Healing

[The magic of disappointment] Canceling my retreat.

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This is kind of a long story but I am hoping that you’ll read it.

There IS a lot of magic in disappointment and there is a lot of power in following your creative impulse even when you don’t get what you (thought you) wanted.

But the magical stories of disappointment are rare because we live in a world that shouts about success from every rooftop while carefully sweeping failure under the rug.

This skews your perception of what success actually is (it actually isn’t anything that you can measure with a number). And it skews your perception of what it takes to bring a dream to life.? These two skews leave you kind of screwed!

My story starts in January of this year.

I was running a session of the Creative Dream Incubator e-course and playing along, exploring what was happening in my inner world, looking for new dreams that were ready to come to life.

And the dream that came to me was: Creative Dream Retreats.? I saw myself leading life-changing dream-growing retreats in beautiful, nourishing, creative spaces around the world.

The essence of the dream was about adventure and discovery and spaciousness and glee.? The dream was beautiful and it was also all kinds of stuck.

Week after week I wrestled with my doubts, fears and inner saboteurs.? Week after week I followed along through my Creative Dream Incubator, gently un-sticking the stuck, activating the magic and learning how to give my dream what it needed to grow.

And then Chris Zydel, one of my creative heroes, began appearing in my dreams – like, the dreams I had while I was sleeping.

So Chris and I got together to explore why this was happening, maybe it was a sign?? Maybe we had something to share with each other? We talked about what we were working on, but couldn’t find any message or reason why she kept showing up in my dreams.

We were about to end our call when I said “Well, since I’ve got you here, maybe you can give me some pointers?? I’ve been working on putting together a retreat and I’m stuck….”

And it all snapped into place.

Chris talked her Creative Juices Arts studio, which solved ALL of my stucks about the retreat – where to have it that was inspiring and had the right space for creative explorations but was also in an interesting place where there were other things to do too… everything was perfect, down to the massive amounts of art supplies and a delicious caterer.

And we both kind of lit up with the idea of doing a Creative Genius Retreat together.

I started telling some of my clients and friends and had so many “Ohmigosh YES I am so totally coming!” responses that I didn’t promote it very much because it seemed like it was already sold out.

I happily went through my year, knowing I’d be leading this AMAZING life-changing dream-growing retreat in a gorgeously inspiring space.

Except, well, all of those “Ohmigosh YES I am so totally coming!” responses didn’t translate into actual registrations.

The timing was off.? Things came up.

And this fall we realised – the retreat wasn’t going to happen.

And you know what?? I didn’t feel sad or disappointed.

I felt a little confused because of the amazing response I had, but mostly it just felt right.

I’ve shared this story often, that when I first started doing creativity workshops I often had events where no one showed up.? And it was horribly disappointing back then.

But today? This is just one retreat, not doing it doesn’t impact my business.? No, I didn’t feel disappointed.

I felt proud.

Proud that I honoured my creative impulse.? Proud that I worked through the stuck parts.? Proud that I put it out there.

I took a big step and I learned some stuff and now I know more about how to take the next step.? This is how it works.

And underneath that, I felt glee.

Because I’d already bought my plane ticket to San Francisco for crazycheap because I had a voucher that expired earlier this year.? Which means I’m still getting my adventure and my creative retreat.? I’m getting the essence of my dream in a different package.

In the video I made about The Magic of Disappointment I talked about how feeling disappointment helps you to see how very much you still want the thing, and you can use that desire to move yourself towards it.? In this situation, the magic of non-disappointment is showing me that this wasn’t really what I wanted.?

The truth is, and for some reason I couldn’t admit this to myself before – right now I? just want to go on amazing creative retreats by myself.

Because every day I’m supporting my people through the inner transformation that creates outer change… retreating on my own replenishes me so I can keep doing that.

Following your creative dream and working through the stucks does NOT guarantee that you get exactly what you wanted.

Your dream is wise!? It will bring you somewhere new.? Somewhere a little more aligned with your unique creative soul.

Sometimes, somewhere you didn’t even know you wanted to go to.

Having things not work out does not mean that you failed, ever.

The only way to fail is by giving up before you start.

inspiration cards

Something magic will happen every time you take a step towards trusting your dream.

Fear of failing stops us from doing that.

And it’s stupid.

