Calling in soothing

I don’t know what to do today.

But I AM having a lot of feelings, so I went to the Inner Work section of the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy.

I noticed the practice for working with disappointment and knew that is something I need AND I am not ready. I felt a definite full body NO. That’s a deep practice which will be helpful when I’m not feeling so raw.

The thing that called me for today was: Qualities

I haven’t been using the weekly kits (though I want to start using them again) so I just picked the quality I want:

soothing

And did the Qualities Activator meditation with it. I stopped at the journaling part, I just did the short meditation with the quality.

Soothing came in as tears. My body shaking. Intense crying.

And I was like “No this isn’t what I wanted”

But then also “Oh yeah tears are healing. This IS soothing. This IS a release”

So I sat with it and started to feel soothed.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Calling in soothing Read More »

Letting it be a mess sometimes

Sometimes life is messy and hard.

One of my step-children has been in the hospital for the last week. We had to delay the end of moving my husband's stuff out of my place. We had to delay giving each other space away from each other. It's a mess.

And my first reaction is to want to create space for myself to protect my dreams, protect the things that are important to me. Like - section off my life and keep this mess isolated.

And trying to do that, today in my Creative Dream Practice, has been so frustrating.

My frustration is a sign with flashing lights saying "NO! THIS IS NOT THE WAY!"

The flashing lights are pointing me down a path where I let everything be a mess right now. And let MYSELF be a mess.

So, how do I practice my dreams when I'm a mess?

Oh wow, as soon as I asked that question I had the answer:

  • Ride my bike to the park with my tablet.
  • Get a coffee and something delicious like a chocolate croissant. (I have been eating SO nutrient dense which is important and supportive and also a treat would be so nice!)
  • Just focus on the drawings for the guided journal project - I know what I'm doing with that, I don't need to use a lot of mental focus to figure anything out right now. JUST ENJOY IT

 

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Letting it be a mess sometimes Read More »

When where you are is not where you want to be [which is what all creative dreaming is]

Last week's Dream Status Report brought me the following focus: BE where you ARE while appreciating the new possibilities that are opening up"

Two things about that:

  1. This is what ALL creative dreaming is! Staying present in your current life WHILE building the path to what's next. Sometimes this is easier, sometimes this is harder.
  2. When doing meditation + journaling, especially in a dedicated Creative Dream Practice, it becomes easier to find the answers you need. Knowing the answer and ACTING ON IT are two really different things.

So here I am figuring out how to do this thing.

On top of the things I have shared about what's happening in my life, another big thing happened which I do not want to share. I'll just say it adds a layer of stress and complication to a stressful and complicated situation.

OF COURSE the more turbulent your life is, the harder it is to stay present in it, especially at the depth of emotional presence needed to do creative dreaming. And OF COURSE this means that this stuff is wayyyy easier for some people that others. The more intersections of privilege you have, the easier it is.

I am where I am. How do I want to do this this week?

Starting with meditation: Sitting With Uncomfortable Feelings (using that technique from the 1 hour class we did)

And then whoa...

I don't need to figure out how to focus on what I want, because those feelings are there too. Underneath the feelings I don't don't want to feel - which means I can't access them if I am avoiding my feelings - are my dreams and desires.

The big dreams are still there but there is a new more immediate dream:

Healing Fall and Healing Winter.

Two seasons of focusing inward, creativity, healing, space, rest, quiet. Acclimating to my new life.

Collecting ideas for things I want to do when spring comes.

Every book I have read about divorce says it's at least 1-2 years to "feel normal" again (NOT that "feeling normal" is a goal for me, lol) and I accept that this will be a long process. So I don't mean I'll be HEALED by spring, and of course when spring comes I may decide I want healing spring and healing summer too as far as that goes.

Just that right now I want to focus on these next two seasons as healing time, which just makes me thing/feel different about this time.

