I am trying to show up and practice creative dreaming but today is just MESSY.

I am doing the Being Filled with Possibility, Magic and Power practice. And the Dream Lab. And the Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice.

Nothing feels like anything I want to share about - like it's just messy and off. And that's ok! Some days are messy and off. These are important and valid days too.

So instead I want to tell you about my new Art Therapy Box.

I got a wooden "toolbox" from Ikea. I already had a little wooden box that fit my oil and water soluble pastels, watercolour paints and paint pens, which is smaller and sits on top of the toolbox.

The toolbox opens up with 4 compartments that I filled with tools (scissors, glue, brushes, etc) and then the big box section is full of acrylic paints.

I keep it all on my floor with my big Un-Sticking StationJournal (a big purple hardcover sketchbook).

All the feelings I don't know what to do with go in there. I do the Un-Sticking Station practice as best I can with them AND have permission to not do it, to just use this journal as a place to express whatever I am feeling.

It's a big mess of contradictions.

This is a practice I started last summer (having the separate journal just for Un-Sticking because there is Just So Much right now) and I just realized today maybe I have never shared about that here. I've been so happy since setting up the little art supply station for it, and using it much more.

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I’m practicing feeling full of possibility, magic and power this week.

I was practicing over the weekend and have had some AMAZING experiences with it.

I shared it in the Co-Dreaming Call this week - check it out on the replay!

But I’m not feeling it today. I had a frustrating conversation with my husband and I'm a bit crabby.

What do I do from here?

I could blame my husband for “making me” feel the way I feel right now and spiral into resentment and then get really mad that I don’t feel the way I feel.

And I do take this option sometimes, but that's not what I want to do today.

How do I get back to where I want to be?

There are so many techniques for forcing yourself into a specific thought. I’m not into any of that - though at one time I found that work helpful.

What I want today is to have the space and grace to be where I am.

I WAS feeling full of possibility, magic and power. I’m dreaming of feeling that way again. What I AM feeling now is:

Cold

Tired

Fuzzy

Hmmmm. I mean I knew I was cold, but now, really being with my feelings, I realize I am too cold.

It was cool overnight and it’s heating up so I am dressed for warmer weather than I am in. Then the tables at the park all got power washed and are still wet so I came inside for a bit and I think they have air conditioning on?

I'm actually really uncomfortable. I should go outside and sit in the sun.

Then I just have: tired and fuzzy. How do I take care of these?

I think both would be best taken care of with some journaling… I have a bunch of paint pens with me I can write this new practice in my weekly planner and see if that helps me get into the creative flow, which is not far away from possibility, magic and power.

Update: YES this all worked. I didn't feel SUPER CHARGED EXTRA FULL of possibility, magic and power but I took a baby step towards it and that's enough.

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Continued from yesterday's post, I followed my dreams instructions and did a journaling page about me and my dreams being in the toxic and collapsing dominant culture.

I drew a bubble to represent me in my dream bubble.

Chimneys putting out smoke and trees on fire to represent the world.

Wrote out things that are in my dream bubble: healing + creative practices, feeling creative + inspired, trusting myself + appreciating life, growth + expansion. Respect + space for all feelings. Worthiness.

As I was doing this I was listing what is in the world and quickly saw the opposites.

Climate collapse. Driven by consumerism, greed + unhappiness. Lack of regard for most vulnerable. Refusal to see + destroy systems of oppression. Competing for worthiness.

Then this new bubble appears, a much larger bubble that I can move into through my dream bubble. This is a doorway to a new world/culture. (Feels like A doorway, not THE ONLY doorway)

It’s like - as we heal and change we create new culture.

And then I felt despair.

But we don’t have time to do this.

But this is my life, like how do I want to live it? I can do this in my own small way in my own life.

What are my other options?

(Meant sarcastically, but then I listed them)

Pretend this (climate change, racism and all forms of systemic injustice, etc) isn’t happening.

Spiritual bypass

And then:

Guess what??? You can’t save the world that’s individualism which is another aspect of dominant culture.

That’s where I stopped.

But now that I have typed that our and reflected on it…

This puts me back into the big bubble. Community. Remembering I am not the only one doing this and this is not the only way through. There are other different bubbles. They can link up at some point.

I mean, we work for change or we accept what is and to me, the state of the world is unacceptable.

Where do my dreams fit?

My dreams right now, as I am re-defining them, aren’t about any kind of external things.

It’s about how I want to feel in my life. It’s about really showing up for creative and healing practices, being in the process of always becoming more ME and living in that space and dreaming in community.

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab which is what I am using for my dream meeting drawings.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

I’m doing the Dream lab meditation and, sitting there in the field of creative dream alchemy, I just want to cry.

