I am so frustrated. I feel so anxious. And then I tense up. I don’t believe in myself or any of my ideas.

And then I get frustrated with myself for how I am feeling and how I am reacting to my feelings.

But reacting well… like saying “Oh honey I’m sorry you feel this way, what do you need?” feels annoying. Like I HAVE DONE SO MUCH OF THAT I CAN’T DO IT ANY MORE.

I went for a bike ride. I distracted myself with various things. And still this pit of self doubt is here, wreaking all sorts of havoc.

But I want to do this thing. I have moments of really believing in it. But whenever I go to take action - I freeze.

And I am a really good coach, I know how to guide people through this and I know how to guide myself through this but I AM JUST SO FUCKING SICK OF EVEN FEELING THIS.

So today I am trying the Un-Sticking Station with that “I AM JUST SO FUCKING SICK OF EVEN FEELING THIS” voice.

So, hi there I AM JUST SO FUCKING SICK OF EVEN FEELING THIS.

It’s my teenaged self sitting there, looking very annoying at being called into this boring meeting.

Oh hi! Thanks for meeting me here.

Did I have a choice?

I don’t know, but I appreciate you being here. 

She leans forward. “WHY ARE YOU BEING LIKE THIS?”

I don’t really know, I am trying to figure it out.

“You have everything! Look at your loft! And your business! And this cute idea for this thing you want to do! Why don’t you just do it?”

I know. I mean. Well…

She rolls her eye “You don’t feel good”

Well, I don’t! I feel like my struggles with perimenopause are so invisible and I also feel like I talk about it too much, but come on MY BRAIN ISN’T WORKING RIGHT.

So fix it.

Ugh. You sound like my ex-husband when he was at his worst. When he was over capacity with his own struggles and couldn’t empathize with mine.

You want me to empathize with you?

Yeah, I guess.

You called me here to empathize with you? (Her tone of voice suggests that she can't believe I am asking her for empathy)

Actually no, I called you here to find out more about what you need.

Ok that’s much more interesting. I need you to stop being all tied up inside, just do all the things you want to do.

OK, why? What would that give you?

Satisfaction of seeing how I turned out.

You don’t like how I turned out when I am anxious?

It’s really hard to watch.

Yeah, I get that!

You do?

Of course!

I thought you wanted to just use anxiety as an excuse to not do anything.

Of course not! I want to do all the things I want to do!

Oh…

This fizzled away there, it's unresolved but I can feel something shifting.

 

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