I’m thinking of what I shared yesterday about feeling worthy and receptive to my dreams, and how vulnerable that felt.

When I fist stated working with that door, which became a fence, which became a curtain, there was this sensation of resistance.

The resistance was “OMG NO. This is all too heavy. There are too many layers. You cannot explore this. It will be so painful but mostly, this is all so heavy, so old, and totally immovable. So why bother?”

And I blitzed right past that response, in a way.

I feel like I gave a quick “Yeah buddy, I see you, that’s rough, I’m sorry but I’m doing what I’m doing”

Resistance is a sensation for me now, where it used to be a brick wall.

This is a gift of this work and I want to acknowledge that.

While you’re IN IT, it’s hard to remember the gifts, and it’s hard to recognize how far you’ve come because you keep looking at what’s next.

But YOU’VE COME SO FAR.

 

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Some time back, in a meditation with my dream, my dream said:

YOU NEED TO FEEL WORTHY AND RECEPTIVE TO YOUR DREAMS.

And I was like “Well, I feel how I feel”

And my dream was like “NO! YOU NEED TO FEEL WORTHY AND RECEPTIVE TO YOUR DREAMS.”

And it felt like it waved a magic wand, and I suddenly ⚡️FELT⚡️ 100% worthy and receptive, just for a few seconds.

And then I saw it, how much that would change everything.

So I started working on it.

I divided it in 2: worthiness and receptivity and I did a group call on each - an alchemy meditation/community spell/healing circle where we could work on it together. (Membership members can get the replays here: worthiness | receptivity)

Worthiness is a constant underlying issue for me, maybe for most of us?

And receptivity can feel like so much work. Staying open is VULNERABLE AF.

But the two of them together are magic.

It’s monday morning, my schedule has been disrupted, so this is where I am starting today.

I’m not revisiting the meditations from those calls, just closing my eyes, taking a few breaths, and reflecting on what I have learned about feeling worthy and receptive to my dream.

My dream is there, as some kind of puffball with it’s hands on it’s hips, saying “GIRL! I know you know that there is no way to not be worthy of your dreams”

And I thought about how our dreams chose us, our dreams are our own soul showing us our path and so there isn’t any way we could not be worthy of that.

I thought about how our dreams show us OUR TRUTH.

And our culture works so hard to make us feel not enough so that it can sell us solutions, but also to keep us yearning to EARN enoughness - this keeps supremacist systems in place. And part of the nature of supremacist systems IS that sense of not being enough. Even when you’re at the top, you feel unworthy and afraid of losing it… it’s the nature of living in a culture that doesn’t affirm our worth. It’s a distortion.

So FEELING WORTHY is not about boosting yourself up to be declared “good enough”

It’s about recognizing an inherent truth.

This lands for me today…

But receptivity?

I feel a tiny door in my heart shut.

I give it a hug.

“Oh sweetheart, I can see why you would be afraid of this dream”

The door is now just a fence. And it’s crying.

Tell me what’s going on.

It’s so scary and overwhelming!

Oh yeah I know! Tell me more!

I’m so lucky to have what I have, asking for more feels greedy and like… what if that makes it fall apart? What if that destroys everything?

Yeah, that’s a big fear to hold. I’m so sorry you are carrying that. Do you want to try to put it down?

PUT IT DOWN??! WTF?

Well, actually, yeah. Put it down. Like, recognize that I am going after this so maybe just put the fear down?

Ummm, this is some shitty tough love. I don’t like it.

OK yeah, I usually have more patience and compassion when doing this work. It’s just - well, today my schedule is disrupted and I don’t have a lot of time…

So you’re trying to RUSH THE INNER WORK?

This little fence around my heart is incredulous.

Ummm, yeah I guess I was. I was hoping you would see how worthy we are of this dream, and how it helps us be more in alignment with our truth, and just… put it down.

The fence seems to hold onto the fear tighter.

Receptivity is so vulnerable.

I sit with this. The rest of my body does feel open and receptive.

I ask the fence “Do you feel worthy of this dream?”

It gets all shy.

Yeah, I know this confronts a lot of deep stuff. And I’m so sorry I tried to rush you. Your feelings are valid and I am so grateful that you share them with me. I want to know what’s going on with you!

Thank you. It’s just all a bit much right now.

OK, well I am not going to rush you. How can I help you?

The fence turns into a curtain, like a luscious velvet curtain.

I add: Also, I am so grateful that you are protecting my precious heart! You are so important!

The curtain swishes and sways.