And it leads to one important thing:

MORE CREATIVE PROJECTS. Art journaling but also embroidery, painting, just... MAKE STUFF. Would be good to brainstorm some projects, and get materials. Like I know I want to do embroidery but, what? Get patterns and colours picked, get all the threads I need, so I am ready to go.

I am really inspired by this sweatshirt pattern which includes instructions for appliquéing whatever you want on the sweatshirt - like instead of sports teams that are usually there. How fun would it be to put affirmations or qualities you are working on on a sweatshirt? Slow the fuck down! Powerful, Creative, Magnetic.

I want that ALIVENESS and HEALING of really being in my creative flow. I have so many work projects I want to do, and I want SO MANY personal projects also ready to go.

OK so now I how HOW to "be where I am and appreciate the new possibilities that are opening up". Make more space for creative projects including having plans + materials ready to go.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

When where you are is not where you want to be [which is what all creative dreaming is] Read More »

Co-Dreaming Meditation + Journaling Class

I'm offering these live Co-Dreaming (Meditation + Journaling) calls every Monday.

I started doing these calls to help us all keep showing up no matter how messy things get because have you noticed how messy the world is right now?

And together we've turned it into this really beautiful community dreaming together. I'm so grateful for everyone who is showing up and Co-Dreaming with me. This is so special.

 

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Co-Dreaming Meditation + Journaling Class Read More »

Be where I am AND appreciate all the new possibilities opening up.[Weekly Dream Status Report]

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

On Fridays I do my Dream Status Report which is a series of prompts I use every week to help me have more clarity, momentum and groundedness on my path. You can do them with me (Dream Book members: come post yours in the forum!)!

I know doing the same prompts every week can be annoying sometimes but this is magically clarifying. The repetition helps you go deeper into the process and makes it easier to LEARN from your process as you go, and the apply those learnings right away.

Here are the prompts:

PART ONE: (sometimes these can stay the same for months at time, sometimes they change often)

My dream is:  

I want it because: 

When I have it I will feel:

 

PART TWO:

Invite your dream in (using the Dream Lab practice) to help you with the rest of the prompts.

 

PART THREE:

My goal/wish/intention for this New Moon is:

Last week’s focus was:

What happened in the last week?

What am I learning/How do I feel about this?

What do I need now?

What does my dream need now?

Taking all of this into account, my focus for the next week is:

My Dream Status Report for this week:

PART ONE: 

My dream is: Being the artist + writer I want to be. Feeling really alive. I already have it AND it's an always-work-in-process... right now there is a lot shifting around how much/what kind of art I make and working on creating more nourishing/robust/lively local creative community.

I want it because: This is hard to answer. I just want it.

When I have it I will feel: The same as now - ALL the feelings 🙂

My new moon intention: Treat this transition time I'm in as sacred. (New Moon call was so good this week!!)

 

PART TWO: Invite your dream in (using the Dream Lab practice) to help you with the rest of the prompts.

My dream is a blue sky with white clouds, and then this rainbow coloured... art? lights? patterns? in front of it. It's shifting, like something new is coming into being. It feels like hope and possibility.

PART THREE:

Last week’s focus was: Exceptional self care.

What happened in the last week? 

I really did do EXCEPTIONAL self care.

Last week I shared that my husband and I split up and I wrote "obviously it's been some time coming". But actually it wasn't. It was really good for 8.5 years and then there was one month where everything fell off the rails and then it was suddenly clear that our relationship as it was could not continue, we would be better as friends. And it's still a shock to me how quickly that happened.

It's always easier to practice creative dreaming when the rest of your life is calm, because creative dreaming can bring up so much stuff. But it's not possible to live your life to the fullest AND have it always be calm.

So I am really proud of the ways I am looking to the future and noticing the new possibilities and opportunities opening up to me now WHILE ALSO making space to process all the feelings that are coming up.

(Which reminds me: the Holding Space for Conflicting Feelings call is next week!)

What am I learning/How do I feel about this?

Still feeling ALL the feelings - which includes lots of good ones!

