This has been a hell of a week.

I think it started last Friday, when I did my first new-style Creative Dream Check-In.? All year I’d been writing weekly updates on my blog, and then I wanted to change to check-in that happens only in the weekly sharing circles we do inside the Creative Dream Circle.? Now what I want to do is less writing-an-update and more a weekly practice of connecting more deeply with my dream.

That was amazing.

And it opened up a lot of stuff.

This is normal.? As I got in touch with new things I want, I also got in touch with the parts of me that are afraid that I can’t have those things.? The stories about how life has to be.? The inner critics who just want me to stay put where I am.

The result: huge shifts in my inner landscape.? Which is super awesome and super hard at the same time.

And in the midst of that I realised why it was so important that I stop writing updates on my blog and I wanted to share that with you.

Those updates were censored!? I mean they were totally true.? But while I was writing them I was trying to make sense of the process.? I wanted to explain it in a way that would be easy for you to understand.? Makes sense, right?? Wrong.? The process doesn’t make sense!

Because dreams are never really about the thing you want to have happen on the outside.? They’re all about becoming who you become as you go after the dream.? It’s about internal transformation which is messy and illogical.

My dreams needed more space to be messy and illogical because straight lines can only get you so far.

In theory, there’s nothing wrong with me wanting to tell the stories in a way that makes sense.? But we tend to live our stories – the ones we tell and the ones we try to hide and the ones we’ve buried so deep we forgot they’re there.

By trying to force my growing dreams into a logical story I was starting to suffocate them.? This wasn’t a problem before.? But right now I’m at the starting point of a growth spurt and I, and my dreams, need all the mess and illogical-ness we can get.

Right now I need to be with my new dream seeds in that open space of deep energetic connection, where there are no words or logic.? (For Creative Dream Circle members: more on this in Module 2 of the Creative Dream Incubator e-Course)

This is shifting things in ways I don’t understand yet, but I can feel them.? And that is why this was a hell of a week!

It’s like internal renovations.

I’m at the part where I can’t use my kitchen sink, my stove is in the living room and the bathroom has no door so everything is just super awkward.? At the same time, everything is also super exciting because renovations!