and stuck” and you said you don’t feel stuck - do you feel afraid? Maybe I was misinterpreting you completely?
Well, I was feeling like I wanted to be frozen. Just, not think and not do and not feel. I don’t know if I was afraid.
OK. And now that you are thinking of being on the beach in the sunshine?
That feels better.
Ummmm hi. Over here! (a little… I don’t know, some kind of bug is waving at me)
Oh! Hi, bug.
I’m afraid! I’m very afraid! (Maybe it’s an actual crab, which is funny because I was saying I feel crabby today)
Oh honey I’m sorry. Come here. Do you want a hug? What can I do to help?
Bug comes closer and I see he (he seems like a he)is shaking, so I wrap him up all snug in a blanket and hold him.
So, I get afraid and go into a freeze response. I am mostly in freeze, but a small part of me is still very much filled with fear.
Now I see three versions of me. One frozen, one afraid, and one - well, me. Present self me. Me wanting to sort through this and move forward.
Fearful self: I am so sorry you feel this way. I see you are almost having a panic attack you are so scared. And I want you to know - you don’t have to feel this way. We have sources of comfort and soothing available. What do you need?
Reminders that it will be ok. Rest, no rushing.
A new part of me appears. The part that wants to obliterate fear.
My fearful self hides behind me for protection.
The part of me that wants to obliterate fear feels dangerous. Like, I think she’s holding a fire gun. Is that what it’s called? It shoots fire. She wants to burn everything down, starting with my fearful self.
OK WHOA. We’re not burning down any of our selves.
My angry self bursts into tears. “But I want to protect my joy by destroying everything that makes me unhappy”
Well I LOVE that sentiment but girl, we can’t destroy parts of US, right? You see that?
I don’t want to be afraid about any of this. I want to feel POWERFUL about it. I want to feel CREATIVE and FREE and like I GOT THIS.
Oh I love that! Yes I think we all want to feel that way and I love the PASSION you bring to this process. Can you put down your weapons though? Can we find a supportive way to help our fearful self not be afraid?
My angry self puts her hands on my fearful self’s shoulders. “Snap out of it. We’re too good for this! We’re too BIG to want to be SMALL and AFRAID. And look around! The world is beautiful! Life is a miracle! There is art to make!”
My fearful self considers this.
And then I wish for a magic wand that brings everyone into present time because my fearful self feels very young and like she doesn’t have options or means to empower herself.
I twirl the wand around and it circles us all and sparkles fall out of it.
We all sit down in a circle, holding hands.
I carry all of these different selves with me but I always have the power to choose who I want to be.
Especially by not denying any parts of me, by giving them space to feel and express AND ALSO have appropriate boundaries.
Dream Book members:
Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.
Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.
Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.
Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.
It feels rich and transformative.
I’m still resisting it.
But sitting here, beside it, feels full of possibility.
I drew it out in my journal: me beside this spiral pool.
I sat with it, wondering why I wasn’t just diving in.
And I noticed more about it. The pool itself is a rainbow - not bright colours but an oil slick kind of rainbow, iridescent with possibility.
And I knew if I dived in, everything I want would be in there.
And then I drew that out… the pool above, rays of light streaming down, trees, flowers, soft grass to sit on and another pool. This one is the pool of healing and dreams come true.
And still, I am not diving in.
Sitting here beside it feels right. I’m acclimating and integrating.
I don’t think acclimating and integrating get enough credit.
(After I wrote this, we ended up having a RICH discussion about acclimating and integration on the March New Moon call)
These are powerful tools, and so many people skip by them, wanting to rush the process.
But without them, you can’t really HOLD ON to your dreams.
Acclimating and integrating is where you get grounded.
I’m appreciating how far I’ve come, to hit this new wave of resistance.
I’m appreciating how CLEAR I feel about my next steps and how brave my plan is. And of course a BRAVE PLAN is going to stir things up which is going to bring on the resistance.
And today I’m just letting it be here. Appreciating resistance as a partner in the journey. Appreciating that working WITH my resistance will bring me healing and new possibilities.
Dream Book members:
Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.
Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.
Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.
Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.
This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: I make space for my dream in my daily life.
