Journaling

The indignity of being in the process of growth

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I write every day, Monday - Friday, about my own process of navigating the path between where I am and where I want to be.

I share these in the Daily Miracle Mastermind Posts inside the Dream Book community. I believe that showing HOW I walk my talk each day is one of the best ways of teaching.

Today's post, which is really messy and awkward, wanted to be shared out in public - which feels even more messy and awkward for me, but here I am, following my inspiration and seeing where it leads.

My goal this week:

I am exploring the question: What helps me make more art, more often, from a deeper place?

I really want to be making more art, writing more, sharing more.

I want it to all feel easier and more flowy.

There's also something in this that's like - I know I want something more but can't quite put my finger on WHAT it is.

So I am making space to sit with this question this week.

Today I am SO ANNOYED with the question.

I've got a blank page in my daytimer for this.

I filled in all the things I know that help me stay in my flow.

I'm so bored. I know this stuff. I have worked on this for so long. Why I am I here AGAIN?

Do I want to answer that?

I guess so, I don't know what else to do.

Why I am here again:

I'm not being as creative as I'd like to be.

As in, it seems to take more work to get into it.

I have more distractions.

I am more tired.

AND ALSO I feel more desire to be creating more. And that desire conflicts with what is happening and makes everything very uncomfortable.

So, yeah, I am here AGAIN. But... being here AGAIN is not a sign that I have failed, or regressed. It's just a part of the creative path.

Also - what helps changes as I change, as my life changes. Like, right now there are all of these specific things I can do to help with my peri-menopause symptoms that THAT helps very much with THIS.

OK this makes sense, I feel less annoyed that I am here AGAIN but I still feel annoyed in general, so let's bring annoyance into the Un-Sticking Station.

(The Un-Sticking Station is a class inside Dream Book for working through stucks - that link will only work for Dream Book members)

Annoyance shows up as my older teenaged - early 20s self.

OMG you are so lame. Look at all the things I make!! It's EASY to create, and you have all the opportunities I was dreaming of, and you're squandering them.

SQUANDERING?! I CREATED them.

eyeroll

I'm not going to justify myself to you. I am doing my best and I want to keep doing better and I need to know why you are so annoyed.

Because you're 48 and this should be easy by now.

*TEARS ALL AROUND*

Yes, I agree. This should be easy by now. And it's so hard for you to look 20-30 years ahead and see that it's not. Though I mean - often, it is. Sometimes it's not.

Sometimes it's not? Seems like more than sometimes.

Yeah! I mean - look at all the things I do!

I guess that's true.

Everything is just so HEAVY right now.

Annoyance is gone. Some kind of helpful guidance spirit enters the chat.

So what would help bring LIGHTNESS?

All the things I wrote on that list. Recognizing how painful the heaviness feels, recognizing how painful it feels to NOT be doing the creative things I want to be doing. Recognizing all of the conflicting feelings of everything.

This helpful guidance spirit points me to my art journal where I have been writing and drawing and painting my feelings as my Space-Making practice.

(Space-Making is a class inside Dream Book for making space to work on your dreams when working on your dreams feels like too much - that link will only work for Dream Book members)

Oh right.

It's like my creativity is in a bottle and all of these conflicting and totally valid feelings are kind of jammed in together, creating a bottle stop. I need to let them out before I can do the things I want to do.

So I took it to my journal:

Messy painting and angry journaling to let feelings out and what I came to was:

The indignity of being in the process of growth.

I need to open myself up to the process of growth and change and the possibility of healing.

Which means letting go of the places where I want to KNOW what to do next.

Being open. Following inspiration. Being willing to make mistakes, fail, and be surprised.

Today this all feels hard. But I'll do my best with it.

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What I want for my birthday

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I just shared this photo on social media and I wanted to share it here too.

I turned 48 yesterday (had a really fantastic day which I wrote about here) and the thing I want most for my birthday is to make more art, write more, and share it more, and do it all from a deeper place.

This is kind of what I always want.

And it also always feels new because my creative dreams are always taking me to new places.

The reason why I wanted to send you this photo is my dress.

I do make all of my own clothes, I sewed and embrodered this shirt dress this winter.

This is the first in a new series of clothing I am making that are for the person that I am becoming next.

These clothes are a way of making space for this new version of me.

