I am going to be posting here less over the holidays, but I am working on a post with suggestions for things to do if you have some time over the holidays for your dreams. Hopefully I will have that ready for tomorrow!

I am so excited about my Year of Hope project for 2025.

I took this photo with the pen to show you the SCALE of how thick this planner is! It still makes me laugh every time I look at it. This is the dual planner (plus an extra page for each week) that I am going to fill with HOPE as my daily creative practice in 2025.

There is the Year of Hope - where we practice hope together in the membership, with a journal prompt every week and an alchemy meditation for hope.

And then there is MY Year of Hope, my own creative practice where I am filling this huge 2025 daily planner with hope. (Get the Create A Year-Long Project That Fits Your Life And Gets You The Results you Want here - this is a free journal to help you set up your own project)

I am putting a LOT of energy into preparing for this. Making wishes and claiming my dreams for what I want from this.

I feel like I have a renewed relationship with hope ALREADY just from setting this intention.

What I really want to get from this is the magic of being deeper in a creative practice, with a sturdy container to hold me. The intention to fill this really heavy book, the physicality of how it’s actually heavy. The blank pages ready to be filled. The satisfaction of seeing them get filled.

But mostly the way I change when I am deeper in a transformative creative healing practice.

Dream Book is already that.

This is another layer.

I am so ready for a new layer, with less structure. Dream Book’s structure helps make sure you are moving towards your dream. Having less structure in this daily journal makes more space for the unknown. I'm feeling like I want more of both in the new year.

 

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Continued from yesterday's post about making a decision in my business...

I did decide to give the journal away.

And I was feeling a bit like... why am I doing this? Like, I have other things I am doing, why am I adding this? It feels so random! The timing felt wrong.

But then I was like... hey what if I trust my creative process?

What if it's fine that I didn't plan it? This journal just kind of happened while I was working on my ideas for the Year of Hope and I am really happy to be able to share it, why feel frustrated about figuring out HOW?

Which is something I could look at much more deeply - where patterns around "doing things right" can make my work less fun... or can interfere with my relationship with my business.

Because it feels messy!

To say - I aimed to create this (Year of Hope) and in the process created this (Create A Year-Long Project That Fits Your Life And Gets You The Results You Want).

In my mind, they are connected since they came out of the same creative process and they can be used together BUT they are two completely separate things.

But like - this is my creative process. Unexpected things happen. I am not aiming to be in control of it! I am not aiming for a straight line... I just have all of this cultural conditioning that judges my lines when they are not straight.

Back to the robe I sewed.

When I joined the pattern club and was looking through my new patterns I was a little surprised that there were 2 robe patterns. Like who would need 2 different robe patterns?

I only downloaded one of them, because it also had nightgowns that I want to make included. So that's the one I sewed.

But now that I've made it, I see why the other pattern would be good to have too. I actually WANT another robe in the other pattern.

I thought having 2 different robe patterns was extreme -> I made 1 robe -> I now really want to have 2 robes from 2 different patterns.

The creative process changed me.

I am circling something here.

Something about enjoying and appreciating the ways my creative process changes me. And valuing my creative process for what it is and not judging it based on outcomes.

One thought that's been rolling around in my mind is: I would like to be less of an entrepreneur and more of an artist.

I know this is not the first time I have explored that! But it wants to be explored again. This feels really important for how I want to do things in 2025.

 

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The creative process is not linear.

I've been creating the Year of Hope as my own project for 2025 AND as an offering for us to practice hope together.

My personal project is more intense than the group thing because that's just what I feel really inspired to do... and I want the group hope practice to be easy to participate in.

So, at some point it kind of split into two things: the process of creating a year-long (or other time frame) project that fits your life and gets you the results you want AND the Year of Hope group project where we practice hope together.

Because I worked on them together, because from within my creative process they fit together, I was seeing them as being together, part of the same thing.

