healing

Unsticking Anxiety

This is from a few weeks ago when anxiety was my biggest obstacle.

There is some medical stuff going on causing this and it's already getting better and hope we will get it sorted in the next few months AND here I am in the meantime, with anxiety as a HUGE obstacle.

So I am taking it to the un-sticking station practice.

Hello, Anxiety.

Anxiety is a little round, I don’t know… like a circle stuffed animal but with arms and legs. Big fuzzy eyebrows.

I hug it and it softens a bit.

But my body feels uncomfortable.

Then I imagine the stuffed animal gets really big, and now it’s hugging me, and this is a little bit soothing.

Does anxiety want to comfort me?

Now my head hurts.

I want to feel creative and free. I want to do all these things I want to do. You are making this all really hard, like painfully hard - why?

In the medication I am crying, sobbing, asking anxiety to explain this.

It’s just a stuffed animal, sitting there.

And that's all that happened.

SITTING WITH an obstacle is always better than avoiding it. But sitting with it one time doesn't necessarily change it.

It's a practice, so we keep practicing. Over time YES sitting with the obstacles absolutely changes them. You can use the Un-Sticking Station, or The Obstacle Is The Way Through or other Inner Work practices. Doing ANYTHING AT ALL with it is always better than doing nothing.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Unsticking Anxiety Read More »

I wrote this in my journal + wanted to share…

I got to this part so I must be ready for this step

After I wrote it, it felt like a miracle.

Of course I did write this about a step I DID NOT feel ready for but... OMG YES. Why am I here if I am not ready for this step?

AND OF COURSE: Taking a rest, doing some research, asking for help… these are all valid next steps, especially when you get to a part where you’re not sure what to do with.

But… you got to this part because you are ready for this part.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I wrote this in my journal + wanted to share… Read More »

I believe in myself

Every Monday I get a new Creative Dream Mantra from the  journaling + alchemy kits that are a part of Dream Book. This week I got: I believe in myself

Use the meditation for the weekly mantras to dig in deeper to the mantra, or put your hands on your heart and take five deep slow breaths and repeat to yourself:

I believe in myself.

Notice where this lands in your body, what thoughts and feelings get sparked.

There is no right or wrong way to react. But your actual thoughts and feelings can tell you something about what you need right now.

How it lands for me:

I did the Your Self Doubt Is Not Yours You Deserve To Believe In Yourself class last month because of self doubt that kept coming up for me in my practice.

(Membership members can get that class here, it's also available outside of the membership, here)

Self doubt is something I keep experiencing and the more I work with it the more simple it becomes... self belief is a choice. But you have to keep making that choice.

So, right now, repeating I BELIEVE IN MYSELF to myself feels like a balm.

But a few months back, it felt stressful because there was so much for me to explore. And it's not like I had never explored self doubt in my life before that! So of course it feels frustrating to feel like "Oh here I am AGAIN with this self doubt bullshit" ...

...but it's not exactly the same bullshit, lol.

It's more like NEXT LEVEL SELF BELIEF is calling, and to answer that call, there are things to look at.

This happens SO OFTEN with Dream Work, in order to call in a thing, we need to work with it's opposite, too.

How does it land for you?

If I believe in myself feels good and encouraging, hold it with you this week. Look at problems, questions, stucks and obstacles through this lens and see what ideas it brings.

If it brings up some discomfort - that’s your stuff to work on. To do that work, in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership we’ve got the un-sticking station and the library of inner work practices. If you’re not sure what practice to use, you can email me, or post in our forum, let me know what’s going on and I will make some suggestions for tools you can use.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I believe in myself Read More »

Do I have to ____ if I want to succeed at ___?

Creative Dream Q+A time! If you have questions to add to this series, let me know! 

If you want to succeed at ______ then you have to ______.

The question I got was… Do I have to do video to succeed? I am better at connecting in person.

And the short answer is always no.

You don’t have to do what other people say. When it comes to your dreams, you are the only one who can build the path. Your ways of doing things are always best.

When it comes to unsolicited advice, always feel free to just reject it and never think about it again.

You didn’t ask for it, you don’t need to spend any time thinking about it. Especially if it’s advice that you don’t like, you can end up wasting a lot of energy being kind of upset about someone telling you to do this thing that you don’t want to do.