What do I need now?

Just to be where I am. SEE my new future opening up without rushing towards it.

What does my dream need now?

Oh! Now the rainbow pattern is lights - and I remembered Nuit Blanche coming up which is my FAVOURITE. It's a night of art shows all over the city, all night (not that I stay out late, lol) with lots of outdoor installations that light up. I love to ride my bike around seeing everything. My dream needs that INSPIRATION and JOY.

Taking all of this into account, my focus for the next week is:

Be where I am AND appreciate all the new possibilities opening up.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Be where I am AND appreciate all the new possibilities opening up.[Weekly Dream Status Report] Read More »

Creative Dreaming while your world is falling apart

I woke up thinking about Creative Dreaming While Your World Is Falling Apart. This is the title of a guided journal I am imagining writing, and maybe I will one day.

Because I've been sharing my daily posts and maybe it seems like I am going on like nothing has happened, but I'm definitely not doing that.

Separation is emotionally volatile and I want to FEEL my feelings and process them and move THROUGH all of this, and not be stuck in it. AND I don't want my whole life to be this.

So - I focus on what I want to focus on when I am at my best. Mornings are my best time, I am SUCH a morning person. So I wake up, meditate, journal, get exercise, do my Dream Work, do my work work, work on creative projects.

Some days all of that inspires and energizes me and I stay pretty upbeat all day. BUT I am more tired than usual, my body is achy, I get overwhelmed more easily - there are all the signs of grief.

Some days I wear out my energy for the day early on.

So - after focusing on what I want to focus on first thing, then I focus on self care. What do I need? More water, nutrient dense foods, time with friends, time alone, journaling, feeling my feelings, hot epsom salt baths, lots of reading of things that feel helpful, stretching, re-arranging the Dream Loft - it does feel good to spread out.

It feels like a way of creating bubbles in my life that hold space for things. Holding space for my dreams and needs and creative projects while also holding space for grief and the process of separation. Of course the bubbles collide sometimes, but most of the time, this feels good - there is space for everything and over time, my new life will grow out of the separation process. This is easier to trust when I am showing up consistently for the dream work.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Creative Dreaming while your world is falling apart Read More »

Meeting with the soul of my business

Today in my practice I am meeting with the soul of my business. I'm doing this as my daily practice right now as I get into "fall vibes" and am getting more focused on finishing the guided journal project, which also leads to a ton of other projects. And yes I need more money because of the divorce but I feel really calm and trusting about that part.

I am doing this as a daily practice to get more aligned with the soul of the Creative Dream Incubator to help me make the right decision because there are So Many Decisions to make about this project.

In my last post, the soul of my business asked me to make pro and con lists about a big decision, and those lists ended up being SO easy and SO helpful.

I decided: DO THE EASY THING RIGHT NOW.

I remembered: no one step is written in stone! I can do it the easy (I mean not easy but easiest) thing now and switch up to the other thing at any time.

So today what I want is: good vibes, for lack of a better term. I am doing creative work on the project (editing, which means editing artwork mostly, and sometimes re-drawing the journaling prompts if I can see a way to do it better). I want to be in the flow, loving what I am doing, and getting things done.

In the meeting with the soul of my business:

OMG so good!

The soul of my business appears with the boxes as it has been, but now it's a female figure and has wings and she steps out of the boxes and is just huge. She says "We are going to have some fun!"

My body starts to sway, I am really feeling this energy of being in the flow. I ask my questions about how to approach this project today and see the soul of the project: a campfire, but magic. It offers WARMTH for your creative dream process and WARMTH can be sometime different each time.

I stayed in the meditation a while, it all just felt so good.

And now I know what to do today.

 

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Meeting with the soul of my business Read More »

Meeting with the soul of my business

Today in my practice I am meeting with the soul of my business.

Last week this was so good and it felt like a thing I need to do more regularly. I LOVE this recording, the first part of the meditation is soooo healing. I remember doing it that way because of all the stuff that gets sparked in working with our businesses, and it feels soooo good to use it.

