journaling

Another conversation with my resistance and “I’m not ready”

This year I wanted to explore my relationship with resistance.

And I’ve been a lot more mindful of it. And all sorts of things have shifted.

AND

There are still all these places where it feels tangly and murky.

Today here is this part of me who just wants to sink into nothingness doesn’t want me exploring bright new creative paths.

Sink into nothingness is the only way I can describe it. This part of me wants to numb and avoid.

And I get so frustrated with it. But I want to be curious about it instead, so let’s try…

Hey, resistance, part of me who wants to sink into nothingness, I’d like to understand you better.

In what way?

Well, I understand how much I want to DO the creative ideas I have and explore new things and just generally FEEL ALIVE in my life. And I feel like you don’t want that, and try to stop me, and I don’t understand.

I just sit with this, how I have these two parts of me, how I relate to one of them more than the other and how they don’t relate to each other at all.

So I ask her: Can you see the things I am dreaming of here? How do you feel about them?

Oh wow they look gorgeous. Yes I can see them. But they are for the future. They’re not here.

Right. So you need them to be here already before we can pursue them?

Kind of.

But you know it doesn’t work that way, right?

No. I mean - we are here. There’s a lot of heaviness and reasons to go slow here. Are you sure you aren’t trying to just leap ahead into the future to avoid being here? Are you really sure I am the one avoiding?

Umm ok this doesn’t feel fruitful. I mean - do we just point fingers and call each other avoiders?

It feels like my inner conversations are so convoluted lately.

But let’s keep going.

Yeah, I see where you are right! I am trying to avoid and avoidance, in a way. I do want to change what is happening right now. I want to be doing the things I want to be doing. I don’t want to be tired and heavy.

But I am SO tired and heavy.

OK but we agree about the future we are moving toward, right?

Right.

That’s good! But - are you saying you don’t want to take ANY steps now?

I need to feel ready.

Do you know how many things I have written about “waiting to feel ready is bullshit”?

She just looks at me.

Am I wrong?

Am I wrong?

Yeah, I think you are. I’m sorry! I think we can’t WAIT to feel ready, but we can WORK ON feeling ready. We can take smaller steps, take a gentler approach.

This doesn’t feel resolved in any way, but I do feel like this big sticky resistance is quietly considering other options. I love that we agree on the future we are moving towards.

A few hours, I felt into this in a new way.

This part of me who feels NOT READY does need a different approach. HEALING and ART and MAGIC as a part of the work.

I mean - this is what Dream Book IS

AND…

There are always more layers. And there are always time when I try to focus more on Outer Work - like right now because I know exactly what I want to do, I just can’t do it.

And this part of me comes to life when she FEELS SAFE ENOUGH to move forward. Journaling and meditation (and lately painting in my journals, but I don’t think that’s necessary, we all need to follow our own creative flow about what we do in our journals) I just spent some time journaling and now this whole dynamic feels different.

Lately, spending lots of time with my Dream Book is helping me grow self trust.

So grateful for this!

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Another conversation with my resistance and “I’m not ready” Read More »

Dream Work GROUNDS Inner Work

Triangle Dream Compass
The compass of Creative Dream Alchemy which helps you figure out your next steps. Creative Dream Alchemy is the art + magic of using what you have to create what you want.

Actually, Outer Work grounds Inner Work too...

But: Dream Work will help you ground all of this Inner Work was the message I got last week.

Each of the works - Dream Work, Inner Work, Outer Work, support each other. (Check out the Creative Dream Alchemy class for more on this)

And when you’re doing a lot of one of them, it’s good to think about how the others may help you, too.

Since I have so much Inner Work coming at me, spending more time with Dream Work is helping me GROUND the changes I am making with Inner Work.

For me, right now, trying to do more Outer Work to ground the Inner Work would only make me more overwhelmed. But sometimes doing more Outer Work is the thing you need to ground those inner changes.

What do you need?

Think about what's been happening for you with your creative dreams lately...

Do you have lots of inspiration and clarity? Are you feeling really in alignment with yourself, and the version of you you are growing into? (Dream Work)

Do you feel stuck? Are a lot of fears and doubts coming up? Or a sense of heaviness or fogginess? (Inner Work)

Are you getting stuff done? Making measurable progress? (Outer Work)

Whichever one you are most focused on right now - look at the other two.

