(Bear and I working from bed)

I was SO EXCITED to do this thing last night, and now that it’s today, and it’s time to do the thing…

I am exhausted. I do NOT have the energy to do this.

And I did do all the things I need to do to get my morning off right… a smoothie, bike ride to the park, now I am drinking a GIANT lavender iced latte in the park and journaling...

And I am still not feeling it.

So. Resistance, is that you? Are you behind the overwhelm and exhaustion?

Ummm. No I don’t think so. Why don’t you blame (ongoing annoying situation in my life)?

Because ongoing annoying situation is, in a sense, handled for now. Like - I have my next steps with it which I will do later. It’s not like ON MY MIND… OMG I am letting you distract me from you!

I am hard to look right at.

No shit!

Resistance just looks at me.

I just look back. Resistance feels like a he today. Kind of like… lots of dark clothing including a cape and a hat, maybe medieval or something like that.

I’m not medieval, that’s ridiculous.

OK whatever, you’re old timey somehow.

I’m ancient.

OK yeah that makes sense. But listen, don’t you remember how EXCITED I was about this project last night?

It’s easy to be excited about a creative project when you just got out of a bath and you’re on your way to sleep and there’s no way to take a step with it.

Are you saying I don’t have it in me to be excited about doing this when I can actually do this?

I’m saying when everything is in place and it’s time to take that step - that’s when all the inner shit comes up. You know this.

I know.

And then you just blame me, like I am something outside of you.

Ugggghhh.

Yeah Uggghhhhh.

I take a deep breath and a big sip of my iced coffee and ask myself what’s happening underneath the resistance.

Fear. Terror actually. What if I’m not good enough? What if I fail? What if I do my best and it turns out I can’t actually do this? Yes, it is VERY easy to feel confident when you’ve just gotten out of a bath and are on your way to bed and not anywhere near taking an actual step.

Where is the part of me who believes in me and my dreams 100%?

Buried under all of those other selves. It almost feels like they have tied her up, there’s no way for her to get free.

That’s interesting - she still believes in herself 100% EVEN WHILE TIED UP AND BURIED UNDER A PILE OF FEARS AND WORRIES AND WHAT IFs.

She’s like “Yeah, I’m fine. I’ll get out of this.”

And I know she will.

I zoom in my focus on her. Can I just work with her and ignore the other stuff?

She smiles at me and turns around to show me how her hands are tied up… the rope is tied so loosely it would be easy to get free. And when I look closer - the rope is actually liquorice.

My fears are little kids and she’s indulging them.

Together, we pick up each kid and put them down on bean bag chairs. We give them popcorn and turn on a movie. We set up some games, an art station and a nap area. We install a new light in their room which radiates love. We go to each of them, one at a time, and tell them how much we love them, exactly as they are. How proud we are of them. How happy we want them to be.

And then we close the door on their room.

And then this journaling ends abruptly because I just… got to work on that project!

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

THIS is the answer to everything.

And even though you DO believe in yourself, more than you ever have even… but there is always more.

Believing in yourself is a spectrum that never ends.

Trusting yourself is a spectrum that never ends.

And sometimes self doubt gets in the way of that and we have to keep PRACTICING to come back to self belief.

As long as you keep showing up and practicing, breakthroughs are GUARANTEED.

KEEP GOING!!

(Note from my Dream Book)

Your Self Doubt Is Not Yours You Deserve To Believe In Yourself

I've been talking about this for a while on our Zooms, and today I set it up - this call is happening on Sept 17 and it will come with a guided journal 🙂

For Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members: the call details are here.

For everyone else - I do want to make this call available on it's own outside the membership, I should have registration open next week.

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

My overwhelmed self has been getting A LOT of air time since March 2020.

And even leading up to that, as I was getting into peri-menopause, life just overwhelmed me in ways it never did before.

For 2024 I wanted to explore my relationship with resistance more deeply.

One thing I am learning is just how deeply this pattern goes of giving my resistant self the driver’s seat in my life.

I mean - not in the bigger picture. But in smaller ways. Ways I wasn’t seeing before.

This thing where “I am too overwhelmed to do this” so I don’t.

Now I am seeing it differently and wondering... what if I put my most wise, brave and creative self into the driver’s seat?

Maybe if I put my most BRAVE and CREATIVE self into the driver's seat I would steamroll over my overwhelm and ignore all of the reasons WHY I am in resistance.

So I wanted to include my most WISE self in there, who knows how to tend to all of her parts.

And this part of me is like… hey I know you wouldn’t want to steamroll over your overwhelm, but why are you letting overwhelm steamroll over the rest of you?

And I’m like… whoa. What?

I thought I was just taking good care of myself. Now I see that I was letting overwhelm take over and do what she wants.

🤯

I mean - we don't see these things until we can see things things. And then when we do, it changes everything.

So it turns out overwhelm doesn’t give a fuck about anyone else’s needs. Not an appropriate part of me to have in the driver’s seat.