It's similar to last week, a bunch of boxes piled together that are alive - like a box robot.

But it's bigger. The boxes are less chaotic.

It doesn't take a genius to see the boxes are representing the actual boxes in my home with my husband's things packed in them. And he's been picking up a car load every day after work and the pile is becoming less chaotic and I have more and more space. (By the time I post this the boxes will be gone and his furniture moved and I'll be in the process of making it "feel like mine" again)

The soul of my business - I am focusing on the head at the top of the boxes - is warm and loving and welcoming. It's happy to see me.

You are giving me space to grow, with regular visits like this.

Good! This is what I want. Not growth for growth's sake, but right-sizing.

I'm actually deeper and more expansive than you think. The growth I am speaking of is not just in one direction. Like it's not just about more followers or more money.

OK that's reassuring. It felt a little off to think you are focused on growing, because that is so toxic to have growth as the only goal. It's why the air has been smoky here for weeks and my lungs and throat hurt.

Right, so it's more "I am becoming more alive". Your visits nurture me in good ways.

These visits nurture me in good ways too. I have been experimenting creatively and exploring SO MUCH these last few years. My struggles with peri-menopause, looking at ancestral trauma and the ways capitalist culture impacts my "work ethic" and distorts my relationship with my own needs and really - who do I want to be while the world falls apart? This has been such important work for me. I appreciate the space you gave me to do all of this - actually I feel NURTURED by my business not just financially but in all ways. The ways I show up for Dream Book HELPS ME FIRST. I am so grateful to have this.

I've been growing in that time too. My potential has been expanding and deepening. And everything is getting more creative and free.

Creative and free. I love it. So my questions, about this journal, you know what I am thinking, right? Should "creative and free" be the qualities we follow to answer the questions? Because one option feels this way and one does not. BUT the one that does not - is it easier? Would it make more money? Do these things matter?

Now the robot has hands too, not just a head on a stack of boxes. It, though it feels like a she now, she raises her hands to shrug like "I don't know"

Is this a case where it's like - it doesn't matter which way I go?

It's not that it doesn't matter. It's just that it impacts YOU more than ME.

OK that's weird, isn't it though? Because I thought it would impact you - like I am building a path to a new future here, aren't I?

Yup, that happens either way. None of these decisions are FOREVER babe!!!!

So I can do what is easiest right now. OR I can do what feels most creative and free right now.

Yup! This is one for YOU to journal about. Make a pro and con list of each of them. In your imagination, really put yourself into each situation and see which way feels best. This is still a very early step in this new path, there's LOADS of time to re-configure as we go. It's more important that we DO SOMETHING than that we DO THE RIGHT THING. (Which you know, you tell this to people all the time)

OK will do!

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Meeting with the soul of my business Read More »

Co-Dreaming Meditation + Journaling Class

I'm offering these live Co-Dreaming (Meditation + Journaling) calls every Monday.

I started doing these calls to help us all keep showing up no matter how messy things get because have you noticed how messy the world is right now?

And together we've turned it into this really beautiful community dreaming together. I'm so grateful for everyone who is showing up and Co-Dreaming with me. This is so special.

 

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Co-Dreaming Meditation + Journaling Class Read More »

Exceptional Self Care [Weekly Dream Status Report]

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

On Fridays I do my Dream Status Report which is a series of prompts I use every week to help me have more clarity, momentum and groundedness on my path. You can do them with me (Dream Book members: come post yours in the forum!)!

I know doing the same prompts every week can be annoying sometimes but this is magically clarifying. The repetition helps you go deeper into the process and makes it easier to LEARN from your process as you go, and the apply those learnings right away.

Here are the prompts:

PART ONE: (sometimes these can stay the same for months at time, sometimes they change often)

My dream is:  

I want it because: 

When I have it I will feel:

 

PART TWO:

Invite your dream in (using the Dream Lab practice) to help you with the rest of the prompts.

