What if I stop judging myself for being "too slow"?

I painted out this page while really sinking into the question.

WHAT IF?

This is connected to the question: What if I have the right brain for this stage of my life? (Addressing the anxiety, brain fog + low capacity that I have now, compared to how I was in my early 40s)

Experimenting with the idea that I DO have the right brain for this stage of life has been amazing. AND it's caused me to slow everything WAAAAAYYYYYY down.

Which lead to this question popping into my mind: What if I stop judging my pace as slow?

I mean, if I have the right brain for this stage of my life, and I am moving at a pace that meets my current capacity, then... it can't be slow, right?

What happens when I really allow this is magical.

Because "slow" and "fast" generally describe only Outer Work.

And where I am now is going WAY DEEPER into Dream Work and Inner Work.

Outer Work takes a back seat in terms of how I prioritize my time.

BUT

When I do get to it, the Outer Work is SO MUCH simpler.

In some ways, I feel frustrated with my past self for not seeing this sooner.

But I think the ratio of how much attention we pay to Dream Work, Inner Work and Outer Work is always shifting. AND I think I was probably in the right ratio for my life + dreams at the time.

It's just that I tried to keep that ratio when my self, life + dreams all changed and that wasn't working.

So now I feel so grateful to be in the ratio that feels right to where I am now.

If you are curious about exploring your ratio of Dream Work, Inner Work and Outer Work and what would best serve you and your dreams now - there are a few Creative Dream Alchemy classes here. And we can talk about it in the forum!

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

This image came to me in a meditation.

I am blossoming.

Not blooming.

Which feels cool, like FRUITING might be next?

I saw the image in my mind and went right to my desk to draw it out.

Related: my new dream is enjoying my life TODAY as deeply as I can

I had been struggling to really connect with any of my dreams and I sat with that... I felt like… enjoying my life TODAY as deeply as I can, can be the DREAM. Like the thing that feels dreamy and soul-aligned and swoon worthy. 

I keep re-arranging the plants in my bedroom. Looking for… what will absolutely fucking delight me to see when I open my eyes in the morning? 

I like having a dream as a thing to focus on that feeds my soul.

Not dreaming of anything feels really dull. And constantly dreaming bigger feels stupid.

This dream, right now, feels so rich.

And it feels like a dream that will lead to other dreams, but I’m in no hurry for that to happen.

We had a little conversation about this on a group call recently - how "enjoying my day" is SUCH a valid dream and how soothing that can feel.

I know it can feel like blossoming or blooming or anything good growing at all is impossible right now.

Feeling hopeless is 100% valid! (And if you're feeling it, get into the hopelessness alchemy meditation!)

AND

Blossoming, blooming and growing are still available to us.

A better future is still available to us.

But we have to show up for it. I think Dream Work is really vital right now. And whatever we have been doing - we need more.

By giving myself more space to meditate with the soul of my dream - I have improved my mental health in this chaotic time and I am enjoying my days a lot more. I am so grateful for this.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

You have the dream.

Then you either: 

know what to do about AND are able to do it

or

are stuck in some way

But surprise!

Both of these are actually…

CANS OF WORMS!

It doesn’t matter what is happening on the surface. The real work happens when you open the cans of worms. This is what will bring the healing, growth and magic.

But it will NOT look like what you think it will.

So try to be open to the surprise.

And be ready for worms to pop out of the can as soon as you open it. Expect the unexpected.

And don’t let that stop you from opening it.

If you know what to do next: go do it! OR, tools for more support: Creative Genius Planning Sessions, Dream Plan Kit, Creating Creative Momentum, Focus Pocus and check out our group coaching calls of more support.

If you don't know what to do next: use the Un-Sticking Station

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Every Monday in 2025 there will be a new journal prompt in the Year of Hope classroom in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership.

​Get this week's journal prompt here.​

I'd love to hear your thoughts! Leave them in the comments at the bottom of that page so we can discuss this as a group. Practicing hope in community is MAGIC.

I am GLOWING HOPE out into my life + the future.

