Starting is hard.

First, I thought I’d link to a video I did back in 2012 – the first ever Creative Dream TV video, which was about how Why It’s So Hard To Get Started And What To Do About It.

So last month we started Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance in the Creative Dream Circle.? This is a totally different kind of class – not really a class at all actually, more like a sturdy container for growing your depth and nurturing your brilliance.

What I love about this is that the intention of GYDNYB encompasses so much.? It respects the beauty, magic and power of having inner and outer working together in harmony.? It’s open enough that each participant gets to decide for themselves what kinds of changes they want to make in themselves and their lives through this work (be careful what you wish for!).

It’s a beautiful thing.

But anything transformational is terrifying.

And this program specifically, with the intention of growing our depths, is especially terrifying.? You can’t control depth work, though you can learn to trust yourself so much that you become more comfortable navigating deeper into your own depths.

So fear of change kicks in.? Fear of success.? Fear of failure.

Fear of not knowing who you’re going to become – which is scary on so many levels it’s no wonder most people don’t do this kind of transformational work.

And even though you don’t know what’s going to happen, you can feel how once you begin this journey, you’re not going to be able to go back.

These are all valid reasons to be afraid to start a thing like this!

But, we started anyway.

And some people, especially people who’d been taking classes with me for a while, were able to jump in and start playing.

As you can see from what I shared from my process last week, I’ve been struggling with it.? I’ve been in resistance and also quite terrified at how quickly things are changing in exactly the ways I’d wanted them to change.

And some people have been really having a hard time getting started at all so I wanted to write something about that.

Having a hard time getting started is a part of getting started:? Struggling to begin is a valid way of beginning.? Sometimes that’s the only doorway in.

While now I can skate 5km along the river no problem and am skating further every day, it wasn’t that long ago that I wanted to just sit down on the ice and cry because I couldn’t get anywhere.

If you can stop judging yourself for not starting, and stop judging the thing for being too hard to start, then you can open up some space to be there in the beginning where things are just sometimes naturally hard.

It also helps you be more present with what’s actually happening, so you can discern why you are having trouble getting started: maybe this is the wrong thing for you, maybe it’s the wrong time or maybe it’s just hard because it means so damn much to you and so much is at stake that it really is fucking terrifying to even contemplate beginning.

When it comes to something transformational like GYDNYB it’s usually the last one, which means it’s really important to figure out how to navigate the awkward starting point. Because whatever reason you had for signing up, whatever change you wanted to create in your life through this program, means a lot to you.

When things mean a lot for you the stakes are raised and it’s natural for your fears to freak out and it’s really hard to see things clearly in the middle of a freak-out.

So, for Creative Dream Circle members what I suggest for this is what I always suggest: take it into the Un-Sticking Station.? You’ll find the gifts in the hard right here.

If you’re not in the circle, you can look at this post about owning your emotional reactions which can give some clues on how to take your power back to help you start whatever it is you want to start.

And please remember that just because it’s hard to start doesn’t mean you’re not going to get to wherever you want to go.


Starting is hard. Read More »

Journaling with self doubt.

Tiny Fairy Tales are stories from my journal where I work with the Un-Sticking Station (inside the Creative Dream Circle) to help me sort out and smooth out what’s going on in my inner world.

Journaling with self doubt

As I said at the end of my Who do you think you are? post from last week, Debbie Doubter and I have more work to do.

But she’s not showing up as Debbie Downer anymore, the voice of self-doubt became more subtle and insidious over the weekend.

And I’ve just been trying to swim away from it, but it just follows me everywhere I go.? It hasn’t been fun.

I’ve been avoiding my practice and resisting my work with Grow Your Depth because it feels like facing this self-doubt this is the next thing I have to do on that path and I don’t feel ready.? I don’t feel strong enough or sure enough.

I don’t feel ready and I’ve been letting that stop me even though I know that we never feel ready.

And waiting until you’re “ready” is just a way of avoiding the journey.

I don’t want to avoid this journey.? I trust my intention for Grow Your Depth, I trust that this process is bringing me exactly what I need.

It’s just that so much has changed already.? It’s working, and that’s scary sometimes.

Hmmm.? Until I sat down to start journaling with self doubt, I didn’t realise that I’ve been letting self-doubt slow me down because I am afraid because things have been going so well.

Like, my problem is not even about self-doubt, I just need a little space to adjust.

My intentions for Grow Your Depth were about wanting to have more fun, make new friends, feel more grounded in my daily practices and in how I run my business, be more creatively inspired and engaged and a secret “impossible dream”.

Clearly, I was ready to have these things because they’re coming in much faster than I thought they could.? Even the impossible stuff.? I was more ready than I thought I was.

Isn’t that interesting, now the self doubt feels like just a smokescreen.

Just a tiny voice who wanted to say “Hey, can we slow down a bit and give me a chance to integrate to where we are now?” but didn’t know how to say that.? Or I didn’t know how to hear it.

But now that I do hear it: Yes, we can slow down a bit.

Yes, I can give myself space to accept the gifts that are coming in now.? And focus on appreciating where I am now.? And look at my next steps without pushing myself to take them as fast as I can.


Journaling with self doubt. Read More »

Opening up my practice.

practice

The heart and soul of Grow Your Depth Nurture Your Brilliance has asked me to start sharing my weekly updates for the Sharing Circles we do every Friday, right here on my blog.

I’m a little unsure about this as I share the really personal stuff in those updates -I don’t want to start censoring myself out of awareness that the updates are public and I don’t want to be writing 2 sets of updates.? Plus, I don’t want to explain everything behind how we do what we do with these updates here on my blog – all of that is inside the classroom.? So I’m not sure how much sense this is going to make to my blog readers.

So I’m really not sure what to do, but I do know that it’s important to work WITH the essence of?Grow Your Depth Nurture Your Brilliance and not assume that I always know best and that I should always do what I want.

And good things always come from this space of doing something that I don’t know how to do, so here I am.