 

PART THREE:

My goal/wish/intention for this New Moon is:

Last week’s focus was:

What happened in the last week?

What am I learning/How do I feel about this?

What do I need now?

What does my dream need now?

Taking all of this into account, my focus for the next week is:

My Dream Status Report for this week:

PART ONE: 

My dream is: Being the artist + writer I want to be. Feeling really alive. I already have it AND it's an always-work-in-process... right now there is a lot shifting around how much/what kind of art I make and working on creating more nourishing/robust/lively local creative community.

I want it because: This is hard to answer. I just want it.

When I have it I will feel: The same as now - ALL the feelings 🙂

My new moon intention: Give myself quality time and attention.

 

PART TWO: Invite your dream in (using the Dream Lab practice) to help you with the rest of the prompts.

My dream shows up as a genie in a bottle. Or maybe coming out of a lamp? A genie anyway, and it wants to grant my wishes.

I feel like this is nice but I don't understand it? And that's ok.

 

PART THREE:

Last week’s focus was: What would love do?

What happened in the last week? 

My husband and I split up. Clearly, this was some time coming, it's been happening over the last month but this last week it all became real.

So - difficult week. But I actually did carve out some creative time which felt like EVERYTHING.

What am I learning/How do I feel about this?

I am feeling pretty much ALL the feelings.

What do I need now?

I have been practicing exceptional self care, I need to keep this up.

What does my dream need now?

Last week at this part my dream sent me this image of two hands holding two hands and I thought it meant "keep trying". But what happened is that my husband and I got to a point where we were standing like that, two hands holding two hands, both crying, both knowing that this is the right thing and doing our best to leave in a good way. And it feels like this is what my dream meant - to get to this place of leaving in a good way, not throwing our shit at each other on the way out.

This week my dream isn't doing anything to show me what it needs - it just wants to offer me love.

Taking all of this into account, my focus for the next week is:

Exceptional Self Care which is just elevating the role of self care. Drinking enough water, nutrient dense foods, lots of sleep, bike rides, time in the park, time with friends, etc.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Exceptional Self Care [Weekly Dream Status Report] Read More »

Meeting with the soul of my business

Today in my practice I am meeting with the soul of my business.

It’s fall! I’ve had so much going on in my life the last few weeks. Today I want to get back in there and get organized and…

I am not sure what to focus on.

So I want a meeting with the soul of my business to check in with everything and see what comes from that - hopefully a clear sense of where I should focus for the fall.

I wasn’t going to use the recording I was just going to wing it. I am so glad I DID use the recording!

I laid down on the floor and got into it and it felt really powerful.

The soul of my business is.. box like. Lots of boxes. Stacked. Unfolding. Opening. But glowing. Alive.

I want to say, a robot made of boxes?

I sit with it, stop trying to understand it and just be with it, and it’s like “I am unpacking and unfolding and stretching out to be my actual size”

The qualities of it are: power, magic, trust, divine creativity, growth, right-sizing

I feel comforted in it’s presence, like I can trust it. I feel honoured that it works with me, I also feel totally competent to partner with it. And like it understand my humanness and how business is not always my focus and of course that’s how it is. It’s the soul of my business’ job to be always focused on the business.

So, I guess I was feeling guilty, like I have been working IN the business but not connecting with it in this way, not looking at bigger picture stuff. But that feels ok now.

Onto the meeting:

As you know, I want to get focused! I have some ideas of how to do this, I think you know what they are? Can you read my mind?

Yes, you want to finish the Creative Dream Playbook and then look at the visioning kit and maybe new year kit, get those done before December.

Yeah, hearing it back from you it feels boring somehow. But I wanted to make some real progress on this guided journal thing, there are so many journals I want to make!

It’s not boring, these journals are good for the purpose of the business too - loads of people will never take a class with you but would use journals, we can help them in this way. But I get how it feels boring coming from me because this is not my work, it’s your work. Your work is sometimes kind of mundane, doing the physical stuff. My work is all energy.