Because, like I said in the beginning, our perceptions of success and failure are skewed.

You are a success for being brave enough to claim your dream.

You are a success every time you follow your creative impulse.

You are a success every time you put it out there.? And each time you do – you’ll learn something about how to do it differently next time.

So every time you take a creative risk you deserve to be celebrated.

Just like I am celebrating cancelling the Creative Genius Retreat, and going on to California on my own.

I still get to have my own Creative Genius Retreat.? I still get to have a totally amazing time.

My flight leaves first thing tomorrow morning and I am very happy.

Expect to see lots of happy photos from my creative retreat on my Instagram and Facebook over the weekend.

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The Not Good Enough Monster

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Yesterday we had our check-in call for the Creative Dream Breakthrough.? We got together just to share where we’re at in our breakthrough process, explore what’s happening beneath the surface and offer each other support and encouragement.

It was going really well, then the Not Good Enough Monster showed up.

Yelling about how you have to get it right perfect, the first time every time.

That you’re never doing quite good enough.

That you’re never trying quite hard enough.

That you should have done better.? You should be doing better.

We gave him some cocoa and some toys and art supplies and reminders of how exquisitely perfect and worthy we all are, and how worthiness is something we are, not something we earn.

He calmed down.

Then last night I realised that my Not Good Enough Monster has been Quietly Out Of Control.

Quiet enough that I don’t notice that he’s there.? But silently and steadily insisting that I should be handling things better.? The problem with quiet is that it’s insidious enough that I don’t fight back.

And I started to see how much the Not Good Enough Monster has been colouring my whole life.

You see, yesterday I got angry.

The truth is, getting mad, and then honouring my anger by explaining why I was angry and asking for things to change made the situation better.

But the monster insists that I should now feel guilty about being angry, and then extra-guilty about how getting angry got me what I wanted.

I should be more evolved than that.? I should be so fucking magical that things just go my way without me ever having to engage with difficult-to-engage-with people.? I should be so wise that I can navigate through impossibly frustrating situations without getting impossibly frustrated.

I should be doing better.

While we’re at it, I should be eating healthier and walking more and have better clothes and make more money and be a better friend.

So, I am giving my Not Good Enough Monster a hug.? And putting him in the back seat.

Not Good Enough Monsters just want what’s best for us.? Underneath their words, they are sweet and lovable and deserve a cookie.

But they are not our wise and sparkling selves.? They are not our Creative Genius.

They should not be driving the bus.

 

creative inspiration cardPS: You?re all signed up for the FREE Creative Dream Coaching Circle next Monday, right?

This is a chance to get answers to your questions, get help dissolving obstacles and to simply fill up on love, magic and creative dream superfuel.

Sign up today!

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Sometimes a wrong turn is the only way to find the right path

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This week has been frustrating, all around. A special kind of frustration – the kind where you are doing exactly what you want to be doing and yet it feels off.

This is the thing about creative dreaming – in creating your dream as a real live thing you have to do things you have never done before. Which means you can’t know how it’s going to go ahead of time. ?

This is how it goes:

You’re inspired -> You act on it -> You learn stuff -> That feeds the next inspiration

But this is how we all seem to want it to go:

You’re inspired -> You act on it -> Everything is PERFECT BLISS – > Happily Ever After

Somewhere in leaping towards PERFECT BLISS and landing on YOU LEARN STUFF there is a world of pain.

It didn’t go the way you’d hoped.? Maybe your idea sucks.? Maybe you suck.? Maybe everything is impossible.? Who cares about dreams anyway?

But it just feels like a world of pain.

It’s actually a world of information.

Information about what does, and does not work.? Information about how to try it differently next time.? Real life information that helps you build your real life dream.

(Real life as opposed to DREAMS OF PERFECT BLISS.)

Your fantasy is not going to happen.

You’ll never just be handed the key to your dream.

Or a map that shows you how to get there without messy, painful detours.

Dreams come true through this messy process of:

  1. acting on inspiration
  2. having things go way differently that you thought they would/should
  3. being upset about that
  4. getting over it
  5. finding the gems in the experience
  6. letting that inspire the next step.

And so on and so on.

The people who live their dreams engage with that messy process.

I just wrote all of that to remind myself.