The heart and soul of my intention for?Grow Your Depth Nurture Your Brilliance shows up as:

Bright white light with a tinge of lavender. (Ha! That’s what my hair looks like right now as I’ve been adding just a little purple dye to my conditioner)

The light feels really strong, like stronger than me.? Often when things feel stronger than me I have a hard time trusting them (Hello! I like to be in charge!), but I can trust this light to know the path better than I do.

I am Growing My Depth.? This week my practice was:

This week my practice had a lot to teach me.? The past few weeks have been so rough, with discovering things I didn’t want to discover.? I was so grateful that this week we found sturdier ground.

I guess it’s like the last few weeks I’ve just come up with lots of questions and learning a lot about where I’m stuck and even finding places where I didn’t realise I was stuck but it turns out I definitely am.

This week I was finding so many answers and learning a lot about how to transform the stucks.

I really like being in this part.

And I made myself a new Inspiration Card, which was part of my homework from last week’s Sharing Circle update:

It was about remembering to love and enjoy the process.? The message came out as “Welcome It” which reminds me to welcome whatever shows up, and honour the fact that the thing that shows up is always the right thing.

I am Nurturing My Brilliance.? This week things in my outer world were:

Following the ideas that came out of my practice, I shifted things around a bit with my routines and schedule.? The essence of what I want is delicious creative engagement and I’m letting that energy help me find what is right for me.

I love having all of the freedom that I have as a creative entrepreneur, but freedom means responsibility for setting things up in the best way for myself.? This feels like something that I just keep exploring and learning more about, and not like something that I’m eventually going to figure out and be done with.? What I need is continually changing.

REALLY GOOD NEWS: I got inspired to start a new project, a project I’ve been dreaming about for a few years but it always felt too big/impossible to start until now.

I do see how the energy to start now is coming directly from the work I’ve been doing in my Grow Your Depth practice.? This makes me feel so happy and grateful to be doing this work.

I am so excited to be doing this project!? I’m giving it a few hours every afternoon and am stunned at the progress I’m making.? It feels like these past few years as I’ve been dreaming about it I’ve been fueling it, because it’s coming together ridiculously smoothly.

And even though I didn’t really feel ready and wasn’t sure how to start, I started by just playing around and after a few days I found creative flow and direction.? I know what I’m doing now!

I also found a new sense of flow in skating!? I’m better/faster/smoother and enjoying it even more.? Making sunset skates on the river a daily thing is a pretty amazing way to enjoy the winter.

I am so delighted by how this has transformed how I experience winter.? Being super present and loving the cold and the short days instead of just waiting for Spring is a miracle.

The other thing that I want to talk about I definitely feel too shy to post on my blog – it’s the “sad situation” I’ve been writing about inside the Circle which has spun off into a new adventure.

The sad situation remains sad, but this week I did more to take my power back from it.? I’m still doing energy work of disconnecting from it and also giving my sadness lots of space in my practice so I can understand what it needs for healing and transformation.? Still learning so much about my own patterns there and where I want to open up new possibilities.

The new adventure that spun off from the sad situation is going so well!? I feel like I’m seeing things more clearly (thanks to the last few weeks of having the things I didn’t want to look at show up in my practice) and am able to navigate this path in a way that feels true to me.

It feels important that I remember:

That I can always trust my practice to bring me what I need.

Answers, ideas, energy – whatever.? My practice helps me mine my own depths.? By showing up consistently I can trust that I’ll have whatever resources I need for whatever I want to do.

(Impossible dreams can become projects that I start working on and the whole process can be delightful.)

Now I need:

There is a part of me that is really holding onto the sad situation, even though there are more parts of me who are working on letting it go.? Being in conflict with myself like this is not working for me.? It’s like I’m doing the work of letting go because I know that’s what good for me for it’s not what I want.

So, looks like I need more time in the Un-Sticking Station this week.? I know I can’t move forward in a clean way while I am conflicted.

My intention needs:

My intention asked me to start doing something new this week, and I’m doing it.? A new morning ritual of connecting with the essence of the thing I’m working on to help me enter the day in a state of deep connection with the purpose behind the thing.

I love this!? I feel so much calmer and sure-er and more connected to my deepest purpose, all day.

My intention needs me to keep doing this, and to be open to how this may change everything else.

Each week we have an extra journaling prompt, usually based on the new?Grow Your Depth Nurture Your Brilliance content from that week.

This week we’re exploring the concept of holding – holding new energy patterns in place so that we can start to live from them.? What thoughts, feelings and/or ideas came to mind as you read about holding?

I find it super empowering, even when I’m doing a really bad job of holding. Because it reminds me that I’m the leader of the process so I always have the power to do better.

And my experience with holding has shown me that it doesn’t matter if I do a bad job or a good job, all that matters if that I show up.? The times when I’m doing a particularly bad job with it are often the times that have the most growth and magic to them.

Also I think about all of the beautiful patterns that I hold without effort.? Effortless holding!? So many things that used to seem impossible for me to have are now a normal part of my life.? This helps me soften my disbelief about the things that feel impossible right now.

 


Opening up my practice. Read More »

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are

This year I am trusting Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance to hold and direct the process for what happens in both my personal and professional lives.

The wisest parts of me know that I can trust that as long as I am holding my intention to grow my depth and nurture my brilliance, and showing up for both the inner and outer work, that the exact right thing will always show up.

Other parts of me really don’t like some of the stuff that has shown up already and would like for this whole thing to be easier.

Like last weekend, when Debbie Doubter showed up.

“You know what?” She said on Saturday morning, “You really have no business calling yourself a teacher.”

And before I knew it, Debbie and I were trying to figure out what else I could do, because this teaching thing is surely going to fail.

Never mind that I have training and accreditation as a spiritual teacher.? Never mind that I’ve traveled all over the place to learn from the best teachers I could find, how to become the best teacher that I could be.? Never mind that I have happy, grateful students.? Never mind that I’ve been making 100% of my living as a teacher for the past four years, and that I did it part time for many years before that.

