Starting about three years ago, I was dreaming up "my life in my 50s" (I turned 50 in May)
There were all these things I wanted to be different and it just FELT SO DIFFERENT to think of myself in my 50s.
I had forgotten about all of that dreaming though.
My husband left me a year ago. When my 50th came it's like... whoa I'm turning 50, starting a whole new decade, in the middle of a divorce I didn't see coming. Everything was changing and there was a lot of exciting and beautiful things happening but it was also just really hard to feel like I was starting over at this age.
(As if it's easier at any other age?)
But now, looking back to all of the dreaming of "life in my 50s" I was doing... the creativity and spaciousness is what stands out and... I HAVE THAT NOW.
A divorce is NOT how I was thinking it would happen. But here it is.
I don't think I manifested the divorce of course. But, also of course, I recognize that I participated in it .
And I said loads of times.... I am no expert in dreaming with another person. My therapist stresses to me that my partner and I really did give each other a lot of space to be who we are, that we can be proud of that. But still - it was harder to move forward with some things I wanted while in that marriage. Though in saying that I should also recognize that there were things I was receiving in that marriage that I just don't have now.
AND there are compromises everywhere! I knew what I was choosing and don't regret it.
AND hindsight is 20/20!
So I just want to kind of marvel about how I AM FEELING THE WAY I WANTED MY LIFE IN MY 50s TO FEEL.
Those dreams are here, in that way.
I don't have all of the external parts, but I do have some of them. And I FEEL THE WAY I WANT TO FEEL IN MY LIFE. That is A LOT.
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