Continued from yesterday - using the Un-Sticking Station with the part of me who doesn’t feel right using the journals that I have.

It’s a sad crab, wrapped in all sorts of stuff. 

Tangled in a web.

Hi crab! I’m sorry you’re sad. I’d love to help.

"Can you get me out of this web?"

Sure. Also, I am really curious about what the web is made of?

It seems like… potato chips? But also other stuff…

I sit down beside the crab and we both just sit here looking at it…

hopes

dreams

disappointments

grief

panic

All coated in grease from the potato chips. Slippery. 

I should be able to slip it right off the crab but it feels like we need to honour all of this, and whatever it is that happened to get the crab all tangled up in it.

“I just want to be free of this. Then we can look at it?”

Oh sure, good point. I slip the tangled web off the crab.

Oh!

Now he’s back to being a praying mantis in the sacred cave, the one I met in the Un-Sticking Station last week.

There is a circle of journals all around him.

Oh, ok. So you’re trying to pick a journal?

“It’s so hard.”

Yeah, I know!

“I’m so scared I’ll make the wrong choice and ruin everything”

Oh wow. I mean, I don’t think you’ll ruin everything. It’s just that the right journal FEELS RIGHT.

“Remember back when you did have the right journal for everything, and everything FELT RIGHT, and you journaled SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU DO NOW?”

Yes I do, that’s what I want back.

“That’s the pressure! It’s important to go back to doing THAT MUCH journaling but you can’t/won’t if it doesn’t all feel right so if I pick wrong I’ll slow down the magic”

Oh my, you’re right. I see how much pressure you are under here. What can we do about this?

The air feels pressurized around us.

It doesn't feel like we can do much with the pressure, so...

Let’s make space for THE DREAM.

The bug is happy with this.

We sit and dream the dream and the vision comes:

A journal that’s all worn. Beat up around the edges. Lots of colour everywhere. Lots of tabs and things marking pages. The magic of everything in one place. The magic of indie stuff instead of a mass produced planner - my own printed planning printables.

It is disc bound and magically flexible. But it is NOT with printer paper. That size is just a bit too big for this.

LOL! So my small journal is 5x8 which seems too small and the big journal is 8x10 which is too big, the printer paper disc bound journal is 8.5x11 which is also too big…. but I saw “student quality” (AKA affordable for the quantities I’ll want) watercolour paper that is 6”x9” online. That would actually be perfect. I AM GOLDILOCKS!

Also: it has a handmade cover. A few months ago I bought the wrong interfacing for a project. It’s really stiff/heavy and it would be PERFECT for this. A few layers of that with some canvas on top, sewn into a cover for the planner would make it easier to throw into my bag and bring places.

A little fear pops up: but you just bought a new journal! You have to use that one!

And instantly I remember: I change journals all the time! I’ll put it in my stash of empty journals and use it when I want it again, which I am sure I will!

Another fear: but what if I get this new paper and make this whole new journal and AGAIN it doesn’t feel right?

Well then I will know. That’s literally the only way to find out!

I feel inspired about this. These are my next steps. Taking them helps build the path. Either this is the right system for me, or I will learn another thing that will help me figure out what to try next.

So I am ordering the paper.

And until it gets here I suddenly feel fine to use the one I made last week in the meantime….

I am un-stuck!

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