Don’t waste your energy on that, save your energy for building your path to your dream. Show them they’re wrong, that you didn’t need that unsolicited advice, you did it your way.

But if you did ask for advice, before you reject it, it’s good to understand WHY that was the advice that was given.

So, for example, if a business coach sees that people who do video have a better job at connecting with people to grow their businesses, then they may encourage you to do video.

So, if the video is meant to help you connect with people - what are you doing to connect with people instead?

It’s not enough to say - I don’t want to do video. You have to identify what you will do instead.

The person who asked me this question said that they connect better in person - so they need to look at how they are doing that, how to do more of it, and how to get better at it.

If you want a different result you generally have to take a different action. And often that different action is going to be uncomfortable at first. And sometimes, we reject advice because it makes us uncomfortable.

When you do that, you are letting your fear of your feelings control your life.

To make your dream happen, you need to be in control of your life - you as in your creative, intuitive and brave self, not your fearful self.

So for this person who asked about video and said that she connects better in person - if she’s not doing anything to seek out opportunities for in person speaking engagements and networking, then something is stuck there and her next steps are to look deeper.

Resources from the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership:

Alchemy process for hearing your intuition to figure out if you are just avoiding discomfort or if it's true for you to not do the thing you don't want to do.

Dream Plan Kit to work on your plan for how you will make this thing happen!

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Do I have to ____ if I want to succeed at ___? Read More »

My dream won’t show up

I was having an anxious morning and didn't know what to do, so I went to the Creative Dream Alchemy Library to find something to do, and chose Dream Work. (Inner Work would have been good too, but there isn’t a way to choose wrong, doing anything is better than doing nothing).

Once in the Dream Work section, I chose the Dream Lab meditation.

I put pillows on the floor and got really comfy and really got into it…

And my dream just wouldn’t show up.

The meditation did soothe my anxiety, I felt calm from being in the field in the meditation.

But my dream was just... not there.

This is from a few weeks ago. Then last week I did the dream lab meditation in our Friday weekly call, and again - my dream would not show up.

On Friday, eventually I saw something in the meditation... me, from the back, and far away. Like I couldn't reach myself.

My dreams feel far away right now.

This has been so uncomfortable but I finally realized... this is GOOD.

My dreams are taking space to shift, grow, change, become who they want to be next.

Which means... I am taking space to shift, grow, change, become who I want to be next.

Pursing a dream is an alchemical process. You have to let it grow and change you. You have to let the dream itself grow and change.

The work is always only to keep showing up.

It doesn't matter what the outcomes are.

And it doesn't matter how many times I say that, I really prefer certain outcomes!! I prefer clarity and confidence and feeling like I am moving forward in measurable ways.

But you're not IN THE PROCESS if you only allow some parts of it.

So, I keep showing up. Even if that just means sitting in the fog and contemplating what might happen next...

I mean, if I am honest, and we should always be honest in our practice... I do know what's next. I know what's calling me and I have not been answering.

Art is calling. And I feel too heavy and tired to answer.

Maybe it's the side effects of this medication I am on, which means I'll feel better by or before early December and it will be easier to get into it then if I kept showing up in the meantime.

Maybe it's resistance, which means I just need to keep showing up and be with what's there. Maybe even make the worse art ever in my journal to help spark some flow.

Maybe it's depression, which means if I keep showing up that's actually really good for me.

I don't have to know why I feel too heavy and tired to answer this call.

I just need to keep showing up - that is how I answer the call, it just doesn't look like how I think "answering the call to make more art" should look and the older I get the more it sinks in - nothing looks like what I think it "should".

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

My dream won’t show up Read More »

My morning routine

I light incense and/or a candle.

I sit in front of my altar, which is a bookshelf that is in the process of becoming an altar to my new dreams. (I wrote a blog post about creating an altar to your dreams here, and then did a 45 minute video on creative dream altars inside the membership)

I speak what I am doing: Lighting incense to clear the way, to dissolve anything in me or my space that would keep me from being who I really am today. Lighting a candle to light up the connection between me and the soul of the Creative Dream Incubator (or some days, the soul of my dream).

I speak of how powerful and creative I am, and of what I am creating now.