Space-Making has been on my mind a lot.

I created a new (very small and simple) program called Space-Making for people who want to join Dream Book and work with me but don't have the capacity for FULL ON MAKING IT HAPPEN right now.

Which, to be honest, is most of us these days.

Space-Making is this magical place of self care and restoration and healing - making space for the things you need and want, rather than Dream-Building which is the work of creating the path that leads to where you want to be.

I like to do both - Space-Making and Dream-Building.

But these days I definitely CANNOT Dream-Build if I don't Space-Make.

As stressful as it is to be alive on this planet right now, this is also a time of real potential for change.

We can create a better world.

I feel that more fully these days than I ever have before.

The intersection between creative dreams and activism feels lit up with possibility.

I wanted to leave you with a few journal prompts for the weekend.

How have your dreams changed over the last 2 years?

How have YOU changed?

How do you WANT to change next?

And think about joining me in Dream Book to give your dreams a boost.

I made a new welcome video on this page, explaining where we're at in the group right now.

As the world changes, we we change, as our dreams change, I keep making adjustments to make sure Dream Book remains a supportive growth-inducing space for everyone.

Join here.

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These are hard times. Making space for anxiety + overwhelm.

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These are hard times. Making space for anxiety + overwhelm.

This was my practice this morning: painting my feelings.

I have a lot to say about this process of space-making. I was writing about it all weekend.

But today, that's not what's in me to share.

Today I want to share that I woke up anxious.

And so I made myself a latte and a green smoothie (well it came out red because I added a few slices of beetroot) and sat with my feelings and this is what came out.

I found the light. I followed it to a place where I was able to soften my body and mind, and offer myself some advice about slowing down and being more present with myself

A lot of people feel anxious right now.

I didn't have an issue with anxiety before the pandemic. I have one now.

Lots of people don't feel anxious but to worry or feel stressed or are just overwhelmed.

This is where we're at, collectively and yet a lot of people are feeling alone in it. I want you to know that you are not alone.

And the world is asking us to carry on as though this is not where we're at.

A space-making practice is a way to rebel against that.

It's actually a way to create a better world, both your own personal world and the larger world that we share.

Space-making helps us find the softness in the hard places. And those soft places do tend to come with dreams attached. Ideas for new things we want to create or new ways we want to be or experiences we want to have. The softness shows us the way.

The first step is to honour how you're feeling.

Give yourself the grace of making space to be where you are.

How do you feel right now? Where is that feeling in your body? Anywhere else? What's the story running through your mind?

Is there any light to be found? What might help this all soften? What do you need right now?

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On Giving Up And Breaking Through

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Tomorrow - Monday, April 18 at 10 am Central - I will be on Instagram live for Creative Genus Planning Sessions for this week.

If you go to this Instagram post on your mobile device you can set up a reminder to join us live, or catch the replay on my page later.

We'll do a short feel-good meditation for starting the week and a discussion about navigating your next steps.

This week I want to talk a bit about those times when you have no clue what to do next.

These are not times to stop!! These are actually times of transformation.

I have a lot to share about this and I know it will be a great discussion.

The last few weeks I've been working more closely with the people in Dream Book who feel ready to give up.

With everything that's happening it's like why even bother?

But beneath that "why bother?" story are a LOT of complex layers of feelings.

And giving up is real fuel for our inner critics and their "See? I told you you shouldn't have tried. Of course you failed" stories.

Giving up is not your only option.

People are FEELING LIKE giving up is the only option because they don't have the capacity to work on their dreams in the same way they could 2 years ago.

And when you're overwhelmed it's easy to not notice that THERE ARE OTHER WAYS. You don't have to choose between doing things that feel impossible and giving up completely.

These times call for new ways of engaging with ourselves, our creative projects, and our biggest dreams for who we want to be and what we want to create.

We can approach Creative Dreaming as a HEALING practice.

We can approach Creative Dreaming as a SELF CARE practice.

We can approach Creative Dreaming as a SPACE-MAKING practice.

I have been writing all weekend.

For the last two years, my writing time has been really stiffled because I don't have the mental clarity + capacity to write like I used to.

This weekend, it's kind of back because I am SO inspired by looking at all of the places where people tell me they get stuck, and creating new ways through.

The places where we get stuck are opportunities for growth.

