Every week I write an update and invite everyone in the Creative Dream Circle to share their updates.

It’s an update on walking the path to a dream, and on being in the process of transformation.

Being in the process is hard, sometimes.? Sharing updates is a way of grounding yourself in your process – plus it helps you notice things you wouldn’t otherwise notice.

Last week, in writing my update, I noticed that skipping my first-thing-in-the-morning journaling session is really, really bad for me.

I need this practice as the doorway into my day.

Like, this doorway leads to the day I want to be having.? Other doorways – like skipping my practice and getting right to work – don’t lead to the day I want to be having.

So, I discovered this while writing last week’s update.

Then Monday came, and my inbox was overflowing.

And I thought, well, I’d like to just get to those emails first.? So my mind is clear and I don’t have any energy going towards “all these emails I need to respond to”.

And it won’t take that long, really…

Which is bullshit.

I know that it’s important for my self-care that I start my day with my creative journaling practice.? Any reason I have for not doing that is just a bullshit excuse.

I know this because later on in the morning, once I’d already had my bike ride and coffee and the day was bright, I opened up my journal and hit a huge wall of resistance.

I snapped my journal shut and put it away.

And I knew that I hadn’t skipped my first-thing-in-the-morning practice because I wanted to get to those emails.

I skipped my first-thing-in-the-morning practice because I was afraid of what I’d find when I dove in.

Meeting resistance.? This is a part of the practice.

Some days it’s terrifying to open up a journal because of what you’ll find when you start writing.? You can feel it, sitting underneath the surface, and you’d like to leave it there, hidden, where you can’t really see it.

Except, of course, you’re carrying it. In your mind and your body and your energy field.

You look at the world through the lens of the things you carry, so when you leave it there, hidden beneath the surface, you’re letting it alter your possibilities.

You resist looking at the thing because you’re afraid of how it’s going to feel to face and you worry that you can’t change it anyway so why bother.

But in avoiding the sharp pain of dealing with your stuff you are choosing to live with the dull ache of letting your stuff dull your possibilities.

We all do this, on some level.

Committing to your practice is a commitment to live from your brightest possibilities, and a commitment to doing the work to get there.

It’s messy and hard and some days you just fall down and don’t get up but that’s ok.? Get up when you can.? Keep going one baby step at a time.? Come back to it.

Your practice is a container that holds this process of you being more and less committed, always inviting you deeper into it.

I kind of don’t want to post this because it seems too cheesy and pollyanna-y but this is where I’m at.

It’s Sunday night.? I’ve got a belly full of my favourite pizza which I just ate in the park with my family for my birthday dinner.? I turn 41 on Monday.? (I’m thinking that having birthday pizza the day before my birthday may be a good tradition to start – so that I’ll have birthday pizza for breakfast.)

I’ve got my laptop in bed and the windows are open.? (Normally on my birthday it’s a bit too chilly for picnics and open windows at night and I am super grateful for this.)

My life feels fuller than I am used to which is sometimes overwhelming but mostly my heart is happy.? Life just feels like a great big celebration and I am so grateful to be here.

When I think about turning 41 all I can think of is wanting to go back in time and hug past-mes and let them know that it’s all going to be OK.?? That my creative work will one day be happily received by the world and I’ll be able to make a living doing things that make my soul sing.? That I’ll figure out how to live at peace with myself.? That I’ll learn how to really trust myself and take care of myself.? That all the love I need is right here.

And I want to hug all the past mes for doing the work that got me to this place.

And then I want to marvel about what could come next.

Life is so short, but so deep and I am grateful for another year.

I’m also grateful for YOU, reading this.? Thank you for being here.

I was out with a friend, eating delicious cake and chatting and laughing when she asked me “So, why journal anyway? What’s so special about it?”

I was so surprised, I nearly spit out my cake! Why journal? How could anyone not see the magic of journaling?

But as I tried to answer I realised I didn’t really have an answer. I mean, it’s not easy to explain with words – it’s a feeling. It’s about diving into the magic in your heart.

I told her I’d think about it and come up with a better answer so here I am.

Why journal?

Well, there is a different reason for every person asking the question.

Barack Obama, President of the United States of America:

In my life, writing has been an important exercise to clarify what I believe, what I see, what I care about, what my deepest values are. The process of converting a jumble of thoughts into coherent sentences makes you ask tougher questions.

In my friend’s case, she had a lot of questions about how she really wants to be living her life. But, in the whirlwind of daily life she feels like she has no time to step out of her day-to-day routine and take a look at what’s going on and what needs to change.

