This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: I make space for my dream in my daily life.
Well this one hits like a bomb of tangled feelings. For a few minutes I sit with this growing discomfort growling in my chest.
I was in a good mood before I picked my kit for this week, now I’m crabby.
What gives?
It feels like SO MUCH WORK to get to the life I want next. And I’m tired.
OK, what does this feeling need?
A hug. A mug of tea. Maybe a cookie. Validation. An offer to rest.
She just waves all this away.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever”
Yeah, yeah, whatever? What does that mean?
You’re just doing all the things you do.
You mean, trying my best to take care of my feelings?
[Big sigh and eye roll.]
OK so you’re a teenager.
[Big sigh.] I just want to HAVE this, not WORK FOR this. I don’t want to have to believe in myself or trust the process. I want it given to me.
A give her a big hug.
Yeah, I get it. You don’t feel you have the skills for any of this because… you don’t! You are my teenaged self, and you don’t have the emotional intelligence to even understand what’s going on behind your feelings.
You think having your life look how you want will make you feel the way you want. You have so much learning ahead of you.
And then I think about all the learning that has happened for me since I was a teenager.
And I try to bring ALL PARTS OF ME into the present moment.
My almost-50 year old self actually DOES want to work for this. I don’t consider it WORK I consider it CREATING and it’s what I am here for. I DO believe in myself and I DO trust the process.
What does my CURRENT PRESENT SELF think of this mantra?
It is a bit… “well there is a lot to do before I can really have this thing”.
I mean - I could go out and buy an RV tomorrow on credit. But I want this to NOT create financial stress. I want to be set up for it. I want it to be easy. And I know travel will take some focus, and I need space for that - like to be ahead in my work and have stronger systems and... I want to feel READY. And getting ready is a process.
So…
“I make space for my dream in my daily life”
Makes me REALLY aware of the space between where I am and where I want to be.
And I don’t feel very at peace with that today.
That’s how it is sometimes.
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