I thank the universe and the medicines for their support in this, for helping me be who I am.

I feel this is helping me be more grounded in myself as I go into my day.

I used to get up and quickly get moving - walking or biking to a coffee shop with my journals. I loved that ritual AND it’s not feeling right, for who I am now and who I want to be next. So, I am learning about a slower start to the day.

And then I do my Dream Book practices. Today - it’s the Dream Self meditation and seeing where that leads me…

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

My morning routine Read More »

I am a portal of possibility

Every Monday I get a new Creative Dream Mantra from the  journaling + alchemy kits that are a part of Dream Book. This week I got: I am a portal of possibility.

Use the meditation for the weekly mantras to dig in deeper to the mantra, or put your hands on your heart and take five deep slow breaths and repeat to yourself:

I am a portal of possibility.

Notice where this lands in your body, what thoughts and feelings get sparked.

There is no right or wrong way to react. But your actual thoughts and feelings can tell you something about what you need right now.

How it lands for me:

I am using the meditation for the mantras today, and sharing my thoughts as I go...

This mantra is an invitation and a reminder to BE who I AM. I'm not resisting the mantra, but some parts of me are a bit afraid.

This mantra is teaching me how POWERFUL I actually am, because I forget all the time.

Ohhhhh! How might this mantra help you with your Dream Work this week? felt like an important question, so I paused the meditation to sit with it longer.

I am really feeling the magic of how all of our obstacles and "stucks" are actually portals for transformation. That option is always there. We are more than our 3D bodies, we can heal, grow and transform in ways that appear like magic. WE are the miracle.

It's so easy to get bogged down in all of the WORK of making dreams happen, going into my week remembering that I AM A PORTAL OF POSSIBILITY would help me to not get bogged down. I've been thinking (dreaming?) about making lino carvings of some of my mantra drawings, maybe I should carve a lino of this one and hang a print above my desk.

OK back into the meditation...

Oh WHOA. Taking the gifts and lessons and putting them in my heart feels WILD. Like an energy and "mental state" upgrade.

This is a practice I want to keep practicing this week.

If you want to work on this with me:

If I am a portal of possibility feels good and encouraging, hold it with you today. Look at problems, questions, stucks and obstacles through this lens and see what ideas it brings.

If it brings up some discomfort - that’s your stuff to work on. To do that work, in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership we’ve got the un-sticking station and the library of inner work practices. If you’re not sure what practice to use, you can email me, or post in our forum, let me know what’s going on and I will make some suggestions for tools you can use.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I am a portal of possibility Read More »

What if I will never have the time + energy for my dreams that I used to have?

I put out a call for creative dream questions and this one came in. If you have questions, let me know! I want this to be a series, maybe weekly, maybe random, we'll see. I recorded this so you can watch it or read it:

It’s so sad and hard to be in this place. For many reasons, just the simple facts of aging or illness or changing life situations, it’s not uncommon to find ourselves in a place where we don’t have the energy we used to have and it can be really terrifying because… our creative dreams still matter. So it can feel like we are losing a part of us.

And when it comes to our creative dreams, because they come from such a deep and vulnerable place in us, the fears around them can feel amplified.

So here is what I suggest when you’re in this situation:

First: Validate your feelings, even if you may feel like your fears are exaggerated, validate how this actually feels. Give yourself some time with these feelings, make space to be present with these feelings as sensations in your body. What do these hurting parts of you need?

This is probably connected with other feelings about what has happened that has caused you to have less energy than you used to. There is probably some grieving that needs to happen, and not giving ourselves space to grieve keeps things bottled up and pressure-y. Grieving relieves the pressure. Grieving really is a part of creative dreaming, in a lot of ways.

You need to give yourself whatever time and space you need to do that processing and grieving. It will probably need more time and space than you think it should.

While you are processing and grieving, keep asking yourself what you need.

Learn to get really good at taking care of yourself.

If you are doing all of that, you will naturally come to a place where the question shifts from “how do I go back to have the energy I used to have” to “how do I move forward, with what I have now?”

When we are young, when have never experienced serious illness, when we have never had shit really go wrong in our lives - we do have this fountain of energy to devote to our dreams.

When I was in my 30s I put so much effort into tending to that fountain, trying to make it flow as fast and furious as possible.

