One thing that happens whenever you start to take a dream more seriously is that all of the obstacles are suddenly IN YOUR FACE.

And it’s really alarming! Because it took A LOT of work to gear yourself up to be all “OK I AM DOING THIS!!!” ... and then a few days later you’re flat on the ground, knocked over by all the obstacles.

This isn’t the universe conspiring against you, and it’s not a sign that now isn’t the time.

It FEELS LIKE once you step onto the path the obstacles are suddenly in your face but actually YOU are in THEIR face. You stepped into their territory when you made that commitment.

As a coach, I’ve noticed that this happens with most people most times they commit to something.

But I didn’t consciously decide to turn that pattern on it’s head this year.

I wanted a year-long creative project, something that felt inspiring and interesting. Not necessarily another work project, and not necessarily something I would ever even share anywhere. But something creative that would grow me in the direction I want to be growing in.

Over the holidays, I spent time every day thinking about it, writing about it, making art about it, making lists of potential project ideas. And then this idea came in and it just felt right:

To meet with, explore, write about and make art with my resistance to doing all of the things I want to be doing.

Since I got the idea, the more I think about it the better it feels.

Resistance has always been there but it’s been a much bigger problem for me since the start of the pandemic, and I think there are a lot of other things hiding in the resistance.

I feel excited to explore it.

BUT THEN I thought about this thing where you set an intention to do a thing and then all of the resistance and obstacles come up and I wonder…

Maybe committing to a year of being with my resistance will be a shortcut to creative flow?

But even if it’s not exactly a short-cut, I am sure I will learn a lot about my creative flow and what nurtures it in this process.

Pre-pandemic I knew A LOT about how to nurture my creative flow. I had spent years experimenting and noticing. But I don’t feel like that same person anymore.

Part of that is age. 45 and 50 (I turn 50 this year!) are really different, for me anyway.

But part of it is my changed perspective of the world. My changed relationship with capitalism and productivity.

I feel more like myself than I ever have before and myself doesn’t care about meeting capitalist goals. EVEN THOUGH of course myself wants to keep her condo and have food to eat, and buy nice fabrics and art supplies - even in this economy.

And some of the drive I had before the pandemic wasn’t coming from a place I want to be driven from now.

So - this is the first thing I am learning about resistance and creative flow. I don’t want to “go back” to where I was 5 years ago when I found it so easy to get so much more done.

I want to go somewhere new.

I made the year-long tracker (Dream Book members, you can download this in the calendars + trackers page of the Dream Plan Kit, here.) and I’ll fill in the circle for every day that I work on this. I am not committing to EVERY DAY or anything. Just some kind of consistency over the year.

 

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