Could doing more of those help you with the one you're more focused on?

Find libraries of practices for:

Dream Work | Inner Work | Outer Work

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Dream Work GROUNDS Inner Work Read More »

I am growing

Note: this post is from my daily Creative Dream Practice and includes links to the tools I use which are a part of the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership. You need an active membership to access those tools. You are always welcome to join right here!

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: I am growing.

Use the meditation for the weekly mantras to dig in deeper to the mantra, or put your hands on your heart and take five deep slow breaths and repeat to yourself:

I am growing.

Notice where this lands in your body, what thoughts and feelings get sparked.

There is no right or wrong way to react. But your actual thoughts and feelings can tell you something about what you need right now.

My reaction:YES! I FUCKING AM!

As you can tell from last week's posts, it's been A LOT recently. And then I got a bad cold at the end of the week.

BUT. AND.

Every time in my life when things have been harder for me, for whatever reason, it's like a bootcamp. I come out of it stronger and believing in myself more.

I am counting on this happening now.

But in all of this, I am noticing one DELICIOUS way that I am growing...

The way I am showing up for my SELF in my Dream Book practice.

I am filling pages and pages. And I have a whole second journal that I use for expressing feelings, un-sticking and just kind of a brain dump.

I have re-arranged my work space to be less "computer type work" and more "all my favourite art supplies for creative journaling everywhere".

I mostly use the computer on the couch, or lying on the floor, anyway.

I always have my little zipper pouch of paint pens with my journals, but keeping my messier art supplies scattered all over my desk just FEELS GOOD. It's such an invitation to KEEP showing up to express myself, and spend quality time with myself, and my dreams, in my journals.

So I am spending more and more quality time with myself.

And I am noticing that "first response" that wants to bury any doubt/fear/anxiety/depression that comes up and just power through.

Of course, sometimes I CAN just power through but...

I don't WANT TO.

I am NOTICING that response instead of just being right IN IT.

Now I want to sit with it, say "Oh sweetheart I'm sorry you feel this way! What do you need?" and take it from there.

This is growth.

If you want to work on this with me:

If I am growing feels good and encouraging, hold it with you today. Look at problems, questions, stucks and obstacles through this lens and see what ideas it brings.

If it brings up some discomfort - that’s your stuff to work on today. To do that work, in the creative dream incubator coaching membership we’ve got the un-sticking station and the library of inner work practices. If you’re not sure what practice to use, you can email me, or post in our forum, let me know what’s going on and I will make some suggestions for tools you can use.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I am growing Read More »

THIS. IS. HOLY.

NOTE: I am sharing a LOT of Un-Sticking work (inner work) this week! But don't worry about me, I promise I am not living in Stuckville as deeply as my posts show - good things are happening too!  I am working through a lot of STUFF and also starting to prep for a class I want to do called Your Self Doubt Is Not Yours, and I am looking more deeply at my own stucks, and how many of them are actually used by the toxic culture we live in, and not by my own failings and fears 😉 I an really excited to share this class with you, hopefully in September.

I am unbelievably stuck today.

I’ve tried everything, even several rounds of the Un-Sticking Station.

But here I am again, or still.

Hey, stuck.

The Un-Sticking Station itself is meeting me here. It’s some kind of temple, it feels holy.

My stuck is holy?

Yes, of course.

Hmmmm.

BE WITH IT. You keep resisting it.

I feel like you’re saying I am resisting my resistance? That doesn’t make sense.

Sure it does.

I want to do the things I want to do. I want to feel the ways I want to feel. My resistance, my stuck, my sadness, my fear - they are these heavy energies holding me back from this. I want them gone.

THEY. ARE. HOLY.

THIS. IS. HOLY.

WHERE YOU ARE IS HOLY.

I feel a wave of frustration.

GET INTO YOUR BODY.

Oh wow, I am so not in my body. I am barely even in my head - swirling around it.

I focus on my breathing.

Breathing deep.

Feeling my belly expand with each inhale.

I want to scream and cry.

I’m in a bad headspace.

What does this mean?

I am irritable.

It’s hard to focus.

