It feels kind of strange to say that this has sneaked up on me.

I mean, how could I not know that I was turning 40?? But still, it feels like a surprise.? Like, Oh, 40, I can’t believe you’re here already.? I knew you were coming but I didn’t think it would happen so soon.

You’re here, I’m here, today I’m 40.

So far, every year just gets better overall even though each year also brings its own unique challenges.? Every year I get to know myself and my dreams better.? Every year I am better equipped to care for myself and my dreams and that makes life better.

So I’ve always looked forward to turning a year older and having another year of experience being me.

But something about entering a whole new decade feels, well it feels like turning 40 is supposed to mean something, but I don’t know what it means.

It feels like I’m growing up a bit more and that’s good.? But it doesn’t feel super important and I don’t really want to do anything to celebrate, other than eat pizza and cake with my family, and let them give me a BIKE (!).

But there is this part of me that was getting all stressed out about how this BIG MILESTONE is happening and I’m supposed to do something with/about it.? To celebrate in a big way or become a grown-up or something.

The truth is: I’m happy.? I don’t have anything to freak out about.? Nothing needs to change just because I’m turning 40.

I’m living with my dreams as my teachers which is exactly where I want to be right now.? I’ll hit the next transition when I hit the next transition – not when I turn some arbitrary age.

It’s ok for turning 40 (or any other number) to not mean anything.

I keep writing and re-writing this post.

I wanted to have something inspiring and meaningful and helpful to say about entering a new decade, especially to people who are feeling uncomfortable about getting older.

But the truth is if you’re feeling uncomfortable, it would be good for you to sit with that feeling, rather than try to inspire yourself out of it.? Your feelings hold your genius.

I’m also noticing more and more how fucked up our society is about aging and our perspectives on “old people”.? The way the elderly are often portrayed is dehumanizing, which is really strange giving that the more years you’ve been alive the MORE human you are – you’ve got more experience and wisdom and gifts and stories to share.? But society is fucked up about a lot of things.

Mostly I’m thinking back to my thirties as I lovingly say goodbye.? My thirties were amazing!? So much growth and delight as I learned how to stop fumbling around with my dreams and start living in them.

SO MUCH happens in a decade and I am looking forward to opening up a new one.

One thing is changing for me: Grey hair.

I started getting grey hairs in my late teens.? But had I started colouring my hair for fun and self-expression before that.? So I never intentionally set out to colour/cover my greys.

About a month ago, I stopped enjoying colouring my hair, so I decided to stop colouring.? At this point, I am about 50% grey and I’d like to have my real hair.

Also – at 50% grey I can use hair chalk to play with colour, which is harder to do on dark hair.? I mean – come on, of course I want this:

So I am going to start streaking my hair super-light, to play more with colour as I grow out my greys.? I’m not sure when I’ll start – right now I’m just letting my roots grow until it starts to feel awkward.

I used to do Birthday Journaling on my birthday but I’m not sure if I’m even feeling that this year – we’ll see.? Mostly I just want to appreciate being where I am.