healing

I’ve wandered too deep into the inner work

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I often talk about how, when I first started my business, I had to have daily un-sticking stations with my fear that I couldn’t do this.

Our dreams are TERRIFYING sometimes.

And it can feel impossible to engage with a thing that terrifies us.

But we know that NOT engaging will destroy the dream.

So we can feel stuck there.

And I share my story often as a way to hopefully encourage people that - yes, you can keep showing up with ALL of you. The parts that are terrified AND the parts that want the dream.

And as we know, ignoring/avoiding something because it scares you means you are letting your fear run your life. This won’t lead anywhere good.

I feel like I’m back in that place sometimes now.

Divorce is brutal. Some days I feel so sure of the new life I am creating and I am enjoying the freedom of it. Some days I feel like all of my solid ground is gone and I just don’t know what to do.

I found this in my journal:

I think I have wandered too deep into the inner work.

I’m terrified.

That's a valid way to feel.

Our creative dreams (and recovering from divorce and building a new life IS a creative dream!) do ask us to look at our STUFF.

And that can be terrifying,

And we get stop, and say "This is terrifying" and then take care of ourselves.

This is part of the work too.

It's not all about BUSTING THROUGH this stuff.

At each step, you know what you need. Sometimes you need epic self care to soothe the things that get stirred up. Sometimes you need to take brave steps.

Always you need to listen to what feels true and right for you right now.

Come dream with us

 

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I’ve wandered too deep into the inner work Read More »

Finding that thing I need next

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Last week I was sharing the process of getting back into my Dream Book, and how terrifying and vulnerable it was to check in with my process in this way.

Then on the weekend I took my Dream Book out for coffee and…

It was easy.

I opened it up and I KNEW WHAT I NEEDED TO DO NEXT. Which is exactly the point of Dream Book.

I saw this mess of ideas.... so I organized then into a LIST.

This felt like a bonafide miracle.

Because A LIST is something I can work with, and for so long I’ve just had… ideas floating around.

And, of course, the feelings that got sparked by the ideas which were so uncomfortable they made it hard to see the ideas clearly enough to be able to act on them....

BUT THIS IS A PART OF THE PROCESS.

I really want to normalize all of this stuff.

The ways we feel like we’re failing when really we’re doing next-level stuff and none of it is straightforward and the process is not linear and we’re all actually doing amazing because WE’RE STILL HERE WORKING AT IT.

The way sitting with your thoughts about what to do next can make you cry in frustration because none of them feel do-able.

The way your own ideas can scare you!

That's all a part of it...

I feel SO RELIEVED to be in this place this morning of having some clarity about my next steps… but this is not a BETTER place to be than where I was when I felt lost.

It’s ALL a part of it, we can’t skip some parts.

Feeling lost and frustrated, making space for those reactions... I don't LIKE these parts, but I know they are inevitable for this work because our dreams push us beyond what we know, they ask us to heal and grow beyond our comfort zone and the only way to stay comfortable all the time is to stay crouched inside our comfort zones.

So if you feel lost right now, please pat yourself on the back. It means you’re growing beyond what you know. You can’t get lost if you stay where you’ve always been.

Come dream with us

 

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Finding that thing I need next Read More »

My dream is a snake queen

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I met with my dream this morning (in the Dream Lab) and it was so unusal.

My dream showed up as a golden treasure chest, with a golden snake coming out of it - like standing upright on it’s tail. A very tall snake, wearing a golden crown.

It felt esoteric and powerful and it made me feel like a queen.

And I had no clue what to do with it. So I just meditated, holding this image in my mind.

Sometimes working with our dream we are acclimating to it in ways we don’t consciously understand. Receiving images and ideas from our own consciousness is a part of this work, even when we have no clue what is happening.

Unless you feel really inspired to look up a meaning, I don’t think it’s necessary. You are digesting it somewhere inside you.

Remember there are three paths to making a dream real and you need to go down all three.

Dream Work. Inner Work. Outer Work. (from Creative Dream Alchemy)

Outer Work is pretty logical/linear - I mean NOT completely at all. But there is a solidity to it. You can see things happening.

Dream Work is the opposite. And it can feel like nothing is happening when everything is happening.

Come dream with us

 

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My dream is a snake queen Read More »

Nothing can stop me

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: Nothing can stop me.

Put your hands on your heart and take five deep slow breaths and repeat to yourself:

Nothing can stop me.

Notice where this lands in your body, what thoughts and feelings get sparked.

There is no right or wrong way to react. But your actual thoughts and feelings can tell you something about what you need right now.