I realized today - they are NOT. They are two things. You could use them together but you can have cookies and ice cream together too, that doesn't mean they are the same or should be stored together in the same place.

So, Creating A Year Long Project That Fits Your Life And Gets You The Results You Want is now it's own thing. That is small (currently about 10 pages) journal with a 14 minute video where I talk about setting up these kinds of projects.

This will be available in the membership, of course.

Then the next question is...

Do I want to sell this outside of the membership?

OR

Do I want to give this away?

Like, it feels like a really timely thing that could be a good promotional tool for the Creative Dream Incubator.

There's a lot to look at - like you could make more money giving away a simple thing for free if it promotes another paid thing. Or it could generate goodwill or visibility for the business. There's also nothing wrong with selling our work!

It's just... what feels right for me right now? What makes sense for the Creative Dream Incubator?

It's interesting to suddenly have a "new product" in a sense, since I was really seeing this as a part of the Year of Hope, and now it's it's own thing.

So I am doing the Meeting Your Dream And The Soul Of Your Business meditation from the Dream Lab, I haven't done this one in a long time.

OK that was so good!

My dream was a jack-in-the-box and I was winding it, and it felt like "just keep showing up and eventually it will pop out"

...until I started to worry that it's broken and will never pop out, lol.

But then my dream appeared as Glinda the Good Witch ( I saw Wicked this weekend!) and she pointed her wand at it and I knew that she can make the box pop any time, but that she would wait for the right time, for me. That getting the whole thing at once would be too much.

And I felt calm and trusting.

And I showed them both my project and told them my ideas and it was like...

It doesn't matter what you do

That's the only message I could get from them.

Like - yeah this is good either way. Do which ever you like.

So I imagined doing each, and thought about the energy required for each.

I'm not ready to make the decision, but I feel a lot more calm and trusting. I want to think it through a little more, because they both feel pretty good and I want to go with the one that feels BEST and I feel like I will know that if I map out each option more clearly (in terms of what kind of work I would be doing, either way).

 

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I'm writing this one on the weekend.

Weekends, for the last little while, are all about SEWING. I wrote about this last week, how I have SO MUCH creative energy for sewing and so little for other things and how - being in the flow FEELS GOOD and maybe just go with that instead of trying to control it?

I have this new dream of sewing up ALL of my stash - which is actually not that big, since I've never had much storage space in the loft I had a pretty strict policy of only buying what I was ready-ish to sew. But still - I've gathered a stash over the years.

This is combined with the fact that I joined an online sewing membership!

JOINING MEMBERSHIPS IS AWESOME 🤩😉

Support and tools! In this case - patterns. If you pay annually instead of monthly you get all of the previous monthly patterns, so I did that, and I have an entire new wardrobe of sewing patterns.

Last night I cut out a robe - a gorgeous large floral print thin-ish cotton and I had enough fabric for a full length rode with hood! That takes a LOT of fabric, lol.

I've been thinking about how first thing in the morning, my cat Bear is downstairs crying for breakfast and I am rummaging around to find something comfy to put on to go feed him. For some reason, I don't want to go downstairs naked, but I also don't enjoy looking for something to wear.

And what if I just had a gorgeous robe to put on? Avoid that whole thing where I search for clothes.

AND THEN I feel the way you feel in a gorgeous robe vs the way you feel in whatever sweatpants you found on your bedroom floor. (Which is VERY comfy, I'm not knocking sweatpants)

I'm not just sewing up all of my stash - I am looking at each fabric and asking - how can this best serve me in my new life I am creating?

Like the puffy vest I made is soooo soft and sooo warm and just a delight to put on on a chilly day.

And I am realizing - I really am creating these clothes for my Dream Self.

With the Canada Post strike things are sooo delayed, so I don't know when I'll get it, but I also ordered fabric at a Black Friday sale. It's a pink floral print that I'd had my eye on for a long time, but it's a knit fabric and I didn't use a lot of knits before. But now? I have a pattern for a really pretty nightgown that uses knit fabric.