This is from the hope alchemy meditation in the Year of Hope.

This kind of meditation, done consistently, DOES create changes.

WE NEED THOSE CHANGES RIGHT NOW.

We need to be grounded in hope, as in the opposite of despair.

One reason why this meditation feels so good and magical and helpful to me is because it feels ESSENTIAL.

These times are asking us to GROW.

It is SO easy to be filled with despair right now. This is an extremely valid response.

AND.

Learning to sit with the despair and bring light and healing to the places in us that need us help us connect with something deeper and truer and more powerful.

(The hopelessness alchemy meditation helps with this!)

Drawing this out in my Year of Hope journal felt AMAZING.

One of the dreams I am working on right now is: being the artist I know I am.

This started out being really focused on the inner process and not on the outer results.

I went through all of my old sketchbooks and found all the ones with un-used pages and just started filling them up. Not even a new sketchbook! Just wanting to fill pages and BE IN THE PROCESS with this.

Now, a few months in, it's even LESS about the outer results, lol.

But I did shift over to doing more drawing and painting in my Year of Hope and Dream Book journals. Still, just using old craft paints and not getting precious with any of it. Still - focusing on being in the experience of it.

The experience of painting this page helped me get more grounded in my experience in the meditation.

This feels like such a healing balm. Like exactly the healing balm I need now. Which really is what I wanted to get from the "BEING the artist I know I AM" dream. So I am counting this as a huge success!

And I want to do more of this for other meditations I use often - like Dream Lab, Un-Sticking Station, Dream Self.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Another page from my Year of Hope journal:

Hope is a practice, not a destination.

I think I was reminding myself - it's fine to not feel hopeful.

It's not about being somewhere, emotionally.

It's about practicing.

Creative dreaming is a practice, too.

It's not all about getting to a specific destination in your life - though there is the thrill and joy of creating more of what you want in your life.

It's mostly about showing up and practicing... listening to yourself, listening to your soul, sitting with your feelings and thoughts and ideas, trusting your creativity... really it's the process of becoming who you are and this is a life-long pursuit.

Which means: You're doing great.

Parts of it are a mess. Parts are confusing and you can't even identify WHAT your dream actually IS. Parts of it you will fall flat on your face every step you take.

Parts of it are so amazing it's like they glue all the broken parts of your heart back together.

But it's not meant to all be smooth. It's not meant to be easy. Dominant culture tells us we're failing if we're struggling. It's not true. You are healing and growing.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

The big obstacles I have been dealing with are anxiety, overwhelm and brain fog.

That is putting it all in the most simplistic terms, there is so much more I could say about being a sensitive empathic being in these times who is also getting divorced at midlife but this is really what it comes down to.

I can’t do all the things I want to do because my brain just doesn’t let me right now.

So that’s the big obstacle.

And I’ve been sitting with this obstacle in every way I can think of to sit with it. I’m caring for it and offering it love. I’m getting frustrated and trying to just obliterate it, pretend it’s not real. 

Resources: The Obstacle Is The Way Through | (short version of that is here) | The Un-Sticking Station

And then I got the idea… what if I…. RESPECT it?

What if the way my brain works right now is the perfect way for my brain to work, at this point in my life, to navigate my next steps?

This felt insane and impossible and like the perfect thing to try.

I journaled about it. I made lists of reasons why this could be right.

And then tried to just… assume that this is true.

And what shifted isn’t something I can really put into words.

My whole relationship with my obstacles and my dreams and my current cognitive function and mental health… just changed.

And that’s what led to me re-creating the Un-Sticking Station and next I want to add more new meditations in other parts of the membership.

I need so much more meditation. And I need it to be slower and deeper. 

And I think we all need this.

I’ve been trying to write this all out to explain and I can’t. It’s the kind of RADICAL perspective shift that actually changes everything.

And it can't come from forcing a new perspective, from choosing what we want our perspective to me and then trying to shoe-horn ourselves into it.