At first, I think about all the things that CAN stop me.

This mantra feels objectively untrue.

But then I remember that this morning when I was looking through things I noticed that I self published The Creative Dream Playbook at the end of October 2023.

One month after my husband very suddenly left me. Two weeks after my step-son went into the hospital and the doctors were saying we would likely not make it. (Though now, seven months later, he's out of the hospital and doing well!)

I didn't write and do the artwork for the whole journal in October! But I did self publish it, as in ALL BY MYSELF which is a really big deal. It was a lot of steps to take, most of them VERY annoying, and even with all of that stress and grief, I got them all done.

So now I'm like... maybe nothing can stop me?

If NOTHING CAN STOP ME feels good and encouraging, hold it with you today.

If it brings up some discomfort - that’s your stuff to work on today.

To do that work, in the creative dream incubator coaching membership we’ve got the un-sticking station and the library of inner work practices. If you’re not sure what practice to use, you can email me, or post in our forum, let me know what’s going on and I will make some suggestions for tools you can use.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

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Nothing can stop me Read More »

Following Through

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In last week’s Dream Status Report (the ones I post here every Friday) the message I got from my dream was… to bring a MAJESTIC quality to my work with my dream.

This felt amazing in the meditation.

And I don’t know how to translate this into anything outside of the meditation.

This happens sometimes with these alchemy meditations! It doesn’t mean something is wrong, it’s just a thing to explore.

When I think majesty I think royalty and this is not something I have positive associations with.

But I know my dream is not about that - ruling over people and amassing wealth for yourself.

It means majesty as in…. well it’s a feeling, I can’t describe it. And that’s a part of the problem…

I just looked up the definition. Removing all definitions associated with royalty we have:

impressive stateliness, dignity, or beauty. "experience the majesty of the Rockies"

Ohhhhhh.

That strikes a chord about VALUING myself and my work.

I talk a lot about the vulnerability of pursing a dream.

What about the DIGNITY of it?

This is good stuff to bring into my practice.

Come dream with us

 

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Following Through Read More »

When I connect with my dream, I feel lost

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Today my practice is WEIRD:

When I connect with my dream and it's like “Yeah that would nice but I have no flipping clue what to DO”

And this response actually leads to so much emotional distress.

This is why, culturally, we belittle dreams and dreamers. To avoid being in that emotional distress.

It's sad that most people believe that it’s “just a fantasy” when you have no clue what to do….

Because actually it’s an alchemical invitation.

Answering the call of the dream will change YOU, not just your life.

It only STARTS with not having any flipping clue what to do, you can either use that as a sign to give up, or as an opportunity to go deeper.

But that is not the post I meant to write today. That just kind of came out...

What I meant to write is that today:

I'm trying to use the Dream Lab to connect with my dream, I can’t quite do it.

I feel lost and I don’t know what to do. Not knowing what to do leaves me feeling helpless and scared that I will NEVER figure out what to do.

But if one of you who is doing Dream Book said this to me, I would first remind you that this is ok, this is a part of the process and doesn’t meant you are doing anything wrong or that your dream has died or anything.

And then I would ask “Where are you, in Dream Book? What’s the last thing you were working on?”

Well, as I shared yesterday, I had started that page about deserving to believe in myself and my dreams.

Then I would ask “How would it feel to keep working on that? Or would you rather look at what the next thing on the list is? Or is there a page you’ve already done that would be good to revisit?” At this point I would ask different questions depend on the specifics of their dream.

For me, in my specific situation I would say “You need a projects page with just the (current and potential) projects that relate to this particular dream. Let’s get them all on one page and then we can take a look at “I don’t know what to do”.

I start to resist this advice because I have everything organized in my project management app.

But I know what I would say to me, lol.

"You FEEL lost. This doesn’t mean you ARE lost. But writing it BY HAND and taking the time to think about everything as you write it in gives you a chance to process, and see it all from a different perspective."

Your dream is NOT a to do list!!!!

A project management app is great, and vital even for what I am doing, but there is ALSO an alchemical aspect to this that gets missed in there.

You need to put this in the Dream Book, too. It will look/feel different in there.

Feeling lost about your dream is an INVITATION to go deeper.

Come dream with us

 

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When I connect with my dream, I feel lost Read More »

I started my new Dream Book

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I’ve got my brand new metallic gold Leuchtterm 1917 brand “master slim” journal.

(One of our members emailed me that this one was on sale on the Canadian site, in the metallic colours and I LOVE a gold journal! and I didn’t think I needed a new one but it turns out I did, lol)

I am starting a brand new Dream Book.

