Continued from yesterday with the frustration and pain of not feeling as creatively engaged as I would like to be. Being in that space between having LOADS of inspiration but not loads of energy to act on everything as fast as I would like to.

This morning I was feeling the same way. On top of that, I had a massage scheduled at the end of the day, and it's raining, and forecast to rain all day.

One of my procrastinated upon creative projects is rain pants. The fabric I have for them is SO cozy warm, fleece on the inside with a water-and-wind-proof outside. Perfect for riding my bike on a cold rainy day and not being soaked. (I did make a fantastic rain coat out of this same fabric, but because of how my thighs are moving when cycling, my legs get wet no matter what)

I use the car co-op and was about to book a car when I thought about driving home from there in rush hour, in the rain and that felt very UGH. I felt the same way about the bus.

And I didn't want to think about any of this, I wanted to think about the things I wanted to do today.

But instead, I decided to just MAKE THE PANTS.

I have a degree in fashion design and a lot of sewing experience. I knew I could have these done within an hour, since it's just an elastic waist and I didn't plan on finishing the seams anyway.

So I just did it.

And then I put my rain pants on and I FELT SO FUCKING FREE.

Not just free as in... I can take my bike to get a massage in the rain and not be all wet. Even though I can.

But free as in.... I can create anything I want.

I felt creative energy flowing. I felt happy. I felt unstuck.

And then I used that energy to focus on the things that I had wanted to do.

I feel like MAKE SOMETHING. ANYTHING. Is a good un-sticking tool.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I was journaling and hit upon the PAIN I was feeling about not engaging with life the way I want to.

And then I saw it: how I have been too frustrated with myself about not engaging with life the way I want to that I couldn't even see how PAINFUL it was!

So then I used the Un-Sticking Station practice on my frustration.

And there are so many layers swirling around there.

Compassion for myself.

Knowing that I am doing the best I can.

Frustrating and feeling like I am "too lazy" and "moving too slow" and need to just... do more art. Just move faster in general.

Acceptance that I am taking care of myself and my life and this is all a lot and no I don't currently have the same creative energy I used to.

Underneath that some excitement that I can have DIFFERENT creative energy. That this is just a season of my life.

And then also the acknowledgement of creatively active I HAVE been. And that thing how creative people always see the things they haven't done yet, we can be so flooded with inspiration that our "done" pile is just so tiny compared to the "want to do" pile.

But mostly, I am taking from this an appreciation that there is PAIN here. It feels small and vulnerable, hidden under the frustration. But it feels more TRUE than the frustration and I want to honour that.

Maybe it is some grief about the stage of life I am in. I keep thinking about my 35 year old self and missing that version of me. So I could look at how I want to bring some of her qualities out more...

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I used the Meeting the Soul of your Business meditation this morning.

The Creative Dream Incubator appeared as this huge lavender coloured pulsing light.

Just floating there. It felt... I don't quite have words for it, I just stayed with the feeling.

I tried moving it, and putting it around me so I was inside it but that felt wrong. I'm not inside it. It's not inside me. We work together.

Nothing really happened... it just felt good to connect with it.

We don't have to have things "happen" each time we do alchemy meditations. Just showing up counts as something. And showing up over time changes things.

Tomorrow is our Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice call. We practice listening to what feels true and right for us about the creative work of putting ourselves out there.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

For forty-something weeks, I had been sharing my Creative Dream Mantras here, every Monday.

Last week it didn't feel right.

This week it still doesn't.

This is a part of building our own path and not following other people's rules. We do a thing that FELT RIGHT and then we get to a point where it doesn't feel right anymore and the thing to replace it with or change it to... just isn't there yet.

We were moving along the path, feeling like we knew what we are doing and them BLAM! Suddenly  are suddenly in the questions, and we have to stay in the questions.

It's vulnerable and awkward. And so many coaches on the internet would be happy to sell you a way out of it.

But these vulnerable awkward places are so RICH.

So I am here, encouraging you to stay in it.

Let's be vulnerable and awkward together.

Let's remember that we are creating whole new ways of being and whole new ways of doing things while we are creating the thing we are creating.

Let's remember that this is a lot.

Being in the questions is brave and exhausting work.

A lot of the time, I don't feel up to it. So in those times, I focus on taking care of myself so that I feel like I have the courage and energy to take some steps.

Doing the work of FEELING READY is a part of the work. We can't just wait to feel ready! Or for outside forces to change things for us.

I am working on two things:

Goodbye 2024 Hello 2025: Guided journal, Goodbye 2024 Releasing Ceremony (Dec 13) + Hello 2025 Blessing Ceremony (Jan 17). All three are happening in the membership (details are here) but you can also get the journal on its own. (I will be adding more details to that page, but if you already know you want the journal, you can get it there)

Creating a right-fit transformative/healing year-long creative/spiritual project: Maybe that's the title, maybe I will find an easier title as I work with it 🤣 but I am doing a year-long project with HOPE for 2025 and as I sort through HOW I want to do this, I am creating a workbook to share the process.

It will be VERY customizable - if a year isn't the right-fit time for you, you just change that. 30 days, 100 days, a season - whatever time frame works for you is perfect. The goal is to set it up in such a way that it supports you in getting what you want from your project.

