I woke up this morning feeling AMAZING. Suddenly I had a dream: getting a little camper van and going on trips with Bear. (This is brand new, there is lots of research to do, maybe a camper van or an RV or a trailer, I don’t know!)

Writing and making art and having little adventures. Traveling AND being at home!! (Or, a tinier version of home)

It felt sooooo goooooood. Magical and light, setting of little sparks in my heart.

Dreaming is a function of healing. Just like healing is a function of dreaming.

I’ve been in another really hard part of my divorce process.

Since our separation I’ve been grieving the dreams and plans I had for my future with him, and how so many of them don’t feel right or seem possible on my own or with someone else.

And I haven’t had anything to replace any of that with.

And I haven’t WANTED to have anything to replace any of that with because taking the time to be with the loss and be in the unknown is vital for healing and healing is vital for creating a better future.

So, waking up with a brand new dream that feels so warm and light in my heart is really everything.

It’s bittersweet because it’s a reminder of what I lost and all the ways my former partner let me down.

But it’s mostly a bright light showing me that my best life is still ahead of me.

Having a THING I REALLY REALLY WANT feels so good!!!! YAY CREATIVE DREAMS!

That’s the end of this post, but… I am writing so much right now, so I wanted to share something I had written previously that I hadn’t shared:

The dreams I was working towards have died. The life I was planning with my husband is over.

So what now?

I don’t know.

When we first split up, I instantly dreamed of a healing cocoon and did what I could to turn this transitional time into that.

And now, I’m stepping out of the healing cocoon and it’s a shock out here. I don’t know where to go. I don’t know what’s next.

It’s not like me to not know what I want, so that feels disorienting. But I don’t want to rush and pick something. I want to really dig in here and explore what feels possible now.

So I’m going to set up an art picnic, right here where I am.

Make some art. Figure it out.