Yes, I’ve been starting and re-starting Dream Book since fall. Between the sudden separation/divorce and my step-son being in a life-threatening situation, it’s been hard to hold onto my dreams.

And my dreams changed… over fall and winter I was dreaming of “a healing liminal space” and then when spring arrived I felt a little lost… ready to not be so much IN the healing but also… where am I now? What do I want?

Starting and re-starting Dream Book IS GOOD. It’s like this churning process for working through things.

This is not a race! It’s an entirely non-linear process.

Though I have parts of me who are like “Jesus Andrea, you are the teacher! Get it together! You should be able to move through the program!” and I laugh and say “Clearly I am the teacher and not YOU because if you understood Dream Book at all you would know I am doing it perfectly”

I am in the process, no matter what it looks like. (So are you!)

Though, parts of me DO feel satisfied to see I am making some kind of measurable progress with this new journal starting to look like “a Dream Book”.

BUT, filling in the first page, the Dream Page, I had this wave of… Do I deserve this?

And I could explain all the reasons why YES WE ALL DESERVE IT and I thought about making a page with all of those reasons but instead I did this:

I made a page just for writing: I deserve to believe in my dreams. I deserve to believe in myself. I am writing it over and over, in bubble letters, which take me some time to write.

So it’s this very slow, meditative thing and I love it. Writing something over and over is a great way to process. You can shift your beliefs this way - just make sure to BE WITH the thoughts and feeling that come up, don’t just try to force yourself to “be positive”.

Come dream with us

 

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I started my new Dream Book Read More »

The whole universe supports my dreams

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: The whole universe supports my dreams.

I recorded a video of this post - I'll be sharing it on Instagram this morning, if you'd like to listen to me say it 🙂

Put your hands on your heart and take five deep slow breaths and listen to me.

The whole universe supports your dreams.

Notice where this lands in your body, what thoughts and feelings get sparked.

There is no right or wrong way to react. But your actual thoughts and feelings can tell you something about what you need right now.

It’s so easy to feel like the world is against your dreams and in a lot of ways - it is. Extractive capitalism based on white supremacist values, especially the late stage capitalism we’ve been sliding into since the 80s, absolutely is against a lot of your dreams.

But the culture we currently live in is not the universe.

The whole universe supports your dreams.

Your dreams are a part of you. They are a part of your authenticity, your purpose and potential. They are not things outside of you to chase, they are your own soul shining a light on the path.

This is what you are here for.

The whole universe supports your dreams.

If that feels good and encouraging, hold it with you today.

If it brings up some discomfort - that’s your stuff to work on today.

To do that work, in the creative dream incubator coaching membership we’ve got the un-sticking station and the library of inner work practices. If you’re not sure what practice to use, you can email me, or post in our forum, let me know what’s going on and I will make some suggestions for tools you can use.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

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The whole universe supports my dreams Read More »

ALL of your dreams deserve support

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+++++++++++

The majority of people who pay for coaching are using coaching for their business goals.

It makes sense - it’s an investment on your own income so you’re likely to get that money back, and more.

BUT

It also feeds into the capitalist machine, to only invest in the parts of you that make money.

And it skews the ways we grow as people, to focus so much on the parts of us that are profitable under our current system. (Just think! If we had different political and economic systems different parts of us might be more profitable!)

But no matter how you look at it - the parts of you that are profitable actually aren’t more relevant than your unprofitable parts.

ALL parts of you are worthy of support.

ALL of your dreams are worthy of support.

And I know how hard this is, in this economy! My husband left me very suddenly, during record inflation, right when my mortgage and condo feels also increased dramatically - and my cost of living tripled overnight. I get it.

AND

If we only invest in the dreams and ideas that seem profitable… who do we become?

And as our political and economic systems are falling apart… which parts of us can be a part of building better systems for the future?

And most importantly: WHAT MAKES ME REALLY FEEL ALIVE AND HOW DO I BRING MORE OF THIS INTO MY DAYS?

Just a few things I’ve been pondering, as I’ve been working on creative and activist projects that have nothing to do with my work. I am SO LUCKY to do work that does make me feel alive and feels meaningful and magical… but still, work can’t be my WHOLE THING.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

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ALL of your dreams deserve support Read More »

The posts I share here are biased

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+++++++++++

 

Some days I do my Creative Dream Practice, I meet my dream and journal and meditate and feel in alignment…

and then I just go my stuff.

I don’t write a post to share about it because there's not much to say.

It’s the days when I feel lost that I write more, because writing helps me find my way through AND I feel we need to normalize that we feel stuck OFTEN on the way to a dream. And that FEELING stuck is fine - just keep showing up and working with it.