 

And that's it. I left it at that, and worked on ACCEPTING that I wasn't able to focus in the ways I wanted to, TRUSTING that I won't always feel this way - and trying to take care of myself.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

THIS. IS. HOLY. Read More »

The Un-Sticking Station Brings Up More Questions Than Answers And The Process Is Completely Unfinished

NOTE: I am sharing a LOT of Un-Sticking work (inner work) this week! But don't worry about me, I promise I am not living in Stuckville as deeply as my posts show - good things are happening too!  I am working through a lot of STUFF and also starting to prep for a class I want to do called Your Self Doubt Is Not Yours, and I am looking more deeply at my own stucks, and how many of them are actually used by the toxic culture we live in, and not by my own failings and fears 😉 I am really excited to share this class with you, hopefully in September.

 

A lot of the times when I share my Un-Sticking Station sessions, there is a sense of completion at the end. Some progress or a way forward can be seen.

Today it's not like that.

Today's post is very disjointed but the is exactly how it was in my journal and this is how it is sometimes! Also, I did end up feeling much better about everything later in the day, so even though it all felt so unresolved, resolution was in process.

Today I'm too crabby to do this

Creative Dreaming takes an INCREDIBLE amount of optimism and belief that you can create a better future.

I don’t have it in me every day.

I am SO grateful that I have all of these practices and self care protocols for feeling my best - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

But IT’S A LOT.

Sometimes it feels like a full time job just to feel UP enough to do what I want to do.

It helps so much to have a practice, all the ways the practice becomes a container to hold the process really do work like magic…

AND…

Some days, for a lot of different reasons, it’s going to be really hard.

I’m there right now.

So I am taking this into the Un-Sticking Station.

Oh hey there, part of me who feels like it’s too hard to do anything at all, what’s up?

URGHS

Yeah, I feel that.

It’s vague, but I am starting to see her. She’s laying on a mattress with no bedding on it. Is that a reminder from my subconscious that I want to wash my sheets today, lol?

She’s got books and snacks around her but she’s just laying there.

Awww hun, what’s wrong? Are you not feeling well?

Well, kind of, but not like I’m sick. I’m just… I don’t know.

Yeah, I get it. And we all feel this way sometimes! But I wonder if you are aware that you’ve already had a few days to laze around?

What?

Yeah, you’ve been doing this for a few days, and not that there is a time limit or anything, but you know how a lot of the time, you need to get moving before you feel better? It feels like we’re at that kind of place. Like you’re waiting for something to change, but you actually have to change something.

Oh UGH. No thanks.

Yeah, I know. UGH! But like, I need you to know that I don’t feel good staying here… I feel crabby. I want to enjoy my life, not rot in bed.

I want to rot in bed. Just one more day?

My brain feels heavy, like it’s tired and can’t do it’s work.

There is this push/pull pattern I get into with resistance that I don’t like.

It feels like more than resistance, it feels like a nervous system freeze response. Like my brain and body really can’t function at their regular pace.

And I’ve been so gentle with self care to support my nervous system.

And then sometimes I just get frustrated with myself for not being where I want to be.

And so sad! Because I WAS THERE for a few weeks, and now I’m not.

 

What do I need, right now?

To cry.

To accept that I am where I am.

To have hope that I will do the things I want to do, even if I can’t do them today.

I feel waves of sadness.

What does my sadness need?

It needs the world to not be such a fucked up place.

It needs it to be cooler outside.

 

This needs to not be a FIGHT.

There is this “one part of me just wants to shut down and one part of me wants to be creative and happy” collision, it’s not quite a fight but it’s conflicting energies.

Can we co-exist?

I’ve been giving my tired self a lot of space the last few days, but I see now I’ve been doing that WITH THE ASSUMPTION that she would get her rest and then get it together.

How can we collaborate better?

 

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

The Un-Sticking Station Brings Up More Questions Than Answers And The Process Is Completely Unfinished Read More »

The Un-Sticking Station Brings Up Questions That Feel Too Big

This is from my journal from a few weeks ago:

The part of me who feels worthless is activated today.

This is so hard.

i’m using the Un-Sticking Station practice to meet with her.

She’s in this… land of tears is the phrase that comes to mind. Lots of icicles and icebergs.

But then sometimes the scene flips over to this really dry desert place.

She’s sitting on the ground, or an an iceberg.

Crying.

Alone.

And without hope.

I sit down in front of her and offer her flowers. Now the scene is staying pretty steady in the desert.

She asks: “Is loving myself enough? Can I really be the source of love?”