This was one of those messy weeks where I was doing a bunch of PERFECT BLISS kind of things and what I got was a pile of life lessons.

Andrea Schroeder

That’s me this morning (bedhead and all!) with one of my custom made Creative Soul Alchemy cards – a perfect bliss activity if there ever was one.

I learned A LOT.

And this morning I am remembering the magic of how letting go of how you thought it should be creates space for it be what it is.? And life, what it is, is beautiful.

PS: In case you missed it: You’re Invited! To a whole summer of healing + art-making with me, online. Click here for deets.

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Conversation With My Inner Critic: Not Believing In Yourself Is The Worst Feeling In The World

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I wrote this on Monday, before sharing my new Creative Soul Alchemy Batter Tastings. ?I want to share it because I know a lot of people read my blog who want to be doing similar things to what I am doing, and I want to paint an honest picture of what it takes for me to be, and stay, connected to my creative genius, and be actively putting myself, and my ideas, out there.

Often we look at people who are “doing it” and assume it must be easy for her.

Which is not only not true, it puts you in the position of it’s not easy for me so I guess it’s not possible.

Which is bullshit.

And, which is why, even though it’s really uncomfortable for me to share so honestly and so publicly – it’s really the only way for me to be effective in my job of helping creatives bring their dreams to life.? So here goes:

I am tense achy sore cranky frustrated.

I lit some candles, sprayed some magic sprays, rang a bell and did a healing on the dream loft to lift the energy enough so I can breathe again. ?But I still feel 100% crappy, just down from %1000 crappy a few minutes ago.

It’s time to shift this, so I am having a Creative Soul Alchemy session with my inner critic. ??As always my inner critic speaks in?italics.

_______________________________________________________________

So here I am, ?sitting on my yoga ball, in my newly re-arranged workspace, with my two BIG tables pushed together to create a GIANT table.

Well that’s dumb. ?You re-arranged your space to do this new thing and no one’s going to buy it! ?How’s it going to feel to have to move everything back because you failed?

You know, even if no one buys new thing #1 I know lots of people are going to participate in that other thing this summer, which will require a GIANT table for GIANT art-making.

You’re such a fucking pollyanna it’s so stupid! ?This is why you get you heart broken so much, you know. ?If you would just…

Just stop hoping? ?And dreaming? ?I can’t do that. ?I AM GOING TO BE ME. ?That is final.

I know, and it’s terrifying.

Can you tell me what is scary right now?

No one is going to want your new thing.

I understand that you think that, and that’s cool. ?But why is it SUCH a big problem? ?I don’t remember feeling this scared or stressed out in a long time. ?I’m not sure why this particular thing is so scary.

Because the price is wrong.

The price is not wrong. ?I think you know that.

You’re right. ?The price is not wrong. ?But no one will pay this price for this product/service.

It’s cool that you think that, I’m still confused about why it’s such a huge problem. ?You don’t think anyone will buy anything. ?And this is just a batter tasting, to see how it goes. ?If no one buys then I know it doesn’t work as a thing-to-sell and I move on.

This is awful because the price has to be even higher for the real thing than for the batter tasting, to be sustainable. ?And no one pays that much money for art! ?And your Creative Soul Alchemy cards are life-alteringly gorgeous, like on a SOUL LEVEL. ?Like, Creative Soul Alchemy is what they actually are! ?This is needed! ?And it’s going to fail! ?I’m not sad for you as much as I am sad for the world that it’s going to miss out on this. ?Also kind of sad for you but I know you’ll still make the cards for yourself so that’s good.

So there are 2 things there:

  1. the idea that no one pays for art
  2. immense immense love for the cards

Let’s start with #2.

I didn’t?realise?how much love you have for the cards! ?I?appreciate?that so much! ?Suddenly I feel less tense and stressed out. ?I feel grateful for everything that has happend in my life, that brought me here to this idea and feeling ready to bring this idea to life.

But it’s not ready, that’s the thing.

So what would it take for it to be ready?

That’s impossible.

And that’s how we know that you are believing a lie. ?Nothing is impossible, there is always a way. ?I think we should address that thing that is sitting just beneath this conversation: the idea that people don’t buy art. ?You understand that this is absurd, right?

Let me explain. ?I know people buy art. ?And for millions, not hundreds. ?Or at least thousands. ?But the kind of people who want your art don’t buy art.