Well this one hits like a bomb of tangled feelings. For a few minutes I sit with this growing discomfort growling in my chest.
I was in a good mood before I picked my kit for this week, now I’m crabby.
What gives?
It feels like SO MUCH WORK to get to the life I want next. And I’m tired.
OK, what does this feeling need?
A hug. A mug of tea. Maybe a cookie. Validation. An offer to rest.
She just waves all this away.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever”
Yeah, yeah, whatever? What does that mean?
You’re just doing all the things you do.
You mean, trying my best to take care of my feelings?
[Big sigh and eye roll.]
OK so you’re a teenager.
[Big sigh.] I just want to HAVE this, not WORK FOR this. I don’t want to have to believe in myself or trust the process. I want it given to me.
A give her a big hug.
Yeah, I get it. You don’t feel you have the skills for any of this because… you don’t! You are my teenaged self, and you don’t have the emotional intelligence to even understand what’s going on behind your feelings.
You think having your life look how you want will make you feel the way you want. You have so much learning ahead of you.
And then I think about all the learning that has happened for me since I was a teenager.
And I try to bring ALL PARTS OF ME into the present moment.
My almost-50 year old self actually DOES want to work for this. I don’t consider it WORK I consider it CREATING and it’s what I am here for. I DO believe in myself and I DO trust the process.
What does my CURRENT PRESENT SELF think of this mantra?
It is a bit… “well there is a lot to do before I can really have this thing”.
I mean - I could go out and buy an RV tomorrow on credit. But I want this to NOT create financial stress. I want to be set up for it. I want it to be easy. And I know travel will take some focus, and I need space for that - like to be ahead in my work and have stronger systems and... I want to feel READY. And getting ready is a process.
So…
“I make space for my dream in my daily life”
Makes me REALLY aware of the space between where I am and where I want to be.
And I don’t feel very at peace with that today.
That’s how it is sometimes.
Dream Book members:
Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.
Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.
Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.
Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.
Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.
On Fridays I do my Dream Status Report which is a series of prompts I use every week to help me have more clarity, momentum and groundedness on my path. You can do them with me (Dream Book members: come post yours in the forum!)!
My Dream Status Report for this week:
PART ONE:
My dream is: I want to get an RV or camper van and travel… WITH MY CAT BEAR!!!! Create a comfy cozy home on wheels, and write + make art on the road while we have adventures.
I want it because: It feels so sweet and makes me happy.
When I have it I will feel: I think I will feel so happy, free and thrilled with my life.
PART TWO:
Invite the soul of your dream in (using the Dream Lab practice) to help you with the rest of the prompts.
My dream shows up as this gorgeous white flower - maybe a magnolia? It’s big and beautiful and smells amazing.
PART THREE:
Last week’s focus was: Be more intentional about focusing on my goals. How can I make more fun + interesting to be more intentional?
What happened in the last week?
The time change really did a number on me! I was distracted and anxious… well I think the anxiety was peri-menopause. I was not focused but I was thinking a lot about intention.
I had an amazing therapy session, for the first time since my husband leaving and then his son almost dying - I did not cry once. We went deep, I wasn’t avoiding anything, I just didn’t feel sad. (Until now, even when I was feeling good in my life, I would walk into therapy and immediately start crying, which has been so healing and helpful)
I am really focused on the life I want to create now. I turn 50 in 6 weeks. I feel so ready for a while new chapter AND there are some changes I need to make and things I need to do, to give myself what I want for this new chapter.
What am I learning/How do I feel about this?
I feel really accepting of having a not-so-productive week. I am remembering that growth is not linear, and last week was SUPER productive in outer stuff, this week felt more like internal growth, dreaming and acclimation time. This is all a part of it. What I mostly feel is proud of myself for how I’ve been handling everything, and excited/optimistic about my future.
What do I need now?
I started an art project, just for me, and I want more time for it. It’s not so much about the project, but about the feeling I get when I work on it - creative and free and happy. I am really feeling SPRING IS HERE and want to enjoy it.
What does my dream need now?
The flower has this kind of rainbow energy around it, I get the sense it needs to be ACTIVATED. I think this is related to the message from last week about being more intentional, and finding ways to enjoy being more intentional. My dream wants me to be more intentional about being intentional, lol.