It comes from going deeper into the process of really listening to ourselves and our souls and our creativity. And detangling ourselves from all the ways dominant culture has shaped us.

I was 100% WRONG about everything that I thought I knew about my obstacle and how to face it.

We usually are.

This is why alchemy meditation and journaling are SO USEFUL because they help us explore and try to see things from new angles.

Again, resources: The Obstacle Is The Way Through | (short version of that is here) | The Un-Sticking Station

Do the work! There is so much magic waiting for you in it.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

The Dream Lab is a "next level" practice after intention setting and visualizing. It's so good to set clear intention and visualize them happening... but that's not really a way of WORKING WITH your dream. That's just broadcasting it.

The Dream Lab alchemy meditation brings you into a place where you WORK WITH your dream, which helps you understand what you need to do to make this happen.... Which is almost never what you think you need to do.

So, when the Dream Lab meditation surprises you - that's good! Even though it can also feel confusing and disorienting.

My strange experience in the Dream Lab:

My dream didn’t really show up in the meditation. 

So I think about the specifics of my dream, and what my life will look like when I have it.

Then this kind of crabby voice says:

"That’s not your DREAM, that’s just what you deserve to have."

Oh! Because I have less than I deserve and I am dreaming of… what I do deserve? Like my dreams are just setting things right?

"Yeah, most people have less than they deserve of what they really deserve but then too much of all those other stuff that isn’t relevant. Everything is topsy turvy."

Yeah, everything is topsy turvy, that’s for sure.

But… if I don’t have what I deserve, then doesn’t it make sense to dream of it?

This voice pushes me down, gently, to lay down.

"I want you to understand what you are worth."

I feel it’s hand on my chest, almost like it is sending me this knowing of what I am worth.

I turn off the recording at this point. I want to see where this voice takes me.

I sit with it for a while but nothing else happens.It’s like this sense of worthiness is being poured into me, and some new energy deep in my belly awakens. Like a determination that I deserve this.

I didn’t go back to the end of the meditation, I wanted to do my best to hold onto the sensation for the rest of the day.

******

I just really want to stress that the path is not linear. BEING WITH and TENDING TO whatever comes up in the meditations IS the work. We don't know we are building the path until after it's done and we can look back and see it.

If you haven't done the Dream Lab in a while... make a plan to do it this week!

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Every Monday in 2025 there will be a new journal prompt in the Year of Hope classroom in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership.

​Get this week's journal prompt here.​

I'd love to hear your thoughts! Leave them in the comments at the bottom of that page so we can discuss this as a group. Practicing hope in community is MAGIC.

I wanted to share 2 pages from my Year of Hope Journal:

Hope feels like medicine... but underneath that is the fear that it's not enough. (Meaning: hope alone won't change anything so why bother?)

Hope is an inside job. It's easier to feel it when things are going well so we try to control our outer lives so we can feel hope but this is backwards.

Hope is a tricky thing to work with.

I chose YEAR OF HOPE because it felt urgent to PRACTICE hope.

And PRACTICING hope just stirs up so much.

This is how any healing or growth journey works.

I'm finding the places where I want to change my life so that it feels safe to hope. So that it feels justified to hope!

And I am sending soothing vibes to those places.

I am finding interesting new characters to bring into the new + improved Un-Sticking Station.

It feels like it is loosening things in me. Maybe I am loosening the bolts on some long-held un-helpful patterns.

I guess I DO have a lot of hope because I keep engaging.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

"BUT YOU'VE TRIED THIS SO MANY TIMES AND NONE OF THEM WORKED!!!"

THIS! IS! A! MONSTER! VOICE! AND! NOT! YOUR! INNER! TRUTH! GUIDING! YOU!

This thought is not, EVER, a valid reason to not try again.

It's a STUCK to take into the (new and improved!!!) Un-Sticking Station, PRONTO.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

After two days in a row of meeting the swan, I was expecting the swan when I did the soul of your business version of the Dream Lab.

(If you don't have a business you can meet with the soul of your dream.)

This time - nothing happened.