You can hear how ludicrous that is, right? ?Let’s think back to the love you have for this project. ?Let that love be a bubble of sparkles. ?Take the idea that no one wants to pay for this thing and put it in the bubble. ?What happens?

The idea that no one wants to pay for this thing shows up as a dusty deck of cards that no one wanted. ?When I put it into the bubble the dust goes away (because of all the glitter) and it turns out the bubble is full of tiny people who run over, like RUN over to take the cards. ?Then they hug the cards and you can see tiny red hearts coming out of them. ?They love the cards. ?They get it.

Yes. ?There’s the shift. ?So what is true now?

There there are people who will love the cards. ?There are people who will get it, see the value in it, and be so so so so SO thrilled to get their own custom made deck of magic.

I only have space for 8 batter tasters. ?And if that goes as I hope it will and I start to do this regularly, there is still a very limited about of these that I am going to be able to create each month. ?If you take that number, and compare it to the number of people in the world – how likely is it that there are enough people out there that will want it?

Very. ?It’s just a matter of finding them.

Right. And we can work on that part.

Right.

So I feel better, do you feel better?

Yes. ?I can’t wait!

So let’s do a blessing for all the people that the Creative Soul Alchemy cards are for.

OK.

{do blessing together}

_______________________________________________________________

And there it is. ?I feel ready to put this thing out tomorrow. (which is now yesterday)

That conversation is only the last in a long line of conversations and healing sessions I do with my inner critic(s).

I say that to make it very very clear for you: feeling like you can’t do something doesn’t mean you can’t do it. ?It just means you have to work on the inner stuff first.

PS: Creative Soul Alchemy Card Batter Tastings are available here.

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Permission to change.

By / /

My creative journal kit has been in overdrive lately as I’ve been mapping out new plans.

I am taking 2 classes starting in April, 2 transformational classes that I am both super excited about and totally ready for.? They are providing me with the structure and support I need to make some really big changes in my life and my business.

And there is this part of me that is all geeeeeeeez, again?? You just changed everything, not that long ago.

Yup, I did.? And yup, I am doing it again.

Actually, that change led to this change.? Every change leads you to the next change.

There is this insane idea in our culture, that we’re supposed to do something once, and it’s done.

This is not how anything actually works, though.

And this idea actually makes it harder to start, because while it’s telling you that you have to get it right the first time it’s activating your inner perfectionist.

Perfectionism kills creativity.

Plus – how can you know the right way to do it if you’ve never done it before?

That’s IMPOSSIBLE.

Creativity is flow and joy and trying things in an atmosphere of delight and letting your work, and your self, evolve.

Learning as you go.? Building as you go.? Growing as you go.

It takes the pressure off right now and it makes much bigger dreams possible, because each new thing builds on the last.

With each new thing you’ve got a stronger connection to your vast internal resources, so your possibilities become larger.

Change is the best!? Change is magic!? Change is INEVITABLE, it’s the only thing in our world that actually stays the same.

And yet, here I am, writing this post to myself to convince myself that it’s ok to change.

  • Reminding myself that the “what will people think?” voice is not a voice that knows how to lead me to where I want to be.
  • Reminding myself that the “holy CRAP this is so awesome!” voice has always led me to somewhere really amazing.
  • Reminding myself that I am ready for this next step.? If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be here, at the starting point of this new journey.

Deep breath.

One of the crazy/beautiful things about my work is that I am always in this container of transformation with my clients.? As I do the work of supporting their dreams in coming to life my dreams are supported in the process.

Taking classes and working with mentors creates this gorgeous smooth supportive space where you can get what you need, to create what you want in your life.

Teaching classes and being a mentor speeds that process up.? They say you should teach what you need to learn.? What I love is teaching what I want to learn.? Helping others grow in the exact same ways that I want to grow.? There is so much beauty in that.? And as long as I am actively engaged in this kind of work, my dreams will be actively growing

Any place where I fight change stunts that growth and that is actually more uncomfortable than the uncomfortable parts of change.

So in conclusion,

Change: Bring it on!

Consider this your permission slip to change anything and everything you want to change.? If you want to share your thoughts on change, join the conversation on the Creative Dream Incubator Facebook.