Now in my 50s, going through a divorce, really struggling physically and mentally with perimenopause, I do grieve the loss of that energy. And I did start treatments with my doctor with the hope that I could go back to who I used to be.

But the more I have allowed myself to grieve the losses and process the feelings, the more there is this new path opening up for me. New ways to approach dreams that honour where I am.

Work smarter not harder can be applied in so many ways. Work smarter not faster is a good one.

What qualities have you gained in this situation that has left you with less energy, and how can these qualities help you with your dreams?

Without negating the difficulties of what you have faced, and so this question is better asked after you’ve had space to grieve and process - What are the strengths and opportunities of being where you are?

Creative dreaming never happens in a vacuum and always happens in the world as it is, in our lives as they are. Creative dreaming is a way of responding to the world and to our lives. It comes from a deep, powerful and wise place in you. If these dreams are alive in you, now in your life as it now, then there is a way. Always remember that the way is just about the inner healing and growth as it is about the outer work.

It’s complicated!

Creative Dreaming is literally bringing new realities to life.

It’s complicated and I’d love to support you in the work in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership.

Let’s make magic together.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

What if I will never have the time + energy for my dreams that I used to have? Read More »

I am re-starting Dream Book again

With this new perspective that I shared yesterday, I realized that the dream I've been working on in my Dream Book is a bit off.

I still want this thing, but it's really more of a GOAL than a DREAM.

How do you know the difference? It's just how it feels to you. Every year I use the Goodreads app to track my goal of reading 50 books. I like who I am when I'm reading regularly but I am not DREAMING of finishing these books. But when I started this, when I wasn't reading that much, it did feel like more of a dream. Things can shift around.

Also, you can do Dream Book with dreams or goals or anything you want.

There is this shift for me in my relationship with and feelings about this dream I've been working on.

My dream has been really outer focused - which is completely fine!

But I am realizing that the path I saw there - deepening my creative practices - is actually THE DREAM.

This might not make sense to anyone but me and that's ok! Our dreams do not have to make sense to other people. And our process, at times, most likely CAN'T make sense to other people.

I also saw how much I am RESISTING deepening my creative practice.

And how easy it is to be in resistance when the goal/dream is so vague. Like what does "deepening a practice" even mean? What does it look like? What do I actually want here?

Those are such good questions to begin with, to help me define this dream.

Also the first questions you get in Dream Book - WHY do you want it and how will you feel when you have it? They help clarify too.

And clarity comes from diving into the foggy waters.

So to help me figure out how to do this, I am re-starting Dream Book with this new dream.

So, I am looking through my first bunch of pages in my Dream Book and it's interesting that I have space here to just add new stuff in.

All the work I have done with this dream really had led me to this place of shifting my whole relationship with it and shifting my understanding of what I REALLY want.

This is SO GOOD!!!!

And at the same time, it feels discouraging because I've lost some of the certainty I was feeling a few months ago.

Combined with how my life feels a bit out of my control because I am dealing with all of these side effects and just not feeling good - this just feels like such a good time to slow down and really BE WITH the questions.

What do I want? Like, what do I really, really want?

Who do I want to be, at the end of this transformative experience?

What helps me get there?

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I am re-starting Dream Book again Read More »

Moving out of resistance and into a creative portal

Over the weekend I spent a lot of time circling my resistance.

I listened to this podcast about Psilocybin and midlife. They did say a few things that I found disturbingly ableist about how if you have physical symptoms during perimenopause that's just a sign that you are not taking proper care of yourself. But they also said some really helpful things about midlife as a transformative experience.

I've been forgetting that part.

I've been having a really hard time, my doctor is helping me and I believe her that everything will get easier but it takes some people up to 3 months to adjust and I seem to be one of those people. All of my symptoms are worse AND I have more symptoms as side effects of the treatment.

So, our the last little while, I have retreated. Resistance kind of pulled me into a nice comforting hug. Let's just distract ourselves as much as possible and wait to feel better...

Which would be fine if I didn't potentially have 2 more months of this.

Or maybe it would be fine for 2 more months IF my creative spark wasn't so desperate to come out.

After listening to that podcast I thought... what I really want from this time is to experience it as a CREATIVE PORTAL.