Debbie doesn’t care about any of that.? “Who do you think you are?? Who are you to believe that you have anything to offer your students?”

So, I used my Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance practice to work on my doubt and I started exploring.

What makes a teacher a teacher?

Training.

Oh, well I have that.? I was trained, I interned and I was accredited as a spiritual teacher and mentor.?? It took four years!? That’s not enough?

Well, you don’t have a University degree in teaching.

No, I don’t.? I do have a degree though.? And remember how awful some of my teachers at the university were?? Bullies!? I love my students and care about them getting what they want from my classes.? Doesn’t that make me a better teacher than those teachers?

But they were official.

OK, and they were teaching official stuff and I got an official degree from them.? What I’m teaching is not official in that way.? Do you think I’d be better teacher if someone else hired me to teach?? Like, because I built my own school that means I’m less than?

Well, yeah.? It’s not real.? Anyone can do what you did.

Anyone can do anything!

But it’s better when other people validate your work.

Ahh, there it is.? I made a conscious and deliberate choice to not have other people validate my work, to be independent.

(The irony here is that I made that choice so that I could have the freedom to be the best teacher I can be.)

I needed the freedom to build something that is in complete integrity with what I want it to be.? I do things differently than other people because of how much I care about teaching.

But you’re not a teacher!

Where is this coming from?

The truth!? It’s coming from the truth.? It’s a fact that isn’t going to change.

Who do you think you are? Who are you to think you have anything to teach anyone else?

OK, I can answer this for pages and pages, listing everything I have learned and all the ways I have developed my skills to the point where actually I have a lot to teach.

Not to mention the fact that teaching is how I learn, it’s how I stay on my own edge.? That I actually NEED to do this because it’s a part of who I am.

But that’s not going to change this conversation.? You’re not interested in logic.? What is it that you want?

For you to admit failure.

And then what?

(silence)

Come on, what happens if I admit I’m not a teacher?

Well, I’d be more comfortable.

OK, so if I admit that I’m not a teacher, then I get to live inside my own self doubt.

Yes!? It’s cozy here!

And the bubble bursts.? No, I don’t want to cozy up and live inside my own self-doubt.

Who do you think you are?? Who are you to believe that you are _____?

That voice is so insidious.? It shows up time and time again in my own work, and in private sessions with clients.

That idea that maybe we’ll be safe if we don’t stand too tall and don’t shine too bright and just kind of cozy into a really small story about who we are and what is possible for us.

It’s not true.? Not for me, not for you, not for anyone.

These parts of us become activated when we’re ready to trust ourselves and our dreams more, and believe in ourselves and our dreams more.

These voices show up when we take new steps towards our dreams.

It’s an energy pattern, and each time you are ready to shine a little brighter, you have to come into this energy pattern and alter it to make more space for your brilliance to shine through.

Otherwise, it’s just going to get sneakier about holding you back and dimming your light.

This is Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance in a nutshell.

Explore deeper into your inner world.? Transform what you find there. Make more space for your brilliance to shine out and light up your outer world.

Debbie and I have more work to do here.

She keeps showing up, in subtle and not-so-subtle ways.

I know that she shows up when I’m ready to play bigger and brighter.? I know this is a part of the process.

But still, being in it sucks.


 

Who do you think you are? Read More »

I started skating. And it was really hard.

skating

As I’ve been sharing my skating photos on Instagram and Facebook I’ve been getting so many likes and comments I thought I’d share the story here.

I started skating this year.

I used to skate, when I was a kid I took figure skating lessons and absolutely loved it.? But I hadn’t skated in at least 25 years.

I’m always hearing from people that I’m “so good at” trying new things, so I wanted to share this story because actually I’m NOT good at trying new things, at all.? And that’s kind of the point.

No one is good at doing new things!

In fact, you have to be willing to be bad, or else you can’t do new things.

You have to be ok with having more questions than answers.? And putting yourself into the unknown and being with all of the discomfort of that.

So, on January 2, I bought myself a pair of baby blue skates – shearling-lined, warm and cozy.

That’s something I learned when I started cycling in the spring – setting yourself up for success really helps!? I had wanted to get a cheap bike, just to see if I’d like it.? My sister convinced me to get a really good bike, one that was comfortable for me, to increase the chances that I would like it.? Smart!

So I started with these really comfy skates to increase the odds that I would enjoy skating.?? Plus I spent so much money on them, in comparison to what it would cost to rent skates a few times, that I felt some determination to “get my money’s worth”.

I felt committed.

On January 4, I went for my first skate, with a friend who skates a lot and could show me the ropes.

I was really surprised by how hard it was.

I mean I loved being out there, and I loved the idea of having a fun thing to do outside in winter.? But I was really bad at it.? And I really really wanted to enjoy it but I wasn’t having fun.

I wasn’t stable on my skates.? I moved slowly.? I fell a lot.

There are benches and warming huts everywhere and I would spend as much time resting as I did skating – which was a really good way to get started. I liked the sitting parts, just being out on the ice.

But being on my feet in the skates stressed me out.? Plus I found it exhausting, like each stroke took so much effort but hardly got me anywhere.

And sometimes I just wanted to sit down on the ice and cry as other people glided past me and I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t do that.

But I kept trying.? I wanted to like it and I felt like I would, if I gave it a chance.

I remembered when I started cycling how I got really tired then too, and how I got better at it really fast.? (Though cycling was never stressful, I never felt unstable on my bike so this felt more challenging.)

And I got a liiiiiitle bit better each time.

January 14 was one of my first “successful” skates, where I did more skating than sitting.

After taking this picture I even went up and skated over that bridge.

Then I re-connected with an old friend who, as it turns out, is super fun to skate with.? My first skating friend helped me learn the ropes, but he skates with hockey skates so he couldn’t show me specific stuff about how to use my skates.

My second skating friend showed me the magic of figure skating.? Twirls and spins!

Then I felt comfortable enough to go alone, and started going most days after work, even when no one else could come, and skated along the river while the sun set, which is crazy beautiful.