So, once I have that, in the morning I'll put on this gorgeous flowery nightgown and then this gorgeous flowery robe, and... well it feels like I won't sleepily stumble down the stairs to feed the cat, I will FLOAT because of how these clothes and fabrics make me feel.

I know I am losing some people who don't care about clothes but this isn't about clothes!

I have a degree in fashion design, I don't like the fashion industry but I LOVE self-expression through clothing. And there is something to be said for "dressing for the job you want" but in terms of dressing as the person you want to be. Because you exude that when you're dressed as it, so it helps you dial in on BEING the energy of your dream self.

But it's not about the clothes and I wasn't doing any of this "dressing for my Dream Self" intentionally! I was just following my creative flow and doing what felt interesting and inspiring.

And now here I am, seeing how it fits, seeing how I am creating this really sturdy support for me to BE my dream self.

AND making clothes for myself just feels good. And we need ALL THE FEEL GOOD THINGS.

 

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I felt like staying in bed this morning, but I didn’t! I got dressed and did my 30 minute walk to the coffee shop during the sunrise which really “should” have given me enough dopamine to get into it...

But here I am, in the coffee shop, my coffee is done and I am still blah.

So I am taking “I’m not feeling it today” into the Un-Sticking Station to see what happens.

Hey there, part of me who is not feeling it today, how are you?

Well. I’m just not feeling it.

Yeah, I see that. That sucks!

Ehhh. I don’t know.

Are you happy to not be feeling it?

Not happy, just… meh I guess.

Yeah, and I’m just not sure here - do you want to just be meh today or should we try to look at what is happening here? Or - is there something you need?

I sit with these questions for much longer than you would think.

I think about how this year I have been exploring resistance and the last few months those explorations have just lost steam…. because, in general, I am feeling so much more in the flow.

I think about what a big adjustment I’ve made this year, with the end of my marriage at the end of 2023.

I think about what a big adjustment I’ve made going on hormones after really struggling with perimenopause.

I think about all of the clothes I have been sewing and how it feels like I am creating a new wardrobe for a new version of myself.

I think about how I decided to start the Year of Hope project in November and since then preparing for it has felt like I am learning to embody hope in a new way and this has been another big shift.

And it feels like…. I just need to rest.

This doesn’t feel blah or meh anymore, just feels like rest is needed.

 

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Do you want to start 2025 feeling ready to make the most of your new year?

Sometimes we're like "Shit! A new year? Already? But I'm not ready!"

And the thing is - you have to GET ready, you know?

Spend some time reflecting on the year that is ending and letting go of what you need to release so that you are ready to step into the new year in a good way...

Join us tomorrow for the Goodbye 2024 Releasing Ceremony!

An opportunity to process and reflect on 2024 (SO IMPORTANT!!!) in a super supportive space, get some clarity and release what you need to let go of in order to step into 2025 feeling CLEAR and ready to make the most of the new year.

The live event is happening on Zoom tomorrow (Dec 13) at 1:00 Central, North America. The replay will be available by the end of the day, so even if you can't make it live you can do this with us this weekend.

(There is space on our private website to leave your thoughts, comments and questions while you watch, so you're really not doing it alone)

Membership members - get the details here.

Not a member yet? Find out more + join us here.

 

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For so many reasons, my creative flow has been SLOW for a long time. I've had ideas but not the physical or mental energy to act on them.

This is a hard place to be! There's a lot that can be said about how painful it is to be a creative person and not have the energy or opportunity to create.

I'm so relieved that lately my creative energy has been coming back to me and I have been SEWING like crazy.

Sewing isn't what I thought I wanted to be doing.

I do like to have some slow projects on the go in winter for when I feel like it, but it's not usually the big focus.

So it's interesting that now all of this creative energy has come back - but it's specifically for sewing.