I just don’t see how it could be true that without external love and validation, we just shrivel up. And maybe it’s not the time to bring this up, but there are loads of sources of love. But also I am curious - why does self love seem like it’s not enough?

Suddenly, looking at her, the part of me who feels worthless, and I know that she is a great artist. Frida Kahlo vibes.

What if I haven’t been letting you be as majestic and amazing as you are because I was worried that no one would love me?

I don’t even know which part of me is speaking here but WHOA that feels like a good question.

Have I been trying to fit in in ways that betray my own truth, and has this minimized my creative potential, and has it also made it harder for the people who are really FOR ME, to find me?

Jesus.

These questions are landing.

BUT the part of me who feels worthless is no longer activated.

Like these questions are occupying her mind, and there is no space for wondering or worrying that she’s not good enough.

+++++++

As I move along this path of re-building my life after divorce, while starting a whole new decade.... and even though I FELT LIKE I WAS BEING ME all along, it feels like there are so many things I can shake off to BE MORE ME in how I live my life.

I feel more and more optimistic about my 50s being my best decade yet.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

The Un-Sticking Station Brings Up Questions That Feel Too Big Read More »

I release the obstacles

 

Note: this post is from my daily Creative Dream Practice and includes links to the tools I use which are a part of the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership. You need an active membership to access those tools. You are always welcome to join right here!

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: I release the obstacles.

Use the meditation for the weekly mantras to dig in deeper to the mantra, or put your hands on your heart and take five deep slow breaths and repeat to yourself:

I release the obstacles.

Notice where this lands in your body, what thoughts and feelings get sparked.

There is no right or wrong way to react. But your actual thoughts and feelings can tell you something about what you need right now.

My reaction: it feels a little magic, like sparkles around me and these that I CAN do this, but then it feels annoying.

Then I become fascinated with now much OBSTACLE WORK has been coming up for me lately.

And then I'm like - but Andrea, you know that THIS IS THE WORK. I mean - you can't have a dream without obstacles, and so of course working with obstacles is a big part of how you move forward and you've been moving forward!

RELEASE and WORK THROUGH are related, sometimes they are the same thing - but sometimes not.

If you can just let a thing go, then by all means let it go! But it's not always that simple....

But what if it was?

I'm going to try holding this perspective.

If you want to work on this with me:

If I release the obstacles feels good and encouraging, hold it with you today. Look at problems, questions, stucks and obstacles through this lens and see what ideas it brings.

If it brings up some discomfort - that’s your stuff to work on today. To do that work, in the creative dream incubator coaching membership we’ve got the un-sticking station and the library of inner work practices. If you’re not sure what practice to use, you can email me, or post in our forum, let me know what’s going on and I will make some suggestions for tools you can use.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I release the obstacles Read More »

My relationship with resistance is shifting

I’m thinking of what I shared yesterday about feeling worthy and receptive to my dreams, and how vulnerable that felt.

When I fist stated working with that door, which became a fence, which became a curtain, there was this sensation of resistance.

The resistance was “OMG NO. This is all too heavy. There are too many layers. You cannot explore this. It will be so painful but mostly, this is all so heavy, so old, and totally immovable. So why bother?”

And I blitzed right past that response, in a way.

I feel like I gave a quick “Yeah buddy, I see you, that’s rough, I’m sorry but I’m doing what I’m doing”

Resistance is a sensation for me now, where it used to be a brick wall.

This is a gift of this work and I want to acknowledge that.

While you’re IN IT, it’s hard to remember the gifts, and it’s hard to recognize how far you’ve come because you keep looking at what’s next.

But YOU’VE COME SO FAR.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

My relationship with resistance is shifting Read More »

You need to feel worthy + receptive to your dreams.

Some time back, in a meditation with my dream, my dream said:

YOU NEED TO FEEL WORTHY AND RECEPTIVE TO YOUR DREAMS.

And I was like “Well, I feel how I feel”

And my dream was like “NO! YOU NEED TO FEEL WORTHY AND RECEPTIVE TO YOUR DREAMS.”

And it felt like it waved a magic wand, and I suddenly ⚡️FELT⚡️ 100% worthy and receptive, just for a few seconds.

And then I saw it, how much that would change everything.

So I started working on it.

I divided it in 2: worthiness and receptivity and I did a group call on each - an alchemy meditation/community spell/healing circle where we could work on it together. (Membership members can get the replays here: worthiness | receptivity)

Worthiness is a constant underlying issue for me, maybe for most of us?