Ummmm are we working together well? I just realized, maybe we’re not? I mean all the planets are in retrograde this is time to review relationships, right?

We could be working better together. You have had a lot of other things on your mind and also you’ve slipped a bit into that “I have to do this all by myself” thing and when you’re in that thing, I can only do what I can do. The way you felt in the meditation, that’s partnering with me. More of that would be good.

So if I was partnering with you, what would that look like?

A daily meeting to acclimate our energies - mostly to acclimate you to me, so that your actions (you are the only one who can do the physical work!) are coming more from my energy.

OK whoa.

I mean yes that’s what I teach with Dream Book and the Dream Lab but WHOA I just heard it in a new way.

 

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Meeting with the soul of my business Read More »

This is my mom, at one of my creativity workshops, SIXTEEN YEARS AGO

This is my mom, at one of my creativity workshops, SIXTEEN YEARS AGO(!)

I remember this workshop, I put it on as a fundraiser. There were maybe 25 people there who paid $20 each so we raised $500.

I had been doing my workshops for a little while, and what I mostly remember about this one is that I felt more free and sure of myself by putting this on a fundraiser.

Like - if I'm not making money from it, then it's ok for me to do this work that lights me up. And it did light me up! I loved this workshop - and look at the smile on my mom's face!

That was 16 years ago.

I have been making my living from the work that lights me up for the last 12.5 years.

It took a lot of little baby steps to get here. But also it took really being with that part of me who felt I didn't deserve to make money in this way and figuring out how to believe in more.

For a long time, I felt like this was on me. My own self doubt. My own limiting beliefs. My own failure to heal.

As I worked my way through it I was excited to help others do the same and that’s where I focused… But after all these years of doing this work I see it more clearly now.

It was never on me.

And your “limiting beliefs” and self doubt are not on you.

It’s dominant culture.

We literally have to be so afraid of dying of poverty that we will take any job we can get, in order for our current economic system to work.

We have to be willing to work at jobs we don’t like in order to support our families and pay for our lives.

We doubt our inner truth because the world is telling us things we know aren't true, and inviting they are.

We feel wrong inside because the world is telling us to live in a way that doesn't feel right inside.

And it’s from within that system that we dream of something better.

So of course the system impacts HOW we dream.

Another facet of this system is the meritocracy. The idea that we all have what we deserve. 

When one person amasses enough money to actually care for and feed the whole planet but chooses to hoard it for themselves, the system says this person is a success and deserves to just suck that much money out of the economy so it’s not available for anyone else, it’s no longer in circulation. And when another person dies of exposure on the streets, the system says that person made poor choices and deserved what they got.

And individualism. The focus on YOU as the source of your success but also as the source of your problems.

The system holds so many values that are at odds with reality and are largely unquestioned because they live in the subconscious of our culture, and in each of our minds.

When I feel doubt about my ability to make money doing what lights me up - IE when I feel that I do not DESERVE to be my actual self and live my life in a way that feels true for me - I am drawing on all of this.

This is how the system wants me to feel, because otherwise I wouldn’t participate in it and it needs our participation.

The system is white supremacist colonialist capitalism.

I’m looking back on this photo and remembering this creativity workshop I did 16 years ago and how it felt to offer my work in a way that felt fulfilling to me and how it felt like I had no way to do that as my way of living, that it could only ever be this side thing….

I’m thinking of how far I’ve come, how much freedom and space I have been able to create for myself to live my life in a way that feels true for me.

But it feels like I have just carved out this little bubble somewhere within the system, I'm still participating in it enough to support my life.

I am not actually outside the system.

So now I am thinking: what does it look like to dream from outside of the system?

To deeply understand ALL of the values of dominant culture* that have been engrained in me, to clear space to think and dream and create not at all connected to any of that.