Skating on the river in Winnipeg is a pretty magical thing.

There’s an architecture competition every year to build warming huts along the skate trail – it’s like a magical little world opens up on the river.? There’s even a restaurant.

My whole experience of winter has shifted.

I wasn’t expecting that.? I was just hoping for something fun to do.

But now I have this thing that I am excited to do every day – like going to the park in the summer – I see winter in a whole new light and I’m not feeling all lethargic and slow and wishing for spring to come.

Instead of being annoyed by how little sun we have, I’m delighting in the early sunsets by being out on the river for them.

Following my dreams is leading me to some pretty cool places.

This is not where I thought my dreams would take me, at all.? The things that mattered most to me were always creativity and freedom.? I wanted to figure out how to not have a job, and spend my days being creative.

But as I have been getting more and more in tune with my own heart, soul and creative potential my dreams have grown and deepened and changed and surprised me.? And now I love things like skating on the river.

And, though the process of change and growth and learning new things is challenging, life just gets richer and deeper and better.


I started skating. And it was really hard. Read More »

New Video: Nurture Your Brilliance

Last week I shared a video tour of my Grow Your Depth journal.

This week I thought I’d share a tour of my Nurture Your Brilliance journal – this is where I work with bringing the inner changes out into the outer world – to create more of what I want in my life.

In this video I’m sharing how I do this in my business, but the same principles apply for anything else.

I recorded this video as content for Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance so the tools I mention in the video are available inside the classroom.

New Video: Nurture Your Brilliance Read More »

Vulnerability

Tiny Fairy Tales are stories from my journal where I work with the Un-Sticking Station (inside the Creative Dream Circle) to help me sort out and smooth out what’s going on in my inner world.

vulnerability

Vulnerability is a tiny flower, so tiny it’s hard to notice that it’s actually a ballerina – what you think are flower petals are actually her tutu.

But if you get in close enough to see that she’s a ballerina and not a flower – you’re too close.

It’s harder for her to dance when someone can see that it’s a dance and not just petals bouncing in the breeze.? So hard that sometimes she just freezes up and cries and hopes you’ll go away.

Not that she doesn’t like you, of course.? It’s just that what if you don’t like her dance?

No one really judges the way a flower bounces in the wind.? People do judge the way ballerinas dance.? And this ballerina cares so much about the world that she wants to delight it.

Vulnerability wants to hide.? But she can’t delight the world if she stays in hiding.? So she camouflages instead.

When I feel vulnerable I don’t feel like a delicate tiny ballerina at all.? When I feel vulnerable I feel raw.? I feel like a giant and like everyone can see me and everyone can tell that I am just barely keeping it together.

The tiniest things get magnified when I feel vulnerable.

So what can the ballerina teach me about navigating being in an uncomfortable state of vulnerability?

(Because sometimes I feel vulnerable and it’s not uncomfortable)

Camouflage.? It’s a way of creating safety.

But camouflage is a way of fitting into a world that I don’t want to fit in with.

Oh.? Well that reminds me that vulnerability is actually a part of living my truth which is actually really important to me so damn.

Being vulnerable means my heart is exposed.

And that’s actually exactly how I want to live.


Vulnerability Read More »

“Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway” is bullshit.

"Feel the fear and do it anyway" is bullshit

My inbox has been overflowing with thank-you emails.

Thank you for being honest.

Thank you for sharing that you get scared too.

Thank you for telling the stories of the hard times.

And it can feel so good to know that you’re not alone, that it’s hard for other people.? And that just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s not possible.

It’s can feel SO good to not be alone in it.

But I don’t want to leave you with just those happy warm feelings of “I’m not in this alone”.

I want to show you that you don’t have to stay in that place, and specifically that getting out of it is a learn-able thing.

I mean yes of course there is purpose is being where you are, in not resisting how you are feeling no matter how crappy the present moment may be.

But there is no purpose is staying there.

You deserve healing.? You deserve transformation.? You deserve to have the life you want.? And you deserve it NOW.

I share my stories to share the empowerment and truth of healing and transformation.

To say “Hey!? The energy alchemy process and creative + intuitive healing + transformation I teach WORK to transform fear, doubt and uncertainty – no matter how stuck you feel”.

I’m not one of those people who can just “feel the fear and do it anyway”.

I spent FOUR YEARS studying to become a teacher of a spiritual teaching that practices the law of attraction – I still can’t “positive think” my way out of fear.? (And that was after fifteen years of studying spirituality, creativity, energy healing and personal growth)

I get scared, all the time.

I don’t always wake up in the morning believing in the beauty of my dreams.

I teach this stuff because of how much I need it.

Because it’s really important to me.

When you make this work a daily (or even just semi-regular) practice you transform the way fear functions in your inner world.

You can’t obliterate fear.? You can’t bury it so deep you’ll never have to feel it again.? You can’t just ignore it.

But you can change how it functions in your inner world, which changes how it impacts you, which changes how you see things, which changes how you behave, which changes your whole life.

There are a lot of cheesy sayings about how everything you want is on the other side of your fear.? And it’s true – that’s where your dream is right now

But I think the coolest things that you find on the other side of your fear are the things that live inside of you.? Power.? Sovereignty.? Creativity.? Trust. Clarity.? The inner resources to build your dream life.

So I don’t want to just leave you with that warm happy feeling that you’re not in it alone.

I want to leave you with the understanding that there are powerful, proven, creative processes that you can learn that will help you literally change what happens when you feel afraid.

I want to leave you with the understanding that you can learn how to transform anything which means you can create anything you want in your world.? That it really is within your reach, right now.

And I want to invite you to come and learn and play with all of this with me, in Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance.? There is magic happening in our playhouse/classroom every day, and I’d love for you to be a part of it.

“Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway” is bullshit. Read More »

I’ve hit a wall.

Tiny Fairy Tales are stories from my journal where I work with the Un-Sticking Station (inside the Creative Dream Circle) to help me sort out and smooth out what’s going on in my inner world.

wall

The pink haired fairy princess has not moved in days.