And receptivity can feel like so much work. Staying open is VULNERABLE AF.

But the two of them together are magic.

It’s monday morning, my schedule has been disrupted, so this is where I am starting today.

I’m not revisiting the meditations from those calls, just closing my eyes, taking a few breaths, and reflecting on what I have learned about feeling worthy and receptive to my dream.

My dream is there, as some kind of puffball with it’s hands on it’s hips, saying “GIRL! I know you know that there is no way to not be worthy of your dreams”

And I thought about how our dreams chose us, our dreams are our own soul showing us our path and so there isn’t any way we could not be worthy of that.

I thought about how our dreams show us OUR TRUTH.

And our culture works so hard to make us feel not enough so that it can sell us solutions, but also to keep us yearning to EARN enoughness - this keeps supremacist systems in place. And part of the nature of supremacist systems IS that sense of not being enough. Even when you’re at the top, you feel unworthy and afraid of losing it… it’s the nature of living in a culture that doesn’t affirm our worth. It’s a distortion.

So FEELING WORTHY is not about boosting yourself up to be declared “good enough”

It’s about recognizing an inherent truth.

This lands for me today…

But receptivity?

I feel a tiny door in my heart shut.

I give it a hug.

“Oh sweetheart, I can see why you would be afraid of this dream”

The door is now just a fence. And it’s crying.

Tell me what’s going on.

It’s so scary and overwhelming!

Oh yeah I know! Tell me more!

I’m so lucky to have what I have, asking for more feels greedy and like… what if that makes it fall apart? What if that destroys everything?

Yeah, that’s a big fear to hold. I’m so sorry you are carrying that. Do you want to try to put it down?

PUT IT DOWN??! WTF?

Well, actually, yeah. Put it down. Like, recognize that I am going after this so maybe just put the fear down?

Ummm, this is some shitty tough love. I don’t like it.

OK yeah, I usually have more patience and compassion when doing this work. It’s just - well, today my schedule is disrupted and I don’t have a lot of time…

So you’re trying to RUSH THE INNER WORK?

This little fence around my heart is incredulous.

Ummm, yeah I guess I was. I was hoping you would see how worthy we are of this dream, and how it helps us be more in alignment with our truth, and just… put it down.

The fence seems to hold onto the fear tighter.

Receptivity is so vulnerable.

I sit with this. The rest of my body does feel open and receptive.

I ask the fence “Do you feel worthy of this dream?”

It gets all shy.

Yeah, I know this confronts a lot of deep stuff. And I’m so sorry I tried to rush you. Your feelings are valid and I am so grateful that you share them with me. I want to know what’s going on with you!

Thank you. It’s just all a bit much right now.

OK, well I am not going to rush you. How can I help you?

The fence turns into a curtain, like a luscious velvet curtain.

I add: Also, I am so grateful that you are protecting my precious heart! You are so important!

The curtain swishes and sways.

We need to keep talking though, protecting my precious heart is about discernment, and sure - in the middle of a divorce it’s easy to think “Maybe I shouldn’t have married that person, maybe I shouldn’t have believed in that particular dream and so I will be very cautious about believing in other dreams” but that’s not how we want to be. And maybe the divorce is a good example of how a dream can fall apart AND I CAN BE OK. I can re-build even better…

The curtain perks up.

Yeah! You can feel that, right?

Oh wow it feels safe to dream.

There it is!

The curtain opens. My heart is there. Open and receptive.

Thank you curtain, and listen - when there is danger, you can close. You can turn back into a fence, a door, a huge impenetrable wall… you can become as protective as you need to. I don’t want to destroy you, I only want to practice discernment with you, and let the things in that are right for us. And this dream, this is right for us.

I am holding this today, the way it feels SO TENDER to be receptive to my dreams.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

You need to feel worthy + receptive to your dreams. Read More »

The path won’t always be what you think it should be

The Dream Lab Playbook!

Two recent meditations from the Dream Lab:

(The Dream Lab is one of the things I use as an almost-daily practice)

First one: My dream shows up as this burst of expansion which is like wings in my heart that stretch out.

There is this “reaching out” sensation but also a sensation of “rooting in” and being more who I am.

