The thing that was first on my mind when I opened my Year of Hope journal was: DESERVING.

We deserve to feel hopeful!

We deserve to feel optimistic about the future. We deserve to feel calm, loved, supported, safe, energized, etc, etc, etc.

And then it hit me how many people don't feel these things. How much of the world is set up to make this impossible.

How much I have struggled to feel I truly deserve what I have.

I'm feeling like I opened up a real can of worms.

The main feeling I have now: sadness.

So I am sitting with the sadness and offering it care.

I journaled.

I made a big batch of chickpea stew.

I went for a walk.

I still feel sad, and let down that the intentional practice of calling in hope has called in it's opposite.

I know this is a part of it. Facing and processing hopelessness makes more space for hope.

Still, it sucks.

 

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Continued from yesterday’s post about my new dream…. once I had accepted all of this and was feeling good about this dream… then I started making a plan to get it all one ASAP.

Like - go get a TON of boxes, and commit a whole weekend and try to get all of the de-cluttering done in one go. Accepting that I can't do it all in a weekend but I could get a big chunk of it done, and then keep going every weekend....

And then I stopped myself because that doesn’t feel fun. 

And also…. what’s the rush?

And then a few things I had ordered online arrived and they came in boxes within boxes and once it was all unpacked I had my pile of boxes, lol! And I knew I didn't want to get them filled with things to give away ASAP so I broke them down and put them away so I can take this slow.

I am still thinking about where I want to start. But I know how I want to approach it: 

• small bits at a time, let’s not make it overwhelming 
• aim to get rid of anything that doesn’t feel like it supports the life I want to be living (does my Dream Self love this?)
• as I do this, really think about how I want to organize and store things, and what kinds of store things I need to make that happen

It's not just about getting rid of stuff, it's about re-thinking stuff. What do I have and why? How does it serve me? What stuff would serve me best?

For example - the clothes I wear when I'm just hanging out at home are pretty worn out. What if I made myself a small wardrobe of lounge wear that is just as comfy but emotionally feels amazing to wear?

And also: "worn out" isn't bad! Especially when it comes to clothing, I like mending my clothes and I LOVE finding ways to mend that add more creative flair.

Even if I want to replace some things with other things - overall I want this to be about LESS consumption, not more. AND more thoughtful consumption.

So going slower with this whole project gives me space to consider all of this and come to better solutions.

 

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I want to de-clutter and re-organize every inch of my home. Every drawer and cupboard and random little space.

I have lived here for 12 years. I did a HUGE de-clutter when I moved here and there were no closets and I made this commitment to not accumulate stuff, since I had nowhere to put it... Then I got married and my husband built closets, lol. 

But it’s interesting that I still think of myself as this person who did a HUGE de-clutter and now doesn’t accumulate stuff… because it’s just not true anymore!

But as I think about that’s next for me creatively and how I want to live my life in my 50s and beyond… a giant de-cluttering and re-organizing feels really supportive of all of that AND feels supportive of the process of figuring out my next steps with everything.

I am creating space for my new life. I love this.

I wrote about this over the holidays - how I wasn’t really accepting that I am DREAMING of this, I was thinking of it as a chore.

And now I am really letting myself DREAM of it….  it’s getting bigger.

Like, I want to really think about how I want to store things, and get the right containers to make that easy to keep neat.

And… I want to decorate! I want DIY decorating projects!

This really does feel like MY HOME and CREATIVE SPACE… and what if it also felt like my Dream Self’s home and creative space? Because as I have been sitting with that question I realize it’s really not her space. 

This is the part where this dream merges with another dream and I realize that this is another place where I’ve been tangled up about this dream.

I have been dreaming of renovating the loft… but I see as “when I have more money than I know what to do with and can hire people to tear things down and re-build and I go to a hotel for a few weeks and they get it all done”

Which is… not realistic. And it keeps my dream unattainable.

But when I think of re-decorating as something I do as a part of this de-clutter and re-organization… taking little steps at a time... well now it feels like a fun creative project that I can definitely start…. now!

 

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It’s Friday morning. I woke up achy and headachy and crabby and I am worried I am coming down with something and I have plans this weekend that I really want to do.

So that’s the vibe I went into my daily hope practice with.

And I could not “glow hope in my body” in the meditation. I just felt frustration as a dark cloud.

So I painted my page which did make me feel a little better while I was doing it but didn’t change anything.

So I wrote about how I was feeling.

This is what makes a practice ALCHEMICAL. To have space to be with whatever comes up even and especially when it is the opposite of what you wanted.

Right now, in this moment, I HATE THIS. 

But, my frustration needs tenderness and presence.