I made a winter parka (which kept me VERY warm in -30 windchill last week) and puffy vest, then a polar fleece hoodie dress, and today I am finishing a second hoodie and maybe even cutting out a third. You see a theme? I want ALL the cozy winter clothes.

Most years in winter I just add layers and keep wearing what I usually wear but this year I really want something different. And there is SO MUCH ENERGY to make this happen, so I am doing it.

And now, being this version of me who is SO productive, sewing-wise... I just feel different. I am engaging my creativity and letting that flow move faster.

But I had WANTED more creative energy for work related projects. There are so many things I wish I was creating!

But I am remembering how important it is to FOLLOW our creative flow, and not try to CONTROL it.

I mean - direct it, yes. Nurture it, yes. But we can't control it.

By FOLLOWING my creative flow and making all of these cozy clothes... I feel like I am supporting myself in getting to where I want to be, creative flow wise, with my work projects.

Last month I tried to do this new thing and every step was so painful.

At every step I would get SO stuck. Inner obstacles and outer obstacles, just obstacles everywhere I looked. It's like - that project is not ready (or I am not ready for it)! and trying to force it only makes me feel terrible.

And so I abandoned that project because it was just too many hard things.

And in comparison - my sewing is flowing like crazy! I'm even finding pieces of fabric I bought 10+ years ago that are perfect for new patterns I have so I am making even more things than I thought I would.

And maybe this is still just me resisting that other project because of all of the obstacles... but I feel like I am taking a smaller step. Getting back into my creative flow, getting that moving nicely, so I can go back to that project WITH my creative flow intact.

I hope this makes sense to someone besides me, lol. The way we FEEL while in our creative flow is such a personal thing.

 

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During our New Moon call last month (and you can still watch it if you haven't yet, it was a really good one!!) I received this amazingly clear and specific message for what to do in December to GET THE THING I WANT. It said to be IN the process, like a spell or a ceremony, ALL MONTH, to become this version of me who has the thing. To BE my dream self so much that I become this version of me by the end of the month so I am ready to receive/create the dream.

This is going SO WELL. Like I am feeling inspired and confident AND things are starting to shift in the outer work.

AND

I keep having this “this is too good to be true” response.

I am frustrated about this. And trying to be curious instead of frustrated.

My “teacher self” says - Ummmm you DO know that this is exactly what you signed up for!”

And she’s right. Holding an intention really firmly does seem to call in all the fears and inner doubts.

It SEEMS LIKE they all get called in but what is actually happening is that firm intention moves you towards what you want…. Which means you have to move THROUGH this stuff.

You have to deal with the things that are in the way, to get to what you want.

And I know this SO WELL but that doesn’t stop it from being SO ANNOYING.

And it feels wrong even! Like I am messing up because I keep having the “this is too good to be true” response.

So - “I am messing up” is a voice to bring to the Un-Sticking Station AND “This is too good to be true” is another one.

Where do I want to start today? I probably can only do one a day if I really want to give this some space.

I am randomly picking “I am messing up” as it feels like it has a little more energy, but it really doesn’t matter which one you go with in situations like this.

Hey, “ I am messing up” can we talk?

OMG can you help me? Can we figure out how to stop messing up?

Well, kind of, I mean, I’d like to help you feel better.

What do you mean kind of?

I don’t think we are messing up. I just want you to feel better.

She looks taken aback, and kind of falls into couch that was behind her. We are in the basement of my childhood home.

It’s just that, if things are not going well, that means we are messing up.

OK, yeah I see how you see it that way. But sweetheart, it’s not true. It was never true that it was always your fault if anything didn’t go well. Shit happens, it really just does!

Shit happens? No one is to blame? She seems incredulous.

I know exactly where this part of me is coming from. But I had no idea she was still so present with me. This is really interesting.

I put my hand over her heart. Sweetheart, nothing is your fault. You try so hard and you are doing great. 

I imagine that this is performing a healing.

