I am having a really bad day.

I am doing ALL THE THINGS to feel good and none of them are working.

There is a thing I want to do, and when I check in with myself - YES I still want to do it. AND this bad mood floats over everything, covering it in doom.

I have breathed. I have meditated. I took ashwaghanda. I put on calming perfume. I didn’t journal because that felt too frustrating. I got dressed and took a bike ride to my favourite coffee shop, and got my usual (mini veggie quiche (I get here a few minutes after they come out of the oven and they are amazing) and a coffee). I am listening to uber-calming music in my noise-canceling headphones.

My dreams need me to work through this or rise above it so I can do the thing I want to do today. I need me to work through this or rise above it to enjoy my day.

Ok I just sat here, sipping coffee and watching people walk by for a few minutes and that actually does feel al little better.

Trying to keep my breathing a little deeper than usual.

I wanted to be my MOST enthusiastic and trusting self to do this thing I want to do today.

My questions are:

1. Do I need to find this version of me, can I just do it as my crabby self?
2. What would help find my most enthusiastic and trusting self?

1 - I would like to try, because I don’t completely trust my crabby self. I may overlook details or just bring a lacklustre vibe to the whole thing.

2 - I can try to  do an Un-Sticking Station style meeting but invite in my most enthusiastic and trusting self.

Not sure how this will work, but let’s see?

Hello, my most trusting and enthusiastic self (MMTAES)

Oh honey - she gives me a big hug. Sweetie. Darling. You’re not feeling it today! Are you sick?

I don’t think so. I think it’s stress  from my loved one having surgery this week - they are at home recovering but now that it’s done it’s like my stress is more noticeable - and also some uncomfortable things I am processing about my divorce.

Well sweetheart that sounds like a lot.

Yes. Thank you. Yes, it is a lot AND I really want to do this thing, you know? I am not trying to avoid how hard this all is, and I have been tending to all the things that need tending and this is one of those things. Taking this step.

I see that. And I think it’s obvious - I hope it’s obvious to you, it is to me - that you WILl be your most enthusiastic and trusting self again. There are good times ahead of you it’s just, yeah, right now, this is a lot. And this weather! Like WTF! It IS depressing.

Yeah. Yesterday the sun came out for thirty minutes and I felt changed, lol.

MMTAES hugs me again. Darling, you are doing amazing.

Thank you. AND… can you help me? Do you see that I am not trying to avoid my feelings by doing this thing, that this thing means a lot and I will feel better with it done?

Yes, darling, I see that.

ALSO, this is the kind of step that DOES stress me out. I mean right now it feels like my life is so stressful that this kind of thing is nothing. BUT in the past, when the whole world felt easier, I remember feeling this way prior to doing things like this.

So part of this is your way of taking this kind of step. Part of this is that EVERYTHING is so much more complicated right now because of things in your life and the way the world has changed.

So let’s start with the basics: How do you want to feel?

Enthusiastic about this thing I am doing. Trusting that it will go well.

What do you mean by “go well”?

That it will feel good to me to do it and it will be well received.

Hmmmm yes there is a tangle there around “well received” because I am not quite sure what that means.

The thing I am doing is ANNOUNCING the new Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership. I’ve already shared it with Dream Book members and it was well received there! I’ve talked about it out in public and have gotten good feedback there too.

A part of “well received” is that I want more people to join. But I understand that won’t happen IMMEDIATELY, I mean it likely won’t. And I have so much I want to change about how I talk about it and invite people into the work because… BECAUSE OF HOW FUCKING STRESSFUL AND DIFFICULT THE WORLD IS RIGHT NOW…. we need more support. Giving up on our creative dreams takes us down a dark path and we need more light.

Oh. That touched on it. Something shifted inside me. Some enthusiasm woke up.

Like, I am the example today of why we all need more support to do the things we feel called to do.

And I have this offering I have developed that DOES HELP. The work is still hard, but I offer that people don’t have to be alone with it and I can help hold that enthusiasm for them because I do believe in everyone’s dreams….

Another shift inside me. Not just enthusiasm but confidence.

OK I feel ready to work on this.

…a little while later…

This “thing I want to do” includes a lot of steps. I started taking the smallest ones. WHOA.

My energy shifted.

Enthusiasm and trust poured in.

Excitement even showed up.

I am doing this thing!

(This was my un-sticking around announcing/launching the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership which I did earlier this week!)

 

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