I have a free healing circle called The Hard Parts Are Where The Magic Happens where I show you exactly what I mean by this.

And this approach that I have been teaching for a long time has worked for a long time... But right now, with all the stress in the world, more and more people are just not able to get into it.

So as I have been working with those people more closely, I am seeing ways to add more gentleness, slowness, self care and magic to make the work DO-ABLE even when you feel absolutely flattened.

And as I did that I realised.... oh wow these are the practices I have been doing too!

I have been doing them seperate from Dream Book, but as I look back (hindsight is 20/20!) I see that this is the work that helped me, over the pandemic, continue to engage with the deeper dream-building work in Dream Book.

So I am creating two new options for Dream Book:

One is for when you are completely overwhelmed. The focus is healing, self care and space-making. Instead of giving up, you can focus on healing and self care as forms of MAKING SPACE for your dream.

One is for when you are ready to take your next steps with your dreams, but you've got a busy life or you're going through stuff, so you have limited time and attention for this work. You don't have to put your dream aside completely to take care of yourself.

And the original Dream Book will be called the "I am ready to BLAST OFF!" version for when you DO have the time and energy to dive deep into your next-level dream-making. This pace is ideal for wellness practitioners, healers, coaches and guides. But if you're new to this work and have a LOT of time and energy to devote and want to dive right into the deep end, this is also a good place to start.

It doesn't matter where you are are.

Your dream is always here to help you heal and grow.

To give yourself what you need now AND move yourself towards where you want to be.

I hope to see you tomorrow on the Instagram live.

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A conversation with the part of me who wants to protect me from my feelings.

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I had such a great meeting this morning with my dream and the soul of my business.

I had this jumble of ideas and wishes in my mind and they showed me how to put them into a mindmap that answered all of my questions.

And from the mindmap I created a list.

And know I know exactly what I want to do, and exactly how I want to start doing it.

So. I know exactly what I want to do and exactly how I want to start doing it....

And then this feeling comes over me.

I try to push it aside and keep going. There is more I can add to the list, or I can start doing the things on the list...

And then I find myself scrolling social media!

I bring myself back to the list.

And that feeling comes back. It's uncomfortable and I'd like to just push it aside...

But that's not how it works.

Feel all of the feelings that come up for you on the path to your dream.

This is one of the eight principles we work with in Dream Book. If you are following all of the principles, you can't stay stuck. If you are doing the opposite of the principles, you're likely to be quite stuck.

I had to admit at this point I almost switched back to Facebook. But I am Staying. With. It.

OK - this feeling that comes over me when I look at this list.

So - it's a part of my process and I need to be with it.

So. Hello there, uncomfortable looming feeling.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to LOOM" it's like a tiny version of me, and she's holding some really big thing... it's kind of vague but almost like a huge tube, like 3X her height as the diameter and she's trying to drag it somewhere.

Hey, let's put that down. I take the tube and gently set it down. I pick her up and sit her on the tube so now we're at eye level to each other.

What's up?

"Well, this is just all A LOT. I mean you have a very big list here and I agree this is a list of wonderful things and it would be wonderful to actually DO them all but also I have to say, I mean I'm sorry, I know this gets SO uncomfortable here, but the thing is, I have to say it...

I don't think you're going to DO all of this. I think you're going to start strong and this will become one more abandoned thing. Oh! Ouch! I'm sorry! I said it! I know it pains you."

Two things happened for me here:

I realised that yes there was very much a part of me feeling afraid that I Wouldn't DO all of these things.

And I realised that this was a little silly because I complete LOTS OF THINGS. And then I don't complete projects - it's because I got what I need from them already, or because something else feels more important. It's fine.

And in a WHOOSH I felt fine with not completing every project and could stay in this conversation holding that perspective.

Well actually, that vague looming discomfort probably pains me more, because it derails me completely and has me distracting myself instead of doing what I truly want to do. So I'd rather face the harder stuff head on and work through it.

"That's? Good?" She really seems to not want to upset me.

Yeah, that's good. I think I may be stronger than you think. Like a LOT stronger. Like I CAN handle having feelings.

"Oh? What?" She is completely befuddled.

Yeah, I actually would rather feel my feelings than avoid them, because this way I am FREE. Freedom is really important to me. I need to feel free enough to do what I want to do - like all the things on this list. NOT feeling my feelings keeps me a prisoner to them.