So, hello frustration, I’m sorry you’re so uncomfortable. How can I help?

Frustration is a crabby old man who lives in the fog. He reminds me of my father’s frustration and I get this image of the fog of frustration stretching through generations.

I make it a cup of tea and give one of my gingerbread cookies from the freezer (that I made too many of on Christmas Eve when I was in the holiday spirit). (And to be honest, taking leftover gingerbread out of the freezer and dipping it in hot tea is a favourite after-Christmas childhood memory and so I want to "make too much" gingerbread most years)

I see that usually when you show up, my whole body gets agitated. We never sit calmly together. We don’t drink tea together.

“No, we really never have. I am THRILLED we are doing this now!” This old man now looks more like an elf or wizard or jolly old man. He’s dressed in so many colours.

I wonder if he has things to teach me.

I realize I don’t think I have anything to learn from frustration in the way I feel I can learn from fear or doubt. I just see it as an annoyance but it’s a feeling, it’s MY feeling, and according to my own beliefs, doesn’t that make it valid and likely even wise?

“Oh yes, I am not a crabby old man I am a WISE old man”

Well that’s fantastic! What wisdom do you have for me today?

“REST.”

Oh. Rest? Really? I’m just starting to get back into the swing of things from the holidays. I want to CREATE! And DO! NO I don't want to rest.

“Girl! It’s Jan THIRD. What are you rushing for?”

Yeah! I always get ovewhelmed in the holidays, just the way my routines get trampled. My routines NOURISH me! I want them back ASAP!

“But your routines are also about your work/creative life. What you need right now is rest. I promise you, your most hopeful self is well rested. And right now is time for more rest. You said it yourself - you woke up a little under the weather this morning.”

And then I think…. of I HAVE routines around rest and self care, like my evening routines. And those I have been doing through the holidays so….

Oh my gosh, frustration is RIGHT!

I am putting too much pressure on myself to “get back to work”

I was working on Year of Hope stuff DURING the holidays. And nothing needs to be done today so…. 

I will rest.

Wow frustration did have something to teach me.

Now I DO feel hopeful. And it feels completely true: I can't be my most hopeful self if I am not rested. And also: I can't do the kind of work I want to do if I am not well rested.

Rest/replenish is exactly where I am today. Frustration came from trying to override that to have the day I had intended to have.

 

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OK yes this is the second post today - I won't send one tomorrow 🙂

But - Today is my 14th anniversary of being full time with the Creative Dream Incubator!

It’s such an awkward way to say it, but feels like the most honest. I started doing the work that grew into this in 2007, while working a day job, which I left at the end of December 2010.

But I started exploring creativity, spirituality and how on earth do we actually, logistically pursue our creative dreams and live as our actual selves in high school, and then much more seriously at 22 (which was…. yikes!…. 1996) when I had a degree in fashion design, a passion for textile art, and no clue how to support myself with either without taking the kinds of jobs that felt like they destroyed my soul.

So, it’s more accurate to say that today, Jan 1 2025, is the 14 year anniversary of me figuring out how to financially support myself with my creative dreams.

Which I am wildly grateful for!

AND I have an extremely complicated relationship with business and money within the colonialist capitalist system/culture I live in.

And I want to be really clear - I am not getting rich with this work! And especially this last year, between the divorce, my mortgage coming up for renewal right when interest rates were the highest, and the general state of the economy… it’s been hard.

BUT/AND I feel so much fulfillment, freedom and creative magic in my work life.

And I feel SO optimistic for the future.

In the big picture… THIS IS WHO I WANT TO BE and being able to BE that person is so valuable to me. 

This is what pursuing our dreams really brings us - OURSELVES.

There is so much healing and magic in that and I have no words to describe how grateful I am to hold space for others in this journey.

And I cannot wait to see what we’ll create together in the Year of Hope.

The Year of Hope is a simple practice for PRACTICING hope…. and it is a sturdy container for transforming the places within us where hope is nowhere to be found…. and it is a support system for taking what you learn in that work and putting it out into your life and/or the world.

AND… having a more hopeful mindset will support your wellbeing and ALL of your dreams.

If you're a member - go to the Year of Hope classroom now and share your thoughts on our first prompt.

If you're not a member -find out more + join us here!

 

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The Year of Hope is ON.

I sent out the email with the link to the classroom yesterday - you can find it here.

Since I'm doing my Year of Hope as a daily practice, in my giant daily planner, and the planner started on Monday, Dec 30 - I started early. I don't have photos yet but I did share a quick video of my first day on Instagram.

It's been soooo good. The first day was awkward and vulnerable in the ways first steps can be. But it also felt a little.... glowing is the only word.