This is very much inspired by the conversations we’ve been having in Co-Dreaming (these are the free classes I do on Mondays), and last week’s call speaking of transcendence - not just ignoring and pretending away the problems with spiritual bypass but seeing them clearly while seeing through them to the REAL truth of what human life is…

And then dreaming up new ways of living, from that place.

 

*This is not just about racism and capitalism. It includes the patriarchy, ableism (in terms of physical and mental health and neurodivergance and fat phobia), heteronormativity, anti-trans, and classist anti-poor values. It’s a way of not seeing all humans as human in order to justify greed and land and power grabs.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

This is my mom, at one of my creativity workshops, SIXTEEN YEARS AGO Read More »

Holding space for conflicting feelings

First of all, Working With Conflicting Feelings is a class we are doing on Sept 20! (Dream Book members, details are here)

When I plan calls, I am working with the soul of the Creative Dream Incubator and the feedback I'm getting from people about where they're at and what would be helpful.

This call just seemed helpful in these wild times, but now things have changed in my life in a way that I am consistently holding space for conflicting feelings for myself, and am so happy to be doing this in a group later on this month.

So today in my practice I am naming all of the feelings I am feeling:

Noticing their shape and texture and where they are in my body. Being curious about where and how they intersect.

One of the shitty things about holding space for our feelings is having to actually feel them.

This is not actually that bad in reality, but our minds make up so many stories about how awful it is to feel a feeling, that it becomes so hard to stay with it.

What if a feeling is just a feeling? What if we let it express how it wants to?

It's the HOLDING IN, especially with conflicting feelings that keep hitting up against each other inside us like a pinball, that is harmful.

Human emotion is so rich. Letting it be what it is creates space inside us for new possibilities, which helps with the work outside of us.

As I drew out my feelings in my journal and explored what they were doing in my body, everything started to feel more calm. This is emotional alchemy.

Today I am feeling:

  • Hopeful: a light in my heart shining out (which can sometimes dim a lot depending on what other feelings are floating around it, but it's always there)
  • Rage: sharp edges, burning hot
  • A tiny spark of optimism
  • A pool of sadness it feels like it might be infinitely deep
  • More rage, but this rage is melting into sadness
  • Excitement for the future: a star that bounces around offering healing to everything it touches
  • My trust in perfect timing: just kind of floating out there
  • Inspiration and creative magic: sparkling around, it's actually permeating everything when I look close enough
  • My trust in emotional alchemy is a foundation to rest on
  • My faith in myself and the process of life: a field of wildflowers in bloom
  • Swirls of confusion: mostly swirling in my brain but flow throughout my body too
  • Bits of hurt feelings: small but with sharp edges, floating around and sometimes bumping into things and causing everyone pain

Apart from the obvious external obstacles, it's not being able to be with our feelings that holds us back the most.

AND of course, it's BECAUSE of the external stuff that being with our feelings can be so hard!!!! The more childhood trauma you had, the crueler the world has been to you, the more sensitive you are, the harder it is to make space for your feelings.

I say that to say - it's not your personal failing that this work is hard. You haven't done anything wrong.

You live in a culture that makes it harder than it needs to be, to feel your feelings.

So even just thinking about this is really brave work.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Holding space for conflicting feelings Read More »

Co-Dreaming Meditation + Journaling Class: Creative Dreaming Is Fucking Vulnerable!

I'm offering these live Co-Dreaming (Meditation + Journaling) calls every Monday.

I started doing these calls to help us all keep showing up no matter how messy things get because have you noticed how messy the world is right now?

And together we've turned it into this really beautiful community dreaming together. I'm so grateful for everyone who is showing up and Co-Dreaming with me. This is so special.

This week's theme: Creative Dreaming is fucking vulnerable!

In so many different ways, Creative Dreaming puts us outside of "the path" that the world puts in front of us, forces us to create our own paths and sometimes we're doing that not really knowing what direction we're in, or where our dreams might be. It's vulnerable and complicated and all we can do is keep showing up.