So, don’t worry about me!

I’m sharing a lot of the harder stuff because I think this is more valuable to share. I'm actually having lots of good, creative days 🙂

With that said, here’s today’s post:

I just feel heavy and foggy today. I had a bike ride and coffee and journaling and I can’t shake this feeling.

So, taking heavy foggy into the Un-Sticking Station:

It shows up right away and says: I’m not heavy or foggy I am sad.

Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry. Here, let’s get you a cushy blanket and some tea and cookies. A big pillow to lean on. There’s so much to be sad about, this is so valid.

My sad self bursts into tears. I offer her Kleenex.

What can I do?

I kind of want to pull you under here, you know? Let’s just BE SAD ALL DAY.

OK, that feels like resistance speaking, not sadness.

I know, right? Interesting.

Can I talk to JUST sadness, with no resistance hiding behind it?

Hmmmm, sadness WITHOUT resistance. That’s interesting.

Are you able to separate yourself from resistance?

Resistance seems to LOVE to glom on to sadness and use it, like a curtain to hide behind.

That is interesting. AND annoying because right now I can’t separate them.

Sadness, do you want me to do these things I wanted to do today?

Oh yeah, I do. I think that doing these things help us not be sad.

And then there is this little whisper of “But it’s too hard, let’s not do it today”

Which invites the question: Are things harder for me to sort through because of the divorce OR are my life-long companions, resistance and self-doubt, using the divorce as a diversion, so they can take over?

Probably both.

Also, does it matter?

Come dream with us

 

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The posts I share here are biased Read More »

The Waves

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+++++++++++

 

I’m having a lot of WAVES lately.

Times when I feel so sure. Like, SO SURE. Completely confident that everything is going to work out like I am hoping it will. Super brave and clear-headed and focused and getting things done.

And then times when I feel so unsure. Like, SO FUCKING PAINFULLY SURE that it’s all going to fall apart and my life is over.

Sometimes I get caught in that undercurrent that it’s all bound to fail.

And sometimes I say “Oh honey, I’m so sorry you are feeling this way, even though yes of course you feel this way. Creative dreaming is such a brave way to live your life and it gets scary sometimes! So what can we do to help you feel better?”

THIS. IS. THE. PROCESS.

When we feel like SOMETHING IS WRONG when we feel this way - we shut down the process.

Everyone has these feelings.

Allowing them to come to the surface allows us to understand these parts of us better. It brings shadows out into the open.

In the open, we can heal and change and grow.

In the shadows, very little change is possible.

So, these intense waves I’ve been feeling are because I’m in such an intense time of growth.

They are a part of it.

So I am really trying to EMBRACE them.

Yes, sometimes I end up take over by them and that’s really uncomfortable.

AND if I can stay in the process - I can learn, shift perspectives, heal and grow.

This is the work.

I’m doing it.

(Reminder to self 😉

Come dream with us

 

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The Waves Read More »

I am already perfect, whole and complete.

creative dream mantra: I am already perfect, whole and complete

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: I am already perfect, whole and complete.

Oh yes. Breathing this one in.

Creative visionaries can always see WHAT'S NEXT. We're always growing and looking at MORE growth.

This is so beautiful. AND. We need to stop looking towards the future and looking towards more, turn around, and notice just how beautiful and perfect we already are, right here where we are.

Creating dreaming IS NOT SELF IMPROVEMENT.

It is self actualization.

There is nothing to fix. There is always more to explore and create.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

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I am already perfect, whole and complete. Read More »

Self Coaching

At therapy last week I asked my therapist for help with something - something that is just feeling stuck and I am not sure what to do with it.

And she tossed it right back at me, lol.

She said “I think you have a lot of practices with your work, that work for this kind of thing. And usually when you feel stuck you make a commitment to show up and be with it every day until you work through it.”

She’s right. The times when I’ve been the most stuck, or wanted to make a big change that felt out of reach - I do a daily coaching session with myself. And I commit to keep doing the daily coaching until I reach a certain goal.

I am starting a new journal, and starting fresh with Dream Book, which is what I’ll do as the “self coaching”.

I feel so excited about keeping this up over the summer, when the early mornings are warm enough to bring a smoothie and an iced coffee to the park for journaling.

It’s so interesting to me that I was struggling SO HARD about getting into my Dream Book earlier this week, and now I am dreaming of making more space for it in my morning routines.