My most wise, brave and creative self does want to take care of overwhelm, so we are doing ALL THE THINGS (LOADS of meditation + journaling in Dream Book, eating nutrient dense, drinking lots of water, sleeping well, loads of restorative yoga and salt baths, quiet time, validating my feelings and needs, taking CBD pills for anxiety and tracking high anxiety days to get a clearer picture in case I need to see my doctor about it) to take care of my overwhelmed self - so that she is climbing into the driver’s seat less often.

So now it's like she doesn’t feel the need to steer us off the road because the journey isn’t as overwhelming for her.

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: I stay true to myself

Use the meditation for the weekly mantras to dig in deeper to the mantra, or put your hands on your heart and take five deep slow breaths and repeat to yourself:

I stay true to myself

Notice where this lands in your body, what thoughts and feelings get sparked.

There is no right or wrong way to react. But your actual thoughts and feelings can tell you something about what you need right now.

My reaction: this feels POWERFUL

Like a palpable strong sense of POWER running in my body.

I feel almost overwhelmed with this knowing that when I am true to myself, I am powerful. I have the power to do the things I want to do.

And it makes me think of all the ways I AM being true to myself. The divorce/peri-menopause combo is really good for that, lol.

If you want to work on this with me:

If I stay true to myself feels good and encouraging, hold it with you today. Look at problems, questions, stucks and obstacles through this lens and see what ideas it brings.

If it brings up some discomfort - that’s your stuff to work on today. To do that work, in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership we’ve got the un-sticking station and the library of inner work practices. If you’re not sure what practice to use, you can email me, or post in our forum, let me know what’s going on and I will make some suggestions for tools you can use.

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I was looking for self love affirmation music on Spotify and selected a random song.

I'm settling in, all comfy in my bed, relaxing my body.... and suddenly I’m being told that only people who love themselves fully can be of benefit to the world.

Like, what the actual fuck?

While there is SO MUCH GOOD in the new age, holistic wellness/wellbeing, personal growth industries.... there are also these incredibly damaging beliefs.

We need to have real discernment about how we engage with it.

You don't have to love yourself before you are worthy.

You were born worthy.

And loving yourself, after growing up in the world as it is right now, IS TRICKY. If it's hard for you - that's because of what happened to you and how it impacted you. It's NOT a measure of your value!!!!

ANYTHING that is hard for you IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

This is a really good perspective to go into ALL of your healing work with.

We all have our challenges, and our challenges have a lot to teach us. But we are not "less than" because of them. So much of the new age/holistic wellness/coaching/personal growth industries use this harmful rhetoric, sometimes in subtle ways that we don't always notice.

Be aware of where you, or others, blame or shame you for your circumstances.

A lot of it just ignorance. A person who hasn't done any work to unpack their own privileges will judge anyone who didn't have the same privileges.

It's also about the individualist approach. The idea that the individual is the answer to everything, and the cause of everything - which also comes out of pure ignorance about the impact of the systems we live in.

You do better in your healing when you're not shaming yourself.

No one else really understands what you've overcome to be where you are now.

Be proud of yourself.

And keep going.

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Today!!!

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Members: get the call details here. The replay + guided journal will be on that page a few hours after our live call.

Everyone else: sign up here. Today's call is free! (Replay too)

I can't wait to explore this with you.

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: this post is from my daily Creative Dream Practice and includes links to the tools I use which are a part of the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership. You need an active membership to access those tools. You are always welcome to join right here!

So this is a note from last week....

My mantra was: I AM READY TO STEP INTO MY DREAM

And I was feeling it SO HARD at first....

And now it feels like it’s taunting me.

Like I’ve never felt less ready.

And I may never be ready.

This IS the emotional journey that REALLY working with our dreams take us on.

To do that work, in the creative dream incubator coaching membership we’ve got the un-sticking station and the library of inner work practices. If you’re not sure what practice to use, you can email me, or post in our forum, let me know what’s going on and I will make some suggestions for tools you can use.

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: this post is from my daily Creative Dream Practice and includes links to the tools I use which are a part of the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership. You need an active membership to access those tools. You are always welcome to join right here!

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: My future is bright

Use the meditation for the weekly mantras to dig in deeper to the mantra, or put your hands on your heart and take five deep slow breaths and repeat to yourself:

My future is bright

Notice where this lands in your body, what thoughts and feelings get sparked.

There is no right or wrong way to react. But your actual thoughts and feelings can tell you something about what you need right now.

My reaction: this feels so familiar and comforting.

I said this to myself A LOT when my husband first left me and I was in shock. It’s like the future I saw just disappeared and I couldn’t see anything in it’s place and I would say to myself “My best life is ahead of me” and I really did feel it and mean it but also couldn’t see it.

And now, almost a year later… I believe it AND I’m not always so sure of my next steps.

I feel like I’ve let go of that relationship but there is deeper work still around… I don’t even have words for it all. But to make a big commitment and be building a life around it and then to have it just walk away on you…

A marriage IS a dream and when a dream leaves you, when you work hard for it and it doesn’t work out - this makes it harder to keep dreaming.

And I know everyone has had a dream not work out.