The internet has been broken in my home since the weekend. (Yeah I wrote this one last week, it’s fixed now!!) What it felt in the meditation is… THIS IS GOOD. Re-wiring myself to be more wired to myself, less wired to look outside of me for distractions.

And it felt like divine timing.

Creative projects are calling.

Creative GROWTH is calling.

And it feels like - rooting more deeply inside myself is how I help EXPAND into my dream at this time.

Second one: My dream shows up as a sacred crown being placed on my head.

And suddenly I am radiant and IN my own radiance.

I feel so calm and peaceful and sure.

My dream is my growth, my creativity, my healing. It’s an in me, I GOT THIS.

Often when I share my Dream Labs they are more focused and helpful, I am sharing how much this can help me in a practical sense.

But lately it’s just… vibes, lol.

Which IS, in a practical sense, what I need. But it doesn’t feel like the clarity of “ok go do this” that I sometimes get from this work.

It’s always shifting.

We’re never doing it wrong.

Just keep showing up.

There are three paths to making your dream happen.

The outer work, the practical stuff and measurable progress is only 1/3 of the process.

The inner work, the ways we confront the places where we hold back is also 1/3 of the process.

Then the dream work, the ways we grow more into who we really are, accept and nurture our gifts, is also 1/3.

Literally just sitting here, feeling this sacred crown on my head, radiating my own magic - this is the work. Sometimes. Doing these practices DOES shift how we see things, DOES bring in new ideas, and DOES impact the outer steps we take, so that we can see more of that measurable progress we all like so much.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

The path won’t always be what you think it should be Read More »

My time is now

Note: this post is from my daily Creative Dream Practice and includes links to the tools I use which are a part of the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership. You need an active membership to access those tools. You are always welcome to join right here!

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: My time is now.

Use the meditation for the weekly mantras to dig in deeper to the mantra, or put your hands on your heart and take five deep slow breaths and repeat to yourself:

My time is now.

Notice where this lands in your body, what thoughts and feelings get sparked.

There is no right or wrong way to react. But your actual thoughts and feelings can tell you something about what you need right now.

My reaction: This one brings me into the present in a way that feels grounding and expansive.

I LOVE feeling simultaneously grounded and expanded. Like I am stable and supported enough to reach out and grow.

I don’t have a lot to say about this one, I am just really enjoying this sensation.

I look forward to keeping this one on my mind this week.

If you want to work on this with me:

If My time is now feels good and encouraging, hold it with you today. Look at problems, questions, stucks and obstacles through this lens and see what ideas it brings.

If it brings up some discomfort - that’s your stuff to work on today. To do that work, in the creative dream incubator coaching membership we’ve got the un-sticking station and the library of inner work practices. If you’re not sure what practice to use, you can email me, or post in our forum, let me know what’s going on and I will make some suggestions for tools you can use.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

My time is now Read More »

Intention is so scary and you are so magic.

Dream Book is a way of journaling that gets you to your dream.

It works.

And that’s why I avoid my Dream Book all the time, lol.

There are lots of reasons for this but what I am noticing right now is that this way of working with intention is so powerful that it becomes frightening.

All of the “what ifs” and doubts and uncomfortable questions and AM I REALLY READY FOR THIS? are RIGHT THERE. In my face. Facing it all IS the way through...

And resistance offers this comfy little cave to hide in. And who wouldn’t choose comfy over uncomfy?

But the time spent “hiding out” in resistance isn’t really wasted.

Stuff is incubating, processing beneath the surface.

Just getting the Dream Book out, looking at the table of contents, looking at the checklist of Dream Book lessons, figuring out where you are in it IS a way of engaging with your intentions.

The thing that comes up in response to that - a feeling, a discomfort, an idea… that’s the thing to focus on. That’s your next step.

So, for the last while, being in resistance WAS my next step.

Can I trust that I was doing my best to show up? Can I trust that things were working through beneath the surface?

I don't know.

I declared that in 2024 I am exploring my resistance and boy does it keep showing up.

But I DO know that now, in the last few weeks, I am opening my Dream Book and working in it much more regularly and it feels like MAGIC.

When I have a question, I make a page for it.... And within days I have an answer OR the start of an answer OR a new idea for how to get the answer.

This is a miracle!

The other day I made a new Dream Self page.

That's the one pictured above. When I look at my drawing, I don't see the scribbly mess that is there, I see HOW IT FELT in the meditation. I see magic. Drawing it out, even if you "can't draw" is so helpful! Try it!

