This is from about 3 weeks ago, I just found it in my notes and realized I hadn't shared it.
There are two things that I have identified as next steps that are easy for me to do today.
I am not doing them.
I journaled about it and found… I am not doing them because I want to jump out of my skin.
I keep distracting myself from these tasks not because I don’t want to do the tasks, but because world events have me on edge, and in order to do these tasks I need to be present and that feels too hard.
So I need to sit with this “I want to jump out of my skin” sensation.
Bringing it into the Un-Sticking Station - it shows up as ants in my pants, lol.
So, hey there, I Want To Jump Out Of My Skin, I find it hard to sit with you but I am going to try.
I Want To Jump Out Of My Skin is no longer ants in my pants, it is a sobbing child me. She’s terrified and I wrap her up in a hug.
I’m so sorry all of this is happening. It’s terrifying. This madman is threatening to take over our country and there isn’t anyone out there to save us. It’s like no one knows how to handle him. I’m so terrified of the big picture, the impact this will have on the most vulnerable people and the impact on the climate because he wants to extract everything he can from our beautiful country. And of course I worry about my own livelihood, how can I make a living inside a trade war?
And I feel stuck in a freeze response.
I hug the little girl tighter and then realize… this is not her problem. Like, I need to be my grown-up self and keep my grown-up self in the driver’s seat.
I try to bring myself into the present.
I hum. This is a good quick nervous system reset.
My strategy for these times has been Epic Self Care. Nutrient dense meal prepping every week so it’s easy to be nourished. 1 hour walking every day minimum. Playing music I like to dance to so I dance around the house. Remembering to drink enough water. Yoga. Early bed time. I stocked up on sleepy gummies to use when needed. Journaling, art making and processing. Being consistent about making plans with friends.
It’s like… I am doing ALL THE THINGS and they are not enough.
Suddenly I feel a sense of spaciousness.
I have space to take care of myself. This is something to be SO grateful for.
We are going to respond. We as in Canadians. Trudeau has been looking alive again and making great speeches. Individual Canadians are intensely getting into buying Canadian, and realizing how much we DON’T buy Canadian in general. Like so many of our Canadian brands have been bought by American companies but we still think of them as Canadian.
In some ways, world events can help us see the shadows and make positive changes.
OMG did I just find something to be grateful for about the trade war?
OK this is good! I feel like I am starting to stay present instead of getting overwhelmed and having freaked out inner children take over.
Now - these two tasks - can I do them?
I want to go have lunch. Am I really hungry or is this another distraction? Probably both.
There is a question emerging here: How do I hold the stress of the world when it’s really falling on me AND do the work I feel inspired to do?
I feel like the decision to prioritize art making in my daily life is a big part. SPACE TO PROCESS. Which I haven’t really had today because I have been making more space for distracting myself than processing.
Well that’s a clue!!!
As I said, this is from about 3 weeks ago.
So I have been working on that part... when I notice myself distracting myself I make art instead.
I don't always have the energy for that, so I am also looking for some simpler craft projects to have at-the-ready.
But, by stretching out my art/meditation/journal practice in the mornings I am so much less stuck! I am moving slow AND getting tasks done!
I am not "trying to stay positive" about the state of the world. I am focusing on all the good I am seeing, the ways people are coming together and thinking about the big picture - all life is sacred. Fascism, destruction and greed can't win in the long term. I want to believe in us!!
The Year of Hope project is helping - PRACTICING being more hopeful and processing all the stuff that comes up in the process.
It's not easy but I'm doing it.

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