Which is very appropriate since the hope alchemy meditation is about practicing glowing hope in your body and mind.

The second day was soooo good. It felt EXACTLY like I had hoped it would feel, to show up and practice hope. To have this solid container to support me to keep doing this.

I know that giving myself this time every morning to be with hope (or to be with my hopelessness when that's what's there) is going to be deeply alchemical. I can feel that already.

Hope is so foundational to our ability to dream, heal and grow.

If we have hope, we can easily take it for granted and only notice it later on, in times when hope isn't as strong.

But having that foundation of hope beneath your feet changes how you see the world, your self, and your possibilities.

So PRACTICING hope shifts the ground beneath you and opens up new possibilities in front of you....

AND, to do this, practicing hope may move us to explore new territory. It might get scary or painful or....

We might have to summon more courage than we are used to. We might have to find new ways of handling our doubts and hopelessness. There may be a TON of inner work involved here.

The Year of Hope is Dream Work (in the Dream Work, Inner Work, Outer Work system we use in Creative Dream Alchemy).

So it's good to remember: going deeper with the Dream Work can push us into deeper places with the Inner Work and can create new options in the Outer Work.

 

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I have a friend coming over tomorrow and today I am tidying up. And I went beyond the "normal" cleaning and started re-organizing parts of my kitchen.

And then I felt this STRONG DESIRE.... A DREAM EVEN.... to declutter and organize EVERYTHING. Go through every single drawer and nook and cranny. I want to think about WHERE everything should BE to best support me in living the life I want to live.

If I am honest with myself, this is a dream that has been coming to me over the last month or so...

But my response is

OMG boring and embarrassing and annoying.

This is not a dream! It's a chore!

And I just realized - that is an inner critic voice. It's not my truth.

The truth is, this DOES feel like a dream to me.

It doesn't feel impossible or difficult (well, kind of difficult).

Having a clutter free organized home and work space feels sooooo dreamy.

AND it's a part of the divorce process - some stuff is still stored in the way that made sense for my life then, some stuff just got messed up in the process of going through things to pack his stuff. It is time to get all of my stuff arranged in the way that makes sense for my life as it is now.

I realized too - I think of myself as a person who DID do a massive de-clutter and get organized...

But that was when I sold my home and moved to the condo...

Which was in 2011.

I mean!

I didn't de-clutter THAT well, that I am STILL de-cluttered 14 years later.

So, this has been percolating for a while I think. The way I see myself as a person who already did de-clutter and the way de-cluttering now IS a dream and the part of me who just sees this as a boring chore and doesn't want to do it.

It's always interesting to me how we can judge, deny and invalidate our dreams.

This is too big! Too small! Too boring! Too risky!

We have this idea of what a dream should be and our actual dreams don't always measure up.

AND there's this whole layer around how our dreams are showing us who we really are and we have a lot of conditioning to break through to even begin to see that.

And I think other new dreams are percolating too...

I have a lot of questions about the next phase of my life and what I REALLY want next.

And it dawned on me that de-valuing and not pursing the one thing I DO know about what I want next is NOT making it easier to figure out the other things!!!

I mean the advice I would always give is that we have to MAKE SPACE for whatever we want. Doesn't matter if it feels impossible. Doesn't matter if "the work" of it feels boring. If it want it, make space for it.

And when you do - new things open up.

So - I am going to start going through everything, de-cluttering and re-organizing.

And I will NOT think of it as a boring annoying chore, I will think of it as serving my new dreams...

 

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I wanted to share something that I did post on social media this weekend but it felt important enough to share here too.

This was my post:

I’ve been enjoying the holidays AND feeling a growing anxiety about getting the content ready for the Year of Hope which starts on Jan 1. It is mostly ready - just a few things to do. So I knew that I had enough time AND I felt anxious about not already having it done.

But then today I started actually…. working on the content. Editing the videos, to be specific.

And then all of the anxiety was gone.

I’m like “holy fuck this is so good!” “I’m so good at this!” “I love my work!” I feel so grateful for the people who are going to do the Year of Hope with me. I feel so grateful I get to do this work. I feel EXCITED about what a renewed relationship with hope can do for us in 2025…

And I feel 100% sure I can get this all done and ready on time.

 I see now that all of that anxiety was from NOT DOING.

This happens a lot with our creative dreams. It’s easier to doubt them when we’re not working on them. Once we’re working on them, there isn’t as much space for doubt.

And then I made a video on Instagram talking about it a bit more.

Once we are IN THE PROCESS there is less space for self doubt.

This doesn't mean we should be working on our dreams 24-7!!!

Or that we will never have self doubt if we are working on them.