"Holy crap, I never thought of it that way" Now she's grown a little taller and heavier and so her weight is pushing down on the tube she's sitting on, keeping us at eye level. She leans over. "This is fascinating"

So, it seems like you are a part of me who hasn't been paying attention for the last, like, 20 years. Maybe you are my 28 year old inner "child"?

"25"

Oh, yeah ok that makes sense. So here's the thing: feeling those uncomfortable feelings that loom over me helps me actually MAKE SPACE to actually DO the things I want to do and actually has helped me not be so stuck in general. Feeling feelings is really good! Like I even go to therapy just to talk about my feelings because I love it. I pay for therapy, I love it that much.

"Oh wow"

Yeah, it is really cool. Listen, I want you to see how much I have overcome, the things you struggled with - I do not struggle with. Yes, I have other things going on and the world is a fucking disaster right now but YOU GREW AND HEALED.

She kind of gasped, to look at me and really see where I am/we are.

So I don't need you to be trying to do anything for me. I'm not sure what it is you were trying to do with this tube?

"It's a pipe. Like a pipeline." Now she is fully the same size as me, just sitting beside me with the pipeline beside her.

What were you trying to do with this?

"Trying to make a pipeline to take these uncomfortable feelings away from you."

Ahhh. Yeah. That's exactly what you do that makes things harder for you.

She gets up and kicks the pipeline and it disappears.

She gets it.

And I feel... ready to go do these things.

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You can’t look outside of you for hope.

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You can't look outside of you for hope.

I mean - there's so little hope to be found out there right now that it's depressing to try.

But mostly because - we're here to BRING IT.

Hope and light and creativity and new possibilities.

This is your work.

This is the theme for today's Creative Genius Planing Session - on Instagram Live.

How do we be force for positive change while the world is a dystopian nightmare?

If you are on this planet right now you have a role to play in creating a good future for everyone.

And if you have a business - your business can play a role as well.

Join me, let's explore this together.

Monday Morning Meditation (AKA Creative Genius Planning) is happening at 10 am Central, on Instagram live.

If you go to my Instagram account from your mobile device you'll be able to set a reminder, and also see this in your own time zone.

And you can catch the replay on my page after we're done.

(These live public meditations are only on Instagram, but I will be doing a more in-depth free class on Zoom soon - stay tuned for details)

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Holding Space For All The Things You’re Experiencing

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My morning meditation led me to draw this diagram.

I wanted to be able to just SEE these things I was holding, sitting in front of me.

These aren't ALL the things I am holding, but these are the three things that feel most "up" for me today.

Drawing it out like this, which is how I was guided to do by my dream in meditation this morning, helped me feel more grounded about:

  • I don't need to JUGGLE these things they can all intersect and kind of form one thing
  • They intersect in ways I do and do not see
  • It's fine to feel/think all the things I feel/think - even where they conflict with each other
  • No one thing is more important than the others, I can make space for all of it

Before I did this, I honestly felt like I couldn't make progress with anything today because these thoughts/feelings were all jumbled up and leaving me with no options.

This is pretty common for me.

BEFORE I make space for everything - what I want feel impossible.

AFTER I make space for everything - I feel clear about AND ready to take my next steps.

This is one of the places where most people get it wrong with their dreams... waiting to see the path clear ahead of you instead of just taking the steps you can take from where you are right now.

Showing up every day and doing the teeny tiny little things that you CAN do is what builds the path.

The more chaotic the world becomes, the more heavily I lean on this practice.

If you are NOT making space for all the things you're feeling - WHICH INCLUDES YOUR WISHES FOR THE THINGS THAT YOU WANT AND  FIGURING OUT HOW TO MOVE TOWARDS THEM - you are going to get all tangled up in everything and it's NOT going to be possible to create positive change in your life.

That doesn't mean your dreams are not possible.

It means this is the work you need to do, to get there. It's up to you do decide to do this work consistently, or not.

And I really want to encourage you to DO THAT WORK because YOU DESERVE ALL THE THINGS YOU ARE DREAMING OF.

And, collectively, it's our creative dreams that will help guide us to create a better world for everyone.

Join Dream Book and do this with me.

