I am pushing myself. Pushing is maybe the wrong word. I am making a BIG commitment. Like… not to something big but big as in an UNBREAKABLE commitment to myself, to do this thing consistently that I have NOT been consistent about at all…

So I am doing the thing…

And my stomach is getting all knotted up.

And I think of the life coaches online who say that this is fine. Who talk about THROWING UP from feeling so anxious about what they are doing, but pushing themselves to keep going. JUST KEEP DREAMING BIGGER! WHO CARES WHAT YOUR BODY SAYS?!?

So - no, I am not doing that.

I’m noticing my stomach knotting up, and saying “Oh, hi there, knot in my stomach.”

The knot says: I feel like this is moving too fast.

Yeah? Yeah, I can see that.

I feel like, you just made this decision this morning and now you’re already taking so many steps! Like WTF? Can we just have lunch?

Well, yeah we’re going to have lunch. But - I didn’t just make this decision suddenly this morning. Do you not see how long I’ve been thinking about this? This morning I decided to move forward, but it’s not a sudden decision.

It feels sudden.

I can totally see that. What would help you feel more comfortable with this?

I don’t want to take this step TODAY.

What would you rather do today?

I want to acknowledge we did a whole bunch of stuff today! And we can take this next step tomorrow. I want to make art. I want YOU to respect your body’s needs and capacity! We did a lot today, now let’s have lunch, make some art, rest, go to the gym later…

So you will agree to do this tomorrow?

I mean I don’t know how I’ll feel tomorrow I just know that today we took enough steps. And if you keep trying to take more steps it WILL feel like pushing beyond what your body is telling you is right and I don’t think that is the choice you want to make.

No, it’s not. But I also won’t make the choice to keep delaying this step because parts of me are uncomfortable with it. So if you get knotted up tomorrow at the thought of this, we need to have a longer discussion.

Yes, that’s fair.

 

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