Why? Why is it so hard to move?

She can’t see anything.? With great effort, she starts to move her hands in front of her only to discover that she is flat up against a cool stone wall.

She looks down.? Oh.? She’s standing on a tiny ledge.? High up on the wall.

How did I get here?

Well, maybe it would be better to focus on the more pressing question… how are you going to get out of here?

The fairy princess isn’t sure who’s talking but is grateful for the advice.

Right, ok. I can’t go forward, I can’t go down…. hmm.? Maybe I can go up??

She reaches her hands up and sure enough, there is a ledge.? She grabs it, hoists herself up and finds herself staring into the kingdom of that-thing-she-wanted.

Oh right.? Now she remembers how she got up on this ledge.? Procrastination.? She had been poking around on facebook when she made one wrong click and found herself here.

She sits down and cries.

I want that thing that I want so badly.? But I can’t go down there.? They’ll all laugh at me, I won’t fit in, it’s not going to work, I don’t have time, I need to focus on something more productive.

Suddenly she wishes for the comfort of being flat up against the cool stone wall.? At least from there there was nothing she had to do and no one asking her to be brave.

Maybe I can just hop down there, quickly sneak out and go for lunch.

Lunch? You think lunch is going to help?

It’s that voice again.

I’m hungry, I don’t know how long I was pushing against that wall, but, yeah I think lunch will help.

What will it help you do?

Gather myself!

Gather… what?? You’re right here, aren’t you?? What needs gathering?

The fairy princess closes her eyes.

I need to gather my thoughts.? Figure out what to do.

Figure out what to do? You’re looking straight at the thing you want, and you want sulk away and figure out what to do about it? How about going over there and grabbing it?

Grabbing?!? It?

The fairy princess realises her invisible life coach is making some sense.? This is exactly what had been wanting to do, before she started procrastinating, before she started poking around on facebook

So now that she found it, why did she want to escape?

These “why” questions you ask yourself are not helping.? Trying to figure out why keeps you stuck in the situation.? Honey, you only have 2 choices: go grab the thing you want or go have lunch.? You can’t stay here.

The princess feels a kick on her back, turns around and sees a big chicken.

A chicken.? My life coach is a chicken.

Actually, it looks like YOU’RE the chicken.

I know I want it, I know it’s right there, but I’m scared… yeah, I’m chicken.

So why don’t you just go have lunch then?? If you’re a chicken then go be a chicken.

Happily eating her sandwich, sitting under a tree, the fairy princess felt much better.

Being a chicken is better than staying pressed up against the wall pretending not to be a chicken.

Baby steps.


I’ve hit a wall. Read More »

Hopelessness

Tiny Fairy Tales are stories from my journal where I work with the Un-Sticking Station (inside the Creative Dream Circle) to help me sort out and smooth out what’s going on in my inner world.

hopelessness

Hopelessness is a big bug.

It’s so big it covers your whole day and oozes sticky slime onto it.? The sticky slime makes it so hard for you to see possibilities and good things and sometimes, sometimes it even makes it hard to breath.

But if you look it in the eye, you can see that it doesn’t mean to be an asshole.

It’s just scared. And your day was a safe space for it to land and take cover from the monsters.

So let’s build it a sanctuary so it has somewhere else to go.

The Hopelessness Sanctuary.

A place full of soft blankets and warm pools and soft sunshine.? Healing salves and and a good strong hand to hold and tiny little potions that make everything all better.

There’s a bar where the bartender always knows what you want, you don’t even have to ask for it or talk at all.

There’s a massage therapist who you would swear is a magician.

And a candy store full of delicious things totally taste like candy, but never, ever make you feel that ick of having eaten too much sugar.

There are tiny cheerleaders who celebrate every time you accomplish anything, even if it’s as small as getting out of bed.? They’re totally cheering for you right now.

When hopelessness feels safe and loved, it’s body starts to shrink, and then these huge, sparkling wings spring out.

And pouf.? It’s a giant dragonfly.

And you can hang out in the shade of its sparkling wings (the shade kind of sparkles too) and just breathe.


Hopelessness Read More »

VIDEO: Look inside my Grow Your Depth Creative Journal

(I recorded this video to share inside Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance program, so all of the classes and tools I mention in this video are things that you get when you join.)

Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance starts TODAY.

This is the class that I need this year, I can’t wait to begin.

We have a group of 250 amazing people already gathered and I hope YOU are going to join us too.

VIDEO: Look inside my Grow Your Depth Creative Journal Read More »

My Intention For This, Or How Stepping Onto The Path Changes The Path

Tomorrow we start Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance.? I’m feeling excited and grateful and ready to begin.

And as I sit with all of this amazing energy swirling around as the community gathers, I wanted to share something I wrote about my intention for what we’ll do together this year.

intention

Over the past few years, I have created all of the classes that were in me to create, about accessing your inner creative superpowers for healing, transformation, miracle-making and ultimately for bringing your dreams to life – which is really just learning how to live your truth in deeper and truer ways.

It still startles me the way our whole world seems to be designed to make us forget who we are and live out of tune with our truth. So the act of coming into alignment with yourself looks and feels like the biggest miracle ever, when really it?s just you being you – which has got to be the most natural thing ever.

All of the tools and processes for doing this are in my classes, which are all accessible to you inside the classroom section of the Creative Dream Circle.

Marketing gurus tell me to keep teaching these same classes repeatedly – that this is the way to easy money as a teacher. And I do love the way that new miracles emerge each and every time and I would be delighted to keep doing just that.

But my intuition and inner creative genius tell me I have to keep growing and stretching. It?s time for me to take the next step.

?Taking the next step? always scares me.

It feels like my heart and soul and creativity are on the line, though really they?re not. It feels like my livelihood is on the line, and I suppose it is.

But mostly it feels like I can?t live out of tune with my own inner truth (and wouldn?t it make the worst teacher ever if I did?) so, scary or not, this is the step I?m taking because this is where my intuition says to go.

I don?t know exactly what it?s going to look like.