The big thing that is different between her and me is that her heart is deeply rooted.

And this deeply rooted heart changes how she does things.

Most notably: she has entirely different boundaries around being overwhelmed. If there is a spectrum from completely debilitated by overwhelm to completely plugged into my inner magic and not at all overwhelmed, she lives on an entirely different part of the spectrum than I do.

I have struggled with overwhelm always, but especially since 2020.

And it seems like she doesn't struggle with it, not because she has better TOOLS but because she has better BOUNDARIES. (As far as I can tell, she uses all the same tools as me!)

This is such a cool thing to notice and explore.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Intention is so scary and you are so magic. Read More »

A love letter to my broken internet

It’s been a week and a half with no internet in my home!

Hopefully it will be fixed soon (all I know is that the technician is backed up and is getting to everyone in the order that they received our calls and I just have to wait) because running an internet business with no internet is awkward. (

And I found out I can’t add more data to my phone plan like I used to be able to! It’s just a $50 surcharge and then it’s cut off until next month. Yikes)

But on the other hand, not having internet in my home is magical.

Of course, I learned just how much I have been using the internet to distract me from the discomfort of divorce, and the state of the world, and my peri-menopause anxiety, and the stress of running a business about believing in a better future while the world is collapsing into chaos around us.

It did feel like what I assume a mild version of withdrawal feels like.

It did feel like “Wow, without my internet fix, this shit is really hard to deal with!”

AND ALSO

I’m so glad I am facing this all more directly.

I did say that 2024 I am doing this year-long project of exploring my resistance and that’s… well resisting exploring resistance is a part of exploring resistance, right?

But I did learn a lot more about how my resistance works this last almost-two-weeks.

And I got to spend more time in my… I don’t know what to call it.. state-of-being-more-connected-to-myself-than-to-wifi I guess.

After the stress of figuring out how to do my work, and the discomfort of re-arranging my work flow (not a small thing!) it was like this sense of magic and freedom opened up. All these chunks of time, alone at home, with no way of communication with the outside world, except the few people I text with.

It just feels like - this is what I need, as an artist.

And when I look at all of the stressors in my life right now: processing my divorce, re-gaining a sense of financial stability as a single person and with nightmare inflation and being self employed on the internet while the algorithms keep changing and culture keeps changing and everything that used to work doesn’t work….

Well, art is the answer to everything.

(For me, right now)

Art as a way of listening to my soul.

Art as a way of finding my truth.

And space without wifi does feel like a more creative space.

And once my internet is fixed, I want to hold onto this state-of-being-more-connected-to-myself-than-to-wifi.

I’m grateful it is taking soooo looooong for this to be fixed because this gives me a chance to get INTO IT.

I’m adding a page to my Dream Book about this version of me who STAYS in the state-of-being-more-connected-to-myself-than-to-wifi. To learn more about her and how to stay in this once the wifi is working again. 

I am embarrassed about this but I think this is the breakthrough I’ve been waiting for.

I’ve been wanting to be deeper in my creative process. More connected to my inner truth. Like living IN my magic in a more potent way.

I'm embarrassed that I didn't just notice that the internet was getting in the way of my process... I'm embarrassed because it took my internet breaking for me to do this.

But OF COURSE I've been in more resistance that I realize. I’m just in an overwhelming stage of life where it’s easy for resistance to kind of swoop in and take me away.

So, this experience of having my internet break gave me what I needed.

And (especially since I have established routines around getting to wifi twice a day, and have re-structured how I work so that I am not constantly feeling stressed and behind on everything) I feel patient about continuing to wait for this technician...

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

A love letter to my broken internet Read More »

Self-coaching journal prompts for when you’re ready to really DO THE THING

My coaching style is VALIDATION FIRST. ENCOURAGEMENT ALWAYS. Let’s find the absolute gentlest way for you to make the thing happen.

I am not an “ass kicking” kind of coach.

AND...

Sometimes the most validating and affirming thing you can do is face the thing you least want to face.

SO: Let’s talk about all the things you are NOT doing that you know you should be doing, if you want to get the results you want.

I know! This is brutal.

But your future self will thank you.