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Creative Planning: Releasing What’s In The Way To Make More Space For What You Want

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(I do my weekly planning with the printable version of the Year of Dreams 2022, all the details of how I printed + bound it are here. The journaling printables I cut + paste onto it are from Dream Book)

Get the free full Creative Genius Planning Sessions video (15 minute meditation + journaling class for planning your week from your most wise, brave + creative self, here)

The soul of the Creative Dream Incubator sent me this message:

You got to stay in the vibe where big new possibilities happen.

Look at where you can smooth out the little irritants and make things simpler. Look at what you can let go of. Look at where you can use the big irritants as a source of healing and transformation.

This felt like a message for all of us, but it also came with A LOT of specific examples of where I need to do this.

(This has been happening a lot lately, like the Creative Dream Incubator sends me huge data dumps and I to sort through and get my instructions from them. It's been AMAZING.)

One of those examples is these weekly Creative Genius Planning Sessions. I've been uploading them to You Tube, turning that video into a blog post, sending an email with a link to the blog post, and also putting it on Instagram.

I did it this way because I didn't know where to put them, so I put them everywhere. That was the simplest way for me to get going - otherwise I could have spent a lot of energy trying to figure out where to put the videos.

And being in the process of doing this every week has shown me a better way to do this.

This is how it works with most dreams - you do what you can from where you are, learn as you go, apply what you learn, and keep growing from there.

So, the soul of my Creative Dream Incubator showed me if I did less of this backend stuff and just upload the video to Instagram because that is by far THE simplest way - that frees up energy that makes it easier for me to stay in a state of possibility, which opens up new possibilities.

So that's what I will be doing.

This is the last week I'll share the Creative Genius Planning Session video on my blog.

You'll be able to find them on Instagram.

PS: Know that I don't make ANY decision in my business lightly, and I DO know that not everyone is on Instagram. Please don't email me to let me know that you are not on Instagram.

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Weekly Creative Planning: Show Up For Your Dream, Even If You’re Not Feeling It

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(I do my weekly planning with the printable version of the Year of Dreams 2022, all the details of how I printed + bound it are here. The journaling printables I cut + paste onto it are from Dream Book)

Get the free full Creative Genius Planning Sessions video (15 minute meditation + journaling class for planning your week from your most wise, brave + creative self, here)

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Weekly Creative Planning: Drop the heaviness + call in what you need.

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(I do my weekly planning with the printable version of the Year of Dreams 2022, all the details of how I printed + bound it are here. The journaling printables I cut + paste onto it are from Dream Book)

Get the free full Creative Genius Planning Sessions video (15 minute meditation + journaling class for planning your week from your most wise, brave + creative self, here)

PS: I hope you're coming to my Instagram live today to celebrate Micheal Redhead Champagne's new book!! Such a great chance to soak up the energy and magic of a big dream coming true and SUCH a great time to talk about WRITING BOOKS THAT HELP CHANGE THE WORLD!

PPS: The Obstacle Is The Way Through is happening This Thursday!!

(February 10, on Zoom at 1:pm Central - and it will be recorded and the recording WILL be effective and we can chat in the comments section if you have questions).⁠
⁠
We're going to work with the thing that is MOST in your way RIGHT NOW. It can be an internal or external thing.

The call will be about 60-90 minutes, depending on what kinds of conversations come up in the process.⁠
⁠
We'll go deep.⁠...
⁠
And you'll leave knowing EXACTLY what to do next✨✨⁠
⁠
This call is included in your Dream Book membership for February.

Join us here.
⁠
Your future self will thank you.

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Give me 2:28 minutes and you will feel better about EVERYTHING

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(I do my weekly planning with the printable version of the Year of Dreams 2022, all the details of how I printed + bound it are here. The journaling printables I cut + paste onto it are from Dream Book)

Get the free full Creative Genius Planning Sessions video (15 minute meditation + journaling class for planning your week from your most wise, brave + creative self, here)

 

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Creative Planning: Making space to make space for what you want + need this week.

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This week my theme is: Making space to make space for the things I want + need

The world is always coming at us, so hard, so fast, and it can be a real challenge to do this work.

This is why, for me, building HABITS + ROUTINES out of these practices is the only way.

A big part of the work of working with any dream is THIS work of making space to make space for it.