 

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Co-Dreaming Meditation + Journaling Class: Creative Dreaming Is Fucking Vulnerable! Read More »

What would love do? [Weekly Dream Status Report]

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

On Fridays I do my Dream Status Report which is a series of prompts I use every week to help me have more clarity, momentum and groundedness on my path. You can do them with me (Dream Book members: come post yours in the forum!)!

I know doing the same prompts every week can be annoying sometimes but this is magically clarifying. The repetition helps you go deeper into the process and makes it easier to LEARN from your process as you go, and the apply those learnings right away.

Here are the prompts:

PART ONE: (sometimes these can stay the same for months at time, sometimes they change often)

My dream is:  

I want it because: 

When I have it I will feel:

 

PART TWO:

Invite your dream in (using the Dream Lab practice) to help you with the rest of the prompts.

 

PART THREE:

My goal/wish/intention for this New Moon is:

Last week’s focus was:

What happened in the last week?

What am I learning/How do I feel about this?

What do I need now?

What does my dream need now?

Taking all of this into account, my focus for the next week is:

My Dream Status Report for this week:

PART ONE: 

My dream is: Being the artist + writer I want to be. Feeling really alive. I already have it AND it's an always-work-in-process... right now there is a lot shifting around how much/what kind of art I make and working on creating more nourishing/robust/lively local creative community.

I want it because: This is hard to answer. I just want it.

When I have it I will feel: The same as now - ALL the feelings 🙂

My new moon intention: Give myself quality time and attention.

 

PART TWO: Invite your dream in (using the Dream Lab practice) to help you with the rest of the prompts.

I just see all these people. Loads of colours. Everyone being their unique self. Liveliness and support.

 

PART THREE:

Last week’s focus was: Less stuff, more space for creativity.

What happened in the last week? 

I did have less "stuff" somewhat. And I write this on Thursday mornings, and have even MORE space for creativity on Thursday and Friday.

But life has a lot of "stuff" in it right now. I feel like I entered a healing portal and the only way out is through. Stuff keeps coming at me and I keep doing my best with it AND doing my best to make space for the things I want.

Right now the big thing I want is to finish the guided journal project. It's 80 pages (!) (some are blank pages for journaling with artwork on the other side, some are 2 page journaling spreads with art on both pages) but are they complete? Do I want to do revisions to the artwork or the prompts? I don't know. I have about 15 more pages to go and then I'll start editing. The way my creative process goes, it's really hard to know what will happen next. Maybe it will turn into a 200 page journal. Or I could very well use the whole process of creating 95 pages of artwork for this to realize "Oh I want to do it differently" and start over. I am worried this will happen, and I will never finish this, but all I can do is stay in the process, be with the feelings that come up, and do my best to keep moving.

What am I learning/How do I feel about this?

Life feels SO FULL ON right now. So many good things happening and so many big, like BIG healing.... opportunities? Crises? I feel like I am learning EVERYTHING.

What do I need now?

For some reason, I went back into the Dream Lab meditation, to meet my dream to see what it said about this. (Usually I do this for the next prompt, and just ask myself this prompt)

My dream, all the people gathered, held up signs. I looked more closely and signs said LOVE.

What does my dream need now?

Back into the dream meeting, now the people all hold hands. My focus is drawn right in, two hands clasped together.

My husband and I are having a very difficult time. Interracial relationships are always hard, but settler-Indigenous relationships - during ongoing genocidal colonization which feels particularly brutal in my city right now, which is impacting my husband in ways that white people can't understand - may be impossible to maintain.

My dream focusing on the two hands clasped together feels like "keep trying right now"

Taking all of this into account, my focus for the next week is:

Looking back on my answers - it's love.

But what does that mean?

Letting love be my quality for the week. Breathing it in regularly. Asking what love would do when I'm not sure.

OK I can do that.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

What would love do? [Weekly Dream Status Report] Read More »

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