Update FORTY FOUR!? I’m closing in on a whole year of weekly updates.

When I set out to do these updates, my mission was to welcome 800 members into the Creative Dream Circle this year.? I started these weekly updates to share the process of holding the dream strong enough and long enough that it comes to life.

That’s not what happened.? Some would call this whole thing a failure.

I’ve just passed 200 members in the Circle and given the way I’m approaching this at this time I don’t see a way to get to 800 by the end of the year.

Though I do feel that if I still really wanted to hit 800 this year, I could do it.? I’ve learned so much about business this year and am feeling more confident than ever.

But the fact remains that I’m not going to hit my original goal.? And that’s good!

What happened instead is that I learned more about what I really want.? Which is what happens when you grow dreams from the inside out, which is exactly what I teach in the Creative Dream Circle so it would be ridiculous for me to be approaching my dreams differently than how I teach people to do it!

When you’re aligning with heart, soul and purpose (which is a MUCH bigger job than you think – most of us are (unconsciously) very strongly aligned with our limiting beliefs which we take as fact) a new story emerges.

My new story is that I’m not as ambitious as I thought.? When I read blogs written by people who DO want to work with thousands of people, who LOVE having that huge business, who see BIGGER as the only way to grow – I don’t feel anything.

I don’t feel inspired.

I don’t feel a tinge of jealousy that they have something I don’t (which would mean that of course I want what they have).

I don’t feel all high and mighty that they’ve sold out and I’m a better person for not being so ambitious (which would mean that I do want they have but I am not willing to admit it to myself).

I’m happy that they’re happy, that’s all.? There’s none of my stuff tangled up in it because that’s not my story.

Then there are other people out there with really unique and gorgeous in-depth coaching programs and when I look at what they’re doing – I feel inspired.

Because one big thing I learned this year is that I’m not as finished with one-on-one coaching as I thought I was (having 800 members in the Circle would mean not doing any more one-on-one work).

I am deeply inspired to create a whole new super in-depth coaching program, and am working on it right now.? It will plug into what happens in the Creative Dream Circle and go deeper for the people who want to go deeper.

I am also inspired to do more group intuitive healing calls with the Circle which I will be doing next year.

Dreaming of having 800 members this year was not a mistake.? It led me to knowing more clearly what I actually want.? I want to make that super duper clear because this happens with dreams all the time and too many people feel like failures as a result.

Pursuing your dreams out of alignment with your heart and soul WILL bring you to what is right for you. Along the way you usually do have to let go of your original vision and settle into what is really true for you.

The more graceful and awake you can be about this process the better as your inner critics will want to insist that you are a failure and they’ll drag this evidence along towards any other dreams you choose to pursue.? Do not underestimate how good the inner critic is at the art of IMPOSSIBILITY.

So this week I’ve been focusing on getting to know my Dream Self? better (this is the me who lives my dream) and getting clear on what I need to do to grow into this version of myself (for Circle members: this is in module 6 of the Creative Dream Incubator e-course).? This is a DreamSelf collage I made:

As I explore my Dream Self I’m learning a lot about what I want to do next and how I want to do it.

I’m making more time for art.? I’m working on my new coaching program. I’m taking lots of bike rides.? And I’m re-filling the well which is still running low, after creating The Mandala Class and moving the Creative Dream Circle to a new site this month.

Oh! The Mandala Class!? It’s going soooo much better than I’d even hoped.

Circle members are doing the most amazing mandalas, full of transformation and wisdom and healing.? Every day I pop in to see what’s been posted and I’m blown away by their stories.

So grateful to be doing this.

This week The Mandala Class started inside the Creative Dream Circle and I didn?t get anywhere near as many new sign-ups as I had hoped for.

This happens sometimes.? A small part of me felt sad but most of me was just really happy about sharing this amazing class with all the people who have already signed up.

And as soon as people started posting photos of the mandalas they were drawing and the amazing insights they were gleaning from the process I stopped caring about who didn?t sign up and was busy cheering on the people who did.

When your dream and your business collide there are certain considerations to be made.

Because the path to a dream never goes in a straight line and there are always gifts in getting what you didn’t want but at the same time I need to pay the mortgage and buy groceries, Moleskines and glitter paints.

What I have found is that the best way to approach it is to see it all as an experiment and be light with it.? When you really NEEEEED something to go well and make x dollars that puts so much pressure on that everything tenses up and it gets easy for things to go sideways.

I have built my business slowly. ?And in that time I have discovered things that work for me, so if I hit a financial speed bump I feel confident that I have the tools to boost sales to get over it.

But I?m also always trying new things, following my inspiration about what I want to put out there and how I want to put it out there.? Often I am surprised? things I think won?t work so well actually work very well, and things I am sure will work well just don?t.

The lighter you can be with all of this, the more resilient you?ll be and the more likely you?ll stay in the game long enough to build a stable foundation.