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Things I Know (Dialogue with my inner worry-wort)

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When I’m a little dazed and confused, it’s always helpful to write out a list of things I know.? This is a random list of what I know today:

1. All Signs Point To YES.? Just because this new thing is a “way bigger deal” than anything I’ve done before, my inner critics are convinced it can’t succeed.? But nothing has actually happened that suggests this isn’t going to go exactly as planned.

2. I am clearly exceeding my current limit for what I feel comfortable receiving.? I have been here before and it has never meant anything other than it’s time to expand my limit.

3. My intuition is clear. My intuition has never led me astray.? Following my intuition has always proven to be safe.

4. I don’t have to see it to know it’s there.

5. I have so many options it’s ridiculous.? There is always a way.? And I have so many tools for finding ways!? I have The Best Tools, actually.

6. The work I’m doing right now lights me up like nothing else.? I’m definitely on the right path.

7. My mission is much bigger than me.? (The top of my head tingled when I wrote that.)? The support for me mission is also bigger than me.

In light of all this, sweet tiny part of me who worries, are you sure the worry is needed?? It’s ok to take a break if you want, I’ve got this.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure I need to worry!? What if no one is worrying?!? What will happen when things start to go wrong if I wasn’t worrying in advance!! Disaster!? I wouldn’t be able to fit all the worry into the time left! And then what?!?!?!

Yeah, and then what?

I wouldn’t worry all the worry!

I know, but what would happen if you didn’t worry ALL the worry?

[No response for a while, she just looks kind of stumped and confused.]

If there is too much un-worried worry, doesn’t it fall to the ground and ruin everything?

I don’t think so sweetie, has that ever happened?

I don’t know.? I just want to be READY!? When disaster strikes I don’t want to be surprised, I want to be ready.

Do you think worrying in advance is the best way to get ready?

Yes?

Yes?

Yes!? Worry makes you look at other options!

But worry isn’t the only thing that makes me look at other options.? What about the Creative Dream HOLYdays we do every month in the Circle?? So many options, ideas and possibilities come out of those, much more than worrying has ever created.

Oh my gosh! Worry might not be the best tool!? The HOLYdays DO give you the best ideas.

You don’t have to worry about whether or not you’ve been using the right tool, sweetie. See worry actually makes it harder to move forward because it’s got kind of a heavy vibe.? Worry slows things down which I think you like because it feels safer to you to slow things down.

If I was cataloging all the ideas, possibilities and options instead of worrying I think that would be more helpful.? I could respond faster in an emergency.? And… well, you’re right that I do feel safer when you are moving slower and I could still slow you down by showing you the catalogs.

Huh.? I am very inspired by my little worry-wort!

I’d love to create this catalog!

I do have journals upon journals filled with this stuff but if I put it into a binder where I can organise everything that actually would be very helpful.

Excited! I’m off to get a latte and get started cataloging my many options, possibilities and ideas.

If you're ready to make your dream real, I am here to help. Click here for my Creative Dream Incubator.

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Creative Flow. Why Aren’t You Here Yet?

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So I continue to work on this project.

My heart is full:

DELIGHT? in the magic of this project

CARE for all the little details

GRATITUDE for being offered something that is on a scale far, far beyond the level I’ve been working on

LOVE for the project itself and how it’s going to help people

And still. Progress is beautiful and slow. MADDENINGLY SLOW.

Hmmmm.? Seeing that there in black and white I feel I should add: it’s probably not slow at all.? It’s more like I WANT IT TO BE RACING CAR FAST.

Something amazing is coming to life here and it needs whatever time it needs to do that.? And I know that is true about every single thing that comes to life but that doesn’t change how annoyed I am with this for being so slow.

And *pouf* my Creativity Fairy Godmother appears right beside my laptop.

Oh honey, you know, right?? You know that your annoyance is actually slowing things down?

Yeah, I know.? But it’s how I feel!

Oh of course!? We would never tell you to feel differently than how you feel!? But, well, you know better than to try to push and work on a thing that you are annoyed with while you are annoyed, right?? I mean you’re not exactly a beginner …

Right.? If I am annoyed my attention naturally wants to be going to taking care of the annoyance.? Instead I am trying to force my attention to remain on the project, which is the source of the annoyance and YIKES yes I am compounding the annoyance and turning it into a bounder which blocks creative flow.