Self-coaching journal prompts for when you’re ready to really DO THE THING:

1. List the things that you are NOT doing that you know you should be doing, if you want to get the results you want.

No excuses, no stories, no leaving anything off this list. Just write them all out.

2. Once you have that list, for each thing: write beside it how it feels to acknowledge that you think you should do this thing to get what you want, and yet you are not doing it.

3. As you do this, notice the resistance, excuses, stories, etc, that come to mind.

4. What’s the truth?

I would bet that it’s NOT true that you SHOULD be doing ALL of these things.

But avoiding the reason why you’re not doing them makes you stuck.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Self-coaching journal prompts for when you’re ready to really DO THE THING Read More »

I am wiling to get uncomfortable in service to my dreams

Note: this post is from my daily Creative Dream Practice and includes links to the tools I use which are a part of the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership. You need an active membership to access those tools. You are always welcome to join right here!

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: I am willing to get uncomfortable in service to my dream.

Use the meditation for the weekly mantras to dig in deeper to the mantra, or put your hands on your heart and take five deep slow breaths and repeat to yourself:

I am willing to get uncomfortable in service to my dream

Notice where this lands in your body, what thoughts and feelings get sparked.

There is no right or wrong way to react. But your actual thoughts and feelings can tell you something about what you need right now.

My response: Ha ha HA!!!

I’ve now gone a whole week without internet in my home.

I used up my cell data before the internet was completely out, when it was just dropping a lot and I decided to tether my laptop to my phone for Zoom… ASSuming that I could just buy more data if I ran out.

The my internet stopped working completely and I found out that it’s some complicated thing that needs a technician who is backed up and I just have to wait my turn. Then I found out my phone plan doesn’t allow me to buy more data, I just get a $50 overage charge and it’s cut off until the next month.

Not a disaster or anything but definitely uncomfortable for a person who runs an internet business.

BUT I already go to coffee shops, or the park, in the mornings, and both places have wi-fi. My sister and parents volunteered their homes for doing Zooms call and any other item eI need wifi. I discovered the coffee shop next door to me doesn’t turn off their wifi when they close at night so I could walk over and check email standing on the sidewalk in the evenings. 

But I couldn’t be at home, and work the way I usually work. I did stuff and saved up my “needs wi-fi” tasks and then would go do them all at once.

And I couldn’t scroll. Or watch something on Netflix. And I discovered how much I’ve been using scrolling and Netflix to distract myself from my divorce.

So yes, my path has had some discomfort on it this week and this mantra makes me LAUGH.

Because I’ve been more focused on the opposite, letting my comfort matter.

Is it this way with every mantra? That we need to find the right BALANCE that works in the moment?

I’m already somewhat overwhelmed with the divorce and effort of re-building my life. I had really brutal week of whatcall the “Perimenopause monster PMS”.

And then suddenly I had this extra discomfort of not being able to do my work the way I am used to doing my work. 

And I was trying to keep up with the reels I’ve been posting on social media. I was sitting in the library, and Instagram was being weird, which it often is, but I couldn’t get my captions to display right and usually what I do in these cases is delete it and start over but I’m in a library and don’t want to keep talking to record it and everything felt too hard and I was like…

Stop.

Just be with how you are. You are not in a place to put reels on Instagram every day. It doesn’t matter.

I was trying to hold myself accountable for my goals and was it just last week that I wrote this post about “don’t be an asshole to yourself in the name of accountability” and there I was kind of being an asshole to myself.

So yes I am willing to get uncomfortable in service to my dreams, in the ways that we do have to face the hard things…. AND...

I am willing to bring comfort into the process by whatever means I can access!

If that means slowing down and giving myself more time or making my steps smaller and less stressful or asking for help or… whatever means I can access!

This is so important on both sides. Avoiding the discomfort of the hard stuff does keep us stuck. But not tending to our tender selves in the process is destructive to all parts of us.

If you want to work on this with me:

If I am willing to get uncomfortable in service to my dream feels good and encouraging, hold it with you today. Look at problems, questions, stucks and obstacles through this lens and see what ideas it brings.

If it brings up some discomfort - that’s your stuff to work on today. To do that work, in the creative dream incubator coaching membership we’ve got the un-sticking station and the library of inner work practices. If you’re not sure what practice to use, you can email me, or post in our forum, let me know what’s going on and I will make some suggestions for tools you can use.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I am wiling to get uncomfortable in service to my dreams Read More »

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