This is where a journal can totally help! By spending just 5-10 minutes a day with that question:

What do I want it to be like?

She can start to discover the answer. If she keeps coming back to it, for just 5-10 minutes every day, looking over what she has written and adding new ideas, she goes deeper into the question each day.

The depth of clarity you can find using this process is startling.

(And you can do this with ANY question you face in life.)

Why journal? Because your journal can help you go from having no clue about how to do something to mapping out a clear path to it, in only 5-10 minutes a day.

This is a way of accessing your creative genius.

Why journal?? Because daily journaling, over time, can help you:

• Get to know yourself better
• Process, heal and transform difficult situations in your life
• Uncover your creative gifts
• Feel more confident about yourself
• Get clear on what you really want
• Find your intuitive voice (and the courage to listen to it)
• Make positive life changes

Just through the simple act of taking your thoughts, ideas and feelings out of your head and putting them down on paper.

My students continually report being STUNNED by how much magic they find in their journals.

Why journal? Because it makes you get clear.

Keeping your thoughts, ideas and feelings swirling around in your head keeps them vague. The act of writing in a journal turns confusion and uncertainty into clarity and vision.? It brings you back to your center, your power and your inner magic.

Of course, it won’t all be glitter and rainbows.? The act of getting clear includes getting clear on what needs to change.? It means facing your fears.? It means working through some really hard stuff, which is why I recommend taking quality journaling classes that can lead you through the hard parts (like mine!).

?Why Journal?? Because it brings you back to yourself.

Writing in your journal is quality time with yourself, you real self.? Not the roles you play or the patterns you? live in, but the real you.? It’s a spiritual and creative practice that will transform your whole life.

Want some help getting started?

Check out my free class on how to grow your dream – which comes with a printable guided journal to get you started – Your Dream Is Waiting For You To Come True?.

Or my free ART journal class about how to get more creative in your journal – Dreamtastic Creative Journals.

This year I am trusting Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance to hold and direct the process for what happens in both my personal and professional lives.

The wisest parts of me know that I can trust that as long as I am holding my intention to grow my depth and nurture my brilliance, and showing up for both the inner and outer work, that the exact right thing will always show up.

Other parts of me really don’t like some of the stuff that has shown up already and would like for this whole thing to be easier.

Like last weekend, when Debbie Doubter showed up.

“You know what?” She said on Saturday morning, “You really have no business calling yourself a teacher.”

And before I knew it, Debbie and I were trying to figure out what else I could do, because this teaching thing is surely going to fail.

Never mind that I have training and accreditation as a spiritual teacher.? Never mind that I’ve traveled all over the place to learn from the best teachers I could find, how to become the best teacher that I could be.? Never mind that I have happy, grateful students.? Never mind that I’ve been making 100% of my living as a teacher for the past four years, and that I did it part time for many years before that.

Debbie doesn’t care about any of that.? “Who do you think you are?? Who are you to believe that you have anything to offer your students?”

So, I used my Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance practice to work on my doubt and I started exploring.

What makes a teacher a teacher?

Training.

Oh, well I have that.? I was trained, I interned and I was accredited as a spiritual teacher and mentor.?? It took four years!? That’s not enough?

Well, you don’t have a University degree in teaching.

No, I don’t.? I do have a degree though.? And remember how awful some of my teachers at the university were?? Bullies!? I love my students and care about them getting what they want from my classes.? Doesn’t that make me a better teacher than those teachers?

But they were official.

OK, and they were teaching official stuff and I got an official degree from them.? What I’m teaching is not official in that way.? Do you think I’d be better teacher if someone else hired me to teach?? Like, because I built my own school that means I’m less than?

Well, yeah.? It’s not real.? Anyone can do what you did.

Anyone can do anything!

But it’s better when other people validate your work.

Ahh, there it is.? I made a conscious and deliberate choice to not have other people validate my work, to be independent.

(The irony here is that I made that choice so that I could have the freedom to be the best teacher I can be.)

I needed the freedom to build something that is in complete integrity with what I want it to be.? I do things differently than other people because of how much I care about teaching.

But you’re not a teacher!

Where is this coming from?

The truth!? It’s coming from the truth.? It’s a fact that isn’t going to change.

Who do you think you are? Who are you to think you have anything to teach anyone else?

OK, I can answer this for pages and pages, listing everything I have learned and all the ways I have developed my skills to the point where actually I have a lot to teach.

Not to mention the fact that teaching is how I learn, it’s how I stay on my own edge.? That I actually NEED to do this because it’s a part of who I am.

But that’s not going to change this conversation.? You’re not interested in logic.? What is it that you want?