Yes sweetie Creative Flow is Flowing. That’s what it does.

And here I am – throwing boulders in its way while demanding it to show up faster.

Right so, would now be a good time to stop doing that?? You’ve got that lovely soup waiting for you at home. What if you go home, enjoy some soup, and take care of your annoyance before coming back to this project?

And *pouf* a little devil appears on the other side of my laptop.

Hello – are you my annoyance?

Hello yes!

What do you want to tell me?

There is a reason why I’m here.? I’m annoyed that you are trying to rush – you’re playing into that old people-pleasing pattern of yours and it SUCKS.? I HATE IT.

Ohmygosh!? I totally didn’t see that.? But you are so right, I did slip into that old pattern and I can see why.

Yeah I can see why to – it doesn’t take a genius.? And seeing WHY doesn’t change anything.? I want you to change something!

(Little devil actually pushes me out of the people-pleasing pattern and I can feel everything shift)

Wow, thanks for the push.? Now I can see so much clearer.? I actually do want to finish this quickly, that is my truth not just my people-pleasing pattern.? That’s funny, my people-pleasing pattern and my truth both want the same thing, I’m not sur that is ever happened before.

We both want the same thing, we just need to take a different approach.

My truth is that I want this to come together quickly and I know better than to think I am in control of the timeline.

And the little devil and my Creativity Fairy Godmother are gone.? It’s just me and my project and everything seems kind of sunny.? My project looks apologetic, like it didn’t mean to annoy me or to throw me into that old people-pleasing pattern.? My project loves me like I love it.

I think I will go home and have some soup for lunch and take a little break and come back to this later.

If you're ready to make your dream real, I am here to help. Click here for my Creative Dream Incubator.

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I Am Stuck.

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Recently I was offered a really incredible opportunity.? (No, I can’t give any details.)

In order to move forward with this opportunity, I have to create something.? I create things all the time – so no biggie, right?

Ha.

The first draft was no biggie actually.? The enormity of the project hadn’t quite sunk in yet, I was super excited and so I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote.? And what I wrote is pretty good.? It’s nowhere near what I want it to be and what I know it can be, but it’s a great start.

And here I am, with a weekend free to work on this and I. Am. Stuck.

So, hello there stuck.? Can we talk?

Yeah, I guess, I mean sure but it’s kind of hard for me to talk.

Why is that?

Well, I’m stuck!? I’m crammed into this space that is too small for me.

Oh, can I help?

Maybe.? I don’t know.? It’s probably easier to just stay stuck.? I can curl up in here and never leave.

Really, is that what you want?

(pause)

No, I don’t know. Yes. I want that right now, getting out just seems so hard!? But I don’t like the idea of ALWAYS being here.? I want to have the option to leave.

That makes sense.? How can we give you the option to leave?

Well, just understanding HOW to get out.? Oh!? I could stop trying to go straight ahead and inside go sideways.? Maybe that is how?

Yeah, it seems like you could kind of roll sideways and get out of there.

(Stuck rolls sideways and gets out of there.? The feeling of stuckness inside of me lessons noticeably but doesn’t totally disappear. Stuck just looks at me, then curls up in a ball right beside the small container he had been stuck in)

Ah, so now I can see that we’re in a meadow at the edge of a forest and you, dear stuck, are a bunny!? And you were stuck in a barrel.

I went in there looking for a safe space because it was dark and rainy and scary out.

That makes sense.

So now what?? Now I feel free, I’m out of the barrel, but I want to stay right beside it because I may need to jump back in which means I may get stuck in there again.? I don’t want to go hopping around in the forest, it’s scary out there!

I know.

Like that project you are working on – that is terrifying!? I want to go nowhere near there.? And if you go near it, I will jump back in the barrel.

Well I understand your fear but I don’t want to let you hold me hostage.? Not only do I really want to do this because I think it will be fun (omg! do you remember last week when writing was fun?) I want to do this because it’s going to help so many people.

Oh, yeah,? It’s hard to remember the good parts when the scary parts are so big.

So why are the scary parts big right now?