I mean I have plans and I have written a lot of the content and I have this heart-vision for what it?s going to be.

But depth work is not predictable.

So I?m going to set out on this path, knowing that stepping into the path changes the path.

I?m going to ask you to trust me to create and hold this space, and continue to re-create and hold the space as it shifts and changes through our collaborative healing and transformation work/play.

I am deeply committed to this process – not to controlling it and shaping it into something neat and tidy and easy to explain – but to being there, in the depths and for creating warm, inspiring space for you to stay there as well.

My heart wants to whisper to me here: it?s going to be so amazing and magical you?re going to laugh so hard that you ever worried about how it might go.

So this is what Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance is: a container for mining your own depths, for becoming more skillful at re-decorating your inner world in ways that delight you.

And then for stepping back and watching the miracles happen in your outer life as your inner work takes root.

We all resist the depths.

We crave deep healing and transformation and at the same time we run from it. It takes a lot of heart, courage and inner strength to stay the path.

This program is a hand to hold, a light on the path and a gentle reminder to stay the course.

It’s as much for me as it is for you.

It’s what my soul is urging me to move towards and I am so delighted for each of you who is joining me on this path. I am in awe of what we are going to create together.

We start tomorrow.? Click here to join us.

My Intention For This, Or How Stepping Onto The Path Changes The Path Read More »

[CREATIVE JOURNAL PROMPTS] Working with a crap day and transforming it into wishes come true.

Creative Journal Prompts

I had made this really fantastic video that I wanted to share with you today.

And I started uploading it yesterday at lunch time.? It’s pretty long… I left it to upload overnight and this morning I woke up to see the upload had failed.

So then I set it to upload in a different way, then went out for coffee and journaling.? And came home to find the upload failed again.

Now it’s uploading, slowly, but my wish to share it with you today is just not going to come true.

I found myself getting all stressed out because I’m not going to be able to stick to my plan.? And all the tiny little fears and doubts and inner critics used that stress as a doorway to step into my experience.

Until I remembered: this is part of it. Working with what is and transforming it into wishes come true.

This is what?Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance is about and this is what the video is about that I want to share with you – an in-depth tour of my journal and all the magic I’ve been finding in it.

I brought everything I was feeling into my journal, where I had been exploring the first set of prompts that I am giving people inside Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance and then it dawned on me: a better way to do this.

I can share the video on Monday – that gives me all weekend to get it uploaded.

And today I can share the first set of prompts that I am giving people in this program and also share what I’m doing with them.

This kind of lit something up inside me: this is a way better plan!? It means you get some prompts to play with over the weekend!

Even if you’re not joining Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance, you can explore these ideas for yourself in your journal.

Creative Journal Prompts for Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance:

Healing and transformation are difficult things to track because when done right, you feel so at home in your new way of being that you forget how things used to be.

Tracking your progress is important because when you can look back and clearly see how you?ve grown, that gives you confidence to keep going. Plus the process of tracking is very clarifying, and healing and transformation are often confusing so practices that generate clarity are always helpful.

So that’s why we’re starting with these particular creative journal prompts.

Spend some time with each prompt and follow your thoughts wherever they lead you, even if it means you don?t quite answer the question. The point of this is to get a snapshot of where you?re at right now as you begin.

Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance is a support system for deepening your journaling practice.

(If you’re not sure what that means follow this link for more info)

What does this mean to you?

What do you want your practice to be like?

What do you wish will happen for you in this process?

What are you worried might happen?

Look over your answers – what feels really important to you?

In what ways would you like to grow your depths?

In what ways would you like to nurture your brilliance?

As you grow your depth you naturally nurture your brilliance, you start to shine more brightly and your possibilities start to shine more brightly as well. Specifically, what new possibilities do you want to create for your life in this program?

My answers:

This is my page for exploring the creative journal prompts, in process:

my creative journal promopts

(In the video that I’ll share on Monday I talk a lot about how I approach the creative part of journaling)

Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance is a support system for deepening your journaling practice.

What does this mean to you?

  • to be more committed to my practice, both in being more present with it when I do it, and to spend more time with it
  • getting more magic out of my practice

(Ugh.? At this point I realised my answers were really kind of “Stuck in my head” type answers.? Like I was already resisting the magic.)

What do you want your practice to be like?

(This is where I let my heart take over answering and it started to feel much better)

  • soft space to land no matter what’s happening in my life
  • a miracle-generator
  • safe private space to express anything
  • sturdy container for healing and transformation

What do you wish will happen for you in this process?

  • a more stable experience of healing + transformation, being more grounded in it
  • for the things I want that currently feel impossible to become possible

What are you worried might happen?

  • that my resistance goes nuts and stops me from going into the depths and I stay on the surface
  • that I discover things about me that are hard to face

Look over your answers – what feels really important to you?

  • when I used the words: sturdy and grounded they felt really important.? I’ve been doing healing + transformation work for 20 years, it doesn’t feel like I want to change what I’ve been doing as much as do it in a more grounded way, and feel more study during the process of it.

In what ways would you like to grow your depths?

  • to have less resistance to feeling how I feel
  • to be bolder in wanting what I really want
  • to feel more connected to more parts of me more of the time

In what ways would you like to nurture your brilliance?

  • to let my inner truth out faster? (hmm, is this true?? must explore further – maybe waiting until I feel safe is a good idea!)
  • to let my inner truth out brighter, I can feel places where I hold back and I want to explore these places, learn more about why and how I hold back (so much of it is unconscious!) and look at ways of shining brighter that feel right for where I am right now.

As you grow your depth you naturally nurture your brilliance, you start to shine more brightly and your possibilities start to shine more brightly as well. Specifically, what new possibilities do you want to create for your life in this program?

  • I want to be having more fun.? I feel like, with being more conscientious and present doing depth work in my journal every day that leaves me needing less alone introvert-recharging time which means I can have more playing-out-in-the-world time.
  • I want my secret wish (which I don’t want to share) for the thing that I currently worry is impossible for me to have.

