A conversation with the part of me who wants to protect me from my feelings.
I had such a great meeting this morning with my dream and the soul of my business.
I had this jumble of ideas and wishes in my mind and they showed me how to put them into a mindmap that answered all of my questions.
And from the mindmap I created a list.
And know I know exactly what I want to do, and exactly how I want to start doing it.
So. I know exactly what I want to do and exactly how I want to start doing it....
And then this feeling comes over me.
I try to push it aside and keep going. There is more I can add to the list, or I can start doing the things on the list...
And then I find myself scrolling social media!
I bring myself back to the list.
And that feeling comes back. It's uncomfortable and I'd like to just push it aside...
But that's not how it works.
Feel all of the feelings that come up for you on the path to your dream.
This is one of the eight principles we work with in Dream Book. If you are following all of the principles, you can't stay stuck. If you are doing the opposite of the principles, you're likely to be quite stuck.
I had to admit at this point I almost switched back to Facebook. But I am Staying. With. It.
OK - this feeling that comes over me when I look at this list.
So - it's a part of my process and I need to be with it.
So. Hello there, uncomfortable looming feeling.
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to LOOM" it's like a tiny version of me, and she's holding some really big thing... it's kind of vague but almost like a huge tube, like 3X her height as the diameter and she's trying to drag it somewhere.
Hey, let's put that down. I take the tube and gently set it down. I pick her up and sit her on the tube so now we're at eye level to each other.
What's up?
"Well, this is just all A LOT. I mean you have a very big list here and I agree this is a list of wonderful things and it would be wonderful to actually DO them all but also I have to say, I mean I'm sorry, I know this gets SO uncomfortable here, but the thing is, I have to say it...
I don't think you're going to DO all of this. I think you're going to start strong and this will become one more abandoned thing. Oh! Ouch! I'm sorry! I said it! I know it pains you."
Two things happened for me here:
I realised that yes there was very much a part of me feeling afraid that I Wouldn't DO all of these things.
And I realised that this was a little silly because I complete LOTS OF THINGS. And then I don't complete projects - it's because I got what I need from them already, or because something else feels more important. It's fine.
And in a WHOOSH I felt fine with not completing every project and could stay in this conversation holding that perspective.
Well actually, that vague looming discomfort probably pains me more, because it derails me completely and has me distracting myself instead of doing what I truly want to do. So I'd rather face the harder stuff head on and work through it.
"That's? Good?" She really seems to not want to upset me.
Yeah, that's good. I think I may be stronger than you think. Like a LOT stronger. Like I CAN handle having feelings.
"Oh? What?" She is completely befuddled.
Yeah, I actually would rather feel my feelings than avoid them, because this way I am FREE. Freedom is really important to me. I need to feel free enough to do what I want to do - like all the things on this list. NOT feeling my feelings keeps me a prisoner to them.
"Holy crap, I never thought of it that way" Now she's grown a little taller and heavier and so her weight is pushing down on the tube she's sitting on, keeping us at eye level. She leans over. "This is fascinating"
So, it seems like you are a part of me who hasn't been paying attention for the last, like, 20 years. Maybe you are my 28 year old inner "child"?
"25"
Oh, yeah ok that makes sense. So here's the thing: feeling those uncomfortable feelings that loom over me helps me actually MAKE SPACE to actually DO the things I want to do and actually has helped me not be so stuck in general. Feeling feelings is really good! Like I even go to therapy just to talk about my feelings because I love it. I pay for therapy, I love it that much.
"Oh wow"
Yeah, it is really cool. Listen, I want you to see how much I have overcome, the things you struggled with - I do not struggle with. Yes, I have other things going on and the world is a fucking disaster right now but YOU GREW AND HEALED.
She kind of gasped, to look at me and really see where I am/we are.
So I don't need you to be trying to do anything for me. I'm not sure what it is you were trying to do with this tube?
"It's a pipe. Like a pipeline." Now she is fully the same size as me, just sitting beside me with the pipeline beside her.
What were you trying to do with this?
"Trying to make a pipeline to take these uncomfortable feelings away from you."
Ahhh. Yeah. That's exactly what you do that makes things harder for you.
She gets up and kicks the pipeline and it disappears.
She gets it.
And I feel... ready to go do these things.
A conversation with the part of me who wants to protect me from my feelings. Read More »