Get the free full Creative Genius Planning Sessions video (15 minute meditation + journaling class for planning your week from your most wise, brave + creative self, here)

So - what do YOU want for your wild + precious new week?

It feels kind of surreal, given the state of the world right now, and how overwhelming I have found this pandemic, and the ways it's intersected with peri-menopause, difficult parenting issues, and of living in colonialism and late-stage capitalism.

I feel deeply connected to my dreams for 2022, which helps me feel more connected to myself...

Which has helped me remember how important all of our dreams are.

Which helps me feel more optimistic for our collective future.

These are the times when artists need to get to work.

And when I say artist - I mean everyone with a vision. Everyone with a gift to share.

(That includes you)

Our work - and it doesn't matter if that is work your exchange for money or not - is needed.

ESPECIALLY now as a lot of systems are falling apart, as we face catastrophic climate change, as we come to terms with the consequences of how we have been living.

ESPECIALLY NOW we need to flood the world with our dreams + creative gifts.

Every dream is a seed.

I am adding a monthly "Let's get our shit together, together" call to Dream Book for the rest of the year.

Doing these calls in January has been invaluable.

There is something about connecting to like-minded people, even if just virtually, that makes it easier to stay in your seat, and get the work done.

I am also doing a new round of The Obstacle Is The Way Through.

Because our dreams are NEEDED and we have a lot of obstacles right now!

This is a deep alchemy process/healing circle thing we do together, to transform the obstacle into the path.

This will happen on February 10 at 1PM Central - but the replay will be VERY helpful, if you can't be there live.

And I'm adding some new Creative With Money calls!

These are not scheduled yet, but I want to do a few of them over this next year as money remains a huge obstacle for a lot of dreams.

Creative With Money is a BEAUTIFUL program I did years ago, all about bringing your creativity + power to your relationship with money. You do get that program as a bonus as soon as you join Dream Book - but the new calls will bring new energy to it, and you'll get a chance to have your own questions answered, and do the alchemy work on the exact money situation you are facing right now.

All of this will be included in your Dream Book membership.

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You won’t always know what to do

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If you're a living, growing, healing, human being - you will NOT always know what to do next.

You can only always know what to do if you are always doing things you've already done before.

For those of us who want to grow, heal, and create - we have to spend a lot of time in the not knowing.

That's what my weekly planning is about this week:

Dream Book members: I just added a new in depth Creative Genius Planning Sessions Video For When You Have No Clue What To Do. (that link only works for members - if you're not a member yet, you can join us here)

Do you need to rest or do you need to get organized?

The 2 new coaching circles are ongoing.

One about DEEP REST where we get together on Zoom and REST TOGETHER (!) and also journal + talk+ figure out how to get more of the rest we on an ongoing basis.

One about GETTING ORGANIZED AF where we get together on Zoom and get our shit together, together! We'll literally DO THE THINGS together, and if you get stuck getting organized, I'll coach you through it.

Both will be included in your Dream Book membership - details are on the Dream Book page.

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Weekly Planning As Self Care and a Manifestation Practice

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I started the weekly Creative Genius Planning because this practice each of making space for what you want, making space to listen to your wisest, most creative and most brave self, is so invaluable.

This is one of the places where our inner healing and growth become manifest as changes in our lives.

Take 15 minutes a week to play with this and you will see it.

Do you need to rest or do you need to get organized?

The 2 new coaching circles start TODAY!

One about DEEP REST where we get together on Zoom and REST TOGETHER (!) and also journal + talk+ figure out how to get more of the rest we on an ongoing basis.

One about GETTING ORGANIZED AF where we get together on Zoom and get our shit together, together! We'll literally DO THE THINGS together, and if you get stuck getting organized, I'll coach you through it.

They start today! And both will be included in your Dream Book membership - details are on the Dream Book page.

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New video: Journaling through my pandemic overwhelm

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My pandemic overwhelm set in again, like mental fog and a heaviness pushing down on me.... so I recorded myself working through it.

NOW is the best time to join Dream Book!

We're doing two new coaching circles this month:

Well Rested: We REST together, on Zoom! Then we journal, talk and explore how to get more of the rest you need.

Organized AF: We get our shit together, together! We do a short focusing meditation, declare our intentions for our time together - then you go DO THE THING. If you get stuck, I'll be there to coach you through it.

Join us here.

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