Because you’re out of the flow.? You’re looking at where you’ve gone off-track in order to bring the project on-track.? Looking at the off-track parts wakes up fear and doubt and makes the good parts shrink.? It’s not that it’s wrong that there are some off-track parts – that’s a natural part of the creative process.? It’s more like you’ve got to just focus on on-track.? I don’t know – start over fresh instead of editing?

Start over fresh instead of editing. Oh that feels like a pit in my stomach, like I’ll never finish if I do that.

Sometimes you have found a lot of freedom in that approach.? Everything you wrote is still there, you can grab parts of it but put it together fresh. Actually I think you’ve done that with every major thing you’ve ever done.

Yeah, maybe.? And this feels different.? The timeline for one.? Not seeing the whole scope of the project for two.

No, those things are not so different. Sweetie, remember the good parts!? Remember the fun and how amazing and helpful this will be!? KISS!? KISS! (Keep It Simple Sweetie)

Simple.? I could stand to simplify this whole thing.? OK yes. I feel a little less stuck now.

And I want to go hop around in the forest!

(Bunny hops off.? I kind of lean against the barrel and a snake slithers out.)

Oh!

(Snake does not respond.? It just stares at me.? This is the part of me that Does Not Believe And Never Will.? I see a pile of hay lying on the ground and take a tiny bottle of love, comfort and peace and pour it on the hay, creating a nest of love, comfort and peace for the snake.? Snake curls up in the center of the nest.)

Yeah, I can do this.

I am taking the fact that this is a HUGE DEAL and putting that in the barrel.

I am taking the timeline and putting that in the barrel.

I am sealing up the barrel.

I am taking the fact that I am really excited about this project and putting in a heart-shaped locket and putting that around my neck.

I am taking how helpful and useful this is going to be and spinning it into yarn and knitting myself a soft, soft hat out of it and putting it on my head.

Yeah, I can do this.

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I Am Stuck. Read More »

Inner Critics are sneaky and make things seem more complicated than they really are.

By / /

Eight months ago I received a letter about my pension plan at my former job.? More of a package than a letter, with a ton of stuff to read through and a decision to make about what to do with my pension money now that I am no longer contributing to the pension plan.

I looked at it at the time and it started to wake up too many inner critics and fear goblins so I noted that there was no deadline on it – and just filed it away.

And in the eight months since – every time I thought about dealing with it, my inner critics and fear goblins got so riled up I just put it aside again.

They had a lot of stories about how complicated and time consuming and stressful and annoying it would all be.

About how I’d probably have to go down to their office and explain my situation to someone.

Which is the Absolute Last Thing I want to do.

Can you see it?

“Hello, Pension Planner Person.? I quit my solid good paying nice job to play with glitter and sell magic on the internet. And no, I don’t want to stay in this pension plan.? I have magic on my side!”

So, yeah, lots of things to avoid and not want to deal with there.

Because I was believing the story that my inner critic was telling me.

About how I don’t fit in and no one will understand me.

And how my financial decisions are ridiculous.

Etc, etc, etc.

So I stayed away from the whole thing and over time, as the past eight months went by, the stories became more and more real.

And finally this week I decided to make it a priority and do whatever I had to do to get this settled.? I did remember somewhere there that some money was going to come to me when I sorted this out.? And the money would be handy right now as move into my Dream Loft.

So I quieted my inner critic and opened up the package and this time read it in detail.

Oh.

Not what I expected AT ALL.

Basically, I can take my money out whenever I want or I can leave it in and draw a pension when I retire.? That part is all cool.? I don’t have to make any life-long decisions right now.

And there’s some extra money, money that is not a part of the plan and is actually mine and needs to come back to me at some point.

So the reason why they wanted a response from me is just to send me money.

Money that would more than pay for the really super cute appliances I’ve been thinking about getting for my new place.

It took 5 minutes.? All I had to do was fill in the form and send it back.

And now I wait for my cheque while deciding which colour I want for my cute new fridge.

Inner Critics are sneaky and make things seem more complicated than they really are

They hold us back in ways that are so hidden we can’t even see that we are being held back.

Things look so hard but really they aren’t.

All these things you think you can’t do – you can do them.

You just have to stop believing the stories your inner critic is telling you.? And then all sorts of things become possible.

And then, you can take it a step further by getting your inner critic on your side.? And then the real magic can start.

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Inner Critics are sneaky and make things seem more complicated than they really are. Read More »

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