In real life (not the meditation) I’m in my favourite spot in the park and there is so much smoke in the air (from the fires in northern Canada) and so many wasps flying all around I’m probably going to go inside, as much as I want to be outside. It’s hard to not be acutely aware that we’re IN climate collapse. 

I ride my bike on paths along the river so I don’t see the city that much but when I go into downtown there are more signs of collapse - more unhoused people than I’ve ever seen here, like by a huge percentage, businesses shut down, most office buildings have big “for lease” signs on them. Violent crime is the highest it’s ever been.

This is the world I am dreaming in.

This is the world my dreams need to be rooted in.

I’m just sitting with this, while a wasp tries to land on my hand.

So, this is interesting it’s never happened this way for me before, in my meditation in the field of creative dream alchemy I am crying. But here in the park, I am not. 

Tears are flowing and becoming a river that sparkles with iridescent light.

I wish I could be one of those new age people who can just meditate and be in the light and believe that they are healing the world and they don’t have to be in the mess of anything, they get to stay safe in their total lack of awareness of how hard they’re leaning into white privilege to sit there and feel good while the world falls apart.

I mean I don’t. But I do. You know?

My tears are becoming a river. There’s a boat made out of old tree branches woven together and I get in.

Slowly the landscape starts to change. Cities are burning. Toxic fumes. Over consumption. People living out of tune.

I’m just sailing by knowing that this is all falling apart because it was never sustainable, and we’ll build something better in its place. It won’t be perfect but we can learn from some of our mistakes to do better, and keep building on that.

I get to a place where I’m supposed to leave my boat. 

There are art supplies, though the art supplies we use are mostly unsustainable so these look like different art supplies, like Beam paints.

I sit down, panic rising in my chest, wishing for a solution, which I mis-spelled as soulution. 

There is nothing I, myself, can do - but together we can do everything.

For every problem the world is facing right now there are people who have been working for the solution for some time. People with good research and information and skills. We can support them.

But back to my dream meeting.

My dream is here now, just like a voice in the clouds.

It says: Andrea! You are dreaming in this broken world. Your dreams are not of this world though. You need to understand the boundaries and differences… do some journaling about this and see where it takes you.

To be continued...

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab which is what I am using for my dream meeting drawings.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Last week I kept getting stuck because I was FEELING like my journals/planner were all wrong.

I made this Instagram video about how this might seem ridiculous but it's SO valid. The search for the perfect journal isn't about the journal, it's about how the journal is a container for so much and so all of our resistance ambivalence, etc, can get tied up in choosing the journal itself.

This weekend my new paper arrived and I did a ton of collaging. I had some dividers from when I tried to use a Happy Planner (there are things I like about Happy Planner planners but it's way too "good vibes only" and the prompts they use in the planners feel completely irrelevant to my life) and I cut them down a little to the size I want, and then collaged over them.

The collaged dividers FEELS PERFECT. They feel like containers and doorways. And I can keep collaging/writing/painting/whatever on them!

(I also want to sew a carrying bag for it, to keep it safe in my bag)

I also just CUT DOWN my 2023 planner!! Like, it was done on printer paper and I wanted 6"x9" so I just cut Sunday out of the planner pages (I can plan Saturday and Sunday in the same space), and then also made the page narrower... kind of a messy solution but it gives me a quick way to have a planner in the new size I want. For next year, I can do something nicer.

And I can put my Creative Genius Cards in it!!

I haven't been using the Creative Genius Cards as much lately, but I want to get back into that. And I want to make a card that shows the things I want to check in with each week when I do my planning, so I could just keep moving that card to each new week I plan.

I feel like I really have space to begin.

I have been doing Dream Book as my way of journaling since about 2018. I feel like I just got to "my next level" with it. It's not just about how the book looks, it feels like this is the right container for me to take it deeper? I don't know what that looks like right now and am so happy to be exploring it.

The first words I wrote in here were in the planner section, my focus from last week's Dream Status Report:

I treat myself and my life as precious.

That felt like the perfect "christening" for the new journal/planner/DreamBook.

This week I want to re-do (again! Yes, I did just do this a few weeks ago) the Dream Page and Dream Self Page. I feel I've been circling around some new layer of knowing what I REALLY want, and each time I do this I learn more.

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab which is what I am using for my dream meeting drawings.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Continued from yesterday - using the Un-Sticking Station with the part of me who doesn’t feel right using the journals that I have.

It’s a sad crab, wrapped in all sorts of stuff. 

Tangled in a web.

Hi crab! I’m sorry you’re sad. I’d love to help.

"Can you get me out of this web?"

Sure. Also, I am really curious about what the web is made of?

It seems like… potato chips? But also other stuff…

I sit down beside the crab and we both just sit here looking at it…

hopes

dreams

disappointments

grief

panic

All coated in grease from the potato chips. Slippery. 

I should be able to slip it right off the crab but it feels like we need to honour all of this, and whatever it is that happened to get the crab all tangled up in it.