For you to admit failure.

And then what?

(silence)

Come on, what happens if I admit I’m not a teacher?

Well, I’d be more comfortable.

OK, so if I admit that I’m not a teacher, then I get to live inside my own self doubt.

Yes!? It’s cozy here!

And the bubble bursts.? No, I don’t want to cozy up and live inside my own self-doubt.

Who do you think you are?? Who are you to believe that you are _____?

That voice is so insidious.? It shows up time and time again in my own work, and in private sessions with clients.

That idea that maybe we’ll be safe if we don’t stand too tall and don’t shine too bright and just kind of cozy into a really small story about who we are and what is possible for us.

It’s not true.? Not for me, not for you, not for anyone.

These parts of us become activated when we’re ready to trust ourselves and our dreams more, and believe in ourselves and our dreams more.

These voices show up when we take new steps towards our dreams.

It’s an energy pattern, and each time you are ready to shine a little brighter, you have to come into this energy pattern and alter it to make more space for your brilliance to shine through.

Otherwise, it’s just going to get sneakier about holding you back and dimming your light.

This is Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance in a nutshell.

Explore deeper into your inner world.? Transform what you find there. Make more space for your brilliance to shine out and light up your outer world.

Debbie and I have more work to do here.

She keeps showing up, in subtle and not-so-subtle ways.

I know that she shows up when I’m ready to play bigger and brighter.? I know this is a part of the process.

But still, being in it sucks.

Speculation: there are two kinds of growth.

1. the kind that you plan for (and work hard for!)
2. the kind that is effortless – it just happens

I know the kind of growth that you plan for and work for.? I have had crystal clear intentions, I have planned and worked and experienced growth.

But what about the other kind?? What if growth just happened, effortlessly??

At first glance, that question is too scary!? If I’m not in control of how growth is happening then it could happen in ways that destroy everything I have so carefully built.

But the idea that I have control over anything is ridiculous.

So that would mean that trying to control growth would be ridiculous.? Which would mean that I have been behaving quite ridiculously.? Which is likely!

Last week I went to the mineral spa.

I dedicated my spa day to effortless growth: as an offering to effortless growth and as an opportunity for me to discover the secrets of effortless growth.

I had a massage booked, and like I always do, I arrived VERY early so I could steam in the aromatherapy steam shower and soak in the mineral hot tub and warm pool before my massage.

I got to the spa, was given my fluffy robe and slippers.? I changed into my bathing suit and went to the mineral steaming/soaking area.

Hmmm.? Both the steam shower and the hot tub were being repaired.? And by “being repaired” what they meant was they’d put an “out of order” sign on them and nothing was happening.

And I was pissed off!? I chose that spa specifically for these amenities.? How could they not tell me that this stuff wasn’t working?

Oh right.? This trip is an offering to effortless growth.? There are no accidents.? Everything is happening for me, to not me.

Looking at it through that lens, here I was, sitting in the mineral pool in my own Inner Temple of Effortless Growth.

And things are in a sad state of disrepair.

Repairs have a sense of optimism.? These sad “out of order” signs with no workers in sight felt more like stagnation.

How have I been caring for my Inner Temple of Effortless Growth?? Not very well.? So why would I expect to experience the gifts of effortless growth in my outer world?

I meditated and explored and it turns out: effortless growth is the more real kind of growth.

I mean – look at nature. Look at how one apple contains so many seeds which can grow so many more apples which contain so many more seeds.? Effortless growth.? Unplanned and wild.

What if I allowed growth to happen in my life like that: unplanned and wild? Oh my.

How would I support that kind of growth in happening? Ohmygosh I wouldn’t even have to support it.? I’d just have to stop fighting it.

?My inner Temple of Effortless Growth was only in a state of disrepair because I’ve been feeding the believe that growth is hard.

And it’s not even true that growth is hard!? I had to giggle about that.? It’s not even true!

I went home and started working on fixing up my Temple of Effortless Growth by doing energy work and art journaling.? (For Creative Dream Circle members: I was using the process in the Crazy Smart Wisdom Council to meet with my Temple of Effortless Growth)

(I’m specifically exploring my business here but this is applicable to all dreams.)

What if I didn’t have to plan out every bit of growth that happens in my business?

What if I trusted growth itself enough to grow without me micromanaging?

What if I PARTNERED with effortless growth?

Now I am REALLY giggling.? Obviously, it’s downright STUPID to not partner with effortless growth.

Because partnering with effortless growth = being in tune with the universe.

And I have a lot of evidence that shows that only good things come from that.

My mind is spinning a bit now, in a good way.