Like - all the places where I have been wanting to GO BACK to who I was I want to fill with ACCEPTANCE and PRESENCE.

I can't go back. I can find out what is possible here.

This shift in perspective is so exciting.

It doesn't change my symptoms. But it can change how I experience all of this down time.

And I don't think we need to be in perimenopause to decide to be in a CREATIVE PORTAL.

Technically, EVERY DREAM IS A CREATIVE PORTAL. It's an invitation and an opening.

So, we can choose to step into a creative portal any time we want. We can CREATE times of healing, growth and transformation with our intention and our choices.

So, I am re-starting my dream book with a new focus.

I will share more about that tomorrow.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Moving out of resistance and into a creative portal Read More »

I have the courage to dream brighter

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: I have the courage to dream brighter

Use the meditation for the weekly mantras to dig in deeper to the mantra, or put your hands on your heart and take five deep slow breaths and repeat to yourself:

I have the courage to dream brighter.

Notice where this lands in your body, what thoughts and feelings get sparked.

There is no right or wrong way to react. But your actual thoughts and feelings can tell you something about what you need right now.

How it lands for me: like WHOA.

Creative Dreaming does take so much courage. I feel like... WHOA... I have been brave. I really have! Instead of looking at what I haven't yet accomplished, I suddenly feel so proud of me for all I HAVE accomplished, including all of the inner stuff that doesn't really look like anything measurable.

The world feel so dark. Dreaming BRIGHTER in response feels exhausting.

Underneath that is this knowing that dreaming brighter is the only actual option.

There is this place I want to be that I can't quite get to, or haven't yet. But this does not negate that I am actually in a really beautiful place.

As I've been sitting with this... I have the courage to dream brighter... I have felt courage and acceptance growing in me.

Acceptance that... it's not going to get easier. My next level dreams need to build from here, from where I am.

I say this to people ALL THE TIME - the path begins here, where you are right now - because there are so many ways that we WAIT to be somewhere different before doing the things we know we need to do.

And I can see ways that I have been waiting to feel ready to BE brighter before I can DREAM brighter.

I'm in a really hard place with perimenopause and I am working with my doctor but it could take a few more months for my body to adjust. I can't keep waiting to feel better, I need to dream FROM HERE.

Which means: adjusting my plans.

I think this happens a lot - with any kind of illness or difficult life situation. We want to wait for "things to calm down" before we can give it our all.

It's so much more powerful to find ways to take little steps, even if they are so small they seem invisible sometimes.

So the question it leaves me with is: what does DREAMING BRIGHTER look like from where I am? And I'm going to think about that this week.

If you want to work on this with me:

If I have the courage to dream brighter feels good and encouraging, hold it with you today. Look at problems, questions, stucks and obstacles through this lens and see what ideas it brings.

If it brings up some discomfort - that’s your stuff to work on. To do that work, in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership we’ve got the un-sticking station and the library of inner work practices. If you’re not sure what practice to use, you can email me, or post in our forum, let me know what’s going on and I will make some suggestions for tools you can use.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I have the courage to dream brighter Read More »

A conversation with my inner selves about why I have been holding back

“You can’t say that. A lot of grifters say that.”  That voice has been silently editing my words and directing me away from promoting my free YOU ARE THE MAGIC guided journal in the ways I wanted to.

And I haven’t been questioning it.

Because yeah, I’m not a grifter. And actually my own definition of what grifting is is a lot stricter than most… So why would I do what THEY do?

But on the other hand, why would I NOT question an inner voice that is directing me away from something I am trying to do?

I know how sneaky the inner critic can be.

I know that fears and doubts like to go undercover and present themselves as the voice of reason.

So, here I am, questioning it.

I get that a lot of the people who are trying to sell you a free e-book that will help you make all of your dreams come true are horrible scammers or very naive, out of touch and un-helpful people. But why should that stop me from giving away THIS free e-book that ACTUALLY DOES help people see how to make all of their dreams come true?

Because that puts you into the same category as the scammers.

Are you upset that I MADE this e-book?