And of course sometimes you just can?t afford to be light with your finances.

When I was in my 20s and trying to make a living with my art I was always hovering on the edge of financial ruin. ?While I was committed to exploring my creative gifts and learning how to make a living with them, the whole thing really was stressful and eventually I did ?give up? and get a job.

(The story from how I went from starving artist to working in a cubicle to being financially secure enough to comfortably leave my job to be a full time artist, plus tools to do the same yourself, is in The Creative With Money Kit, which is one of the classes you get in the Creative Dream Circle.)

It turned out that ?giving up? and getting a job was not giving up at all – it was the perfect move to make to build a sturdier foundation for my dreams.

So now I?ve set my financial life up to be simple and easy so I can be light with this and approach my business with an attitude of experimentation.

So, I didn?t meet my sales goal this week and that?s ok.

I did learn something really important – which always happens when you take ?failure? lightly and are willing to explore it to find the gifts in it.

I was inundated with people who wanted to sign up for The Mandala Class, but not join the Creative Dream Circle.? That’s why my sales were so low.

But the truth is, I want to work with people who are committed to creating positive change in their lives, and to bringing amazing things to life. ?These people know that it?s a journey and it takes time.

I don?t want to work with people who just want to take one class.? But my marketing plan for this year relied mostly on promoting individual classes as I added them to the Circle.

See? ?Disconnect.

These kinds of disconnects happen all the time when you are actively living with and pursuing your dreams, because you?re always growing and your dreams are always growing and so things shift and change and disconnect.

I had been braining storming what I want to do with the Circle for next year, and was already leaning towards a shift and this shows me that I am really on the right track with my new ideas.

So, as a result of not meeting my sales goal this week I?m feeling more inspired and sure than ever about what I?m doing next. ?So YAY for not meeting my goal. ?Onward and upward.

Coming back to the Creative Dream Check-In Questions:

My dream is shifting a lot right now, so it?s good to keep track of it in this way.

My dream is: To keep growing the Circle at a steady pace and to do my best to serve the members in bringing amazing things to life.

I want it because: Purpose. Fulfillment.

When I have it I will feel: Hmm, I feel like I do have it because I am doing this right now. ?It feels like spaciousness, peace, alignment and fulfillment. ?I like it.

But dreams are about guiding us into the next stage. ?So what is my next dream?

Oh, my secret project. ?I don?t want to share any details yet because it is likely to change a lot as I work on it.

I see secret project working really well with the Creative Dream Circle. ?This is how I want to grow and evolve and share my gifts next.

I want it because: I feel like something lights up in my heart when I think about it.

When I have it I will feel: Like I am serving from a place of deeper purpose. ?It feels bigger and more solid. ?I feel excited to move into this.

So that?s the new dream. ?I am writing this part of the update on Tuesday morning because I wanted to write this story while it was fresh, so this gives me my focus for the week: Secret Project.

What happened in the last week?

Oh my, after writing the update to this point on Tuesday morning it feels like all hell broke lose.

I wrote a post about Creating Space To Grow Into Who You Are Becoming As You Move Towards Your Dream.? So I’ve been doing a lot of that messy vulnerably stuff.

I cut my long hair short.? In intuition started to scream at me on Wednesday afternoon to chop it all off, so I stopped at a hairdresser that I ride past on my bike ride and sure enough – they could take me right away.

I feel like I left a whole lot of things I don’t need anymore behind, tangled up in that big pile of purple hair lying on the floor.

It’s been a super roller-coastery week.? Super super happy and sure.? Self-doubt and sadness.? A great big mess in the Dream Loft as I sort through it all.? All the usual stuff of personal and creative growth.

How do I feel about this?? Right now I am bubbling with enthusiasm about what comes next.? Like I still have preparations and packing to do but I am so ready for this journey.

I actually feel TALLER.? This is something that has happened before when I’ve been in a bit of an inner-growth spurt.? I like it.? It gives me a new perspective and makes bigger dreams feel more me-sized.

What do I need now?? To be gentle with myself and the process.? To not rush.? To pay attention to how I’m feeling and follow my intuition.? To remember that everything is possible for me.?

What does my dream need now?? My dream is smiling sweetly at me from the top of a mountain. ? It’s happy I’m making the journey and waiting for me to get there.? It’s not time yet for us to be together, I have to first grow into the me who can carry this dream, before we can journey together.

Taking all of this into account, my next mission is:?

Keep meeting with this dream and getting to know it while focusing most of my time and energy on supporting the new qualities that want to emerge in me and my life.

The part of this that is challenging is that I want to dive into the Secret Project but I really do need to focus on this inner work first but I get so impatient.

That’s what the Dream Loft looked like yesterday.

I posted this photo on Instagram and said:? Total chaos as I re-arrange the entire Dream Loft. Sometimes personal + creative growth comes with a need for new space to play in.