I want to pull her roots out, I know they are entwined in people pleasing and working to try to earn worthiness. She desperately needs to find a way to EARN being “good enough”

You are worthy. You don’t have to earn that. You were born worthy just like everyone is. I’m so sorry the world failed you and made you feel like you were not enough.

She’s crying.

The room is transforming into a spa.

I’ve always had a little dream of turning a basement into a spa. All the surfaces covered in gorgeous tile, a hot salt pool, steam shower, etc.

So now, my childhood home’s basement, is this amazing spa and the hot salt pool is actually a LOVE AND WORTHINESS pool and this little me is soaking in it and everything she wants or needs will appear here for her while she soaks off unworthiness and soaks in self love and enoughness.

And me, my 50 year old self sitting at my desk, I feel soothed by this. 

And I feel accepting - at the start of this I was really frustrated that I seem to have all of this “inner stuff” around getting this thing I want right now, and feeling like I am messing up because because I have SO MUCH inner stuff... but now I get it.

I have been doing inner work, so it’s easy to feel like I am doing all of the inner work I need, but I see now - I need a LOT more. The outer work of this dream is really solid, it’s this inner stuff that needs to shift so I can really let this thing in.

I am working on it.

 

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During our New Moon call last month (and you can still watch it if you haven't yet, it was a really good one!!) I received this amazingly clear and specific message for what to do in December to GET THE THING I WANT.

It said to be IN the process, like a spell or a ceremony, ALL MONTH, to become this version of me who has the thing. To BE my dream self so much that I become this version of me by the end of the month so I am ready to receive/create the dream.

Last week I shared how some things started changing, this dream starting happening, and I had an intense "this is too good to be happening" response, and processed all of the layers of that.

Since then, this has been a really calm process.

What's most interesting to me is that I journal about this every morning, starting by stating my intention each day - and then my journaling goes in different directions each time.

I thought I would just kind of repeat the same thing every day, but every day it feels like I am looking at it from a different angle.

Learning so much about what it REALLY means to have this dream happen, vs what I was assuming it would mean.

And this lesson just keeps coming up for me for the last several years - but the version of me who has the thing is NOT working harder or smarter. She's a LOT more relaxed.

 

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During our New Moon call last week (and you can still watch it if you haven't yet, it was a really good one!!) I received this amazingly clear and specific message for what to do in December to GET THE THING I WANT.

I have been doing that thing.

And it's working, it's didn't 100% instantly happen, but things are changing ALREADY.

And I have this "OH THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING" reaction in my mind and body. Like - this is impossible. This isn't really happening. Or it is happening, but it's going to fall apart. THIS WILL NOT WORK.

During the New Moon call I felt so clear. In the few days after while I was getting myself ready to do the thing, I felt so clear AND READY.

The first few days of the month - I felt so SURE.

And then as it starts to actually happen... it's like ALL of my feeling sure and ready and clear just vanished.

It's that "this must be too good to be true" feeling.

And I don't like it. And I don't want it. But I know THIS IS A PART OF ME and THIS IS A PART OF MY PROCESS and it needs tending to, so I am bringing it into the Un-Sticking Station.

Hi, feeling like this can't be true, can we talk?

I don't get any sense of a "character" or anything. Meeting this part of me just feels like anxiety in my body.

So - Hey, anxiety in my body, I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, how can I help you?

I need you to stop believing.

Oh, honey! Believing is really scary for you, hey?

It's dangerous.

Can you tell me more about that?

You'll get your hopes up, rise up, and be crushed. It's so much better to be crushed from down low.

Oh, sweetheart. That's dark.

Is it?

Yeah.

No, I think it's just reality.

No, honey, no. Here, let's get you some hot chocolate. Did you know I got WHIPPED CREAM?! Let's put some on there.

This part of me seems to be some kind of character now, but I can't really see it. I just get a sense that it is childlike, and lying on a couch. It's sitting up to drink the hot chocolate.

