I set a big goal for my business for 2014: to welcome 800 dreamers into my Creative Dream Circle. And to do this not by getting super pushy about selling – but to do this with heart and soul and creativity and joy and LOVE.(you can read my original post about this here)

At this point though, I’m not interested in the numbers.? What I am excited about is having that feeling of DOING MY BEST, to grow my capacity serve dreamers in bringing their dreams to life inside the Circle, to DO MY BEST to work on the places where I hide and hold back, to DO MY BEST so share my gifts. And I want to explore more about how I want this all to work for me, and how I want to feel inside it.

In support of this goal, I am writing weekly updates on Fridays, for all of 2014. This is where I’ll share the story of all the ups and downs of bringing a big dream to life.

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Part 1, same as last week.? I do want to change this but I’m not quite sure how I want to change it right now:

My dream is:? To do my best.? To know and feel deep down in my bones that I am doing my best in creating the Circle and holding the Circle and growing the Circle.? To do my best to work on the places where I hold back and hide and play small – not to hit a certain number, but so that I can do my best to share my gifts.? And to keep growing what “my best” is.? With this as my focus for the rest of the year, I can see it opening up new possibilities for other projects for next year.

I want it because: This feels like how I grow into more of who I am.? It lights me up.

When I have it I will feel: At peace, connected, aligned, deeply joyful, in the flow.? Free-er.

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What happened in the last week?

Something really big changed for me this week and I’m still processing what it means.

I did this.

For anyone who has ever tried to write a practical description of their magical work you know how hard it is to explain clearly, not just what you do but the philosophy behind and it and how it works.

I’ve developed a totally unique way of transforming fears, doubts and obstacles AND activate your superpowers and it’s been challenging, to say the least, to explain.? That’s why I created my free introductory class, so I don’t have to explain, people can just experience a bit of it instead.

Having this page be such so clear, and having it explain how my work is different from anyone else’s, totally transforms how I feel about my self and my work.? So yes I need more time to process this.

In one of my recent updates I wrote about how a lack of clarity creates spaces that we can hide in.? Making such a radical move towards clarity has left me with fewer spaces to hide in, and with less desire to hide in the first place.? So I’m kind of standing in the light, blinking.

This is a theme that comes up repeatedly in my classes and in client sessions – dreaming is terrifying.? Change is terrifying.? Not changing is terrifying.? We all have parts of us that just want to hide.? Helping them feel safe enough to come out of hiding is the real work of bringing a dream to life.? I feel like I am deeply deeply engaged in that work right now.

Also – the Treasure-Mapping class happened and it was deeply, deeply healing experience for me.? I always set these classes up to be healing for the participants and then am surprised when I get a healing as well.

My inner perfectionist showed up loud and proud and I feel like she got a really big dose of love which calmed her down and now there is more space for me to be me.? That is a pretty amazing way to feel.

Also: Evidence that my Big Fears about this were wrong.

At first, I was SURE that if I wanted to grow the Circle BIG, I would dilute it’s magic.? So for a long time the Circle was hidden and I only invited people who were already working with me.

In hindsight, that was such a ridiculous thing to believe.? But it was a HUGE worry and all feelings are valid and I needed a lot of time and space to work through that one.

And that’s why I’ve had this feeling of having one foot on the gas, one foot on the brakes, for a long time, in terms of growing the Circle.? The past few months I’ve been easing off the brakes and feeling more sure about the gas and this is a really beautiful feeling.? Not because faster = better but because being less conflicted about wanting what I want feels amazing.

After our call yesterday, when “new people” and “old people” alike shared their stories on our call it was clear how everyone is amazing and the Circle really does a beautiful job of drawing like-minded people to it and the more members it has the more magic there is.? Of course it can’t be diluted!

What else happened this week, Instagram style:

 

How do I feel about this?

I feel like I am exactly where I want to be. Deeply grateful for everything I have created in my life and inspired to keep going.

What do I need now?

I wanted to add something at the end of that last sentence, but it fits better right here: I am inspired to keep going, but slowly.? I want to stop feeling like I should be there already.? Especially when here (where I am now) is so awesome!

What does my dream need now?

When I do the little exercise from my Give Your Dream Wings class my dream shows up as fog.? This voice says “Dude your dream needs more structure before it can come to life”.

Fair enough, having that deep down feeling like I am doing my best felt like an important thing I wanted last week, this week I feel like Iam doing my best and geeez what more do you want from me? (Oh, makes sense why my inner perfectionist has been so active now…)

My dream needs me to hang out with it and bring it out of the fog by giving it more structure.

It’s cool that I don’t want 800 members in the Circle to be my big goal for the year right now, but I did make a commitment to stretch my business-wings this year and I really do want to honour that commitment that I made to myself.

At this point, 800 feels a bit like “Oh I’m not sure how this will work, though I am sure I could figure it out” while 500 feels awesome.

Normally you do need to stretch into a big dream, which is what big dreams are all about.? And before you start stretching it’s hard to know how much you can/want to stretch.? So once you start working on one thing it may lead you to discover that a different thing is what you REALLY want.? So maybe I really want to cap this group at 500 members, I am really not sure.

Right now, we’re at 150 members.? I LOVE the gentle speed at which it’s growing and how it just more and more wonderful to have new people to play with.? At this pace we’d be around 300 by the end of the year which feels DELICIOUS.

This cranky, sarcastic voice wants to interject to point out how 300 members may feel delicious but it’s not enough to get me the income I want.? This part of me believes that it’s really important that ALL of my income come from the Circle, even though the reality is that lots of it comes from coaching.

This is a theme I’ve noticed with my clients lately too, this voice that says “YOU NEED TO HAVE/DO/BE _____.” when their inner wisdom says it’s not true.? And the more you just go with your inner wisdom the louder the voice gets, so you have to actually work with the voice and heal it before you can move forward.

I’m writing this on Thursday after the Treasure Mapping class and I’m too tired to work with this voice right now, but I will make it a part of my mission for next week.

Taking all of this into account, my next mission is:

Clarity.? I’m making a face while I type this because I think this is ALWAYS my mission.? We just spent so much time talking about this during the Treasure-Making class, how clarity is scary, how turning on a light means being able to SEE all that stuff you need to clean up and how fun that isn’t.? And how worth it it is, to get the cleaning done.

And talk with this voice that is so adamant that all of my income should come from the Circle and find out more about what it needs.

And spend some time with Me Who Lives The Dream (for Circle members – this is in Module 6 of the Creative Dream Incubator) to find out what she can tell me about what’s next.

And I want to write out the descriptions for the 2 classes I’m working on right now: The MAGIC Journal and the MANDALA Journal.? Kind of in love with both of these.