I’m going through all of my things.? Getting rid of a lot (which is weird, but because I got rid of half of everything when I moved in here so I don’t really have that much “stuff” to start with).? Changing other things – a coat of paint or a re-purposing.

Monday when I borrowed a friend’s extra-tall ladder to start putting the Giant Papier-Mache project up.? (I haven’t blogged about this yet, but have been sharing pics of it on Instagram as I go)? This is a Giant Project and will take another few months (at least?) to complete.

But Monday I started to put some of it up, very high up:

Which, of course, changed the feeling of the space – which is exactly what the Giant Papier-Mache project is all about.? Which helped me get a stronger sense of who-I-am-growing-into as I grow into new dreams.

Having a dream come true on the outside is always about growing into a new part of you on the inside.

I’ve been talking a lot lately about building the internal capacity to hold a bigger dream.

It’s also about inviting in new qualities and ways of being.? Which spill out into every aspect of your life.

(For Circle members there’s a ton of stuff on this in Module 6 of the Creative Dream Incubator e-course which is about growing into the you-who-lives-your-dream)

Some of the qualities of my new dreams are: alignment, trust, spaciousness, soul-sparkle.

So I am looking at ways to bring them into my space.? I’m looking at ways to set up my space to support these qualities in emerging in my day-to-day life.

All things tell stories.

As I’m looking for things in my space that do not support the emergence of these qualities,? I’m looking for things in my space that tell my old stories.

Like the book that old boyfriend gave me that shows how he never actually understood me or those shelves I bought because I couldn’t afford anything nicer.? Or those lights I bought and spent wayyy too much money on and it turns out I don’t really like them but I feel like I somehow should like them because of how much they cost.

These are not the stories I want to live in.

Changing the stories is dirty & exhausting work.

Literally, because I moved into the Dream Loft kind of early, so the construction crews kept coming into do more work which piled dust everywhere which I still find in corners and strange places when I move things.

But mostly emotionally as I confront each story and choose a different ending for it.

Which includes sometimes falling into the old stories which is kind of dangerous.? I’ve got a lot of sad stories and a lot of stories where I was not very powerful.

I’ve cleared out so many of these stories over the past decade.? But it’s obnoxious how these little story fragments can hang on and stay alive after a decade of no air.

I’m building extra-strong time boundaries that keep me in the present and keep the stories in the past as I pick them up, dust them off, and send them off to their new homes.? But sometimes boundaries fail.

I have a whole bunch of work to do.

I have a few new projects that are jumping up and down and begging me to play with them.? But I need to do this part first: to create space for the new me who can successfully bring those projects to life.

The bigger the new project or dream or change of any kind you want to invite into your life, the more space you need to make for it.? If it would fit in your life as it is, it would already be there.

I’ve been having a hard time with fall,? and because of that I am trying to be more conscientious about enjoying and appreciating fall.? So far I’m having these pockets of loving fall, and pockets of being sad about summer coming to an end.

Right now I’m curled up in my orange velour sweatpants, drinking a lavender tea latte and kind of in love with the gifts of cooler weather.

I’m also in love with that productivity energy that sweeps in in September.? This was a big week.

A few weeks ago in my updates I was talking about meeting the dragon and getting to know the dragon and how it can help me be more powerful.? The dragon was helping me get bigger and see things from a bigger perspective, including thinking bigger about my work and my dreams.

I feel like I have gotten a lot better at the art of being really happy and satisfied and grateful where I am while also look forward to what’s next and being excited about bigger dreams.? That’s pretty cool.? I can play with the dragon without having that mean that I’m not 100% happy right where I am.

This week I moved the Creative Dream Circle to a new website.

This move was the solution to a myriad of big and small issues I had been having and it feels amazing to have all of that solved.

Ultimately, when I set the Creative Dream Circle up on a Ning site, Ning was making all sorts of problems about what was coming soon with their new platform, and those promises just didn’t pan out and the features I wanted just didn’t show up and the site was not as user-friendly as promised.

At the same time, some of my back-end integrations were no longer integrating smoothly.

There are about a million options for anything you want to do online, so I took my time exploring, I checked in with my intuition and the heart and soul of my business and the heart and soul of Creative Dream Circle about the best way to support the Circle members and me and my business and one solution became very clear: to move everything to Simplero.

It feels like moving from a tiny apartment into a big house.? There’s room to grow my family here.

This is how I am growing my capacity.

Dreams and capacity work hand in hand.? You have to have the capacity to hold what you want before you’re going to be able to hold it.

Your dream loves you.? If the weight of it will crush you, it won’t come to you. You need to grow your muscles and build your capacity to hold it first.

I’ve done a lot of muscle building and capacity growing this year.? I feel like I have steadily increased my capacity and as I’ve done that, the Circle has steadily grown.

Steady steps win the race. I’m feeling very much on track and happy with how everything is going.

PS: The Mandala Class starts inside the Creative Dream Circle on Monday!