Taking all of this into account, my focus for the next week is:
Be more intentional about being more intentional.
Dream Book members:
!https://www.creativedreamincubator.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/come-dream-with-us-295x300.png
Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.
Get your next Dream Book lesson.
Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.
I am pushing myself. Pushing is maybe the wrong word. I am making a BIG commitment. Like… not to something big but big as in an UNBREAKABLE commitment to myself, to do this thing consistently that I have NOT been consistent about at all…
So I am doing the thing…
And my stomach is getting all knotted up.
And I think of the life coaches online who say that this is fine. Who talk about THROWING UP from feeling so anxious about what they are doing, but pushing themselves to keep going. JUST KEEP DREAMING BIGGER! WHO CARES WHAT YOUR BODY SAYS?!?
So - no, I am not doing that.
I’m noticing my stomach knotting up, and saying “Oh, hi there, knot in my stomach.”
The knot says: I feel like this is moving too fast.
Yeah? Yeah, I can see that.
I feel like, you just made this decision this morning and now you’re already taking so many steps! Like WTF? Can we just have lunch?
Well, yeah we’re going to have lunch. But - I didn’t just make this decision suddenly this morning. Do you not see how long I’ve been thinking about this? This morning I decided to move forward, but it’s not a sudden decision.
It feels sudden.
I can totally see that. What would help you feel more comfortable with this?
I don’t want to take this step TODAY.
What would you rather do today?
I want to acknowledge we did a whole bunch of stuff today! And we can take this next step tomorrow. I want to make art. I want YOU to respect your body’s needs and capacity! We did a lot today, now let’s have lunch, make some art, rest, go to the gym later…
So you will agree to do this tomorrow?
I mean I don’t know how I’ll feel tomorrow I just know that today we took enough steps. And if you keep trying to take more steps it WILL feel like pushing beyond what your body is telling you is right and I don’t think that is the choice you want to make.
No, it’s not. But I also won’t make the choice to keep delaying this step because parts of me are uncomfortable with it. So if you get knotted up tomorrow at the thought of this, we need to have a longer discussion.
Yes, that’s fair.
Dream Book members:
Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.
Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.
Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.
Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.
This is something EVERYONE experiences on the path to a dream.
If you’ve never experienced it, it probably means you’re not really showing up for your dream. You’re not stretching and growing.
If you are experiencing it, you know it’s ROUGH.
Here are 2 prompts I am using to make it easier:
How do I make this time different?
How do I resolve my feelings about how this has gone in the past, and feel free to pursue this wholeheartedly, without past “failures” weighing me down?
These are the kinds of questions that need a lot of time and space to ponder. Don’t go with the first answers that come to mind.
Dream Book members:
Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.
Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.
Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.
Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.
For a while, I was struggling with SHOWING UP online.
I was writing a daily post in Dream Book, thinking about sharing those, or parts of them, on my public blog and/or social media, and not knowing HOW.
I started experimenting.
It was hard! Like, the inner part was hard. Wrapping my head about what I share where. And who I am writing to when I write. It is a MILLION times easier for me to write to the people inside Dream Book (these are my peeps! We are working together on this stuff! I know they get it!) than it is for me to write and put it on my blog.
EVEN THOUGH I know that the people who read my blog also get it, I know the general public is not cruising through here, still it feels fraught and that’s valid!
So. It took a while to work through stuff and now…
I love the way I am SHOWING UP online. All of those tangles are smooth.
And this morning I got all of my blogs scheduled for a week and felt like “UGH I haven’t gotten to the things I wanted to do, I was just doing the blogs”
AS THOUGH this is a small task.
Because once it’s not fraught anymore, it’s like I take for granted that I can just DO IT.
So instead I want to say “HEY THAT’S AMAZING!!! YOU DID IT GIRL!!!!!”
And it’s not just me.
Where are you discounting all the stuff you’ve worked through, and all the ways you’ve grown?
Dream Book members:
Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.
Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.
Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.
Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.
This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: I make space for my growth + expansion.
I’m so glad I got this mantra this week, how to MAKE SPACE for growth is something I have been thinking about a lot.
I mean - my divorce feels like a FORCE of growth and expansion.