We need to keep talking though, protecting my precious heart is about discernment, and sure - in the middle of a divorce it’s easy to think “Maybe I shouldn’t have married that person, maybe I shouldn’t have believed in that particular dream and so I will be very cautious about believing in other dreams” but that’s not how we want to be. And maybe the divorce is a good example of how a dream can fall apart AND I CAN BE OK. I can re-build even better…

The curtain perks up.

Yeah! You can feel that, right?

Oh wow it feels safe to dream.

There it is!

The curtain opens. My heart is there. Open and receptive.

Thank you curtain, and listen - when there is danger, you can close. You can turn back into a fence, a door, a huge impenetrable wall… you can become as protective as you need to. I don’t want to destroy you, I only want to practice discernment with you, and let the things in that are right for us. And this dream, this is right for us.

I am holding this today, the way it feels SO TENDER to be receptive to my dreams.

 

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Two recent meditations from the Dream Lab:

(The Dream Lab is one of the things I use as an almost-daily practice)

First one: My dream shows up as this burst of expansion which is like wings in my heart that stretch out.

There is this “reaching out” sensation but also a sensation of “rooting in” and being more who I am.

The internet has been broken in my home since the weekend. (Yeah I wrote this one last week, it’s fixed now!!) What it felt in the meditation is… THIS IS GOOD. Re-wiring myself to be more wired to myself, less wired to look outside of me for distractions.

And it felt like divine timing.

Creative projects are calling.

Creative GROWTH is calling.

And it feels like - rooting more deeply inside myself is how I help EXPAND into my dream at this time.

Second one: My dream shows up as a sacred crown being placed on my head.

And suddenly I am radiant and IN my own radiance.

I feel so calm and peaceful and sure.

My dream is my growth, my creativity, my healing. It’s an in me, I GOT THIS.

Often when I share my Dream Labs they are more focused and helpful, I am sharing how much this can help me in a practical sense.

But lately it’s just… vibes, lol.

Which IS, in a practical sense, what I need. But it doesn’t feel like the clarity of “ok go do this” that I sometimes get from this work.

It’s always shifting.

We’re never doing it wrong.

Just keep showing up.

There are three paths to making your dream happen.

The outer work, the practical stuff and measurable progress is only 1/3 of the process.

The inner work, the ways we confront the places where we hold back is also 1/3 of the process.

Then the dream work, the ways we grow more into who we really are, accept and nurture our gifts, is also 1/3.

Literally just sitting here, feeling this sacred crown on my head, radiating my own magic - this is the work. Sometimes. Doing these practices DOES shift how we see things, DOES bring in new ideas, and DOES impact the outer steps we take, so that we can see more of that measurable progress we all like so much.

 

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Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Dream Book is a way of journaling that gets you to your dream.

It works.

And that’s why I avoid my Dream Book all the time, lol.

There are lots of reasons for this but what I am noticing right now is that this way of working with intention is so powerful that it becomes frightening.

All of the “what ifs” and doubts and uncomfortable questions and AM I REALLY READY FOR THIS? are RIGHT THERE. In my face. Facing it all IS the way through...

And resistance offers this comfy little cave to hide in. And who wouldn’t choose comfy over uncomfy?

But the time spent “hiding out” in resistance isn’t really wasted.

Stuff is incubating, processing beneath the surface.

Just getting the Dream Book out, looking at the table of contents, looking at the checklist of Dream Book lessons, figuring out where you are in it IS a way of engaging with your intentions.

The thing that comes up in response to that - a feeling, a discomfort, an idea… that’s the thing to focus on. That’s your next step.

So, for the last while, being in resistance WAS my next step.

Can I trust that I was doing my best to show up? Can I trust that things were working through beneath the surface?

I don't know.

I declared that in 2024 I am exploring my resistance and boy does it keep showing up.

But I DO know that now, in the last few weeks, I am opening my Dream Book and working in it much more regularly and it feels like MAGIC.

When I have a question, I make a page for it.... And within days I have an answer OR the start of an answer OR a new idea for how to get the answer.

This is a miracle!

The other day I made a new Dream Self page.

That's the one pictured above. When I look at my drawing, I don't see the scribbly mess that is there, I see HOW IT FELT in the meditation. I see magic. Drawing it out, even if you "can't draw" is so helpful! Try it!

The big thing that is different between her and me is that her heart is deeply rooted.

And this deeply rooted heart changes how she does things.

Most notably: she has entirely different boundaries around being overwhelmed. If there is a spectrum from completely debilitated by overwhelm to completely plugged into my inner magic and not at all overwhelmed, she lives on an entirely different part of the spectrum than I do.

I have struggled with overwhelm always, but especially since 2020.

And it seems like she doesn't struggle with it, not because she has better TOOLS but because she has better BOUNDARIES. (As far as I can tell, she uses all the same tools as me!)

This is such a cool thing to notice and explore.

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.