Saying “I want to be in the flow!” is generally the worst way to get there, because energetically it points out how you’re not in the flow now and plugs you into that part of you who so desperately wants to be there, but is not.

Scheduling a meeting with flow seems to work in kind of the same way, as that’s what I had on my calendar for today…? meeting with the heart and soul of flow to put together the materials for the Playdate with Flow that is happening in the Circle next week.

And most of the day I’ve been decidedly out-of-flow.

Hot and sweaty.? Shopping (SHOPPING!? Not a hot-day favourite in my world, I got a sunburn on my arm just driving to the mall) for the insulated curtain liners I swore I would buy this spring so that my 2 storey wall of south-facing windows didn’t turn the DreamLoft into a HellSauna as soon as it got hot.

Annoyed with myself for not having bought the liner sooner.? Why do I still put things off?? And why why why can’t I start acting like a grown-up already?? I’m 39, shouldn’t that have happened by now?

Annoyed with the condo developer for not installing better heat-blocking windows.

Frustrated that it’s summer but I’m not at the beach.

Getting blisters from my cute butterfly shoes because my feet are hot and sweaty and sticking to my shoes in weird places.

Not a recipe for being in the flow, that’s for sure.

But here I am.? Showing up anyway.

And flow meets me with open arms and says “Oh honey, I don’t even have to say it, right?? I’m always here for you, that’s what I do.? I’m even in the mall and on hot sweaty days and when everything goes wrong.? I’m here.”

She shows up like a serpent with angel wings.

And I like her, and I like being around her, even though I don’t like snakes.

I want to be all “OK, let’s do this.? We have some work to do” but I just kind of curl up in the corner, exhausted.? Flow brings me a cup of tea and a reminder that pushing myself to get work done is not flow-like.? And that it would be impossible to create my Playdate with Flow from that place.

I sip the tea.

Tea is a source of flow.? Not when I have it just for a little energy jolt, when I have it simply to enjoy having it.

Resting is a source of flow.

Curling up is a source of flow.

Being present in my inner world is a source of flow.

“Not controlling the outcomes is a source of flow.” she whispers as I am starting to wonder… am I going to get my work done today or is not getting the work done the way the work gets done and if so – well, how do I get the work done because it really does need to get done.

Except it doesn’t really need to get done today, I guess.

Ohhhh… today I need to meet with flow and not dictate how the meeting goes.

“Sweetie it’s kind of funny how often you forget.? You can plan to meet with me – I love that you did that.? But you can’t plan to meet with me so I’ll whisper secrets in your ear that help you get your work done at a speed that defies the laws of the gravity.? Trying to control the outcome of your meeting with flow lands you right back out-of-flow.”

Oh, so Flow doesn’t want to help me write the workplaybooks.? Or maybe she does.? But she can’t/won’t do it if I am trying to make it happen.? Force and Flow cann’t co-exist.

I forgot about being open to the adventure of being where I am.

I can see how it was me wanting the planning for this Playdate to happen in a certain way that pushed some blocks into the path between me and Flow and everything just got more funky the longer I left those blocks there, insisting that this is how it has to happen.

Release.

Now it’s me and Flow and a tea party.? Little cookies on darling little plates.? The air sparkles with magic.? My expectations about how this day was supposed to go are all wrapped up in little packages, sitting just outside arm’s reach.? I can pick them back up if I want, or I can leave them there as long as I like.

There are big cushy pillows everywhere.? Soft happy music is playing.? The room is brighter.

I’m trusting that my work will get done when it gets done, and remembering that my best work happens when it comes from flow.

And it seems really silly and short-sighted now, that I was so hell-bent on getting this work done NOW.

I’ve been trying to write this post and I’m noticing that I feel uncomfortable and I want to just delete it because I think it’s boring and I appreciate my readers and don’t want to bore them.

Beneath this noticing, I’m noticing that I never hesitate to share the stickier suckier parts of the creative dream path. ?I share bits and pieces of happy stuff on facebook all the time but to write a whole blog post about how freaking amazing everything is?? Uncomfortable.

I know a it’s easy to look at someone (like me) who is doing exactly what they want to do and think: it must be easier for her.

But as a teacher and guide in the Land of Creative Dreams I know that waiting for it to be easy is one of the most common ways that people kill their dreams.? So I write a lot about the hard parts, as encouragement.?

To say: it’s hard for me, too.? It’s hard for everyone.? Don’t give up just because it’s hard.

But today I only have happy things to share: everything in my life is painted in all these gorgeous new shades of beautiful and true.

So much is changing for me right now.

I’m stepping into a new layer of who-I-really-am.

I’m starting to lead transformational retreats in the most creatively inspiring places around the world.

I’ve totally re-built the Creative Dream Circle to be simpler, more fun and more accessible.? (Registration is closed to new members right now, but when it opens back up you’ll be able to hop in and play your way to your dream, easier than ever).? I am so happy and proud about this.

The new Circle needs a whole new business structure around it, one that can support such an sparkle-licious level of radiance and magic.? I’ve got the plan in place and am working towards this.

I got a cute haircut and have been sewing adorable dresses.

I’ve been drawing like a crazy person, and looooving every second of it.

I hardly ever sit still, I am happily bouncing through my days.

I feel more creatively alive than I have in a long time.

But these are just the outside changes.? The reflections of what is changing inside me.

There is so much more spaciousness and clarity inside me.? I’ve been working with these qualities for a long time, that work keeps rubbing away the stuff that blocks them, and this past few months some big chunks of stuff fell off.

It feels amazing.

A layer of is-that-really-possible-dust was just cleared off of my possibility glasses.? I’m blinking a bit, slightly disoriented because everything is so bright, but I’m happy to be here.

This is a part of the Creative Dream path, too.

It’s kind of stupid that I’m uncomfortable sharing it here, because this is why we work through the hard parts, yes?

To get to the part where you feel like there’s more space for you.

Like your life is true-er and deeper and brighter.

The place where your Creative Genius is bigger and brighter (and STAYS bigger and brighter) than your doubts and fears.

The place where those old patterns that hold you back just gently fall away.

I love this part.?

This is why I do this, so I can live in this place more often, and help you to build your home here too.

PS: I want to remind you that the door is open to the Rainbow~licious Creative Healing Circle. Inside the circle, I’m drawing my way through my energy body, and drawing in the changes I want to change, which is pretty much the most amazing thing ever.? There’s a lot of magic in there for you.