Just good to remember that showing up, doing what you can and taking the steps that are possible to take right now DOES go a long way to helping us believe in ourselves, and our dreams.

Some practices for self doubt from the Creative Dream Alchemy Library of Inner Work Practices in membership:

Alchemy process for self doubt

20 minute alchemy meditation video with a journaling sheet

Self Doubt Relief

ALSO a 20 minute alchemy meditation video with a journaling sheet but a different process. It's good to work with this in different ways!

Your Self Doubt Is Not Yours You Deserve To Believe In Yourself

Recording of a 1 hour class with a guided journal

 

Year of Hope will start on Jan 1!

But check your email on the 31th, I'll send out a link to the classroom.

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

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Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Some tools from the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership:

Creative Dream HOLYday: The Creative Dream HOLYday is a great way to start a new year or a new project, or get back on track when you've fallen off or to GO DEEPER into whatever it is you are doing.

Get ready for 2025 with the Create a year-long project that fits your life and gets you the results you want. This is also available for free here.

Or with the Goodbye 2024 Hello 2025 journal, Goodbye 2024 Releasing Ceremony and (in January) Hello 2025 Blessing Ceremony. Outside of the membership you can also get the journal on it's own.

Dream Plan Kit if you have some time to get your projects organized over the holidays.

The Love Your Life Creative Journal Class is just a sweet one for this time of year.

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

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I am going to be posting here less over the holidays, but I am working on a post with suggestions for things to do if you have some time over the holidays for your dreams. Hopefully I will have that ready for tomorrow!

I am so excited about my Year of Hope project for 2025.

I took this photo with the pen to show you the SCALE of how thick this planner is! It still makes me laugh every time I look at it. This is the dual planner (plus an extra page for each week) that I am going to fill with HOPE as my daily creative practice in 2025.

There is the Year of Hope - where we practice hope together in the membership, with a journal prompt every week and an alchemy meditation for hope.

And then there is MY Year of Hope, my own creative practice where I am filling this huge 2025 daily planner with hope. (Get the Create A Year-Long Project That Fits Your Life And Gets You The Results you Want here - this is a free journal to help you set up your own project)

I am putting a LOT of energy into preparing for this. Making wishes and claiming my dreams for what I want from this.

I feel like I have a renewed relationship with hope ALREADY just from setting this intention.

What I really want to get from this is the magic of being deeper in a creative practice, with a sturdy container to hold me. The intention to fill this really heavy book, the physicality of how it’s actually heavy. The blank pages ready to be filled. The satisfaction of seeing them get filled.

But mostly the way I change when I am deeper in a transformative creative healing practice.

Dream Book is already that.

This is another layer.

I am so ready for a new layer, with less structure. Dream Book’s structure helps make sure you are moving towards your dream. Having less structure in this daily journal makes more space for the unknown. I'm feeling like I want more of both in the new year.

 

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Continued from yesterday's post about making a decision in my business...

I did decide to give the journal away.

And I was feeling a bit like... why am I doing this? Like, I have other things I am doing, why am I adding this? It feels so random! The timing felt wrong.

But then I was like... hey what if I trust my creative process?

What if it's fine that I didn't plan it? This journal just kind of happened while I was working on my ideas for the Year of Hope and I am really happy to be able to share it, why feel frustrated about figuring out HOW?

Which is something I could look at much more deeply - where patterns around "doing things right" can make my work less fun... or can interfere with my relationship with my business.

Because it feels messy!

To say - I aimed to create this (Year of Hope) and in the process created this (Create A Year-Long Project That Fits Your Life And Gets You The Results You Want).

In my mind, they are connected since they came out of the same creative process and they can be used together BUT they are two completely separate things.

But like - this is my creative process. Unexpected things happen. I am not aiming to be in control of it! I am not aiming for a straight line... I just have all of this cultural conditioning that judges my lines when they are not straight.

Back to the robe I sewed.

When I joined the pattern club and was looking through my new patterns I was a little surprised that there were 2 robe patterns. Like who would need 2 different robe patterns?

I only downloaded one of them, because it also had nightgowns that I want to make included. So that's the one I sewed.

But now that I've made it, I see why the other pattern would be good to have too. I actually WANT another robe in the other pattern.

I thought having 2 different robe patterns was extreme -> I made 1 robe -> I now really want to have 2 robes from 2 different patterns.

The creative process changed me.

I am circling something here.

Something about enjoying and appreciating the ways my creative process changes me. And valuing my creative process for what it is and not judging it based on outcomes.

One thought that's been rolling around in my mind is: I would like to be less of an entrepreneur and more of an artist.

I know this is not the first time I have explored that! But it wants to be explored again. This feels really important for how I want to do things in 2025.

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

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Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.