I had this transformation all planned out.

A summer of slowing down. Burnout recovery. Creating a whole new relationship with my creativity and productivity. Naps, journaling, making art, eating amazing salads while also moving my workspace upstairs and creating space for my new E X P A N D E D art and writing practice.

Nothing is going according to plan. Except naps and salad, I have that part down.

I mean I have taught this long enough to know - if your "transformation" is going according to plan, you are not actually transforming anything.

So I am taking that as a good sign.

There's a lot I want to say.

I think there's a lot we all really should be talking about, in terms of sharing how this time is impacting us, the ways we choose to respond to that, and the healing that we are each being called to do.

But I don't have the capacity for any of that right now.

So I'll say: I am making some amazing summer salads. I am feeling SO nourished.

During the winter I was freezing lemons - I would put 1/2 or 1/3 of a lemon into a smoothie and then freeze the rest. Now I am using those frozen lemons and homemade lavender syrup to make lemonade in the blender and OMG.

I've moved 75% of my work stuff upstairs. I gave away my old bed frame and made arrangements for the mattress to be picked up this week.

I moved into the new bed downstairs. I have slept upstairs in the loft for the last 11 years. The longest I've been in any bedroom. This is a HUGE transition for me. The first morning I woke up and actually wanted to cry I missed my upstairs bed so much.

I know I still want to move ahead with this re-configuring of the space.

AND it's a little like being ripped out a beloved space.

It even feels like not having a home, even though I am still very much in my home.

This is what it's like, being in the goo of transformation.

I'm going with it. Staying nourished and doing what I can each day which is so much less than I wish it was. Following my intuition about what to do next which feels grounded and clear but also disorienting and new.

I am thinking about how a seed changes states to become a plant. How sudden and wild it is.

I am feeling that but in super slow motion.

I trust what I am growing into.

Even though it all looks like a mess right now.

I wrote this last week, but then I was so much "in the mess of being in the process" that I forgot to post it. This week I am in a completely different place - for one, I LOVE my new bed downstairs and have put a whole jungle of plants around it and I don't miss sleeping upstairs at all now and I wake up feeling so grateful for my home, again. When you're in the process of change it's good to remember that things will continue to change.