Then I added that image on the left, which spoke to me of having space for all parts of me to get what they need, which feels like what I really, really want from this.

This is exactly the class that I need this year and I am sooooo ready to start.

If you’re already signed up, you can start playing with these prompts now, and on Monday we’ll start sharing our answers (only if you want to, of course, it’s totally OK to keep all of your work to yourself) in our private classroom.

If you’re not signed up – I hope you will join us! When I connect with the heart and soul of Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance, I can feel how each person who participates contributes in such a meaningful way – that we really are stronger together and each of us can dive in deeper to our own process because we’re doing this work in community.

And I’ll share that video of my journal with you on Monday.


[CREATIVE JOURNAL PROMPTS] Working with a crap day and transforming it into wishes come true. Read More »

How to create your deep, amazing + wildly transformative practice.

[This post is from the content for Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance – a year-long class on deepening your practice?that?you get inside the Creative Dream Circle.]

How to create your deep, amazing + wildly transformative practice.

Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance is a support system for deepening your journaling/healing/magic-making practice, which deepens your relationship with yourself, your life and your dreams.

It is specially designed to help you develop your practice to the point where you can create a miracle for yourself when you need it, which is essentially about learning to trust your intuitive creative voice so deeply you allow it to lead you into the life you really want to be living.

What does this mean?

Well, the magic and miracles already live inside you, your practice is how you excavate them.

So, together, we’re going to practice digging deeper and building our capacity to hold more magic.

Depth work is a deep and wild thing, and not something we can control.

Our egos, or small selves, or conscious minds, can have a really hard time with this because this part of us wants to understand what’s going to happen.

You’re not always going to understand what’s going to happen.? And that’s ok.? It’s actually the only way to go into the depths.

I often have no clue what I’m doing.?

The secret is to show up anyway and you’ll quickly discover how amazing + magical this all is.

What is “practice”?

What I?m calling ?your practice? is essentially your creative + intuitive healing + transformation work/play, which happens in your journal. So to simplify I tend to call it ?your journaling practice? or ?your practice?.

But it’s more than just doing the work.? Approaching it as “a practice” is important.

The dictionary definition of practice is: ?repeated exercise in or performance of an activity or skill so as to acquire or maintain proficiency in it.?

In terms of your journaling practice, what it looks like is”sitting down with your journal and an intention to do a creative + intuitive healing + transformation process”.

(If you’re new to the Circle – don’t worry about not knowing what this means, soon you’ll have TONS of different processes to use for different purposes)

I would define practice as a container which holds your process of unfolding.

What, exactly, is unfolding, is different all the time.

This is where you work on healing and transformation and bringing dreams to life – essentially, becoming more of who you are. So, in that way, your practice is about practicing being you.

I experience my practice as a container and notice how the container gets sturdier the more I show up for it – it can hold more. It can hold me through the times when I don?t quite feel strong enough on my own.

And, of course, in the times when I?m not showing up as much, the container feels flimsier and my possibilities start to get dim.

What I bring to my practice impacts my practice. If I?m resisting something and only wanting to show up in superficial ways, my practice is only going to give me superficial benefits.

The deeper I go, the more magic exists.

Which is why I wanted to offer Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance: because we all deserve to live from that deep magic.

Plus – Grow Your Depth is the class I wanted to take this year, this is really what I need right now.

The word practice also speaks to how this work is different from performance.

There is space here to explore and try new things and get it wrong. There is nothing to measure up to, this is space to meet yourself where you are. Ironically, the more you practice the better you perform, but practice needs to be a performance-free space.

The best practice is a living thing – growing and changing along with you.

My practices change with the seasons and with my dreams. There can be a lot of awkwardness in this, as you are growing and changing and your practice is growing and changing and sometimes you can get out of step with each other.

In fact, the act of creating (and re-creating!) and navigating your practice can be frustrating and uncomfortable but it is really, really important because it’s one of the ways that your practice will grow you.

Working on your relationship with your practice is a part of your practice.

The best practice fits you and your life as it is today while supporting you in growing into who you want to become.

Daily practice is important to me, but this work is my livelihood and so I have space for it. (See my videos on Daily Practice for more on this – making it fun, inspiring and deeply nourishing helps make it easier to show up more often.)

If you push yourself to practice more than you really have time for, then you are bringing that forceful energy into your practice. On the other hand, if you are practicing less than you really need, you are bringing that resistance into your practice.

This is a continual balancing act, again – working on your relationship with your practice is a part of your practice.

One of the gifts of practice is being able to spot these kinds of energy dynamics and work with them sooner – before they get bigger and start to mess things up in your life.

Your practice is this thing you do every day or every week but as you deepen it over time it becomes something that impacts your whole life, it gives you sturdier ground to stand on.

When you practice the piano every day – you get better at playing the piano.

When you practice creative + intuitive healing + transformation every day – you get better at everything.

As I talk about in the definition section – transformation happens after healing and it’s about holding the new way of being long enough that the roots can take hold.? Without this part, it’s too easy to fall back into old patterns.

So, underneath whatever else is happening in your practice, this is the ultimate intention: transformation.? Holding the new way of being.? Getting better at showing up for yourself and living in deeper alignment with your brightest gifts.

Your practice is something you do on your own, but you’re not going to be in this alone.

ALL of the classes in the classroom, plus the Un-Sticking Station and the Creative Genius Mojo-Dojo are FULL of? tools and processes you can use in your practice.

This means you don’t have to sit down and wonder what to do – you’ve got a smorgasbord of healing + transformation processes and you get to pick what you want to play with.

If you’re new to the Circle: your first step is to play with the classes and get to know the tools and processes for creative + intuitive healing + transformation.? You can start with whatever class feels right for you (but if you’re not sure – start with the Creative Dream Incubator) and working through that class will be how you practice.

Plus there is the entire Advanced Creative Badassery Resource Library filled with hours and hours and hours of videos and classes that cover every possible situation you could come across on your path to growing your magic and bringing your dreams to life.? (I’ve spent the last three years filling the library up with everything me and my clients have ever needed in the process of bringing our dreams to life.)