“Can you stop calling it an e-book? It’s a guided journal.” This is not that same voice, seems like maybe my creative spirit jumping in “I know you’re giving it away as a .pdf just like a free e-book but it’s a hand-drawn work of art”

Yeah, ok. I’ll call it a free hand-drawn guided journal but please, I need to speak to this one voice at a time. I can’t have an inner jumble making everything seem more complicated than it is.

So, voice, are you upset that I MADE this hand-drawn guided journal?

No. This is special and wonderful and HELPFUL. I’m glad you made it and I want people to have it.

Ok good!!! Because I feel like letting them know how helpful it is, how it really can help them make their dreams happen, is a good thing then?

This voice felt like a solid entity and now it’s like…  kind of like just a pile of confetti that is quickly blowing away in a slight breeze. It’s not solid.

So I’ve been letting confetti control me all this time? Hold me back from promoting this beautiful thing that I made to share?

The confetti takes the form of a snake. “Girl! It’s so much more complicated than that! You know damn well YOU want to hold yourself back.”

Well, yeah.

The snake lights a candle and invites me to sit down.

"You have a beautiful, helpful, sold, and magical body of work. You have spent decades developing it. You are putting it out into a market full of grifters and nonsense."

Well… I mean it’s not like I think EVERYONE operating in this industry is a grifter or peddling nonsense. There are so many good people doing amazing healing work.

The snake urges me to go on, it can tell I am hesitating because to continue this line of thinking would change my perspective.

Actually I guess it’s just a lot of the ads I see are nonsense, they don’t represent the majority of the people working in the industry.

OK that thought “A free e-book, or artfully hand-drawn guided journal even, that will help you make your dreams come true FEELS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE” is true.

Does a part of me feel like this book is too good to give away?

Not really. I made it to give away, to introduce people to my work, which is fucking incredible.As amazing as this book is, working with me is better.

No, it’s that the thought “A free e-book, or artfully hand-drawn guided journal even, that will help you make your dreams come true FEELS LIKE A SCAM AND PEOPLE WILL JUDGE ME”

THAT is the thought that has been stopping me. The fear of judgement.

The snake is clapping for me.

"Yes. It’s important to see this. If you WANT that thought to stop you - then by all means, carry on."

"Do you want that thought to stop you?"

No.

If the choice is either get my work into the hands of more of the people that it’s for OR never be judged…

I mean the people who would judge this are already judging me. That’s not something I can control.

To put myself in a place where I can NEVER be judged is not possible but if I was trying I would have to dim my light, deny my authentic self and make myself overwhelmed and miserable AND, again, it’s not possible so I would still not succeed.

To listen to my own heart and to pursue my dreams wholeheartedly is to receive judgement. To live my life on my terms is to receive judgement. 

Dominant culture demands conformity and judging non-conformity is one of the ways we uphold dominant culture’s values - mostly unconsciously. Judgement is inevitable in this culture.

The snake is motioning at me to come back to where I was… about making a choice.

Well it’s obvious, the choice is to be true to myself.

I made this thing to share. I can tell that energetically and emotionally and mentally I am holding back and so when I physically go to do a thing to share this, it’s like… the pieces aren’t quite connecting.

Just having this conversation with this imaginary snake made of confetti is shifting this though.

I can do the outer work of putting this out there, and I have been, but I have NOT been doing the dream work and inner work, so the work is not working.

This is what I am always saying in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership - to keep checking on the Dream Work, Inner Work and Outer Work. 

The framework is not there to make sure you never have a mis-step! It’s there to help you diagnose what is going on, so you can see more clearly what is needed now.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

A conversation with my inner selves about why I have been holding back Read More »

I want to speak more to that metaphor from yesterday

Yesterday I did the Acclimating to your Dream practice.

In the meditation I remembered the sensation of climbing the hills in the woods last week. How beautiful and magical AND effort-full it was.

I did wish I could just step out of the cabin and be on the lake. It's not an easy path to get there - it's the kind of path that not everyone who can walk can actually take, between the steepness and the uneven terrain and the paths were not clearly marked. (I did get lost twice, like significantly lost, coming out of the woods far from where I meant to be. But I had my phone with cell coverage so I could find my way back once I was on the road)

It's kind of like the path to a dream - like WTF why isn't there just a nice, easy, obvious, paved road to go down?