Like - I can't really explain how this LIGHTS ME UP to think of a summer of "Dream Book picnics" to start my day. I'm thinking of the different parks I'll go to. Wondering if I need to get new art supplies, lol.

I'm really looking forward to this, and having things to look forward to is SO IMPORTANT.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

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Self Coaching Read More »

OK haha I see why this was so hard

Yesterday I was writing about how “interesting” it is that it’s been SO HARD for me to work with my Dream Book.

And then… I did it.

I opened my Dream Book, set to make a new Dream Page.

And I re-read the 1 Dream Pages I had in there.

And… oh wow yes I see why it was so hard for me to open this journal.

When my husband left me in September, and then my step-son suddenly developed a life-threatening illness and was in the hospital for almost 4 months… I created a new Dream Page.

It was my fall/winter “liminal space dreams”.

I was dreaming of finding my way through all of this. I did the Dream Lab and saw myself crying a lot all winter… and then in the spring my tears would melt, and there would be a river there which I could float away on, to my new life.

And re-visiting this page is like WHOA. I found my way through SO MUCH.

And I am SO PROUD of how I did it. I updated this page with how I feel now, where I am now, and all the things I am so proud of myself for. I journaled about things I have learned, the ways that a divorce kind of throws all of your stuff at you and leaves you with no choice but to work through it on your own.

And I journaled about all the ways that I feel like a different person now, even though I am not “through” this and I am sure things will keep changing. (The best advice I got about divorce is to remember that your perspective will change, radically and often. So don’t assume that anything you think is REALLY what you think.)

Anyway, WHOA.

Dreams do touch on all of our most vulnerable places.

And so sometimes we need that space to resist and avoid, because deep down that’s how we are preparing.

Because when I finally did open this up and start to work with it, it felt like the right time. I don’t think I was ready any sooner.

*** And as long as we keep SHOWING UP and doing what we CAN do (like how I was doing “creative dream practice things” but was also avoiding opening my Dream Book) we will find our way through.

People tell me sometimes that they come to live calls, or watch replays, but don’t look at the Dream Book lessons, and they feel kind of sheepish about it. But there isn’t a “right way” to do any of this.

There are a lot of “ways in” because there is no “one way in”.

Just keep showing up!

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

OK haha I see why this was so hard Read More »

Looking For The Way In

I want a more ALIVE creative dream practice.

I want to feel more deeply connected to my dreams, and to the version of myself I want to become next.

I want to be deeper in my creative flow.

I have space for this. I can’t think of anything I need…

Except a WAY IN.

Because I am sitting here.

I pulled a tarot card.

I lit incense and a candle.

I’ve got a new sketchbook plus my journals and art supplies aplenty and…

I don’t know the way in.

I mean - this is what the Dream Book program is, lol. Ways in, prompts, starting points.

So what is the problem?

It’s hard to start.

It’s vulnerable and awkward.

This “new dream”… it’s kind of nebulous. I have named some parts of it but a lot of it feels unclear.

And I keep opening up my Dream Book to work on it and…

Well, is it resistance? Procrastination? Fear? Waiting for the “right time”?

I have coached SO MANY PEOPLE through this.

And yet I keep falling into it myself.

But of course I do!

THIS IS THE PROCESS.

This is how we get “ready” (in quotes because we’re always ready and rarely feel ready)

I AM IN THE PROCESS.

I made Dream Book the way I did, with all the short videos and step-by-step so that you can just DO ONE THING and those things will build on each other and at some point you’ll be in your flow with it…

I trust that.

AND

Somehow I am not doing it.

This is just such an interesting dynamic.

And here I am - I have a few hours set aside to do this and instead of doing it I am journaling about how interesting it it that I am NOT doing it.

This IS how we work through it.

By STAYING WITH it. Staying with the thoughts and feelings that come up when we’re NOT doing the thing we want to be doing.

THIS IS THE WORK.

Triangle Dream Compass

Remember the compass of Creative Dream Alchemy. So often we want Outer Work to be the direction we are focused on, but that’s just not where we are.

BEING where we ARE and doing the work that is there, is the way to get to where we want to be.

Which means my options right now are:

I am going to actually DO Dream Book. I’m on the website. I’m going to re-watch the video for The Dream Page and start a NEW Dream Page. the last few months I feel like I have refined my dreams and opened up to new ones, and I’m learning about what I want my life to look and feel like - and I want to capture all of this on a new Dream Page.

And whichever one you do remember: All you need is THE WAY IN.

You don't need to see the whole path.

All of these WAYS IN help you get into your Creative Dream Practice.

One you're IN IT - you'll see new options and possibilities.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Looking For The Way In Read More »

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