You’ll have whatever tools, resources or lessons you need to navigate your path.

If you’ve been in the Circle for a while already: Grow Your Depth is about the taking the next step – taking the tools and processes that you learn in the classes, and bringing deeper into your own practice.

So you play with them and experiment with different ways of approaching and guiding your own practice, all within the supportive + magical container of Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance.

Miracles happen here all the time, and there are plenty to go around.

So let’s start!

First, remember that we have all year to work on this.

You may have too many ideas for what you want to do and not know where to start, or you may not have a clue what you want your practice to be. You may feel overwhelmed or freaked out and unsure that you can do this.

Just keep showing up and you’ll sort through this.? This is part of your practice.

You’ll start with The Starting Point prompts. This creates a record of where and how you are beginning this journey, helps you clarify what it is you want to get out of this and gives you some ideas for how to proceed.

Tracking your progress is important because when you can look back and clearly see how you?ve grown, that gives you confidence to keep going.

Plus, the process of tracking is very clarifying, and healing and transformation are often confusing so practices that generate clarity are always helpful.

So we’ll continue that tracking process every week in our sharing circle posts, but don’t worry about “having to” participate every single week – remember our guidelines about only participating in whatever way works for you.? I’ll start a new sharing circle post every Friday so there will always be a fresh one there for you when you choose to participate.

These posts are where you get to peek in on my process as I deepen my practice, which may give you clues when you feel stuck.? Also, reading what other people share is super inspiring plus you get that feeling of doing this work as a part of a supportive community, which is the best.

If you feel stuck or unsure in any way, use the Un-Sticking Station and see where that takes you. That?s the thing I use the most in my journaling practice.

(Please remember that getting stuck is a valid and needed part of the process.)

Check out my video where I share what I’ve been doing in my Grow Your Depth journal.? And you can read more about the process of Creative + Intuitive Healing + Transformation.

Mostly, trust that where you are now is the perfect place to start.

Your practice will grow you, and as it does, you will grow your practice.

So it can look shaky and unsure in the beginning, that doesn?t mean it won?t grow into a sturdy and magical container.

Remember: practice isn’t about knowing what you’re doing or being great at it! It’s about practicing.

I promise: there is a lot of magic for you here, if you give it some time and space to come to the surface.

And remember that you?re going to get tons of support.

Every week we have our sharing circle where I offer some questions for asking yourself that help you process and navigate your path.

And every week I?m adding new content to Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance – thoughts, ideas and teachings that help light the way to deep and lasting healing and transformation which can spark ideas for your practice.

Every 6-8 weeks we’ll meet for a live call where I’ll do coaching and healing work with you.? These calls happen at different times each time, to give people a chance to participate from different time zones, and if you have questions but can’t be on a call live you can post your questions in the forum and I’ll answer them on the call.

All of this will gently nudge your practice more deeply into your own process of creative + intuitive healing + transformation.

This is the class I need for myself this year.? My heart is bursting with joy about being able to do this with you.

Thank you for being here.? Let’s dive in.

If you feel inspired to do so, I encourage you to share some of your answers to The Starting Point prompts in this thread.

 

How to create your deep, amazing + wildly transformative practice. Read More »

How boundaries + sovereignty can help you with your dreams.

How boundaries + sovereignty can help you with your dreams.

I’ve been getting some comments about how I handled a few of the situations during the tele-summit, like when I ended one class at the one hour mark, even though we still had more people waiting with questions.? As I said on the call, I only had an hour before the next call was starting and needed that as my “introvert recovery time”.

People are feeling kind of inspired and also curious about that kind of self-care and boundary setting, so I thought I’d share my response here in case you’re feeling the same way.

One of the threads that is in everything I teach is sovereignty.

This is the idea that you are the queen, and your inner world is your queendom.

When you recognize that you have absolute control over this terrain and you get to create anything you want for yourself here, then it becomes important to know yourself well enough to know what to create here to best nurture and support you and your dreams.

Absolute control = absolute responsibility.? Nurturing your inner superpowers becomes your job.

For me, this is a working double overtime round-the-clock kind of job.

This process involves a LOT of exploring and experimenting.? No one starts out already knowing how to do this.

It also speaks to how you have 100% control in your domain but 0% control over everything outside of that.

So if someone wants you to be doing something differently than how you are doing it – well that’s just not your business.

You have no power in their world anyway and – this is the important part – trying to make them happy would exhaust you and dis-empower them because it feeds the lie that “they need you to do a certain thing for them to feel good”.

This is the core of co-dependency which is how most of our society functions, so for a lot of people it doesn’t seem co-dependent, dis-empowering or crazy – it’s just business as usual.

Shifting that kind of thing takes a lot of work, which is why I teach Creative + Intuitive Healing + Transformation.?

Learning how to create space inside of us that allows the transformation to take root and blossom into a totally new way of being is one of the most important things we can learn.

This is how we become the benevolent and effective caretaker of our inner domain.

Another aspect of it, for me, is integrity.

I do my best to do what I say I’m going to do. So if I offer a 60 minute class, I intend to end the class at the 60 minute mark.

When I do calls inside the Creative Dream Circle I don’t usually put a time limit on them, and do stay on the line until all questions are answered.? Since those are private calls, we dive in much deeper and I don’t want to leave anyone hanging.

But if I offer a free 60 minute class, and then go longer because other people want me to longer, even though my energy is depleted, then that makes me much less likely to ever offer a free class again, because I do like to avoid depletion whenever possible.

So honouring my own boundaries helps me do more of what I want to do.

It’s kind of a big topic, so as I said it’s woven into everything I teach, because when you’ve got that as the foundation for how you are approaching your life, you can make a lot of magic happen.

If you’re joining me for Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance (we start next Monday!) you’ll get to learn lots more there about how working with sovereignty and boundaries can support you in your process of healing + transformation.


How boundaries + sovereignty can help you with your dreams. Read More »

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