And also my feelings about the state of the world are acting as a force for growth and expansion.
So I've been thinking about HOW I MAKE and HOLD space for myself.
On our New Moon Call last week the intention that came to me was EPIC HEALING.
Which is not about epic outer results, but about epic ways of holding space for my healing and growth.
And so far, I'm thinking this means:
- Quality physical self care: nutrient dense eating, lots of exercise, good sleep habits
- Daily meditation + journaling
- Daily time for creative projects that are NOT work projects
- Starting a new art project that is kind of a touchstone for my healing goals
- Holding the intention - being clear about WHY I want "epic healing", journaling about what this means for me, what I hope to get out of it and how I hope to feel while in the process
But I am thinking too about how we can’t be the ONLY ones holding space for our growth + expansion.
And how often we ARE the only ones!
How often the people closest to us cannot support our growth or our dreams.
And I don’t think that means we need to change the people who are around us, it means we need to seek out that support. (Hint hint, this is why I offer ALL of my courses and live coaching calls in ONE membership)
BUT the thing is our culture DOES NOT support our dreams or our growth, and in fact actively works AGAINST both in a lot of ways, so it becomes extremely difficult to even see what effective support would even look and feel like.
So we go without.
And it’s hurting us.
A question to ponder:
What would right-fit support look like?
Dream Book members:
Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.
Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.
Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.
Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.
Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.
On Fridays I do my Dream Status Report which is a series of prompts I use every week to help me have more clarity, momentum and groundedness on my path. You can do them with me (Dream Book members: come post yours in the forum!)!
My Dream Status Report for this week:
PART ONE:
My dream is: I want to get an RV or camper van and travel… WITH MY CAT BEAR!!!! Create a comfy cozy home on wheels, and write + make art on the road while we have adventures.
I want it because: It feels so sweet and makes me happy.
When I have it I will feel: I think I will feel so happy, free and thrilled with my life.
PART TWO:
Invite the soul of your dream in (using the Dream Lab practice) to help you with the rest of the prompts.
My dream shows up as a multifaceted gem, shining.
PART THREE:
Last week’s focus was: Focus on my Dream Self who knows how to take these next steps.
What happened in the last week?
WOW that "me who knows how to take the next steps" was really there for me this week. There is all this stuff I have been wanting to do, like working with the "businessy parts" of my business, that I have felt overwhelmed about for so long, and then this week it was all... not easy, but do-able and actually enjoyable. And actually DOING IT make me feel really good.
What am I learning/How do I feel about this?
I feel really proud of myself. I've put some of these things off for soooo long. These tasks are not my strong suit, but my business needs them to be strong so it feels good to be doing them.
What do I need now?
Just keep going - with all of the outer work AND inner work AND dream work AND self care that I have been doing.
What does my dream need now?
The multifaceted gem kind of glows - it feels like it's saying it needs more intentionality from me.
Taking all of this into account, my focus for the next week is:
Be more intentional about focusing on my goals. How can I make more fun + interesting to be more intentional?
Dream Book members:
Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.
Get your next Dream Book lesson.
Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.
I am using a year-long tracker (from the Dream Plan Kit) to track when I work on my year-long Resistance Project.
There are a LOT of days not marked off.
We’re only a little over 2 months into the new year and already I’m showing up so much less…
Is what I thought was happening until I looked deeper.
What’s actually happening is I am asking much BIGGER questions.
And then taking time to be in the space of having questions without answers.
THIS DOES NEED TIME.
Rushing to FIND ANSWERS does not move you forward in the way that GIVING THE QUESTIONS MORE TIME does.
GIVING THE QUESTIONS MORE TIME moves you deeper into it, where whole new possibilities exist.
And I know it can be hard to see the difference between FINDING ANSWERS and GIVING THE QUESTIONS MORE TIME… but give it more time, you’ll see.
The new Moon Intention Setting + Alchemy Meditation Call is TODAY!!!! Dream Book members - get the call details here. The replay will be on that page a few hours after we're done the call.
If you're not in Dream Book, you can get the New Moon Intention Setting Guided Journal here! This is the same process that we do on the calls, in a workbook format!
Dream Book members:
Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.
Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.
Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.
Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.