But in the meditation I remembered how ENLIVENING it felt to climb that hill. I remembered really being in the moment and enjoying that part, not just seeing it as a means to an end. I remembered feeling like it was hilarious that I kept getting lost.

That's where I want to be with my dreams. Enjoying and feeling enlivened by the process, loving the little detours, not just waiting to "get there".

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I want to speak more to that metaphor from yesterday Read More »

Acclimating to my dream

This morning I didn't know where to start.

So I went to the Creative Dream Alchemy Library of Dream Work and the Acclimating to your Dream practice looked good, so I did that.

As soon as the meditation started I was glad I had chosen this one, it just felt right.

In the beginning of the meditation, it was such a relief to make space for what I am thinking and feeling going into the meditation. I’m foggy, I have things on my mind, I don’t feel “totally ready” to meditate. That’s all ok.

Then, the part where I am making space for what I want to get out of this… delicious! I want to FEEL LIKE the version of me who is doing the thing. Not the version of me who is climbing these steep steps.

Oh! Now I am remembering being at the cabin in the woods last week.

Everywhere the terrain was rocky and steep. The rocks in the Canadian Shield are pretty flat, but uneven, so combined with how steep the ground was going up and down, it was a lot! AND it was SO GORGEOUS AND MAGICAL.

So, I am remembering the effort of the steep incline, being careful about where I was putting my feet and being enamoured with how gorgeous and magical everything was AND feeling ALIVE with the effort of it.

So… the effort of getting there felt good. AND being at the top felt so satisfying.

I want to be “at the top of the hill” with this dream.

I really loved holding my dream in my HANDS, when it was time to put it in my HEART that felt a bit uncomfortable. Like am I ready for this?

I kept breathing and sitting with it and yes I did feel ready.

The message I got was: I need to be deeper in the work. Like don’t just do the work to get to where I want to be, really BE IN THE MAGIC of each moment.

Think about how I enjoyed the actual climbing in the woods, and not just the part where I was at the top.

Also... maybe there is something to explore there about preparedness.

I had deliberately only brought my Crocs sandals to the cabin - like not even the regular crocs with the band around the back. Just the sandals and I said "If I can't do something in these shoes, I'm not doing it" as I wanted a relaxing and "refill the well" kind of experience.

I have no regrets about that!

AND

What's the equivalent here? Is there I way I could be better prepared, have better tools or supports, which would make the climbing easier AND/OR make it possible to climb other things that are impossible in the sandals?

I will keep thinking about that.

And after the meditation and journaling, I feel really excited to work on some plans that had felt daunting to me yesterday, so this is a win!

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Acclimating to my dream Read More »

Who I am is more than enough

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: Who I am is more than enough

Use the meditation for the weekly mantras to dig in deeper to the mantra, or put your hands on your heart and take five deep slow breaths and repeat to yourself:

Who I am is more than enough.

Notice where this lands in your body, what thoughts and feelings get sparked.

There is no right or wrong way to react. But your actual thoughts and feelings can tell you something about what you need right now.

How it lands for me: like a healing balm, right in my heart.

All the work we've been doing lately with Your Self Doubt Is Not Yours You Deserve To Believe In Yourself is really sinking in. (If you're not in the membership, you can get that class here)

Sometimes creative dreaming can leave us feeling like who we are today is not enough, like we need to be more and do more.

But that's not EVER true.

Who you are, right here right now, is enough.

You already deserve your dreams.

Because of the ways our minds get infected by dominant culture, especially due to colonialism and capitalism, we can feel like we need to EARN our right to be alive at all, and then we need to do even more to EARN our dreams.

We also learn, in subtle ways through how dominant culture functions, that the people who already have "everything" DESERVE IT more than the people who have nothing. This can leave you feeling like you need to be a better person to deserve your dreams.

None of that is true.

Who you are is more than enough.

If you want to work on this with me:

If Who I am is more than enough feels good and encouraging, hold it with you today. Look at problems, questions, stucks and obstacles through this lens and see what ideas it brings.

If it brings up some discomfort - that’s your stuff to work on. To do that work, in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership we’ve got the un-sticking station and the library of inner work practices. If you’re not sure what practice to use, you can email me, or post in our forum, let me know what’s going on and I will make some suggestions for tools you can use.

Come dream with us

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Who I am is more than enough Read More »

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