And I know I am in a wildly transformational time and I KNOW/BELIEVE that I will look back at this time, at this version of myself, and be so grateful for her for continuing to walk through the fire, and follow every rabbit hole that pops up.

A divorce is such an opportunity for healing, so much childhood stuff gets dredged up. So much stuff I thought was healed or gone - here it all is.

And to be confident and energetic enough to be self employed through this… it’s just a YIKES some days.

Because of the nature of my work, my work itself is not hard. I’m doing more calls than ever in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership and I’m loving it.

It’s the marketing and selling and being “out there” and coming up with effective and strategic plans that’s been hard.

But I don’t want to “push through” or force myself to do all the things…

I want to see this time as a sacred transformative fire. We have so much power to choose the narrative which does change our options.

I am MAKING my future bright.

If you want to work on this with me:

If I am growing feels good and encouraging, hold it with you today. Look at problems, questions, stucks and obstacles through this lens and see what ideas it brings.

If it brings up some discomfort - that’s your stuff to work on today. To do that work, in the creative dream incubator coaching membership we’ve got the un-sticking station and the library of inner work practices. If you’re not sure what practice to use, you can email me, or post in our forum, let me know what’s going on and I will make some suggestions for tools you can use.

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: this post is from my daily Creative Dream Practice and includes links to the tools I use which are a part of the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership. You need an active membership to access those tools. You are always welcome to join right here!

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: I am ready to step into my dream.

Use the meditation for the weekly mantras to dig in deeper to the mantra, or put your hands on your heart and take five deep slow breaths and repeat to yourself:

I am ready to step into my dream.

Notice where this lands in your body, what thoughts and feelings get sparked.

There is no right or wrong way to react. But your actual thoughts and feelings can tell you something about what you need right now.

My reaction: Ahhh! This one feels palpable in my whole body. Like a YES.

It’s time for this STEP.

I can’t articulate exactly what that means which is a little frustrating. To feel this whole body YES about taking a step and not knowing what that step looks like in any practical sense.

But during our Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice call last week, the soul of my business did ask me: “Why are you not visualizing your goal every morning first thing when you wake up?”

And I didn’t have an answer to that question…

Not that I think visualizing your goals first thing when you wake up is VITAL. I do lots of creative dream practices. It only matters THAT you show up, not so much HOW you show up.

But the way the question came in, it felt like - this is the thing that is right for right now, so why aren’t you doing it?

BUT. AND. ALSO.

There was this twistiness in the question, in... well like there was something I was not seeing. Because that's a weird way to say "I need you to visualize every morning"

But to go off on a different little tangent...

Recently the mantra was "I am ready for my next steps" and I am noticing how different this one feels.

AND noticing the medicine of having a new mantra float in every week, bringing it into my body and consciousness and letting it have some space to see what takes root. And so new mantras can merge with the energy and shifts left from old mantras...

Because I am ready to step into my dream feels HUGE.

And I wouldn't be able to feel ready for anything HUGE without practicing being ready for little baby next steps.

Back to the twistiness...

I left that meditation in Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual practice feeling like there is something I am not seeing, that the Creative Dream Incubator really needs me to see.

I didn't feel like I am doing something WRONG. Just that I can't see something.

This is so uncomfortable to sit with.

So I AM READY TO STEP INTO MY DREAM feels palpable and powerful

AND

There is a frustration around not knowing what this looks like because I have been taking steps but none of them have, so far, landed me right in the dream.

AND IT'S LIKE

Do I just keep taking these steps or does something else need to change?

And it felt like the energy of my marriage. Where I was so in love with my husband, and so willing to work on it AND he was drowning, traumatic events kept happening in his life and he dependence on alcohol was becoming a bigger and bigger problem and it's like... do I keep trying or do I walk away?

Not that I want to walk away from my dreams!!!!

But it felt like the same energy.

Does something else need to change?

And then the message from the Creative Dream Incubator and the twistiness...

The step that lands me in my dream is different from the steps I have been taking.

Which is good information

AND

It's very difficult information because the steps I have been taking are the steps I see to take. Like I always say - take the step that's in front of you.

BUT/AND

Taking the step that are in front of me has led me here, to this place of palpably feeling like I need to make a change, and not knowing what the change is.

There is a tension in this.

And then the next step is: stay in the tension.

This is what I mean when I say to follow the rabbit holes.

Explore all the stuff that comes up from an affirmation or idea...

It won't all make sense!!!!

And the path may be so convoluted that no one would ever believe it's a path...

But giving it all space DOES bring you what you need.

(Because I write these ahead of time, I already know that STAYING IN THE TENSION brought me amazing stuff, I'll share more on that this week)

If you want to work on this with me:

If I am growing feels good and encouraging, hold it with you today. Look at problems, questions, stucks and obstacles through this lens and see what ideas it brings.

If it brings up some discomfort - that’s your stuff to work on today. To do that work, in the creative dream incubator coaching membership we’ve got the un-sticking station and the library of inner work practices. If you’re not sure what practice to use, you can email me, or post in our forum, let me know what’s going on and I will make some suggestions for tools you can use.

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.