My project for 2025 will be the YEAR OF HOPE. And I'll be sharing that regularly on my blog - I feel like practicing hope can teach us all a lot right now.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

The last year + has been really difficult for me and lots of times I thought... I should stop posting here. Like - get my shit together ALONE SOMEWHERE... THEN come out and share.

But my whole thing with the Creative Dream Incubator is to share ways to work with our dreams... TO GUIDE US. Because our dreams are a way that our souls show us our path.

So why would we stop receiving that guidance in the times when we need it the most?

It's our fucked up culture that says that creative dreaming is for when you feel strong, bold, sure and creative.

Creative dreaming is for everyone. All the time.

You don't have to be strong or feel capable or have your life going exactly right so that you have all the time, space and support you need.

AND my whole thing with the Creative Dream Incubator is to share the whole thing AND to say... we are stronger together. We can do this together.

So, hiding away when I feel stuck and then coming out to share my victories has never felt right to me.

AND sometimes it just feels awkward AF to keep sharing as I go in circles.

I just wanted to acknowledge that.

If you're creative dreaming in hard times - here is the "Things are bad!" section of the map with some thoughts, tools and approaches to try.

I do feel strong and capable right now. I also want to acknowledge that.

It's so complicated to be in a body sometimes! But I feel like I'm adjusted to the hormone replacement therapy, I have new supplements and I'm getting shiatsu massages which feel like they massage my SOUL along with my body and with all of this going on I FEEL GOOD.

I am working on two things:

Goodbye 2024 Hello 2025: Guided journal, Goodbye 2024 Releasing Ceremony (Dec 13) + Hello 2025 Blessing Ceremony (Jan 17). All three are happening in the membership, but you can also get the journal on its own. (More details next week) (Call times are at 1:00 Central, North America)

Creating a right-fit transformative/healing year-long creative/spiritual project: Maybe that's the title, maybe I will find an easier title as I work with it 🤣 but I am doing a year-long project with HOPE for 2025 and as I sort through HOW I want to do this, I am creating a workbook to share the process.

It will be VERY customizable - if a year isn't the right-fit time for you, you just change that. 30 days, 100 days, a season - whatever time frame works for you is perfect. The goal is to set it up in such a way that it supports you in getting what you want from your project.

My project for 2025 will be the YEAR OF HOPE. And I'll be sharing that regularly on my blog - I feel like practicing hope can teach us all a lot right now.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

This was a message I got in a meditation.

IT. IS. THIS. SIMPLE.

It's not whether or not you FEEL self doubt, but what you ACT FROM.

When you feel self doubt: tend to that feeling INSTEAD OF acting out of it.

Tools from the Creative Dream Incubator Membership:

Self Doubt Relief

Alchemy Process for working with Self Doubt

Alchemy Process for bolstering your sense of courage

Your Self Doubt Is Not Yours You Deserve To Believe In Yourself 

Slow the fuck down! BE as powerful, creative and magnetic as you ARE

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I am so frustrated. I feel so anxious. And then I tense up. I don’t believe in myself or any of my ideas.

And then I get frustrated with myself for how I am feeling and how I am reacting to my feelings.

But reacting well… like saying “Oh honey I’m sorry you feel this way, what do you need?” feels annoying. Like I HAVE DONE SO MUCH OF THAT I CAN’T DO IT ANY MORE.

I went for a bike ride. I distracted myself with various things. And still this pit of self doubt is here, wreaking all sorts of havoc.

But I want to do this thing. I have moments of really believing in it. But whenever I go to take action - I freeze.

And I am a really good coach, I know how to guide people through this and I know how to guide myself through this but I AM JUST SO FUCKING SICK OF EVEN FEELING THIS.

So today I am trying the Un-Sticking Station with that “I AM JUST SO FUCKING SICK OF EVEN FEELING THIS” voice.

So, hi there I AM JUST SO FUCKING SICK OF EVEN FEELING THIS.

It’s my teenaged self sitting there, looking very annoying at being called into this boring meeting.

Oh hi! Thanks for meeting me here.

Did I have a choice?

I don’t know, but I appreciate you being here. 

She leans forward. “WHY ARE YOU BEING LIKE THIS?”

I don’t really know, I am trying to figure it out.

“You have everything! Look at your loft! And your business! And this cute idea for this thing you want to do! Why don’t you just do it?”

I know. I mean. Well…

She rolls her eye “You don’t feel good”

Well, I don’t! I feel like my struggles with perimenopause are so invisible and I also feel like I talk about it too much, but come on MY BRAIN ISN’T WORKING RIGHT.

So fix it.

Ugh. You sound like my ex-husband when he was at his worst. When he was over capacity with his own struggles and couldn’t empathize with mine.

You want me to empathize with you?

Yeah, I guess.

You called me here to empathize with you? (Her tone of voice suggests that she can't believe I am asking her for empathy)

Actually no, I called you here to find out more about what you need.

Ok that’s much more interesting. I need you to stop being all tied up inside, just do all the things you want to do.

OK, why? What would that give you?

Satisfaction of seeing how I turned out.

You don’t like how I turned out when I am anxious?

It’s really hard to watch.

Yeah, I get that!

You do?

Of course!

I thought you wanted to just use anxiety as an excuse to not do anything.

Of course not! I want to do all the things I want to do!

Oh…

This fizzled away there, it's unresolved but I can feel something shifting.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.