“I just want to be free of this. Then we can look at it?”

Oh sure, good point. I slip the tangled web off the crab.

Oh!

Now he’s back to being a praying mantis in the sacred cave, the one I met in the Un-Sticking Station last week.

There is a circle of journals all around him.

Oh, ok. So you’re trying to pick a journal?

“It’s so hard.”

Yeah, I know!

“I’m so scared I’ll make the wrong choice and ruin everything”

Oh wow. I mean, I don’t think you’ll ruin everything. It’s just that the right journal FEELS RIGHT.

“Remember back when you did have the right journal for everything, and everything FELT RIGHT, and you journaled SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU DO NOW?”

Yes I do, that’s what I want back.

“That’s the pressure! It’s important to go back to doing THAT MUCH journaling but you can’t/won’t if it doesn’t all feel right so if I pick wrong I’ll slow down the magic”

Oh my, you’re right. I see how much pressure you are under here. What can we do about this?

The air feels pressurized around us.

It doesn't feel like we can do much with the pressure, so...

Let’s make space for THE DREAM.

The bug is happy with this.

We sit and dream the dream and the vision comes:

A journal that’s all worn. Beat up around the edges. Lots of colour everywhere. Lots of tabs and things marking pages. The magic of everything in one place. The magic of indie stuff instead of a mass produced planner - my own printed planning printables.

It is disc bound and magically flexible. But it is NOT with printer paper. That size is just a bit too big for this.

LOL! So my small journal is 5x8 which seems too small and the big journal is 8x10 which is too big, the printer paper disc bound journal is 8.5x11 which is also too big…. but I saw “student quality” (AKA affordable for the quantities I’ll want) watercolour paper that is 6”x9” online. That would actually be perfect. I AM GOLDILOCKS!

Also: it has a handmade cover. A few months ago I bought the wrong interfacing for a project. It’s really stiff/heavy and it would be PERFECT for this. A few layers of that with some canvas on top, sewn into a cover for the planner would make it easier to throw into my bag and bring places.

A little fear pops up: but you just bought a new journal! You have to use that one!

And instantly I remember: I change journals all the time! I’ll put it in my stash of empty journals and use it when I want it again, which I am sure I will!

Another fear: but what if I get this new paper and make this whole new journal and AGAIN it doesn’t feel right?

Well then I will know. That’s literally the only way to find out!

I feel inspired about this. These are my next steps. Taking them helps build the path. Either this is the right system for me, or I will learn another thing that will help me figure out what to try next.

So I am ordering the paper.

And until it gets here I suddenly feel fine to use the one I made last week in the meantime….

I am un-stuck!

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab which is what I am using for my dream meeting drawings.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

I had my new Dream Book all set up and I was LOVING how I brought my planner and Dream Book into one book.

I’d always wanted to do that and now here I am, I’ve got it… and… I don’t know, it’s not feeling how I thought it would.

(THIS IS NOT UNUSUAL! Sometimes we pursue a dream, we get the thing exactly how we wanted it only to discover this is not how we want it at all. But there isn’t another way to find this out! This is not failure, this is a step on the path).

I’m still wishing for something else and not sure what that is.

I have stuff I want to do in my planner.

I have stuff I want to do in my Dream Book.

I have stuff I want to do more freestyle.

Thoughts:

I have it all in one disc-bound book, and I LOVE BEING ABLE TO MOVE PAGES AROUND!!!  This is magic! 

But I don’t like taking this big bulky thing with me anywhere. And I don’t want to only work in it at home.

I know - I could just take the pages I want to work with with me, and I do this -  but this doesn’t feel right either.

I love using a small (5”x8”) hardcover journal for freestyle journaling. LOVE. 

I miss using a larger (8”x10”) hardcover journal for Dream Book.

I want to buy a planner next year. As much as I’ve loved the flexibility of the printables.

I also want to make my own planner for next year!

I don’t want to make a 2024 version of the Year of Dreams Planner but I do want to make a bunch of different styles/sizes of fill-in-the-date planners and offer it as a set for people like me who want to keep changing how they do it.

THIS IS SO ANNOYING.

Having all of these conflicting thoughts and feelings and underneath it all feeling:

THIS SHOULD BE SIMPLER

And also

This is probably not about the journals. I’m working through something. I don’t need to know what it is.

And also

Trying to make myself “just do it” with whatever journal I already have set up take all these thoughts and feelings and crams them inside me where they don’t do any good.

But if I give them all space, I know at some point I will work through them and understand what I want to do next.

UNTIL THEN

I don’t want to just feel stuck.

I also don’t want to force myself to do a thing that doesn’t feel right.

I’m going to do an Un-Sticking Station with the part of me who doesn’t feel right using the journals that I have.

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab which is what I am using for my dream meeting drawings.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.