My dream didn’t show up. The soul of my business didn’t show up. I got to the part where it’s asking me to look at the relationships between things, and I had to just pause it.

I sat with it.

Finally realized - well there is this kind of cobblestone ground beneath me. I guess that is my dream… like a sturdy supportive platform.

But still, the soul of my business was nowhere. After two days of such reassuring meetings with it, this felt like a problem.

I went back into the meditation and felt relieved by the things I said there, about how these things can change from day to day and point us to what’s going on in our relationships with ourselves and our dreams and it doesn’t necessarily mean anything is wrong when the meditation doesn’t feel right.

I drew out my meditation in my journal.

Me standing on these cobblestones.. That’s when I realized… cobblestones are outside, I am not inside, like on a floor in a home.

Then I noticed how dark and lonely it felt.

And realised… I think there are tall walls around me. Blocking out the sun.

It’s disappointing that the soul of my business had shown up in such a magical and helpful way this week, and now this! The sun is blocked!!

But I had a lot of anxiety yesterday afternoon and this could be related. Am I separated from myself? From my ambition and work?

I sit here for a while, getting increasingly annoyed.

What should I do?

A part of me is wondering why my business hasn’t show up and another part of me is slowly accepting the idea that my business IS here, but I am blocked from it.

Like - these are MY walls.

Then it starts to feel important that I recognize that the walls exist.

And that feels like enough for today.

I’ll do this meditation again tomorrow and see where it goes.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Two days in a row I did the Meeting the soul of your business meditation.

(There is also a soul of your business version of the Dream Lab, here. Or if you don't have a business you can meet with the soul of your dream.)

Both times, the soul of my business appeared as a swan.

It was so soft and magical and powerful. It wanted me to sit on its back, it was soooo comfy cozy in there, and it wrapped its wings around me, and we took off for an adventure in the cosmos.

It was swimming through a cosmic ocean. It was magical and healing.

The feeling I got was: Let me carry you.

This felt connected to a larger message I have been receiving from myself and my dreams about accepting myself where I am.

Which is about accepting my brain AS IT IS NOW and STOP trying to accomplish and produce the way I did in my 30s and 40s.

And also, as we talk about on the Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice calls - the stuff I used to do that worked so well for growing my business doesn't work now anyway so what if I just stop trying and .... FEEL GOOD ABOUT THAT?

And that… what if my 50 year old brain, as it is, is actually MORE POWERFUL?

Which feels SO true.

The ways my brain is changing... what if this is WISDOM?

What if it only feels like increasing anxiety because I'm trying to stay in the past?

It's a really big inner shift that looks like nothing on the outside. Like - staying home because I want to honour that I get anxious if I go to the event looks like the same as staying home and wishing I could go but I know the event will make me anxious.

BUT something feels different in me.

And the way I've been approaching my work and creative projects is REALLY changing and I FUCKING LOVE IT.

The way I feel, sitting in that swan and trusting it to take me to the right place, is amazing. I didn't understand it, especially the first day, but this is the medicine I need.

I shared the photo of my journal page as a way of saying - you really don't have to be good at drawing to draw out your meetings as a way to capture the magic of them.

No one but me knows that that's a swan, lol!! I'm still not sure I know what a swan looks like, but I captured the feeling and that helped me hold onto the experience.

The alchemy meditations shift energy and can create DRAMATIC shifts.

Journaling after helps you hold onto and integrate those shifts, otherwise it's easy to shift back to where you were.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Every Monday in 2025 there will be a new journal prompt in the Year of Hope classroom in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership.

​Get this week's journal prompt here.​

I'd love to hear your thoughts! Leave them in the comments at the bottom of that page so we can discuss this as a group. Practicing hope in community is MAGIC.

A note from my Year of Hope journal: It's easier to feel hopeful about specific things than it is to be hopeful in general.

Is this always true? I don't know. But right now it feels really helpful.

There is so much that is hard to feel hopeful about.

But there are also things that are easy to feel hopeful about.

And we can give those more space, without denying the reality of all the other things.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.