So, I know I said "Oh that's dark" but while I was making the hot chocolate I was thinking about it and I think I am starting to get it. It's really terrifying to believe that it's actually happening this time.

It is! THE MOST terrifying!

Yeah, and I dismissed you by saying "Oh that's dark" because I'm really seeing how if we don't hope and believe and go for it... then it can never happen.

I think that's better.

But you're lying on a couch in this dark space where I can't even see you. Are you saying you want to just stay here? Not take a chance on something better?

I'm safe here.

Well, kind of. But I think... I mean I don't want to scare you, but I really don't see how following this sense of hopelessness can create safety.

Something shifts in the room and I feel like she GOT IT.

Feeling hopeful, especially when your hopes have been dashed so many times, is so hard. I get how giving up feels safer. I see how terrified you are and want to be there for you! AND I think feeling hopeful and giving this our all, really is the only option here.

BUT if you don't agree, I do want to talk about it. Do you see another option?

Well, I mean, I just want to lay here in the dark. But yeah I see how that doesn't actually create safety. Maybe there's another option besides full steam ahead and zero steam laying in the dark?

I'm sure there are lots!

AND I wonder... can you even see how slowly I have moved this year? Do you see how much time and space I have myself to heal from the end of my marriage, which was the end of a dream, and process how my peri-menopause became almost debilitating and then got help and then everything got worse before it got better?

Like - I am not rushing into anything here. I have been healing and resting and filling the well. I get the sense that you don't know that, that these "big dreams" of mine and this DEEP commitment I have made are coming out of nowhere.

If you look at the last year of my life, I think it's clear that these are my only steps to take at this point. I think it's clear I am READY for this. I am not rushing but I am also not holding back. I feel balanced. I feel inspired and powerful.

And I don't want to steamroll you and your needs. I want to figure out how to tend to you, take care of you, and help you feel safe.

This little self is crying now.

No I didn't know you were healing this year. I have just felt so alone.

I give her a big hug. (Actually physically putting my arms around myself)

I'm so sorry. You are not alone.

This feels different now.

I don't know that it's resolved, having parts of us freak out when we start to get what we want is really common. But now that we have connected in this way, when I start to feel that way again, I can pick up where we left off and keep working on it.

 

 

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Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

The intention is to DO THE THING.

NOW.

Resistance feels like a continual presence in the process though.

And right it shows up as:

Oh yeah, this is the dream. The dream is beautiful. It's amazing! All parts of me want it! No resistance here!

Oh, you mean... NOW?! Yikes. I don't know. Why would we rush? Aren't other things more important NOW?

So my intention, right now, is to show up for this dream NOW. To call it in NOW. To make space for it NOW. To do all the things I can do to support it NOW. To see it happening for me NOW. Etc.

How can I show up TODAY, in the most impactful way possible, to make this dream happen NOW?

Honestly, this question makes my head spin. My resistance goes crazy, trying to figure out how to stop me.

So, I am holding the question as I go about my day.

And being with the response.

The conflicting feelings. The shame. The fear. The inspiration. The motivation. The panic.

And I am committing to staying with this - not pushing through and making myself just DO this "most impactful thing" (which is easy to do since I don't know what this is) - but staying in the process. Tending to what comes up in me.

I hope I will make a Dream Book page about it - start to brainstorm some ideas for how to do this AND make space for all of the different emotional and mental responses that are kind of freaking out right now...

 

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Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

YOU

DESERVE

TO

HAVE

YOUR

DREAM

DESERVE DESERVE DESERVE DESERVE

This is a message that keeps coming to me, and it's not only for me.

Some resources from the membership for deepening your sense of deservability:

Being OPEN + RECEPTIVE to your dream

Feeling WORTHY of your dreams

Letting your dream come to you instead of chasing after it

Your self doubt is not yours, you deserve to believe in yourself

 

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.