“You can’t say that. A lot of grifters say that.”  That voice has been silently editing my words and directing me away from promoting my free YOU ARE THE MAGIC guided journal in the ways I wanted to.

And I haven’t been questioning it.

Because yeah, I’m not a grifter. And actually my own definition of what grifting is is a lot stricter than most… So why would I do what THEY do?

But on the other hand, why would I NOT question an inner voice that is directing me away from something I am trying to do?

I know how sneaky the inner critic can be.

I know that fears and doubts like to go undercover and present themselves as the voice of reason.

So, here I am, questioning it.

I get that a lot of the people who are trying to sell you a free e-book that will help you make all of your dreams come true are horrible scammers or very naive, out of touch and un-helpful people. But why should that stop me from giving away THIS free e-book that ACTUALLY DOES help people see how to make all of their dreams come true?

Because that puts you into the same category as the scammers.

Are you upset that I MADE this e-book?

“Can you stop calling it an e-book? It’s a guided journal.” This is not that same voice, seems like maybe my creative spirit jumping in “I know you’re giving it away as a .pdf just like a free e-book but it’s a hand-drawn work of art”

Yeah, ok. I’ll call it a free hand-drawn guided journal but please, I need to speak to this one voice at a time. I can’t have an inner jumble making everything seem more complicated than it is.

So, voice, are you upset that I MADE this hand-drawn guided journal?

No. This is special and wonderful and HELPFUL. I’m glad you made it and I want people to have it.

Ok good!!! Because I feel like letting them know how helpful it is, how it really can help them make their dreams happen, is a good thing then?

This voice felt like a solid entity and now it’s like…  kind of like just a pile of confetti that is quickly blowing away in a slight breeze. It’s not solid.

So I’ve been letting confetti control me all this time? Hold me back from promoting this beautiful thing that I made to share?

The confetti takes the form of a snake. “Girl! It’s so much more complicated than that! You know damn well YOU want to hold yourself back.”

Well, yeah.

The snake lights a candle and invites me to sit down.

"You have a beautiful, helpful, sold, and magical body of work. You have spent decades developing it. You are putting it out into a market full of grifters and nonsense."

Well… I mean it’s not like I think EVERYONE operating in this industry is a grifter or peddling nonsense. There are so many good people doing amazing healing work.

The snake urges me to go on, it can tell I am hesitating because to continue this line of thinking would change my perspective.

Actually I guess it’s just a lot of the ads I see are nonsense, they don’t represent the majority of the people working in the industry.

OK that thought “A free e-book, or artfully hand-drawn guided journal even, that will help you make your dreams come true FEELS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE” is true.

Does a part of me feel like this book is too good to give away?

Not really. I made it to give away, to introduce people to my work, which is fucking incredible.As amazing as this book is, working with me is better.

No, it’s that the thought “A free e-book, or artfully hand-drawn guided journal even, that will help you make your dreams come true FEELS LIKE A SCAM AND PEOPLE WILL JUDGE ME”

THAT is the thought that has been stopping me. The fear of judgement.

The snake is clapping for me.

"Yes. It’s important to see this. If you WANT that thought to stop you - then by all means, carry on."

"Do you want that thought to stop you?"

No.

If the choice is either get my work into the hands of more of the people that it’s for OR never be judged…

I mean the people who would judge this are already judging me. That’s not something I can control.

To put myself in a place where I can NEVER be judged is not possible but if I was trying I would have to dim my light, deny my authentic self and make myself overwhelmed and miserable AND, again, it’s not possible so I would still not succeed.

To listen to my own heart and to pursue my dreams wholeheartedly is to receive judgement. To live my life on my terms is to receive judgement. 

Dominant culture demands conformity and judging non-conformity is one of the ways we uphold dominant culture’s values - mostly unconsciously. Judgement is inevitable in this culture.

The snake is motioning at me to come back to where I was… about making a choice.

Well it’s obvious, the choice is to be true to myself.

I made this thing to share. I can tell that energetically and emotionally and mentally I am holding back and so when I physically go to do a thing to share this, it’s like… the pieces aren’t quite connecting.

Just having this conversation with this imaginary snake made of confetti is shifting this though.

I can do the outer work of putting this out there, and I have been, but I have NOT been doing the dream work and inner work, so the work is not working.

This is what I am always saying in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership - to keep checking on the Dream Work, Inner Work and Outer Work. 

The framework is not there to make sure you never have a mis-step! It’s there to help you diagnose what is going on, so you can see more clearly what is needed now.

 

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